The Rain Season
by elusivetwilight
Summary: After trauma of losing her parents, Bella receives a letter from old family friend Esme inviting her to come to Scotland where she and her family are currently settled. Angsty read with AH cast and perhaps Edward in a kilt.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first fanfic and I would really appreciate reviews as I *gulp* don't have a beta reader yet. **

**All the characters belong to SM...dance puppets dance!**

**Song for this chapter: My December, Linkin Park**

It was going to be a long summer. Most people would be excited at the prospect of spending an entire summer in a foreign country, I'd never been east of New Mexico.

Tears burned in my eyes as I slowly shoved my things into a suitcase that was lying open on my bed. I would never sleep in this bed again, I would never hear the soft laughter of my parents downstairs or the blaring of a sports game on tv interrupted by my fathers shouting at the referee.

No, those things were silenced forever.

'Bella?' a soft masculine voice whispered from the doorway. I turned to see Jacob and quickly turned away to brush my hoodie sleeve across my eyes.

'Yeah?' I was tired of crying but damn if my voice wasn't watery and weak.

'Do you want some help?' He asked, unsure if his presence would be welcome. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him shove his hands into his dark jeans pockets, trying to look anywhere but my splotchy face.

Instantly I felt worse hearing that note in Jacob's voice. He had been my childhood friend since we were little. He had always been there for me, and me for him. But right now, there is just too much for me to deal with. I know that I can't be anything to anyone at the moment, not even to myself.

Over the past few weeks, since the incident, I had shut down emotionally. I had found myself in places I didn't remember driving to, I would lie awake at night and try not to fall asleep so the nightmares would not have a hold on me.

But they held me because I couldn't win against them. They were pretty much the only thing that held me anymore.

'No, I think I'm almost done. Jacob I-' but before I could finish my apology, he interrupted me.

'Bella, don't worry about the house. Me and the guys will take care of it. We'll put everything in boxes and lock up. We'll look after it for you.' He was staring at a mark on the wall behind my head. I turned my back and kept shoving in clothes into the voided case.

'Thank you, Jacob.' I felt my eyes start to fill up again at the bitter-sweetness of his friendship. He had always done that, offered himself up without asking much in return.

'Sure, sure.' He pulled his hands out of the pockets and turned away. I heard him quietly descend the stairs. The front door shut with a minute click.

I shut my eyes, feeling a void inside of me. Like a black hole sucking at my insides and painfully trying to suck me inside of myself. I stood like that, My hands clutched at my sides, my head down, my eyes squinted shut, my teeth gritted, as I concentrated on breathing.

In.

Out.

Deeply in.

Deeply, brokenly, gut wrenching, out.

I finished packing, and felt myself robotically making a mental checklist.

Packed suitcase….check.

Plane tickets….check.

Passport….check.

Money…check.

Medication…check.

I sat on the couch and pulled the afghan my mom had knitted around me, the familiar smell of my house, my family, my world, wrapped around me. For a moment I allowed myself to see their faces.

Charlie, my father, handsome and smiling. The smell of his cologne and the sound of his voice wrapping around me. I remembered small things like the way he always seemed to have loads of pocket change in his pockets at the end of the day, the way he would empty it into the candy dish in the hall when he came home. The way it jingled in his pocket before he removed it.

Renee, my mother, an older version of me. Her heart shaped face and dark chocolate hair. Her smile and the way she would brush her hair away from her face when she was flustered. Her laughter and the way she would wrinkle her nose and her eyes crinkled when she really got the giggles. I loved her laugh, it really did fill the room when she got going.

But that melted away as my traitor brain turned down a darker avenue in my memories. Of dark woods, and stars, and moonlight. Of tree branches wickedly twisted and tearing at me as I wandered for hours. Wandering aimlessly for hours after being lost. Of hearing screams in the darkness and running from them. Running until my lungs hurt. Until my heart felt like it would burst from my chest. Until my breath was ragged and my brain shut off until I was legs and arms and fear.

Always the screams.

'Bella………..Bella………….Bella!'

***

Jacob came in the morning for me and must have found the door unlocked and let himself in. His eyes were anxious as they darted from mine to other points in the room. He attempted a smile as he took in what I knew was on my face.

Another night spent screaming in my sleep.

After the double funeral for my parents, Jacob and his father had insisted I sleep at their house until I was ready to go home. The nightmares had started then and I would wake in the middle of the night to Jacob's worried eyes, my entire body covered in sweat and adrenaline making me jumpy. I had been too embarrassed to sleep there after the first week.

So I slept in the house and let the nightmares and anxiety have me alone. I didn't want to be a burden on Jacob's family and mostly, I wanted the quiet of alone rather than constant eyes upon me, asking if I was ok.

If I never heard the word ok again, I would die a happy girl.

'Do you want me to take your stuff out to the truck?' Jacob interrupted my thoughts with his question. His face sombre.

'I'll get it, don't worry.' I absently said, my mind still caught in my last train of thought.

He sighed, 'Bella, don't be stupid. I'll get it. It wasn't really an offer.' and before I could protest, he had my luggage in hand and was out the front door.

I picked my carryon off of the counter and unzipped it. Everything seemed to be there. I closed it quietly and took one last look at what had once been a home to me. The coffee table that I had left countless rings on from water glasses. The handprint I had made for mom in pre school on the fire place mantle. The curtains my mother had made to match the couch my father insisted putting his feet on when he was tired. I went over to the couch to grab the afghan and bundled it up. I decided I would take this with me. On my way out the door, I also grabbed the empty candy dish. The door shut behind me, ominous and quiet. I turned back to look at the house and what had once seemed like an old friend that welcome me home from school and soccer games and what had once been warm and alight on rainy evenings was now the face of a stranger I no longer recognised.


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: again, all characters are SM's. **

**Since it was finished, I thought I would go ahead and post up chapter 2. **

**Song for this chaper: Mary Jane, Alanis Morissette**

Sitting on the plane in first class, waiting on the runway for take off, I thought again of the last moment with Jacob. He had unloaded my luggage on the curbside, and without speaking he gave me a rib crushing hug. He refused to say good bye and I didn't know if I could bring up emotions to associate with this moment without having a panic attack in front of the airport. He let me go and I could have sworn I heard him mutter sure sure to either himself or to me, as if it were some reassurance that this was the right thing to do. It was over as soon as it began and without a backward glance, he got back in the truck and drove away. I felt awful for not being able to give him more than that awkward stare but he knew I wasn't in the right place to be more than present physically and vacant emotionally.

My seatbelt fastened, I pulled my bag from beneath my chair and pulled the letter out that had began this whole journey. Unfolding it carefully as the stationary was delicate like the woman who had wrote it, I studied the feminine scrawl:

_Dear Bella,_

_I am so sorry to hear of the recent passing of your parents. Your mother was a dear friend of mine and I wish I could be at your side during this difficult time. _

_Please know you are more than welcome in my home, wherever that is. At the moment, I am in West Kilbride, Scotland. My husband is a doctor and has settled, for the moment, here in the UK. We would love to have you for as long as you would like. _

_With deep sympathy and kindest regards_

_Esme Cullen_

A week after the funeral, I had a meeting with my mother's estate executor. It had felt like an execution, there had been too much finality in it. Two people summed up in paperwork. Fucking paperwork. The lawyer had been a real lizard and made my skin crawl. He informed me that my Charlie and Renee had started a large trust for me and as they had passed and I had reached my majority, the trust was now available. If at any other time that amount of money had landed in my lap, I would have done a happy dance around the building.

However, this was not any other time and I blankly looked at the paperwork in front of me. Picking up the pen, I signed my name where the lawyer had put those annoying sticky post it arrows. I wanted to tear them off and then tear the whole thing up.

Then I had received that letter from Esme and I knew my mother would have wanted me to visit her. Renee had always talked about Esme and often wrote back and forth. I had tried to introduce them to e-mail but my mother insisted on writing, as did Esme. When I had read the letter for the first time, it had called to me as if there was something waiting for me nearly 6000 miles away.

So hear I sat, on my long haul flight. The first flight from Forks, Washington had been a hop but then I had taken a longer flight to Dulles in Washington DC and connected with a British Air flight to Glasgow International. I could see the last few sights of the coastline of America and something in me felt a loss at this as well, I wanted to wave goodbye to the lonely lighthouse flashing on the coast, a beacon in the darkness.

The flight attendants had come down the aisle offering beverages and I asked for a coke, hoping not to fall asleep on the plane. I could feel myself getting tired anyways, and made it halfway through the in-flight movie when I my eyelids must have dropped.

The next thing I knew, the flight attendant was standing over me, shaking me roughly, her worried eyes boring into me. 'Miss, are you ok? I think you were having a nightmare.' I opened my eyes fully and realised the whole plane was staring at me. My heart started to speed up and my breathing quickened. The breaths came in quicker before I could control them but I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen. I felt like I was going to die as my eyes started to see little sparks. 'Miss? Are you-'

I felt myself let go and slipped under the surface willingly.

***

'I think she's coming around.' Someone was patting my cheek and the most horrible smell was being wafted underneath my nose. I took a deep breath in and opened my eyes to three flight attendants leaning over me.

I felt my brows knit together, 'Wha-'

'You fainted, Miss. Are you feeling better?'

_OhmygodIfaintedontheplane. _

I looked into the eyes of the nearest attendant, her blue eyes intense on my features, 'Yeah I'll be fine. Just give me a minute.'

My whole body was tingling with the aftermath of the nightmare and the panic attack. I could feel that my heart rate had returned to normal and I was able to slowly sit up without my head feeling too heavy. God I'm so tired. I feel like I could sleep for days.

'If you need anything, please press the call button to let one of us know.' and with that, the flight attendants left me alone. I reached for my bag, and pulled out the bottle of prescription pills the doctor had given me. I took two with the now flat bottle of coke I had bought in DC. They only numbed me and dulled the nightmares. I was hoping if I slept again, hopefully I wouldn't cry out in my sleep.

***

I touched down in Glasgow and made it through customs and baggage claim without any issue. There are these tv screens in the arrivals part of the airport where you can see the waiting area. A sign in dark letters asks Who's Waiting For You? I don't remember ever seeing even a picture of Esme and seeing not one familiar face both saddened me but confirmed that this might be a new beginning as well.

When I walked out to the waiting area I looked around, hoping for a sign. Anxiety filled me for an instant. What if she forgot? What if she decided I wasn't welcome? What if she came on the wrong day to get me?

'Bella?' A woman, sharply dressed in what was probably some European designer dress came forward. 'Oh Bella you look like Renee!' Strong arms wrapped me in a tight embrace and instantly I knew this was Esme. This felt like a mom hug and I felt my eyes water. 'Oh sweetheart, it's going to be ok.' Her hands soothingly rubbed my back. I opened my eyes and saw a mountain of a guy standing behind Esme with a lopsided grin on his face.

'Mom, you're going to smother her if you're not careful!' Esme reluctantly stood back but took hold of my hands as she stepped away from me.

'You're way too thin, but that is easily remedied! Was your flight ok?' I nodded and started to tug at my bags.

Emmett beat me to them. 'No way small stuff, that's why I'm here! Geez, Bella, did you pack the kitchen sink?' He winked at me as he easily hefted my luggage and started to carry it towards the sliding door exit.

The sun was nowhere to be seen and the clouds were heavy and low. There was a lushness to the air that was a lot like the home I had left in Forks. Esme led me to her car which was a small SUV. I sat in the back seat as Emmett loaded my things. Esme sat in the driver's side and put the keys in the ignition. The car briefly beeped a warning to fasten seatbelts and as Emmett sat down and shut the door the whole car vibrated.

'Are you hungry, Bella?' Esme glanced back at me.

'No thanks. I'm a bit spacey from the flight.' I pulled my hoodie closer around me, hiding my hands in the sleeves and scrunching the cuffs with my fingers.

Esme backed the car out of the parking space and headed for home.

***

Home was an old farmhouse that Esme had renovated and turned into a lovely space to live. She had managed to add wings to the house to accommodate her large family. She told me about her adopted children and their partners, six in total. She rattled off names but I was too tired, drugged and jetlagged to take them in. Her small touches were everywhere inside the house. From the living room with its inviting fireplace and big comfortable sofas, the artful pieces and knick knacks on the walls and placed on table tops to the soft but warm hues that made the place refreshing but comfortable.

She motioned for me to follow her as we made our way upstairs. 'The bathroom is the last door at the end of the hall but your room is en suite. Here is your room. You are right across the hall from Edward.' The hall was a fresh white and the doors were soft sand colored wood. She opened the door to a light and airy room with a skylight. The room looked onto the back area of the house and its gardens. Situated along the far wall was a large window covered with white curtains and a large wooden sleigh bed, which was made with fresh white linens that almost promised the best sleep ever. Well, maybe for other people, I thought sarcastically.

There was a huge wardrober in the room on the west wall. Along the wall with the door was a chest of beachwood colored dresser drawers with a large mirror over them. On top of the drawers was a small ivy plant. A small delicate strand had sneaked across the top of the dresser along the edge the was flush against the wall.

I turned to Esme as she took in my features as I studied the room. 'Bella, you look tired. There are fresh towels in the bathroom,' she gestured towards the door on the right, 'We will leave you to yourself. If you need anything, I'll be downstairs.' She squeezed my shoulder and quit the room. Emmett entered and left my luggage in front of the bed. As he turned to leave, he looked at me with a small smile.

'You'll do, small stuff. I'm your big brother now. Rose and I are going to the pub later on if you want to come along.' With that said, he lightly punched my shoulder and left the room.

I felt grimy and sticky and my hair felt too heavy for my head. I decided a shower sounded heavenly. After I found my toiletries bag in my suitcase, I slipped into the small bathroom, and undressed. I found the towels easy enough and they were thick, white, and soft. I took some more of my medication and then slipped into the shower and turned the water on hot and full force. I stayed under the spray until my skin wrinkled. Then I got out, wrapped myself in one of the towels and padded barefoot back out to the bed. I noticed the carpet was dark purple and thick under my toes. I put on a purple tank and black shorts from my case and then put my black hoodie on over the tank.

As I pulled the covers back on the irresistible bed I was torn between desperately wanting to sleep and fearing having a nightmare and alerting the whole house they had opened their doors to a crazy person.

Sleep won out and I my eyes were closed before my head hit the pillow.

***

Stars glittered like the edge of a serrated knife in the sky above me. I stumbled over a log and my breath hitched. I was being chased, I could hear growling and snarling as it charged through the forest, seeking me. I knew I wouldn't be able to run forever. Sobbing, I climbed a rock which was next to a large tree. My fear of what was coming for me won out over my fear of heights. I clumsily grabbed for a tree branch as the snarling grew louder and andrenaline snaked through my veins. I pushed myself in a panic the word no a refusal at my inability to save myself.

'No…no…no…no…'

I opened my eyes and realised that not only was I not alone in my room but through the slight moonlight filtering through the curtains, I looked up into a pair of concerned masculine eyes.

'Are you awake?' a velvety voice laced with concern asked me, 'I heard you across the hall. Are you alright?'

I leaned over to turn on the lamp which was situated the bedside table. Warm light glowed into the room and I blinked while my eyes adjusted. They settled on the form of the man who was sitting on the edge of the bed. God damn, he was gorgeous. Green eyes, cheekbones and a jaw line any model would have murdered for. His bronze hair was messy and he ran his fingers through it as I looked into his eyes. I realised I was staring and a flush filled my cheeks with embarrassment. I realised my face was wet, either from crying or sweat, and my hair must have been every which way. I started to reach up to smooth a piece of hair that lay across my cheek but he had beat me to it, tucking it back, his fingers lingering on the shape of my ear. There was an electricity that came from his touch and I almost gasped from it as my stomach turned over. The panic from the dream faded as I stared into his emerald depths.

________________________________________

**a/n: Please review, I need your help and it can only get better from here. Lemme know what you think! xo**


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n: Ok, I'm sorry this took so long to update, I wanted to make sure it was just right. Can I take a small wee moment to thank my betas? Evil Black Poppies and PopsiclesKhimaira. Thank you for your insight ladies, you're awesome and Kiltward and I thank you!!! **

**Playlist for this chapter:  
Pardon Me (Acoustic): Incubus, I Bruise Easily: Natasha Beddingfield, Sex on Fire: Kings of Leon. **

**Pics of Edwards tatts and kilt will be posted on my profile.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters at all. not a one. **

EPOV

I had been up late with Jasper the last night, attempting to work our way through a bottle of whiskey. That asshole never got a hangover but I woke up this morning feeling absolutely fucking shitty. We'd had a long talk about women, being older, and just guy bullshit. Pretty soon we didn't bother with glasses and were slugging the amber liquid straight from the bottle. I had felt mellow and pretty fucking awesome.

This morning was a different story. I had rolled over in my own bed, having somehow stumbled up the steps last night and passed out on top of the covers. The sun had sliced in from the window in my room and all I wanted to do was fucking die or kill who ever the fuck decided to make single malt scotch in the first place. Even my hair fucking hurt. After laying in bed waiting for the room to stop spinning, I had decided to make a grand fucking bloodshot entrance and eventually did so, cigarette bobbing out of my mouth, bare chested and bare footed into the kitchen.

"Where's mom?" I asked as my sister Alice entered the kitchen.

"Edward you are constantly in that fridge!" She snickered at me as I straightened and shut the door, an apple in my hands. "She's picking up ummm….Bella, I think, from the airport." Oh yeah. Mom had said we would have a visitor for the summer. She had warned us that Bella had been going through a lot lately and had asked us to make sure we gave Bella some space.

I lifted the apple and took a bite thoughtfully, rubbing my other hand over my chest. "Did anyone go with her?"

Alice gracefully lifted herself onto the counter, her tiny legs swinging over the edge as she sat. Her quirky short dark hair pointed in every direction in an artful style that only Alice could pull off. She was tiny, the top of her head barely touching my shoulder but she was a tiny powerhouse and when she got something in her head that she wanted done, she was a force of nature.

"Just Emmett. Rose is getting ready and she and I are going for a fitting for our dresses. Jaz is downstairs tuning his guitar. Carlisle is golfing, as per usual."

"What car are you going to take?" Hoping they wouldn't take mine, I wanted to go to the beach today to clear my head. I knew they would take forever at the fitting, Alice was obsessive about having every detail correct. The only person who ever seemed to be calm was Jasper, Alice's boyfriend.

Ever since Emmett had proposed to Rosalie, the whole household had been in an uproar. Rosalie had read about Scottish weddings and how they were in vogue. Castles and kilts. Whatever, I could care less, that was all woman shit and I was happiest not to be involved in it or have to listen to gushing discussions about flowers and shit.

Rather than attempting to plan a wedding from so far away, Esme had suggested we up sticks over the summer from Alaska and make our way to Scotland. I was due to start a post grad in the fall but the break from studying and life in Alaska sounded like a fucking great idea.

"We're going to take my Porsche," as she said that, she hopped down from the counter as Rose walked into the room. She was tall and beautiful and she unashamedly knew it. Her eyes were sultry and sky blue; her lips were full and lush. Rosalie could have been super model material but there was a look in her eyes that was all too knowing. Some girls oozed sex kitten. Rosalie screamed fucking wildcat.

Rose tossed her blonde locks behind her shoulder and smiled slightly, nodding in my direction. Then she looked at my chest and raised an eyebrow, "Do you think you're going to put on a shirt today, Edward? Esme will be home soon."

I looked down at my bare chest and my grass green Addidas tracksuit bottoms.

"Nope. I'm gonna wander around like this all day."

Rose rolled her eyes and shook her head. 'Are you ready to go, Alice?" Rose picked up her purse from the counter and looked expectantly at Alice. Grabbing her own purse, Alice danced happily from the kitchen towards the direction of the garage.

I went upstairs to throw a white t-shirt on and grabbed my sunglasses, lighter and cigarettes. It was actually sunny today, which was a first for the time we had been here over the last three weeks. Summer in Scotland was fuckawful. It rained all the fucking time and the weatherman only ever reported sunshine in fucking London.

I went out to the garage and decided I would take the Volvo. I didn't want any attention while I was at the beach, I just wanted to quietly enjoy the waves crashing against the sand. There was something about Scotland. Something that was heavy and hung in the air that sometimes clung to me. That's why I went to the beach, to think.

When I got there, I took my shoes and shirt off. I sat down in the dry sand, lit up a cigarette and took a long drag, letting the smoke slowly drift out in a small tendril. I studied the silver ring I always wore on my left hand middle finger. The Celtic knot-work weaving infinitely over the silver band. I thought of my brother and sister: Emmett and Alice. Emmett had finally grown a pair and asked Rose to marry him, they had been together for years. Alice had been with Jasper since they were freshmen in high school and were inseparable. Sure, I had dated and had a few one night stands but I was tired of all that bullshit. I saw what my siblings had and wanted a small part of it for myself.

I thought of my dad, Carlisle, and how he had changed my whole life with a single decision.

When I was 10, my father, Edward Snr, died after collapsing and having a seizure. This devastated my mother who at the time was very pregnant. Grief caused her to miscarry and she slipped into a very bad depression. I remember coming home from school to find her passed out on the couch, a bottle of vodka clutched in her arms where her baby should have been.

One day I came home but she wasn't on the couch. I put my bag on the counter and went out to the backyard to play. Something hit my forehead as I stepped out on to the back porch. It was her foot. Looking up, her face looked back at me, her eyes, green like mine, were almost popping out of her strangled and warped face. The clothing line wrapped around her neck and a lawn chair laying on its side on the cold concrete.

The police found me hours later scrunched in the far corner of the porch unable to break eye contact with her. The breeze swayed her form in a lifeless rhythm.

I took deep breaths, bringing myself back to the present, rubbing my hand over my face. It had been a long time since I let that shit haunt me.

That had been because of Carlisle. I had first met Carlisle when I was 16. He had come to the local high school to give a lecture on sexual health to those of us with consent from our guardians.

Fucking guardians, my ass. For 6 years guardian meant someone who was interested in a house slave and a fucking whipping boy. From 13 onwards my 'guardians' fed me a cocktail of drugs to keep me in line. Mostly, it just made me paranoid and shut off from the world.

At the end of the lecture, Carlisle took me aside and asked me where I had got my shiner. I had told him fighting. He had pursed his lips and asked, with whom.

It was the whom that I would always remember. Most people would say, with who. Not Carlisle.

I saw him a couple times more after that at the school but I didn't talk to him. He was usually in the front office talking to Mr Fagan, the school counsellor.

6 months later, Carlisle showed up at school and asked to talk to me. He took me aside and laid his cards on the table.

Something about me had intrigued him. He wanted to adopt me and was asking permission.

Who the fuck asked a teenager for permission? But that was Carlisle. Without _whom_, I wouldn't have come as fucking far as I did.

I could feel the hangover coming back and felt slightly cold and shivery. The warmth of the sun warmed my skin as I lay back and shut my eyes. I drifted and finally let go, enjoying the warmth.

***

I woke up to the stars, watching over me like tiny angels out of reach. I could tell the tide was coming in, and moonlight reflected off of the sea. I sat up and dusted myself off, my skin sticky from the sea air. I stretched, grabbed my shirt without bothering to put it on, slipped my feet into my shoes and loped back to the car. Heading back to the house, the headlights of the car cut through the night. My eyes darted down and I noticed the green digital light of the clock which read 12:36.

Christ, I must have been fucking tired.

The house was quiet and dark as I pulled into the drive and parked the car. I slinked upstairs quietly and turned to open my door when I heard a soft cry. I turned my head and listened…another cry coming from the room across from my own.

"No!…no!…no!"

Running my fingers through my hair, I knew I couldn't just ignore those cries, so frightened but so pitiful. I turned the doorknob and slowly walked into the room, my eyes adjusting to the moonlight coming in through the open curtains which were swaying from the open window, a sea breeze coldly blowing in.

I reached up to shut the window and secured the latch. I looked down and saw her face bathed gently in the blue glow. She was so delicately beautiful with a heart shaped face and a stubborn chin. Her dark hair was tangled and sticking to her face. I brushed it back as she whimpered again and I saw that she was crying in her sleep. I sat down on the edge of the bed and gently shook her.

"Hey…" she continued to whimper the word no over and over again. I don't know why, but seeing her so distressed touched something in me. I shook her again but she still didn't open her eyes. I leaned down really close to her ear, smelling her sweet scent, and said quietly, "Wake up, sweetheart."

Suddenly she opened her eyes and looked directly into mine.

"Are you awake?" I watched her brows furrow and listened to her breathing start to calm, "I heard you across the hall. Are you alright?"

She fumbled for the bedside lamp switch and with a soft _click_; the lamp filled the room with soft light. She studied my features as I ran my fingers through my hair.

Suddenly her eyes shifted away from me for a moment and then she blushed. A lock of her hair had slid across her forehead and I reached over to smooth it back, stroking my fingers across the delicate shape of her ear.

Her eyes were like chocolate, warm and dark. Suddenly she took a ragged breath in and let it out.

"Will you show me where the kitchen is? I think I need a glass of water," her voice was rough and ragged.

I nodded and then hesitated. "Are you sure you're alright?" She nodded and I got up to allow her out of the bed. I went to stand by the door and watched as she pulled the covers back and slid her bare legs out from under the covers. She stood slowly and slightly unsteadily.

_Holy fuck. _Her legs went on for miles, even though she was a small thing. Her skin was pale but luminous and her curves made my hands itch to explore.

_Down boy!_

"C'mon, I'll show you where the kitchen is," I turned to lead her down the hallway toward the stairs. The stairs were broken up by a small landing and as I stepped onto it, I heard her foot slip on the carpet and a small gasp. I turned around and caught her slight form in my arms as she started to stumble down the stairs. Her little hands hit my bare chest as she struggled for balance. Again, I could smell that smell from her again…was it strawberries?

"Whoa! Easy, now," I looked down into her eyes and gently set her down. We were locked there a moment, something holding us to where we were, unable to look away. I felt a charge between us and my arms lingered at her sides, reluctant to break the contact.

I shook my head, trying to get a hold on myself, and taking her hand, led her down the rest of the stairs. My hand felt along the wall as we arrived at the kitchen and flicked on the lights. She padded in ahead of me and took in the spacious kitchen with its black and white tiled floor and red accessories. She opened the big black fridge.

"I think there is bottled water in there. Can you grab me one as well?"

She plucked two small bottles from the fridge and shut the door. She turned to hand me one and I leaned my back on the counter as I opened my bottle. She opened hers with a small crack of the plastic seal and took a long pull.

Her eyes closed blissfully and she came up for air, sliding the cap back onto the bottle. I opened mine and did the same, she stared and I could see her eyes fixed on my throat. Then darted to my chest. As I put the bottle cap back on the bottle I looked at her and raised an eyebrow, knowing she had just been checking me out.

She flushed scarlet again and it was really cute when she looked down at her tiny feet, her toes scrunching on the tiles.

"You ready to go back up?" I asked, stepping away from the counter. She looked up and shook her head.

"Right, well, I'm going to stay up and watch whatever on TV, you're welcome to join me," I looked at her while she took in what I was saying.

"If that's ok with you. I don't want to bother you." Her voice was smoother after her drink and it wrapped around me.

"Nah, it's cool. I'll even let you pick." I turned and with a backward glance to make sure she was following me, I strode towards the living room.

The living room was cream with brown and blue accents. The couch was soft and deep, and L shaped leaving a space behind it to walk through to the kitchen. Several throws were scattered and folded over the couch to make it look effortlessly homey.

I sat down in the corner of the L and picked up the tuner. The TV was flat screen and mounted on the wall. I flicked it on and showed her how to work the remote. She sat down gingerly next to me and flicked through the channels. Eventually she settled on an old James Bond film and I sighed as Sean Connery's voice filled the quiet living room. She settled back against the couch and wrapped herself in one of the afghans. We sat comfortably, our arms touching and eventually, I fell asleep, the images blurring into each other on the screen.

***

BPOV

I opened my eyes to a strange buzzing sound. I was so warm and had been sleeping so deeply. I blinked and attempted to clear my head. The light was grey so it couldn't be more than a few hours into morning. I lifted my face and realised I was face to chest with _him_. Somehow during the middle of the night he had angled over and I was snuggled on top of him. His arms had crept around me and, as it turned out, the buzzing sound were soft snores as he slept.

I blushed, unsure of how to move without waking him. If I scooted down I was sure to wake him. I then became aware of my legs. I usually slept with my right knee angled up and bent and this meant that I pretty much had myself pressed intimately against him, my right leg angled over his hip.

I sighed and attempted to roll myself off of him but my clumsiness won out and I fell off the couch, knocking my head into the coffee table. I must have made too much noise because he opened his eyes in confusion while I struggled with the throw I had wrapped myself in last night.

He chuckled, "Are you ok? Did you just fall off the couch?" He sat up and stretched, scratching his chest while he yawned. I sat there like an idiot mesmerized by him. Hypnotized, my eyes followed his long fingers as they rubbed his muscled chest down to his defined abs which flexed as he let out the sexiest just-woke-up groans.

His arms were roped with muscle, but he wasn't huge. He was built like an athlete but there was an animal grace about him, like a mountain lion. I was able to take him in the morning's grey light: sleepy eyes, hair mussed, and my mind chose that moment to remember just how comfortable his chest had been. I blinked as I noticed the tattoos I had only sleepily noted last night. I remembered the celtic knot work design on his right bicep and a trinity Celtic design on his left bicep. Last night when I had followed him to the kitchen I wasn't able to take my eyes away from the huge tree he had tattooed on his toned back, the branches shivering as he moved. There were black stars on the inside of both wrists and on the outside, there were green flames licking their way up to his elbows. There was a lion on the left side of his chest that was surrounded by Celtic knot work as well. My fingers itched to trace them, one by one.

I suddenly realized he was staring at me waiting for an answer to his question.

"Yeah…I guess I kinda did." I stammered.

He chuckled, "You either did or you didn't," he smiled a crooked smile at me. I blushed and went to stand up, forgetting I was still tangled in the throw and nearly went face first into the table again.

"You're not the most graceful little thing, are you," he chuckled again and I felt his arms reach out to steady me. I could feel my blush deepen and looked away from him, finally disentangling myself.

"I'm fine," I stood up and sat far away from him on the couch, reeling.

"I'm Edward, by the way," he raised an eyebrow at me as I gave him a dirty look on the other side of the couch, "You're a touchy thing too, ain't you?"

"No. I'm just-I don't-" I sighed in exasperation trying to get out what I was trying to say, "It's too early for conversations with so many words." I gave him my most wide eyed where-the-hell-is-the-coffee look. And in an embarrassed dark part of my brain, a little voice said, it's really a frustration and the look might be a little more _ohmygod-lookatyoursexyasstattoos-canItastethem_?

Sigh.

"I guess you're Bella. Mom has been going on about you for weeks. You'd think you were related to Jesus or something and this was the second coming," he smirked.

"I hope not. I don't want any fuss or trouble to be made for me. I just want peace and quiet." I swept my eyes from him and played with my fingernails. Yes, quiet was what I really wanted. More than anything just deep silence. I had come hoping that being away from Forks would at least help me get an unbroken and deeply quiet night's sleep.

"Do you know what time it is?" I still felt like up was down time wise. I think I was about 8 hours ahead of myself.

"It's about 6:30," he yawned. I decided that I would take another shower to wake myself up and hope that Esme would be up soon.

"It's Friday, isn't it?" I yawned in spite of myself; I wasn't even sure I was on the right planet, let alone dates and times.

"Yeah. Oh, you should know, we're due at some gala thing tonight that my father has been invited to. It's basically an excuse for all the doctors and surgeons in the area to get together and show off who has the biggest, er hands, and the women to show off who has the biggest diamonds. Then they bid outlandish money on things for charity and there is dinner and dancing," he rubbed his hands over his eyes, still clearly not awake yet himself.

I took a moment to process this. "Are you going?"

"Yeah, we all are. You don't have to come if you don't want to, Mom won't mind." He yawned again. Just as he said that, there was the sound of small graceful steps coming from somewhere in the house. A small pixie of a girl about Edward's age danced into the living room. Her hair was spiky and cute and if it were covering her ears you would have guessed they were pointed. Her delicate features were cute and her little nose was pointy. Her sparkling eyes fastened on me.

"Hi! You must be Bella! I'm Alice. How do you like Scotland, so far?" I looked at Edward who shrugged his shoulders.

"Ummm. I haven't really seen much of it yet." I shrugged my shoulders.

"That's ok, we'll make sure you get to see a lot! Did Edward tell you about tonight? We're going to pick up his kilt later on. You have to come. Do you have something to wear? We can pick something out while we're in town." I stared at her in amazement, overwhelmed. My mind still wasn't coherent enough for so many words at once.

"Alice, I think you're overwhelming her." Edward got up from where he was sitting and walked around the other side of the coffee table. Taking Alice's arm, he dragged her off toward the kitchen.

"Let me know if you want to come. We'll be leaving at nine o'clock sharp," she shouted over her shoulder.

I sat there for a minute, taking all of this in. Before I had left Forks, I had felt totally numb and zombi-fied. Today, however, I wanted to _do_ something. Even if it was tagging along after Alice and Edward. I wanted to be out. With that thought, I stood up and walked over to the stairs. I tripped my way up and went into my room to take a shower and get ready to go.

***

I sat in the backseat and listened to Alice and Edward bicker as only brothers and sisters who were close could. We were just on the outskirts of Glasgow and they were razzing each other over music choices. Being an only child, I could only listen to their teasing banter with longing.

"Honestly, Edward, you cannot tell me for one second that as much as you hate Katie Melua, she doesn't have talent."

"She can't even sing on fucking key. I've heard cat fights hit better notes."

We drove into the city center and parked the car in a parking garage. Edward helped me out of the backseat of Alice's Porsche which was conspicuously lemon yellow. Alice led the way through the city center towards the kilt shop.

As we stepped in, the door tinkled and a woman came forward. In a thick Scottish accent, she greeted Alice and smiled. She took in Edward and said something to him I didn't quite catch but sounded something like, Aright big man? Get in there and get your kit off! She motioned towards several changing rooms at the back of the store that had curtains across from them. As Edward went in and slid the curtain shut, I took in the rest of the shop.

It was wall-to-wall kilts. From big kilts to small child sized mini kilts. Tartan reds, blues, and greens greys and purples. There were black ones and several pinstripes. There were rows of shirts and jackets and several wicker baskets filled with various socks. At the back of the store to the side of the dressing rooms was a cash register which rested on top of a display case which appeared to be locked. Inside were several different purse things made of various materials and furs. Alice pointed to one that she preferred and the lady took it out and flung this over Edward's curtain. Alice also pointed at socks and what were called flashes and asked for these to be handed over to Edward as well. I continued to meander around the shop satisfying my curiosities. I was studying a rotating display of what were called kilt pins when I heard the curtains ruffle open.

I turned to look and my jaw dropped.

Seriously, that just shouldn't be allowed. Edward nervously ran his fingers through his bronze hair as Alice inspected him.

He was wearing all black. The shirt was black with long sleeves and had a large collar and rather than buttons, it was laced up with a small bit of leather string so you could just see a hint of chest hair and collarbone. Edward kept moving his arms back and forth to make sure he was comfortable in the shirt and flexing his arms. I could feel my mouth go dry.

The shirt clung to his flat stomach until it disappeared into the black kilt which rested at his narrow waist. A wide black leather belt was just below his waist with an ornate shiny silver rectangular buckle. Around his hips the purse thing hung on a silver chain. I had learned while wandering around the shop it was called a sporran and it sat in the middle of the kilt. It was silver on the clasp and was decorated with white fur. In the middle three tassels of black fur detailed the sporran and in front of all the black of the kilt, the ornament drew my eyes to a place I had no business looking.

The kilt touched to just over his knees. Knees. Who knew knees could be so sexy?! Black socks encased his muscular calves and came up to below those wonderful masculine knees and the white flashes that the saleslady had previously thrown over the curtain were now under the folded top of the socks. What looked like a miniature silver broadsword was pinned to the right had side of the kilt above the hem. There was a green stone in the hilt of the sword that was the same color of Edward's eyes. The look was completed with shiny dress shoes. Alice asked him to turn around so she could see the back and I almost melted in the shop. The kilt swayed as Edward moved, and the pleats at the back of the kilt were more of a tease than any pair of jeans. My fingers curled into my palms, as I stifled an urge to rub my fingertips along the pleats and then smooth them down his ass. The shirt clung to his muscular back as he moved his arms again. He turned around again and I tried not to stare as he moved.

_Breathe, Bella._

I felt my face go scarlet as my eyes met his sparkling green ones as I realised he'd caught me looking a little too long.

"Well then, Bella, see something you like," he egged me on and my blush only got deeper. His eyes held mine until I looked down at his shoes but this only reminded me his knees were bare. I wondered if it was wrong that I had a strange desire to see what was under his kilt, like a child wanted to know what Christmas presents were under the tree.

"Well then, big man, are ye gaun to be a true Scot?" It was Edward's turn to blush as the saleslady did some ogling of her own in the sporran's general direction. Edward took it all in good humor though.

"Well that's for some lucky lady to find out, isn't it?" and he actually _winked_ in my direction_._

_________

**a/n: Well...what did you think of Edward in a kilt? Tux are for schmucks, real men should wear kilts. Srsly.**

**Please review, if you do, there might be hot dirty kilty action in the future. You know you want it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Ok kids, hope you enjoyed oor boy in a kilt. Don't worry, there is more action of this nature to be had in the future. Big massive kilty thanks to my Beta, Evil Black Poppies. The girl is a wonder and gives the best support. You totally rawk, dolly!!!**

**Song List for this chapter: I will internalise: Martha Wainwright, Hot N Cold: Katy Perry, Sex On Fire: Kings of Leon**

**Disclaimer: These are all Steph M's peeps. I just like to play dress up with them!**

**____________________________________________________**

"Okay! As much as we're all enjoying seeing my brother's knees, we have lots to do today and only so much time to do it in. Edward can you handle the rest while Bella and I run a few errands," Alice took my hand and started to drag me out of the shop.

Tossing the car keys to him, she added, "Don't forget to pick up Dad's, Emmett's, and Jaz's stuff as well. Notice how I didn't have to drag them out for final fittings because they came into town with me last weekend?" She sighed and exited the shop with me in tow.

***

It turns out a few errands was more than that. Alice took me to a really hoity-toity dress shop and had me try on dress after dress. She was finally satisfied with a deep blue prom dress that went to just below my knees. It was satin and really very pretty. As dancing is not my forte", I didn't go to prom in high school and this was one of the most formal dresses I had ever owned. I blushed as she beat me to the punch when it came to payment for my things, shooting daggers at me and saying that it was my "Welcome to Scotland" gift.

Alice proceeded to drag me through the city center for the next three hours looking for matching accessories and I was exhausted by the time we were back at the car. At one point, Edward had reached Alice on her cell phone while she was trying to force me into agreement to a pair of blue satin heels, to ask what time to meet us back at the car.

Alice had Edward come and pick us up and I sat in the backseat again with all of our purchases. As we pulled out on to the freeway, Alice and Edward picked up where they left off; bantering over whose music choice sucked the most.

Rain hit the windshield and Alice turned on the wipers. As the sound of the rain pattered against the glass, I felt my eyelids getting heavy. After trailing behind Alice for three hours and jetlag, I was fighting a losing battle. I was so comfortable and my hoodie was warm and soft…

***

It was my mother's voice I could hear coming from downstairs somewhere. "Bella, could you come down here, please? We have something to tell you."

I opened the door to my room and made my way downstairs. She was standing beside my dad in the living room, hand in hand with him.

"Hi sweetheart!" Her smile was huge. For my mother to be smiling with my dad in the same room was some feat. My childhood had been spent between two different homes, two different households, two different worlds between my mother's home in sunny dry Phoenix and my father's which was Forks, one of the rainiest places in the US.

My dad took a step forward, "Honey, your mom and I-"

"We"re going to renew our vows!" I opened my mouth in shock as I stared at them and they looked at each other like giddy teenagers.

"Oh, wow! Oh…sorry I'm totally shocked. I knew you guys had been talking it out for the last few months but this-this is great. Wow! When?"

My father answered, "The weekend after you finish up for the semester, we're all going to go camping in the woods. We want you there. The Blacks will join us after the first few days to celebrate."

Suddenly, Jacob's face loomed over me, and the living room melted away. His eyes wide with worry, speaking to me but I couldn't hear him, just the muffled sound of his voice as he found me huddled under a large bush. The woods were gray in the cold light of morning and I could make out his dark hair and his red rain jacket. His hands reached out for me but I shrunk away. It was like watching a TV with the sound turned down. I could see the pictures but I wasn't part of the program.

"Bella, c'mon…Bella?"

Jacob's dark eyes melted into green ones.

"Bella? We're back at the house."

"Wh-what?" I looked up into his eyes as he smiled.

"We're back. C'mon I'll give you a hand with that stuff," he motioned towards the purchases in the back seat. I made fists with my hands and stretched as I tried to bring myself out of my dream. I blinked and saw that the front seat was adjusted so I could crawl out of the back. I stumbled out of the car and Edward had a hold of me before I fell flat on my face.

"We've got to stop meeting like this," he chuckled.

I blushed, wishing for the zillionth time in my life that I wasn't such a dorky klutz. He sat me on my feet away from the car and leaned in to grab the garment bags. I was still trying to recover from the haunting images of my dream. I felt awkward and out of sorts as I tried to get my brain to function in the here and now.

"I'll carry the boxes, if you want," I offered.

A new voice drawled from the top of the driveway, "I wouldn't be much of a gentleman if I allowed you to carry anything!" I turned and saw a guy come from the house, his blond hair curling slightly around his ears, the unkempt look suiting his features. He was handsome, but not in a classical way. He wasn't old enough to be Edward's father and I assumed this must be 'Jaz'.

He walked over, his tall, lean frame moving gracefully. He smiled, "You must be Bella. I'm Jasper, Alice's man. Sorry we never met yesterday; I was a bit hung-over when you got in. How are you finding Scotland so far?" His accent was Southern and his mannerisms almost seemed old fashioned. He was wearing a dark v neck t-shirt and jeans, his feat bare. I took his offered hand and shook it, his handshake firm.

I smiled back, "From what I've seen, it's a lot like back home in Forks. Especially the rain." There was something calming about Jasper that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It was either the drawl or something in his calm, blue, soulful eyes. Whatever it was, I felt his presence like a soothing balm.

He smiled back and watched as Edward pulled away from the Porsche, his arms full. Jasper leaned in and balanced the boxes and bags in his arms and followed Edward up the drive towards the house. As I stepped into the foyer, the kitchen directly ahead, I could hear Esme quizzing Alice on our trip.

"Were you able to get everything ok," she asked as I sauntered into the kitchen.

"Everything and then some," Alice answered smiling in my direction. "I was able to get Bella something for tonight, as well."

"Oh wonderful. Bella, I assume you know our plans for this evening. If you're too tired or you're not up to it, don't be bashful about piping up. I know you must still be lagged from the flight," her eyes were concerned as she met mine.

"No, I think it might be good to get out rather than be in the house by myself." I smiled a small smile at her and she nodded.

"Well don't feel pressured into going. You do what feels right, honey." I nodded and turned to make my way towards the stairs.

I was just opening the door to my room when Edward suddenly opened the door to his. I got a flash of a large unmade bed and the bag with his kilt lying on top before he shut the door behind him. Our eyes met for a brief moment and I saw his jaw tighten as he looked at me. There was heat in his gaze as he took in my features. I saw his hand reach up but stopped as I ran my fingers nervously through my hair, pulling the strands away from my face. I blinked and licked my lips and his eyes followed the movement. I pulled my lower lip between my teeth and he started to take a step toward me, shook his head, and moved down the hallway.

I stood there for a long moment, unable to move, soaking up the heavy atmosphere he had left behind, my hand still on the doorknob before I went in.

***

EPOV

Seriously, What. The. Fuck. Was wrong with me? I've known Bella for less than 24 hours but there was something about her that I couldn't keep away from. Maybe it was that look in her eyes when she looked at me. Something she seemed to need from me. Whatever it was, I just couldn't turn away. She made me feel…protective…possessive.

I was going to freak her out if I didn't back off. Plus, Alice was going to pick up on it, if she already hadn't, and her matchmaking was notorious.

I made my way towards the stairs and noted my sister was on her way up. She was gracefully ascending the stairs and met me on the landing. Her lips quirked and an eyebrow went up as she met my eyes. She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to.

Shit.

***

BPOV

"Bella? Can I come in? It's me, Alice." Her little voice came from the other side of the door. I shook my head and came back to earth.

"Ummm, yeah sure. The door's open." I turned as she danced her way into the room. Her grace was something I was so jealous of.

She smiled as she shut the door quietly behind her. "Are you excited about tonight?"

"I am but I'm not. I don't know what to expect. It's been a while since I socialized with so many people." I looked down at my fingernails and then met her eyes.

Her eyes darkened with concern, "Bella, don't you worry. We'll take good care of you. If it's too much, give me a nod and I'll rescue you! Trust me, you'll have a good time. My dad always finds these things boring; he complains '_there are too many egos in the room._' She smirked, doing her best dad voice.

I smiled realizing she was trying to lighten the mood for me.

"Do you want me to help you get ready? I can do your hair and do your make up! We'll have a lot of fun. Rose will probably join us later on. C'mon it'll be just us girls for a little while." She clasped her hands and gave me a pleading look.

She was so tiny and cute, I couldn't say no to her face. "Alright, Alice," she hugged me to her as I acquiesced.

"Right, you get ready and I'll come back for you in a half hour and lead you to my room. By the way, you'll need to pack an overnight bag. The Gala is at a hotel and we're staying overnight. We booked you a room." She walked over and picked the garment bag up that held my dress and the shopping bag that had my shoes. She winked as she left the room and shut the door behind her.

I sighed. She really was a force of nature. I decided I would take another shower. Grabbing my toiletries bag and laying out a towel, I took off my clothes and stepped into the glass enclosure. The water soon was warm enough to make it steamy in the little bathroom.

I thought about tonight and the mass amounts of people who were going to be there. My mind slipped into the last time I had dealt with a large crowd. It had been at the house in Forks, everyone in their mourning black. So many people, so much food, and I had gone through the motions of thanking people and arranging my face into appropriate tones for their condolences. Jacob had stood by me, lending his strength as best he could.

My anxiety had been building all day and it peaked during one of the more crowded points of the day. One moment I was talking to Angela, a friend from high school, her eyes full of pity and concern, the next moment, a sheen of sweat covered my face, my breathing picked up, and I collapsed on the ground, a full blown panic attack in front of all the pitying parties in the room.

Jacob had picked me up and taken me upstairs away from all the eyes that were staring at me.

"Pu-Pu-Put me down, Ja-Ja-Ja-Ja-Jacob."

"Bella, I"ll put you on the bed, but you need to try and calm down. Look at me, look at my eyes. You're safe, you're ok."

And there was that word. Ok. Fucking ok. No, I was not ok, and I never would be.

I was back in the present, the water streaming into my face as I tasted salt and realised it was tears. I allowed myself a moment, allowing the feelings to bust through my carefully constructed dam. I crumpled into a ball on the shower floor and sobbed. I knew I would not be able to get through tonight without taking some of my medication. I hated taking it, I hated that I was spineless and couldn't control my own emotions.

I pulled myself together to finish my shower and shut off the water. I stepped out and wrapped myself in the towel. The mirror over the sink was covered in steam and I started to reach a hand out to rub it away but stopped. I didn't want to look at myself and see what I knew would be a haunted look in my eyes.

I stepped out of the bathroom and the plush purple carpet soothed me. I curled my toes into the thick pile, oddly comforted by it. Walking over to the dresser, I put on a lacy black strapless bra and matching shorts. Pulling on a bathrobe, I tied the sash when a knock sounded from the door.

"Bella?' Alice's muffled voice came from the other side of the door, 'I'm ready when you are. Bring your bag, Jaz is going to load them into the cars for us."

"I'm coming!"

***

After doing my hair and makeup, Alice had helped me into my dress which was a strapless prom dress that reached just past my knees. It was dark blue satin and I couldn't help smoothing my hands down it as I stood up. She smiled and led me over to a full length mirror. I looked at the girl standing there and couldn't believe it was me. Alice had lent me a beautiful diamond and sapphire teardrop necklace with matching earrings. They were subtle and beautiful without being gaudy.

My hair was curled in romantic waves flowing over my shoulders. Alice had used liquid eyeliner to draw a dark line just above my eyelid like some sort of 40's pin up. My lashes were long and almost…seductive? My lips were a lovely, glossy, natural, rose color and complemented the roses and cream of my cheeks.

My skin was glowing and the dress was a lovely color against it. The only thing I would not allow Alice was the spike heels she had wanted to put me in. I had found a pair of satin ballet shoes that had matched the color of my dress. If I had let her put me in the heels, I would have ended up a pile of twisted ankles and bruises.

I did not recognize the young woman in the mirror, staring back at me with unsure eyes.

"Oh Bella, you look amazing!" She stood beside me and smoothed the folds of her dress, a white and black floral pattern that started at the bodice and ended in points halfway down in the black tulle skirt which ended just below her knees. Her shoes were peep toe platforms which gave her a bit of height. Her hair was sticking out every which way that was uniquely Alice. Her eyes were sparkling and smoky and her lips red. She smiled at me in the mirror as a knock sounded at the door.

"Come on in, Rose!" Alice shouted.

A drop dead gorgeous blond entered in a red satin cocktail dress. Her blond locks were soft and loose, her blue eyes artfully lined. The dress touched her knees but her legs seemed to go on for miles. Rose's mouth kicked up at one corner as she entered the room, a bottle of pink champagne and three flutes in her hand.

"Bella, this is Rose, Emmett's fiancé. Rose this is Bella." Alice glanced from Rose to me as she made the introductions.

Rose smiled at me and looked me up and down. "You'll pass."

"Bella, don't mind Rose. She's a mean bitch but that's how we like her." She smiled in Rose's direction.

"Who you callin a bitch, ho!?" Rose returned in mock ire. She set the champagne flutes down on Alice's vanity and went to unwrap and uncork the bottle. It made a loud pop as Alice danced over to her small stereo and the sounds of Katy Perry floated into the air. Rose poured the champagne and handed me a fizzing glass. I put my nose to it and the bubbles tickled my nose. I had never had champagne before.

Rose picked up the other two flutes that were full of the rosy pink liquid and handed one to Alice. They stood together in the middle of the room and I moved to join them.

Rosy cracked a smile, "What shall we toast, ladies?"

Alice giggled, "To you and Emmett, cause we wouldn't be here in Scotland enjoying one of the rainiest coldest summers ever if it weren't for true love!"

Rose rolled her eyes and clinked her glass against mine and Alice's then held it to her lips. Alice laughed and clinked mine raising her own glass. I smiled and lifted my glass to my mouth, tasting the sweet but tart taste that was champagne.

Rose reached behind her to grab the bottle and topped up our glasses.

By the time that bottle was empty, I was giddy, which I hadn't been in a long while. Rose was sarcastically humorous and Alice interjected with her own bubbly humor as we laughed our way through the next hour. Rose was telling us about Emmett's struggle with his kilt and how she had to help him on with it. Alice and I were giggling as Rose detailed all of the swear words Emmett had mumbled as there was a soft knock on the door and Esme poked her head in.

"Are you girls ready to go?" she smiled, her eyes glittering in excitement. I got up from where I was sitting at Alice's vanity table, as Alice and Rose got up from where they had been sitting on the bed.

As we made our way up the stairs, as Alice's room was located in the basement, Esme put her arm around me.

"Bella you look lovely. Are you sure you're ready for this? I feel like we're pressuring you." She squeezed my shoulder and turned to look into my eyes.

"No, I think I'll be alright with it." Maybe it was the champagne talking, or the citalopram. We passed through the kitchen and found ourselves in the living room, the guys standing waiting patiently.

My eyes were drawn to Edward and I lost my breath again at the sight of him in his kilt. My eyes met his and for a charged moment, we were the only two people in the room.

"Bella, may I introduce you to my husband, Carlisle?" I blushed as Esme pulled me out of my reverie and I looked into the eyes of a very handsome man in a tux. His eyes were gentle and his voice was soothing and paternal as he shook my hand.

"Pleased to finally meet you, Bella. I hope your stay with us is lengthy. Esme has been looking forward to having you with us." He smiled warmly and squeezed my hand.

I smiled back, "I hope so to, Dr. Cullen."

"Please, call me Carlisle. We're going to be practically family," he chuckled. He let go of my hand and offered his arm to Esme.

"Shall we?" He looked at her as if she were the only person in the room. She nodded and took his arm and he led her to a door at the side of the kitchen. I watched as Alice and Jasper as well as Emmett and Rose followed suit. Edward was beside me and looked down and met my gaze with his eyes. They were like a deep green ocean, fathomless, drawing me inward. I felt myself go red again, he probably thought I was a total idiot staring at him like that.

He smiled and placed my arm through his. Vaguely I could hear the rumble of engines but my brain was too occupied with the kilted man standing next to me. As soon as he touched me, I felt a jolt, like electricity. If the lights in the room were lower in the room I felt like it could be seen, something tangible in the air like a current looking for ground. He must have felt it too, his eyes tightened a slight degree and then seemed to go darker. He led me to the door the others had exited out of.

It looked to be a large garage of sorts, the room could easily hold a dozen cars. There was a large opening to the left side of the garage which opened out onto the driveway.

It smelled expensive in the garage. I was no grease monkey but the cars ranged from sports cars to a large jeep, all of them shiny in the florescent lighting. There were spaces empty and I realized the others must have already left. Edward led me toward a black car in the garage that looked like sex in motion, and it wasn't even turned on.

He opened the door to the car and I got in gracefully, even for me, considering it was low to the ground. As I leaned over to fasten my seat belt, Edward shut my door gently and got in the other side. The atmosphere was tense and there were no words between us as he started the car. The radio blared:

_YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH OHHHH, YOUR SEX IS ON FIRE!_

Edward reached over and anxiously turned the song over.

There's nothing like music to break a little tension. Sigh. Good thing I took my medication.

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**A/N: muwahahahahahahaha! **

**Ch5 is written and waiting to be beta'd. Hopefully up for the weekend. Please review, help me help you. I'm a total addict for them...even if it's a wee comment that says gimme more, your voice is as important as what is underneath Edward's kilt! x**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Once again, big naughty kilt thanks to my lovely wee beta, evil black poppies. She's a wee star.**

**I've seen a major pick up in traffic, thanks so much for reading, you make my day...srsly...I'm such a whore for checking on who has been in to have a peak at Edward in his kilt.**

**I've set up a forum for questions...there is a link on my profile.**

**Can I just put in here before we begin as well. If you ever do come to Scotland...please try Scottish raspberrys. Fresh ones. They are orgasmic. srsly.**

**Playlist for this chapter: The Heart Asks Pleasure First: Michael Nyman, Black and Gold: Sam Sparro, Strangers in the Night: Frank Sinatra, Good Enough: Evanesence. **

**Disclaimer: None of these characters or song lyrics are mine. The characters are Stephanie's paper dolls. The lyrics are to the respective artist.**

**Enough, bloody get on with it...sex on fire and all that, dollies!**

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EPOV

Jesus Fucking Christ!

It felt like this kilt, which was heavier than it fucking looked was about to be on fucking fire. I gave myself a mental shake and concentrated on attempting to drive out of the garage without crashing. Hypothetical situations ran through my mind of dragging her across the console and planting her on my lap, running my fingers through that shiny hair, and just kissing the fuck out of those glossy lips.

_Fucking breathe…fucking breathe…fucking breathe…_

The car was silent as I manoeuvred it down the driveway and onto the two lane street. Quickly we were flying down the road and the silence started to get to me. I felt too aware of the girl next to me. Every time I shifted gears, I could hear her breath catch as the car picked up in speed. Those little sounds she was making was driving me crazy. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her breasts rising and falling and I imagined them in my hands as I kissed her neck…

FUCK!

I angrily jabbed a finger at the car stereo, switching the music to something calming. Michael Nyman's _The Heart Asks Pleasure First _filled the car, softly and quietly. The sun was just setting and the ocean was on the right side of the car, angry and choppy, crashing on the rocky beach. The countryside was rugged, the road lined on the other side by rough farmland, cropped short by sheep. Rocky fences that looked five hundred years old bordered each wide property. Every now and then, a farm would pass by with horses, their tales swishing and their noses to the ground.

The road curved around the hills and took us away from the beach abruptly. Trees whipped by on either side of the car. The last few rays of the sun disappeared and the moon took her place like a soft pearl in the sky. The light from the headlights of the car caressed the road and the green glow from the dashboard was cast on Bella's face as I glanced over. She was worrying her lower lip between her teeth, her eyes were fixed on the scenery outside the window.

Between glances from the road to her silhouette, I studied her face, relaxed and unworried. She was beautiful but not in a fashion model sense. She was delicately beautiful, her face vulnerable and lovely, her lips full and soft. Her small nose was narrow and pointed at the tip. Her hair was thick and no doubt Alice had arranged it into glossy curls that caressed her shoulders. Her skin was luminous and looked soft, my hands clenched on the steering wheel as I ached to touch her cheek.

Her dress was that unique blue of twilight which was my favorite color.

The deep line of trees suddenly broke away from the road, and the Vanquish was running along the narrow strip of road near the beach again. The choppy waves pummelled the sand along the beach, there were huge boulders glinting in the moonlight.

My eyes strayed from the road again to look at her. I was so drawn to this girl, but I barely even knew her.

"So…favorite color?" Oh yeah…real smooth, asshole.

"Green." She turned to look at me, and her eyes met mine. She blushed and looked back out of her window.

"Why green?"

"I dunno…it just really appeals to me." There was more to this, but I didn't push her.

"Favorite food?"

"Ummm, I really like a nice steak. But it has to be well done. The blood really freaks me out." She turned towards me again, her mouth slightly smiling, "What about you?"

"I like steak as well, but I prefer mine with the tail still twitching." I glanced over at her and she shuddered before laughing.

Her laughter was fucking beautiful, she should really do that more.

"So mom said you're from some place in Washington State? What was it like there?"

"A lot like here, only maybe not as rugged. Washington was smoother but it did rain a lot. I'm hoping for a nice summer here."

I nearly snorted, "Fucking good luck with that. I've been over nearly four weeks now and sunny days are few and far between. It rains here a lot. I Googled it and apparently the weather is something most Scots all seem to agree on. That it's terrible."

She smirked, "I'm not really all about tanning my skin to leather anyways. It's just nice to be away from Forks."

My eyes were on the road when she said this but there was something dark in her voice that I couldn't ignore.

"What was in Forks?" I asked.

She didn't answer right away. Then she didn't really answer at all. I looked away from the road again to see her face. It was tense, and pale. Then I saw her lips tremble and she turned her gaze from the windshield to her passenger window.

"Bella?"

She sat there, sadness emanating from her in waves.

Sam Sparro's voice moaned between us:

_and the stars fell out of the sky  
and my tears rolled into the ocean  
now i'm looking for a reason why  
you even set my world into motion_

_'cause if you're not really here  
then the stars don't even matter  
now i'm filled to the top with fear  
but it's all just a bunch of matter  
'cause if you're not really here  
then i don't want to be either  
i wanna be next to you  
black and gold  
black and gold  
black and gold_

BPOV

"Bella? Please look at me," I turned from my thoughts at the window to the sound of his voice, gruff and stretching across to me in the dark. I looked at him, and his face was full of concern. Not pity…just concern.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he looked into my eyes and I could tell he was genuinely contrite for upsetting me.

"It's ok. It's nothing you did. It's just me. I'm an idiot," I gave a watery laugh, "I shouldn't be allowed out around the normal people." I felt one of the tears in my eyes slip down my cheek.

Before I realized what he was doing, his hand left the steering wheel and caught the tear on his fingertips.

"Bella, who the fuck is really normal these days?" His eyes held mine briefly until he turned them back to the road. I was oddly comforted by that statement.

"Thank you."

We lapsed into silence but it was comfortable and I felt my heart rate slow and my mind wandered to him.

I took a deep breath in through my nose. _Oh God. _Since he had shut the door to the car, his smell had wrapped around me like a caress. It was a mix of cologne, cigarettes, and something else that was uniquely him. I wanted to be closer to him, to put my face against his neck and inhale. It was oddly comforting but sexy as well. My eyes were drawn to his hand on the gear shift and I was mesmerised by the play of tendons on his hand and his long fingers as he shifted gears.

Suddenly he downshifted and I looked up to see what looked like a hotel in the middle of nowhere loom out of the darkness. The building looked old but with modern additions added on. There were windows everywhere in the disjointed front of the building, some lit others with the curtains drawn. The lobby area looked inviting as we drove past it to park.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I could see Emmett waiting for us. He grinned as we passed him and I waved, a small smile on my lips. I hadn't seen him since the other day when he and Esme had picked me up from the airport. There was something about Emmett that made me smile. I got the feeling he was one of those people who were perpetually happy and seeing him in the parking lot was so reassuring. He was so huge, all over muscles and a big sappy grin. It was endearing and I couldn't help but return his smile.

Edward parked the car and came around to my side, opening the door before I could figure out how to open it myself. I got out without incident and Edward shut the door behind me. I could feel his presence at my back as we made our way over to Emmett. I heard the flick of a lighter and turned to see Edward cupping his hand around a cigarette in his mouth.

"Well, Little Bit! You clean up nice," he chuckled and his eyes shifted from me to Edward behind me.

"Here are your room keys, we already took the bags up and the rest of the gang are in the bar waiting." He motioned with his hand towards a sliding glass door. I placed my key in my little matching blue satin clutch and looked from Edward to Emmett.

Emmett looked Edward up and down and said, "Dude what took you so long, we've been here for twenty minutes already?"

Edward took a drag on his cigarette and blew it out slowly, "We took the scenic route. I thought Bella might enjoy the longer drive."

"And did you, Pint-Size?" Emmett turned his gaze to me.

I smiled at his teasing, "Yeah it really is beautiful here."

"Yeah beautiful and wet!"

Edward choked on his cigarette.

Sooner had the weather been mentioned, a wind picked up and a few drops of rain fell. Emmett urged us towards the doors and Edward put out his cigarette. I fell instep behind Edward and Emmett as they went inside.

As I walked behind them, I couldn't help but notice how their kilts swayed as they walked. The pleats swished back and forth and Edward's easy panther like gate drew my eyes as I watched the muscles play on his back through his shirt. I was so into watching this display I didn't watch where I was going and tripped. I ran into his back with an _oof_.

Edward took a step forward at the impact and without saying anything he turned around and righted me, a smile on his lips and his eyebrows raised in silent amusement. I muttered a soft sorry and his eyes softened before he turned back around. We were at the entrance to what appeared to be a bar come restaurant.

Carlisle and the rest of the family met us at the door.

"I think we better go in or we'll be classed as late, and not fashionably so." He led the way down a hallway towards a function suite. I could hear loud masculine laughter and soft piano music. Upon entrance, there was a bar immediately to the right. The room opened up into a square shape and there was a section after the bar that opened wider, making the box into an L. There were round tables covered in white tablecloths and candelabras with long lighted tapers. Each table sat about 8 people and most of the tables were full. A man in a white tux jacket was softly tinkling a large black piano.

There was a table near the left side of the room that was empty and a man in a tux led us to that table. Each of the guys held a chair out for their partners, and Edward did the same for me. Our table was right next to a large bay window which looked out onto a huge stone balcony which looked out onto an expansive green lawn. The lawn ended at a an old stone wall and beyond this, I could make out the foamy waves of the sea. On the left of the lawn was a small beautiful tree, only about 6 feet tall.

I felt a hand on my arm and I turned to see Edward leaning towards me.

"They're going to take a drink order, do you want anything?" As he said this, I heard Emmett order a pint and Rose asked for a vodka tonic.

"Yeah, can you ask for a vodka tonic for me?" I looked into his eyes as I made my request. Our eyes held and he nodded.

Edward's green eyes narrowed on my face and quietly he asked, "Are you alright?"

I nodded my head, I did feel a bit strange but I figured I was just trying to get used to the room and all the people.

After some time, the waiter came back with a tray holding everyone's drinks and informed Carlisle that dinner would be served shortly.

My stomach rolled and I realized I hadn't had anything to eat since this morning. I was suddenly so hungry I actually felt nauseous. I tried to relax and sat back in my chair, watching Edward and his family banter back and forth. The gentle barbing and easy humor was entertaining but almost painful to watch. It reminded me of my own family and how we used to-

_No, Bella. If you continue on that train of thought, you're going to go off the rails in front of all these nice people, _a little voice in my head told me.

I took a deep breath and attempted to calm myself down. I took a sip of the vodka in front of me and took a wider look around the room. There were about a dozen tables full of richly dressed people. Some men wore tuxes and others were in kilts. The women were all beautifully dressed in different colors and styles, their hair either up or down.

I watched as Edward lifted his pint glass to his lips, his Adam's apple moving as he swallowed and then his hand placing the glass back down on the table. On his hand was a silver ring with an intricate Celtic knot work woven around his finger. Every now and again he would clink the ring against the glass or use his other fingers to rotate the ring around his finger and I couldn't drag my eyes away from his hands.

Suddenly, a train of waiters appeared from a door at the back of the room carrying trays laden with plates. Our waiter came to our table and worked his way around, placing a small plate on the table in front of each diner. On the plate was a large shrimp which I overheard Alice say was called a langoustine and Jaz confirmed was like a Scottish crawdad. I spread my napkin on my lap and watched Edward and his family discuss a list which had been left on the table regarding an auction that would take place after dinner.

After everyone had finished their first course, another round of drinks were ordered which were promptly delivered. I could feel myself getting a little drunk, which I had never really done before, being the Chief of Police's daughter. I had always strived to make my dad happy and tried to keep myself out of trouble while I was under his roof.

The second course came out, interrupting my dangerous thoughts.

The menu which was on a holder in front of me indicated that the main dinner was called Chicken Balmoral. It gave a small description of the dish: _a baked breast of chicken rolled and filled with haggis and covered in a light cream and onion gravy_.

I attacked my chicken with vigor as well as the vegetables on the side of my plate. The haggis was spicy but savoury and I enjoyed the sharp contrast it made to the chicken breast. My stomach rolled after the first two bites. I was so hungry, I knew I needed to eat, but I just felt too sick. I suddenly felt too hot and wished I could open a window.

The conversation was light at the table, I observed rather than participated. I could tell Esme was keeping an eye on me and I was grateful. She smiled at me encouragingly from across the table and I sent her what I thought was a smile but it was probably more of a grimace.

Finally the dessert came out which was something called Cranachan. I looked at the menu again and the description I read was: _This famous and traditional Scottish dessert is made with fresh double cream, whipped and mixed with oatmeal sweetened with locally sourced honey, fresh raspberries and, of course, whisky._

It was placed in front of me in an elegantly tall and wide wineglass and I picked up my dessert spoon to at least try it, my stomach and head protesting the entire way. It was lovely and cool, the fresh raspberries were tart against the honey taste. I couldn't take too much as I felt my stomach attempt a back flip up my throat.

This room was suffocating me.

After the dessert was cleared away, I felt really anxious. I finished my vodka and excused myself. I could see a door the smokers were using and stumbled over to it, desperate to get outside. I made my way down a set of stone steps that emptied out onto the lawn and found a bench underneath the tree. I took several deep breaths of the salty ocean air trying to clear my head. I felt foggy and woozy and all I wanted to do was curl up into a little ball in a dark room. A fine sheen of sweat broke out over my body and despite the cooler air, I felt another wave of sickening heat wash through my body.

I sat there for about twenty minutes, trying to focus on the waves to calm myself down. The sea breeze dried my skin eventually but I could feel my hair starting to go a bit frizzy. I sat there for almost a half hour and started to feel calm again. I could hear the auction wrapping up and the piano player setting up his mic.

***

EPOV

I had watched her all through dinner. She had barely touched anything and had grown progressively paler. I was getting pissed off, with who, I didn't know. This was too fucking much for her. Was everyone else blind to her or was I just fucking hyper aware of her every movement? I could tell she was getting ready to look for a bolt hole and wasn't surprised when she excused herself from the table after dessert.

Esme's eyes met mine and then both our gazes followed her out the door. I got up after a while and went outside to smoke but didn't follow Bella to the tree. She obviously needed some space. I lit up and watched her as she sat there, dragging in deep breaths, her small face pale. I silently stood there, the cigarette smoke curling around me, my eyes on her as she attempted to calm herself down. I could hear the clink from inside and glanced in the window to see tea and coffee being served and the auction part of the dinner was set up.

I returned my gaze back to Bella, pale and alone underneath the tree. I blew cigarette smoke into the breeze and flicked ashes at the sidewalk.

I had been there too many times to know what she was going through. The suffocating feeling in a room full of people. The paranoia, the hot flushes, the desperation to flee.

After all that shit with my mom, I had withdrawn into myself. The beatings I had suffered in various child homes and foster families had only made it worse. It had made me afraid and when I wasn't afraid I was fucking bitter over everything. I nursed an all consuming black hate for my mother who I felt had abandoned me. I was an angry child and then a very angry teenager. After Carlisle had found me, it had been rough that first year. I knew deep down he was trying to help me, taking me to counselling and providing his support. I threw it back in his face mostly during that time, I was just so angry and afraid that Carlisle would just give up on me too.

Eventually it clicked that Carlisle wasn't going anywhere. I slowly but surely learned that it was up to me to learn to trust other people again and also trust myself.

I continued to watch her, as she sat all by herself underneath the tree. She was here but she wasn't and she looked so fucking alone.

I couldn't just go back inside and fucking leave her like that.

I started over to her, down the stone steps and across the lawn. The whole while she didn't look up, her eyes lost on the sea in front of her. I sat down on the bench and stared out with her at the foamy waves and the sea gulls gliding on the evening breeze. To fill the silence, I lit another cigarette and exhaled the smoke into the air above us.

She finally turned to me, her eyes haunted, her face pale.

"I'm sorry."

_For fucking what?! _"Sorry for what?"

"For running out of there like a crazy woman," she said with a small huff. Her eyes were wide and anxious as she judged my reaction.

I gave her a lopsided grin, "Nobody noticed. They probably thought you were going outside for a cigarette," I took another drag and blew the smoke out of the side of my mouth away from us.

"You really think so?" her eyes were hopeful.

"Yeah, I'll let you mooch one, you know, just to keep up appearances," I grinned.

She finally cracked a smile, "No, thanks."

We sat in silence, our eyes returned to the soothing waves. I finished my cigarette after a moment and flicked it into the lawn.

"You wanna go back in? I think they're gonna start dancing soon." I looked over to her face. Her color seemed to be returning.

"Dancing? Definitely not." She looked scared.

"Aw come on, it ain't that bad," I smiled.

"You've seen me in action, what makes you think I can dance?"

"Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?" I looked into her eyes, smiling.

Her eyes sparkled with humor, "Yeah, something like that."

"I think I can remedy that. C'mon little coward. Let's see if we can get you dancing." I stood up and held out my hand to her. As she stood up, I could hear the piano player warming up, speaking into the mic and interacting with the crowd inside. I led her across the lawn and up the steps to the stone balcony where we could hear the music clearly and turned towards her.

Still holding her hand, I looked into her eyes, "Ok, so you place your other hand on my arm. Yeah like that and I put my arm at your waist. Now give me a sec." I paused and pulled her closer. I felt her pulse quicken and heard her gasp as the electrical current was back, stronger, as our bodies came into contact. I paused, just for a moment, to savour the feel of her pressed against me, we seemed to fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. Holding her just felt fucking right.

I lifted her and gently set her feet on top of mine.

"I'm too heavy!" She squealed, holding onto my arm tighter and squeezing my hand. She pressed herself closer to me in panic and part of my anatomy started to react to her curves pressed against me.

_Shit! Shit! Shit! Not in a kilt, not in a kilt, not in a kilt. Thank Fuck the sporran is there. Thank Fuck the wool is so heavy! NOT IN A KILT!_

I took a deep breath to calm myself and tried to focus on trying not to frighten Bella. I had a feeling she would be fucking skittish about my kilt monster and I didn't want her to think I was some fucking perv.

"Don't be ridiculous. Do you see me complaining?" I smiled down at her and her eyes went wistful and she shook her head.

"No."

"Fucking right, I'm leading this dance. You just stay where you are and look pretty."

I could hear the piano player crooning Frank Sinatra as I moved with Bella, gently across the steps. The only light came from the low chandeliers of the party from the big bay windows, softly catching in her hair. The waves were slightly audible in the background and as we looked into each others eyes, the rest of the world disappeared…

_Strangers in the night  
exchanging glances  
__Wondring in the night  
What were the chances wed be sharing love  
Before the night was in your eyes was so inviting,  
Something in you smile was so exciting,  
Something in my heart,  
Told me I must have in the night, two lonely people  
We were strangers in the night  
Up to the moment  
When we said our first did we know  
Love was just a glance away,  
A warm embracing dance away and -  
Ever since that night weve been at first sight, in love turned out so right,  
For strangers in the night._

BPOV

This couldn't be real. I was dancing, for one. This insanely handsome guy was leading me through a romantic song and his arm was warm around me, his hand splayed across my back. Our eyes were locked: his green eyes burning into mine.

These kind of moments were reserved for other girls. Pretty girls who were homecoming queens and what not. The dorky girl with her dog-eared Bronte did not get to be with the tall hot track star. The music got quieter and I realised he had waltzed us away from the opening and we were standing in a corner, he was swaying with me, but his feet were no longer moving, my own feet still on top of his shoes.

I felt his hand tighten on my back, bring me closer. Slowly, ever so slowly, his face inched closer to mine. I licked my lips nervously, his eyes flickered to the movement and then back up to mine. His eyes were twin green flames, burning. I could smell that wonderful smell that was uniquely him and I leaned closer, greedy for more. He dropped my hand to bring his fingers to my jaw, angling my face up to him. He lowered his head and his lips brushed across mine. Then he came back again, firmer, his lips on mine.

My knees turned to water and his arm was holding me up. He tasted like the whiskey and fresh raspberries from dessert, warm, fresh, rough and wild. I opened my mouth and felt his tongue trace along my lips. I shyly met his tongue with mine and felt him draw in a deep breath. He sucked my lower lip into his mouth…my hands traced up his chest to his neck to tangle into the hair at the back of his head.

He deepened the kiss and his tongue caressed mine. His hand cupped my face, his fingers caressing my cheek and his other hand was in my hair. I pressed myself closer still, wanting to melt into him as his hands smoothed down my back to my ass. His arms were around me and he crushed me to him. I could feel the sporran against my thighs through the fabric of my dress.

Suddenly he broke the kiss, breathing into my ear and I felt my nipples tighten in response. I moaned a little and pressed into him more. I thought I heard him mutter something like, fucking christ, under his breath, but I couldn't be sure.

I stood there, and licked my tongue over lips swollen from his attention. The hand that had been cupping my face ran a thumb over my lower lip. He leaned closer and brushed another kiss against my lips, softer, but I felt his tongue taste my lower lip.

"Fuck, Bella. What the fuck is this between us?"

I didn't know what to say to that, so I didn't say anything.

He took a deep breath then and straightened. He straightened my hair and ran a finger across my cheek. I felt myself blush as I looked into his eyes. I felt kinda awkward and silly but I still wanted to jump him against the wall, lift that kilt up and-

He took another breath and then spoke, "C'mon, we better go back inside before we're missed."

* * *

**Oh-ah! What'dya think of that? Tell me and maybe there will be some shirtless kilt action.**

**C'mon, don't be shy. I don't bite...but Edward might if you ask him nice. You'll just have to review and find out.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**

**Hello m'dears. Sorry this took so long to update!!! I had a whole chapter written and beta'd. Then I decided I hated the chapter and had this whole angsty breakdown and struggled to re-write it then scrapped the whole chapter. According to my wonderful beta, Evil Black Poppies, (who btw had every right to fly over and beat the tar out of me for killing off a long ass chapter she had just edited) this one is much better and flows easier with the rest of the story. Do you see why I'm not worthy? **

**You should check out my beta's story Equines and Delerium. There's tragedy, horses, and a darkward with issues to be confirmed/revealed. She just started and I can't wait to see where she's going. It's in my favs if you want to have a look!**

**A big HUMONGOUS thanks to Sunfeathers for promoting Rain Season on twitter. The influx of traffic on that day was wild...I walked around with a big sappy grin. **

**Enough rambling. I don't own these characters, all of the genius is Stephanie Meyers. **

**Play List for this chapter includes: I know: Jude, Cold Water: Damien Rice, Wandering Stars: Portishead, Breathe Me: Sia  
**

**Small Warning: there are scenes towards the end that some people may find upsetting or disturbing to read. No offense is meant. (no rape or cutting...just some darker stuff.)**

* * *

BPOV

I went in ahead of Edward, back into muted lights and dancing couples. The piano player was still singing into the mic, but this number was more upbeat.

I couldn't pay much attention to it, my nerves were on fire, my body singing from Edward's kiss. My brain was too fuddled to really make sense of it. I wasn't sure what to think about what he'd said. _What the fuck is this between us? _

Was he angry with me? Had I kissed him wrong? Between taking care of my mother and then my father over the last couple of years, I hadn't had much time for boys. He probably thinks I'm some virgin loser who can't kiss.

Which I am.

I felt myself go red and tried to make it back to my seat before I fell on my face. I noticed the table was empty except for Esme who was watching Emmett and Rose on the dance floor with a soft smile on her face. Alice and Jasper were up dancing as well, and I spotted Carlisle speaking with a group of men. I made it safely back to the table with only a small stumble and sat down rather ungracefully, wringing my hands under the table.

Esme looked over as I sat down and smiled at me. I tried to return her smile but it must not have been very convincing. Her eyes shifted to the back of her other son, who was at the bar waiting to be served. She looked back at me and got up, shifting over to the empty seat behind me.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" Her eyes looked into mine, searching.

I struggled to put words together. "I…I'm fine, I guess. Just still tired. I think the jetlag is hitting me hard. I don't know my up from my down." She nodded and put her arm around my shoulders in a small hug.

"You don't have to stay down here if you're tired, honey. Whenever you're ready to go up to your room, that's fine. It's mostly Carlisle's thing tonight, anyways," She nodded towards the rest of the room and continued, "Most of the men in this room are either doctors, surgeons, or junior doctors. They meet each year for this charity bash, I guess. Carlisle was invited during one of the many rounds of golf he's played non stop since we've been over."

At that moment, the group of men Carlisle was standing with burst into loud masculine laughter. Carlisle smiled at them, but his eyes strayed to Esme for a brief second and raised his glass to her. Esme smiled and raised her glass of wine.

"What charity is it for?" I asked.

Esme turned back to me, "Oh…something to do with heart research," she answered.

"Oh." And just like that, my mind filtered backwards. Mom had settled in Phoenix after the divorce. She explained the heat was welcome after spending so many years in upstate Washington. She had tried her best for me but it ended up me always taking care of her. Then when I turned 16 and was a junior is high school, my dad had a heart attack. While he was recuperating in the house, he needed someone to take care of him. As soon as word reached me, I told mom I was going and that there was nothing she could do to stop me. She eventually let me go and I moved to Forks, Washington permanently to look after my father, who was the current chief of police. That summer before my senior year I cooked and cleaned and my father was much better after rest.

My senior year, my mother had been making trips more and more frequently to make sure I was ok. I think she missed me and missed how the house was kept running while I was in it.

I felt my eyes burn at the memories and realized I was going to start crying. I blinked rapidly but just as I managed to hold them back, Edward sat down. I immediately felt myself go scarlet again. I couldn't even look at him, I just stared at the table. One of his hands was on his pint glass of beer, the other hand was drumming his long fingers on the table.

His voice, soft and warm as whiskey, floated over, "Would you like to dance, mom?" I looked up as Esme smiled and rose from her chair. Edward stood and took her arm as she came around the table to meet him. I watched as he led her onto the dance floor with the other couples. They were dancing as gracefully as the others. Alice and Jas floated by them, Jas said something and Esme laughed in response. The song finished and changed to something just as rhythmic as the last dance and the couples moved in response to the rhythm.

Alice and Jas suddenly separated from the crowd and moved off of the dance floor towards the table. Alice took Esme's vacant seat next to me. Jaz smiled down at Alice and she smiled back at him happily as he kissed her hand.

"Would you like something to drink, darlin' ?" His soft southern drawl enquired.

"A glass of wine, Mr Whitlock," she looked at him from beneath her lashes and smiled so her dimples showed.

His eyes shifted to me and flashed me a melting grin, "And for you, Miss Swan?"

I smiled slightly back at him, his charm irresistible, "Just water for me."

"Are you sure, just water?" he looked at me expectantly.

"Please, with lots of ice," I answered. He nodded and turned to make his way over to the bar. Alice turned to me and took the chair that Esme had vacated.

"Well Bella, what do you think? Any hot doctors catch your eye?" she winked at me and scanned the room.

I bit my lip, the only person who caught my eye probably thought I was a total moron. "Not really, I think I'm still on Washington time, my brain is kind of asleep still."

She giggled, "Well don't look in the corner -_don't look! _- I think that young doctor has his sights set on you!" I tried not to glance over and failed. A blond man with handsome features nodded in my direction. My eyes widened and I looked at Alice's face.

"Oh my God, I think he's going to come over." I said, horrified.

I looked up and saw that he was. He was very handsome, and up close even more so. Blond hair, blue eyes, sharp patrician nose, he was even better looking up close and he seemed to know it.

"Would you care to dance, Miss?" his Scottish accent was thick, and there was a delay as I sifted through it to understand what he had asked me.

Alice leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Go with it, Bella!" and nudged me out of my chair.

He offered his hand and smiled down at me. I took it, not really knowing why. I felt I should explain to him as he led me out to the dance floor.

"I should warn you, your feet will more than likely be stepped on," I said, embarrassed as he led me onto the floor. He found a quiet corner towards the back of the floor near a window.

He chuckled and said, "It's all in the leading." I placed my hands on him where Edward had shown me previously and allowed myself to be led through steps.

"I'm James, by the way. And you are?" He smiled down into my eyes.

"Bella Swan." I answered simply. It was a novelty to me, dancing with two handsome men in one night. Neither one caring if I stood on their feet. Although dancing with James was not as smooth as dancing with Edward. James did not seem as graceful whether I was on his feet or not.

"I'm pleased to meet you, a beautiful name for a beautiful woman." I blushed under his appraisal and looked down.

"So, you're American, then?" I looked back up into his eyes as he smiled.

"Yes." I didn't know what to say, I was still confused as to why he would not only want to dance with me but talk as well.

"What part of America are you from? I've only been to New York."

"Ummm," I licked my lips nervously and his eyes followed the action, "I'm from Washington State originally, but I grew up in Phoenix."

"Arizona?" he asked. I nodded.

"I've heard it gets quite hot. Is it quite different from Scotland, then? It must be, it's a desert," he chuckled at his own conclusion. The more I spoke to him, the more I noticed he slurred his words as he spoke and his eyes were hooded as he looked at me.

"Where Phoenix is dry and arid, Scotland is lush and green, just like Washington. Although Arizona has it's own beauty which is separate from the greenery other people find appealing. There is something in the wide blue skies, the mountains dry and brushed by the wind, lonely cacti like tiny fingers on the landscape."

"Wow, it sounds amazing. I would love to go someday."

"You should. Make sure you do the whole tour, there's more to Arizona than the Grand Canyon." I was like some sort of tourist booth. _Change the subject. CHANGE THE SUBJECT_.

Before I could, I suddenly noticed that he had danced us outside and again I was in a dark corner with a handsome man. Only this time, his fingers weren't gentle and the lips that descended on mine tasted of stale beer. His smile which I had mistaken for warmth was actually a sneer and I gasped as his fingers bruised my arms. I tried to call out but his mouth sealed off any protests that I tried to make.

"Bella? Bella what the-" It was Edward's voice I could hear. James was on me and then he wasn't. Edward had him by the throat against a wall, his chest heaving.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are. If I see you near her again, I will fucking end you. Got it?" His voice was low and furious as he held James against the wall.

James sneered, "Fuck off, mate. Have you fuckin seen her? I was only havin a bit of fun. She led me out here."

Edward's hands tightened on James throat and said softly, silkily, "Don't even fucking go there. Get the fuck out of my sight and stay away from her!" With that, he let James go and shoved him towards the door.

The air was heavy and still and Edward turned to me, panting with adrenaline. "Are you alright?"

I nodded and rubbed my arms. I shivered as his eyes fastened on the red marks that James had left. His nostrils flared as he quickly moved to my side, examining my arms. He touched me gently, and his fingers caressed the marks James had left. "No, you're not. C'mon I'll take you up to your room." His voice was dark and low.

"You don't have to, I can make my own way upstairs." I protested as he turned me and guided me, his hand at my back.

"As if I'm going to let you wander in the hotel all by yourself with that asshole on the loose." he guided us through the room. Esme and Carlisle were dancing at the edge of the floor. Edward stopped and briefly explained to Esme that I was tired and he was going to make sure I got in my room ok. Esme nodded her ascent and looked at me.

"Goodnight sweetheart. We're in room 702 if you need anything."

Edward led me out of the room and towards the elevators in the hall. He jabbed at the button and the door pinged as it opened. He followed me in and jabbed the floor button.

I watched him as we stood in the elevator. I was cold and started to chafe my arms, my teeth started to rattle and I tried to clamp my jaw shut. He took a deep breath and turned to me. He took in my wary expression and noticed that I was shivering. His eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened as the door pinged. He guided me out of the elevator, his hand burning through the material of the dress at my back. I took my key out of my clutch to figure out what room I was in. The numbers 725 were printed in black across the plastic card. I was staring at the numbers when suddenly the card was snatched out of my hands by Edward's fingers. He started walking down the corridor towards my room towing me along.

Edward kept up a quick pace and since his legs were longer than mine, I was tripping over my feet trying to keep up with him, his hand still at my back. My jaw hurt from clenching it and I opened my mouth to try and work out the soreness. I took a deep breath to calm myself down and Edward glanced down at me, his eyes full of anger.

Was he angry with me? He glanced back down the hallway, leading me. We arrived at my door and he slid the card into the lock and the little red light flashed green. He threw the door open, dragging me behind him. He flicked the light on and the door closed behind us.

He turned back to me. His eyes studied my arms, my face, my lips. He made a movement, like he was going to reach out to touch me but then stopped himself.

"Bella?" he asked, his voice tight, controlled.

"Yes," I croaked softly.

"Distract me, please." he ordered.

"I'm sorry, what?"

He exhaled sharply, running his fingers through his hair.

"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down," he clarified, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"Um," I wracked my brain for something trivial. "So I've never really had vodka before and it has a weird taste. People always seemed to go on about it in college but I don't think I'm much for it. It makes me feel all funny and it makes the coke taste horrible. I wonder if rum is nicer. Or I suppose whiskey. I've heard Jack Daniels and coke is nice but I've never had that either."

He smirked, but his face was still tense, "Jack Daniels and coke is alright. Bella have you ever drank before?"

"I had a small sip of beer at a party my friend Jess dragged me to last summer. That's about it. I had to take care of my dad and then I started college. I was the first in my family to go to college and my dad was so proud. I worked so hard at my studies, I just didn't have time for the usual stuff most people get up to at college." I shrugged my shoulders.

He took in a deep breath.

"Better?" I asked him.

"Not really."

"What's wrong?" I whispered.

"I have a fucking temper, Bella," his voice was strained and low, his eyes narrowed into slits as he glanced back at the door to the corridor, "You have no idea how much I want to go back down there and introduce his fucking teeth to his tonsils," He struggled for a moment, his hands clenching into fists.

"Oh." Was all I could think of to say.

"Bella-" he looked me in the eye and his jaw flexed again, "I have to go back down and speak with Emmett. Will you be ok?"

I nodded. He made a movement to move closer to me and then stopped himself. Then he turned and without another word quit the room, closing the door with a firm _click_. The atmosphere left behind by that noise was louder than any slam.

I sighed, and chewed on my lip, not quite knowing what to do with myself. I was so cold and I wanted to wash the awful taste of James from my mouth. I brushed my teeth twice and decided that Pjs and bed sounded heavenly. I felt so heavy and so tired by the time I slid the covers back. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

***

EPOV

It was in the small hours of the morning when I finally staggered to my room. I stripped off my shirt and the sporran. I was sitting on the edge of the bed and looked up, noticing there was a door in front of me that wasn't the entrance to the room. I vaguely recalled Esme saying something about an adjoining room and realized the door was to Bella's room.

I pulled off my shoes and drunkenly pulled the flashes and socks off. I was going back over my earlier conversation with Emmett. I had told him about James and Emmett had talked me out of beating the shit out of him for being such an asshole. Emmett kept telling me it wasn't worth it and that we would never have to see the fucker again. I had let it go and he had led me to an adjoining bar in the hotel, away from the party where we sat down and had a few Jack Daniels while we talked about random shit.

I looked up suddenly as there was a strange noise coming from Bella's room. It sounded like loud crying coming from the other side of the door. Then there was the muted thump of stumbling foot steps, then a loud thud, as if someone had fallen and landed on their knees. Then I heard a door slam.

I put my ear to the adjoining room door, the crying was softer but there was the distinct sound of water running…the shower maybe?

I knocked softly on the door. I put my ear to the door and could still hear muffled sobbing. Was she hurt? Was someone in there? What the fuck?

I tried the knob and found it unlocked. I quickly opened the door and strode in, but the room was dark and I bumped into a table.

"Ow, FUCK!" I rubbed my leg, and spotted a sliver of light coming from the bathroom. The sobs were louder now and louder still as I opened the door.

Sitting in the corner of the shower was Bella, crying her heart out.

"Bella? What the fuck? Are you hurt?" She didn't hear me, I realized as I got closer to her. She must not have known I was there. She was curled up in a ball, in a black tank top and little black shorts. She was getting soaked and her hair was half frizzy from the steam.

She sobbed harder and started to tremble as the sobs shook her entire being. My heart fucking broke for her in that moment.

I crouched down, not caring if the water hit my chest or the kilt and put my hand on her back. She flinched and scooted closer into the corner. She was getting all wet and I knew she was going to catch a chill if she got any more soaked from the spray. I angled an arm underneath her knees and wrapped my other arm around her. She turned then, and slammed into my chest wrapping her arms up around my neck. Her sobs muffled into my chest and neck.

I picked her up and pulled her out of the shower. My chest was slick from the water and from her as I carried her towards the bed so I pulled her tight against me. I tried to put her down, but she wouldn't let go of me. So, kneeling onto the bed, I sat up scooted us against the headboard and held her in my lap as she continued to cry.

In between her sharp breaths I could only make out that she was talking, softly. It was ragged and I could only catch slurred parts of it:

"My fault…my fault. It was all my fault. Always has been. Mom hated Forks…left because she didn't want to be there after she had me…my fault dad was alone…my fault they weren't together for so long…my fault mom couldn't look after herself when she had me to worry about me…Phoenix was my fault…my fault…my dad…only two weeks a year…my fault…my dad so hurt…then-then…they started talking once I was away at college…they finally got it together once I was out of the picture…and-and then…camping…oh GOD oh GOD oh GOD!" The trembling against me got worse her breaths coming in sharp painful cutting gasps as she tried to keep herself from crying. Her whole fucking body heaving with the effort as I realized she was about to spiral into a full blown panic attack.

"Shhhh…Bella you're only going to upset yourself more." I reached to turn her face up, "Bella, look at me. Focus on me. I'm here, you're in the room, it's ok. Nothing's going to happen to you here."

Something in what I said seemed to make it worse. Her eyes widened and she started to mouth the word _ok_ over and over again. She unfocused on my face and her breaths came in shorter, her whole body shuddering. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she was grabbing for breath like a fish out of water.

"Bella!" Her eyes came back and focused on me briefly but then became unfocused. I will never forget that for the rest of my fucking life, that awful shift of her body as she desperately grabbed for air.

Jesus Christ! I thought back to when I used to get panic attacks and remembered that sometimes breathing in a paper bag helped. Where the fuck was I going to get a paper bag?! I got up and carried her into the bathroom. I sat her on the toilet lid and saw a small white bag on the counter near the mini shampoo and soap. Thank FUCK! I knelt in front of her as she continued to grab for air.

"Bella, have you ever had to breathe into a paper bag? You do it like this. Take small breaths and focus making the bag deflate and inflate. Like this, see?" She focused on me again and watched. She nodded minutely and I handed her the bag.

After what seemed like a goddam millennium in that bathroom, she finally got the bag to work. She breathed out and in, the sound of the bag crinkling the only sound in the room. Her eyes were still huge but they weren't bulging.

After what seemed like another long drag of time had passed us by, she was finally calm enough to drop the hand holding the bag to her face. Her whole body shuddered and she slumped and nearly fell onto the floor.

I moved towards her and without asking, I lifted her up to carry her back to the bed. The bed sagged as I sat on the edge with her in my lap.

I rubbed her back and realized she was completely soaked through. She was shivering and her teeth started rattling.

"Bella, do you have anything you could change into? You're all soaked," I looked down at her bowed head and she shook it, "I'm going to get up and get you one of my t-shirts. I'll be right back, alright?" I started to move and she tensed. I reassured her I was only going through the adjoining doors and she relaxed enough to let me deposit her on the bed.

I walked back through to my room to get my bag on the bed. I pulled out an old t-shirt I had packed for tomorrow…or was it today now? I didn't really have much else. I usually slept naked. I grabbed my ciggies and my lighter from the dresser and walked back through the doorway. She was sitting on the bed where I had left her but her eyes were unfocused on the rug, her mind far away somewhere. She jumped as she became aware I was standing in front of her.

I held out the t-shirt to her and she sat there staring at it. It was my favorite blue color and was one of those old t-shirts that had gone all soft. She stood up slowly and took it from me, she walked over to the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind her.

I went back into my room and managed to figure out how to get the kilt off without ripping it. I fished a pair of black tracksuit bottoms out of my bag. I put them on and went back into Bella's room.

She was still in the bathroom. I took the moment to open up the window that looked out onto the sea. I lit a cigarette and blew it out slowly as I watched the dull gray light of morning lift the mists off of the Isle of Arran across the sea. The cool morning air blew gently through the window as I took another draw on the cigarette, raising goosebumps on my arms. I rotated the ring on my middle finger with my thumb, and I turned my head, listening intently for sounds from the bathroom.

She emerged moments later in my t-shirt, the hem touching her midthigh. She had put her hair up in a messy bun on top of her head . I imagined going over and take it down and run my fingers through her hair, cool and dark on my skin.

She stood in the middle of the room and I could tell she wasn't quite sure what to do next. I walked over to the bed and sat down, swinging my legs up so I was sitting on top of the blankets, my back against the headboard. She watched me, wide eyed, every now and again a hiccup making her body jerk. Her eyes glanced at my bare chest and then she looked away, blushing again. She was so fucking adorable when she did that. I patted the space beside me and moved my head to indicate she should come over and sit next to me.

She hesitated and I snorted, "C'mon Bella, I'm not gonna bite you. Move your ass over here." Finally she moved and got on the bed.

There was something that was in her, something that obviously had a hold of her in real fucking torture hold and I was dying to know whatever that shit was. I remembered the feeling, like it was alive and fucking clawing at your insides and knew that she needed to talk to someone about it.

I decided to start, knowing this was going to be hellish but there was something about her that I knew I could share this shit with her. We just clicked, there was something between us and as cheesey and fucked up as it sounds, I felt like I knew this girl. Knew her longer that I had actually physically known her.

"Bella when I was 10, I found my mom after she had hanged herself. The look on her face will never fucking leave my mind, no matter how much I tried to make it go away. After the police found me, I was put through the system." I made a finger quote gesture at system and continued, "The first woman they placed me with was really nice. She wanted to be a mom but couldn't have kids or some shit. But I couldn't stay there forever and they moved me on to somewhere else. I ended up with this crazy fucking bitch and her guy. From when I woke up in the morning I was expected to wait on them hand and foot. I was slapped, kicked, punched for no reason on a daily basis. Her guy's name, Felix, he cracked one of my ribs once because his coffee wasn't fucking hot enough. When I woke up at night from nightmares, sometimes in the middle of a panic attack, they would beat me until I passed out." I took a deep breath, rubbing a hand over my face, remembering those darker days always made me feel fucking horrible.

"I stayed with them the longest but it didn't matter when I left. I was someone's cheque, some meal ticket, someone's punching bag. I started using drugs when I was 14. About a year later, Carlisle came to lecture at my high school. Six months later, he adopted me. He fucking changed my life and I know that sounds like some kind of hallmark bullshit but it's the truth." I dragged in another deep breath.

"I guess I'm telling you this shit because I know what it's like to go through things. I know that it isn't easy to talk about it but if you need to, I'm willing to listen to whatever it is you need to say." I finished and looked at her. She was staring straight ahead.

Her hand reached over and found mine. Then in a shuddering breath she started talking in a monotone voice.

"My parents divorced when I was little, my mother moved away from the podunk town in Washington to Phoenix, Arizona. I would see my dad in the summer for two weeks each year. My mother," she stopped as her voice caught, "my mother was erratic and flighty but she was my best friend." She bit her lip as she said this, her hand flexing in mine. Then she continued, "When I was a junior in high school, my dad had a heart attack and needed someone to look after him. I had been taking care of my mom so much and my poor dad didn't have anyone. So I decided I would make the leap and move in with him for my last year of high school.

My mother visited from time to time while I was in Forks. When I graduated, my mom flew up to see the ceremony. She and my dad, for the first time in 15 years were not only talking to each other but laughing and getting along. That Fall, I went to Washington State, my father insisted I live on campus. While I was there, mom and dad must have rekindled their feelings for each other.

I came home at Spring Break in March, and my mom and dad announced to me they wanted to get back together. They wanted to renew their vows. My father had always loved camping and fishing and was planning a trip to celebrate his and mom's reunion. I suggested that he and mom should renew their vows while they were out in the wilderness. I offered to plan the trip to Goat Rocks Wilderness and dad agreed readily. What I didn't realize was that it was a bad area for-" she took a deep breath in and let it out tightly, I saw tears start to glitter in her eyes, and the breath she let out was ragged, "a bad area for bears.

We had been hiking for sometime when I tripped. I went over on my ankle and dad decided we should stop where we were for that day, to let me rest it, hoping it might be better in the morning. I hobbled off to go to the bathroom. That's when I heard it: The most horrible sound I have ever heard in my life. A bear the size of a small horse charged into camp. My dad grabbed the shotgun but before he could fire it he had a heart attack and died in the middle of the camp. The bear mauled him first. When my mom had tried to save him, not realizing that he was already dead, the bear attacked her. I tried to run, but kept stumbling. My ankle was so sore. I could hear my mother screaming and calling for me to run. She kept calling my name. Then it was quiet.

It was night time, and I could hear the bear charging through the woods. I scrambled trying to find somewhere to hide. I remember the stars were so bright that night and the moon was glaring. I saw a large rock ahead of me as I ran and tried to scramble up it. There were tree branches above it that looked climbable. I kept reaching for the tree branch but I couldn't quite get to it. The bear was getting closer, I could hear it charging over dead leaves, growling and snorting. I fell off the rock and must have hit my head. I passed out.

The next morning, my friend Jacob found me. Somehow the bear left me alone and I'll never know why.

And now you know how I killed my parents."

* * *

**And how about that? What did you think? too much...not enough? Let me know...please review, they really do make my day. And I respond to your reviews as well. Wow!**

**Also, just a quick soapbox rant: can we talk about anti-depressants real quick like. I mentioned in a previous chapter that Bella is on citalopram. This is one of the big hitters and while medication is sometimes key in treating anxiety and depression, you must be very careful with it. One should also watch one's alcohol intake with such powerful medication. I think too much stigma is attached to mental illness these days and if you are recovering, managing, or need help, I commend you for taking the steps and doing what you need to do to handle your shit. You're my heroes. srsly. xo**


	7. Chapter 7

**Quickly, my chickens. Here is Chapter 7. **

**Usuals: I don't own Twilight or the characters. God Save Stephenie Meyer.**

**Big Edward flavored kisses to EvilBlackPoppies, the Wonder Beta, for wading through my Bullshit. One t-shirt comin up, dolly, I swear. **

**Big Fangirl Squees again to Sunfeathers, keep up the pimpin! (BTW, come follow me on twitter, I tweet about all kinds of shiz including where I'm at with the story...link on my profile.)**

**playlist for this chapter: Letting the Cables Sleep: Bush, Schism: Tool, Whole Lotta Love: Led Zeppelin, Can't Speak French: Girls Aloud**

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**BPOV

It was worse than keeping it locked up in my head. To have it out in the open air, breathing it in was almost as bad as reliving it from start to finish every night. I've stained everything around me, laid myself bare in front of this guy who had kissed me like I was something good and beautiful not six hours ago. And now he knew just how awful my insides really were.

I dropped his hand and scooted to the end of the bed and curled up in a ball. I felt like everything in the room was growing until it towered over me, accusing.

_You killed them. You killed them. You killed them. _

The room closed in on me, dark and consuming, the chairs, the bed, the lights, the TV were huge, like tall trees and wicked branches in a dark wood. It was all getting closer, suffocating on top of me and I wish that it would just take me, kill me. Kill me like I deserved. I wanted it to have me, to finally come for me. I was so tired of keeping it together, barely holding on, putting a brave face on and all that stuff.

I just wanted it to be _over_ instead of reliving it every time I closed my eyes.

I felt his hand on me and flinched away from his touch. There was a horrible noise in the room, a rattling, tearing noise. I thought it might be the air conditioner. I felt him shake me and I squeezed my knees tighter to my chest.

Suddenly his arms were around me, yanking me up and dragged me onto his lap, pulling me against his chest. I could see the lion tattoo, the celtic design weaving around. The ragged sound was louder. His hands were at my back, rubbing slowly up towards my shoulders. and I could make out over the sound that he was saying something to me.

"Cry, Bella, for fuck's sake, just fucking let go. You can't hold this in forever." I realized the sound was me. Breaths ripping from my chest, making my throat sore. Sobs, rough and wet muffled against his chest and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt like I was in a storm and he was shelter that I could crawl under, surviving while the world was torn around me. He rubbed my hair and then my back. He was rocking me, trying to sooth me, mumbling reassurances in my ear as I cried against him.

I cried for my mother and father, for the relationship they never had since I had been born. For the marriage they could have had if I had never planned this trip. I cried because the weight was pulling me down and I wanted to drown in it, to let go and drift into the fathomless depths of pain and grief.

After a while I sat there, hiccoughing. I felt so tired. One of my arms drifted down, my fingers on his chest. I drew small circles on his tattoo with my index finger as my eyes grew heavy.

***

My eyes opened and it was morning. The light pierced my eyes and I felt a sledge hammer pounding at my brain. I tried to open my eyes wider and the room actually started to spin. Images of earlier this morning flashed through my brain.

_Oh God._

The shower. The panic attack. The crying. He knew. Oh God he _knew_, I had told him and he _knew_. Why? Why had I done that? I'm was an idiot and had thrown myself on him. I heaved in a sigh and the images went faster through my brain until I felt sick and dizzy with it. I groaned and rolled over, wondering if I could suffocate myself with the pillow.

Somehow, I was under the covers of the bed. The last thing I remembered was his chest so warm against my cheek, his wonderful smell surrounding me…

_Oh no, I fell asleep on him again. _

Flashes of last night flew through my mind too fast and I stumbled out of bed, feeling like I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet, hoping that my memories would be purged as well but it was only empty painful heaves. I flushed the toilet and splashed cold water on my face from the sink. I decided I would brush my teeth hoping it would at least get rid of the taste in my mouth. Another flash went through my mind as I looked at the shower and stared at the corner I had tried to huddle into last night. I had been so cold when I woke up from my nightmare, the warm water from the shower seemed like a good idea at the time. I had only wanted to be warm, the cold a stark reminder of that horrible night.

I went out and found my over night bag, pulling out my favorite old pair of jeans and a lavender fitted t-shirt. I felt marginally better in clean clothes but still horrible enough to want to go back and wallow in bed. I yawned and felt myself shiver. I pulled the covers back on the bed and slid back in. I lay there and the room started to turn again. I put a pillow over my face and hoped it would stop but when my eyes were closed images from last night and that night with my parents flashed through my mind at a dizzying speed.

I curled up in a ball on my side again and rocked myself like Edward had rocked me last night. It seemed to help and I was able to sink into sleep again.

***

A sharp knock on the door brought me awake, my eyes snapping open. The knock sounded again and I got out of the bed. Glancing at the mirror above the dressing table, I groaned at my reflection. I was too pale and my hair looked like something out of a bad eighties hair band video. I ran a hand through the tangled mess, and made my way over to the door. The knock sounded again and I whipped the door open.

It was Edward, dressed in a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with a pair of scuffed doc martins on his feet. I stared at the green flame tattoos on his arms, for a moment. I blushed, not able to meet his eyes, embarrassed beyond belief.

"Check out is soon, are you almost ready to go?"

I nodded in response, still not able to meet his gaze.

His hand reached out and he put his finger under my chin, angling my face up.

"Hey…are you alright?" his voice was gentle with concern and I felt tears burn the back of my eyes. There was a lump in my throat and I tried to swallow it.

Still without looking him in the eye I answered as best I could, staring at a point over his shoulder, "Umm yeah. I'll get my bag." I turned away from him, leaving the door open and I heard him follow me inside.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him saunter into the room behind me. I frantically did an erratic circle around the room, picking up my things from where I had drunkenly strewn them. Every now and again, I looked at him under my lashes. Why did he have to look so good, his forearms strong and inked, I wanted to trace those flames with my tongue.

I finally had everything together and zipped up my bag, sliding the black flip flops I had set out onto my feet. I started to lift the bag but he stopped me, his hand taking a hold of mine.

"Bella?" There was a heavy pause while he waited for me to look him in the eye.

My eyes finally met his and my pulse picked up. His eyes were staring into mine, hot and loaded, just like they had last night before he kissed me.

Then he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. I drew in a breath as his smell wrapped around me like an embrace. Not satisfied, he came in for another taste, his lips firm on mine, warm. I felt his hands cup my cheeks, his thumbs caressing my jaw. I opened my mouth and he deepened the kiss, moving his head for a better angle, tasting me. My hands crept slowly up his stomach to his chest, to his shoulders. One of his hands left my cheek to pull me closer. I kissed him back, my tongue caressing his. Both of his hands moved to my waist, and they moved up my ribcage to just under my breasts, his thumbs touching the sensitive skin through my t-shirt and then moving upward, slowly, teasing, knowing where I needed him to touch me. His hands cupped my breasts gently, his thumbs circling closer.

And then his phone rang. The opening rifts of Led Zeplin's _Whole Lotta Love _were loud, grinding, and had us breaking apart like guilty teenagers.

His eyes fastened on me and I licked my lips and bit my lower lip. He leaned down like he was going to kiss me again, the phone loud between us, and then he stopped.

He pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked down at it. His face was furious and he looked as though he was going to throw the phone against the wall. He sighed, pressing the answer button.

"What, Emmett?!" I could hear Emmett's chuckle and then his muffled voice.

Edward answered, "Yeah, she's awake and ready. I'll bring the keys down and check us out….Fuck you!….No fucking way after all that Jack Daniels. Yeah yeah, very fucking hilarious, Mr Fucking Sunshine….yeah, I'll see you back at the house tonight then." Edward hung up the phone and shoved it back in his jeans. He rubbed a hand through his hair and heaved in a sigh.

He moved closer to me and smoothed a lock of hair behind my ear. His hand lingered, his thumb stroking my cheekbone. I was staring up at him and his eyes were staring into mine, searching.

I worried my bottom lip. Reaching up his free hand, his thumb tugged my swollen bottom lip out from my teeth. He stood there, his thumb rubbing my lip.

"Bella, this is going to get better, I promise." He pulled me close, his arms around me, offering his strength. I felt him kiss the top of my head as I sighed into his chest. His wonderful smell surrounded me and I inhaled it, the smell of male, cologne, and cigarettes. He made me feel like I wanted to crawl deep inside him and be safe from the rest of the world, and from myself. After a while he stepped away from me.

He went to the bed to lift my bag. He picked up the key where I had left it on the night stand and turned towards me, "Are you sure you got everything?"

My brain was still all dazzled from his touch, "Ummmm, sure?"

Then he smiled crookedly and raised an eyebrow at me, "I guess we're all set then."

I watched as he walked to the door and opened it, waiting for me. I looked at him and crossed my arms as I moved out into the hallway.

***

BPOV

The car ride back to the Cullen's was full of the electricity between us. The car was silent; Edward did not play any music, for which I was glad. Rain gently pattered against the windshield and the _swoosh_ of the wipers, the _purr_ of the engine, were a balm on my frazzled nerves. The rhythm of the wipers and vibration of the engine made me feel sleepy.

The only thing of interest to me was the play of tendons on Edward's forearm as he shifted the gears of the car and steered the wheel. Strength and tension radiated from his arms and I was mesmerized by the play of muscle and tendon as well as the green flames licking their way up his arms. It made me want to be closer and trace them with my fingers, my tongue.

We pulled into the drive, the large door to the garage open and Edward parked his car in an empty space. He said nothing to me as we exited the car, but I felt his presence behind me as he followed me into the house, our bags slung over his shoulder. I made my way to the staircase and pulled myself up, exhausted; my brain focused on taking my medication and going back to bed. I had forgotten to bring it with me and I worried that after last night's confession the nightmares would be worse. The images clearer and sharper, piercing me on the inside, making the wounds deeper.

I watched as he moved down the hall and opened the door to my room first. He went in and silently deposited my bag on the bed. Turning towards me, he walked over and looked down into my eyes. His eyes were smouldering and I thought he was going to kiss me again.

His hand reached up to my face and caressed my cheek. He leaned down and his lips were against my ear and his voice was low in my ear, "Try to get some rest." His voice set all my nerve endings buzzing with electrical currents as if he had just caressed me from head to toe. He heard my quick intake of breath and his mouth kicked up at one corner. Silently, he stepped away from me and walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

***

I awoke to voices out in the hall, angry but in a hushed way. It sounded like Alice and Edward.

"Edward, I didn't know he was going to take her out there until he decided to do it. His mind kept changing."

"She should never have been with him in the first place. We were supposed to be keeping a fucking eye on her!"

"If I had known he going to try something I would have never encouraged her to dance with him."

"You fucking encouraged her?!"

"Calm down and back off, Edward."

There was a loud masculine sigh.

Alice cleared her throat and said in a quiet voice, "We should probably take this downstairs."

I heard the sound of footsteps move down the hall and fade. I sat there, not knowing what to think. I glanced at the bedside table to check the time. I noticed a bottle of water sitting on the table and wondered who had put it there. The clock's digital face read 5:26. I took a sip from the bottle and lay back down in the bed. The soft patter of rain against the window lulled me back into a dark dreamless sleep.

***

EPOV

I had been sitting up in my room, idly flipping through my vast music collection contemplating re-organising it according to preference and then alphabetically. Currently is organised chronologically according to when I had discovered it, spanning my lifetime. I was getting fucking impatient, waiting for Alice and Jasper to come in. Bella and I had been home a few hours and I had checked in on her to find her fast asleep.

Esme and Carlisle had decided to take a long drive, Rose and Emmett were playing rugby on a beach with some guys that Emmett had hooked up with last night before he had pulled me into the bar.

I had no idea what Alice and Jasper had planned for the day and it was driving me crazy that they weren't home yet. I needed to talk to Alice about last night. All her life, Alice had been able to uncannily predict events about to happen. She had known that Bella was coming over this summer and had encouraged mom to write to her.

Why she hadn't seen that fucking James coming I needed to know.

Suddenly I heard the large garage door opening and the sound of a car pulling in. After a few moments the door leading to the garage creaked open and I heard them enter the house, Jasper's muffled voice saying he would take their bags downstairs. Alice's quiet footsteps were on the stairs.

Before she could knock on the door, I met her in the hallway.

Alice danced over to me and punched me in the shoulder.

"Alice, what the fuck?!"

"Excuse me, Edward? Use your words without the expletives."

"Fucking last night! How did you not see that asshole?! You only told me about two seconds into him bruising her!"

"Lower your voice," she glanced at Bella's door.

"Edward, I didn't know he was going to take her out there until he decided to do it. His mind kept changing." She put her hands on her hips and jutted her chin up.

"She should never have been with him in the first place. We were supposed to be keeping a fucking eye on her!" I snapped at her.

"If I had known he was going to try something I would have never encouraged her to dance with him."

"You fucking encouraged her?!"

"Calm down and back off, Edward." Alice's blue eyes angrily challenged mine.

I dragged in a breath to try and calm down, shoving my hand through my hair in frustration.

Alice cleared her throat and said in a quiet voice, "We should probably take this downstairs." Her eyes pointedly looked at Bella's door and then she motioned with her head the direction of the staircase.

I nodded and followed her down the hall and then down the stairs. We ended up standing in the living room, I crossed my arms and looked at her as she began.

"Look, I know you and she had a long heart to heart last night. You need to be very careful, Edward. She is very fragile."

"I fucking know she's fragile and I'm not even psychic!"

"I've seen it, Edward. I've seen her try to do something reckless to get herself killed. You need to tread lightly, here."

"Yeah well when you have something more concrete, let me know."

"What is your fascination with her, anyways?"

"What do you mean?"

"Edward, pardon me for being blunt, but you're a fuck'em and forget'em kind of guy. I know you haven't slept with her-"

"Fuckin-A, Alice!"

"See? This is what I mean. What's going on with you big brother?"

"Fuck you, Alice."

She giggled, like the tinkling of a bell, "You'll figure it out soon enough. Just remember what I said."

"Yeah yeah, what the fuck ever." I stalked off into another part of the house where Esme had made a special home for my piano. I sat down and began playing, not really noticing what it was as my mind was whirling from all that Alice had said but especially what she had left unsaid.

It wasn't exactly a take a ticket system, but I never had a problem with girls finding their way to my bedroom. Emmett and I both had worked our way through sorority houses while we were at college like it was a fucking buffet. Sure there were a few girls who last more than a week or so but they were few and far between. Then Emmett had met Rose one night while he was on his way out of our apartment building. They had actually run into each other and she had taken him for some frat guy asshole. I snickered remembering, not so much on the frat guy, but we were definitely assholes back then.

Emmett pursued Rose relentlessly until she agreed to go on a date with him. They had been inseparable ever since.

Which had left me on my own while they fucking snuggled and made goo goo eyes at each other on the couch. Well maybe not goo goo eyes, Rose just wasn't that kind of girl.

Was this what it had been like for Emmett, was Bella my Rose?

There was part of me that wanted to run for the hills and never fucking look back. Then there was this curious part that wanted to be closer to her, I was drawn to her, like it was almost painful to be away from her. These two sides of me were struggling against each other and I didn't know which one would win.

I continued to pound away at the keys, the song soothing me, familiar, until I realized I was unconsciously playing _The Heart Asks Pleasure First _from last night.

Fucking fuck.

***

BPOV

I had managed to mope about in my room the last few days, coming downstairs enough so I didn't seem impolite. I guess I was hiding, hoping I would avoid bumping into Edward.

His presence thrilled me but sometimes it was too much, too fast, like being on a rollercoaster, about to go over the big hill and realizing the security bar holding me in has become unlocked. It scared me, but a tiny voice in my head whispered: _But you like it, don't you?_

It was Thursday evening and I was sitting on the couch downstairs, the rest of the house quiet except for Esme and Carlisle watching a movie on TV. I was reading my book in one of the easy chairs, my legs curled up and covered in my mother's Afghan.

Alice suddenly made an appearance into the room and came over to my chair. She dropped down beside the chair and put her chin on the arm. "Come and hang out with me, I'm bored." She batted her big blue eyes at me.

"What do you want to do?" I folded the page down to mark my place, and closed my book. Her face brightened and she took one of my hands.

"Come with me for fish and chips. It's disgustingly good and I have an urge to be reckless with calories!" she smiled up at me.

I hesitated and she continued, "C'mon, we'll take a drive over and come back and watch something stupid down in my room. Please, pretty pretty please? Jasper's out with Edward and they won't be back until later on."

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah sure." I got up and folded the Afghan, reluctant to leave it on the couch,

Esme piped up, "Bella you can leave that there if you want. This is your house too." I smiled my thanks at Esme and laid it over the back of the armchair.

I jogged upstairs and got my wallet, and met Alice at the foot of the stairs. She dangled her car keys and led me into the garage. I wasn't sure which car was hers, but my eyes were drawn to Edward's and I wondered at how we had avoided each other all week.

"C'mon Bella!" Alice's voice pulled me out of my reverie and I blinked as I watched her pull the door open to a lemon yellow Porsche. Didn't these people have a normal car?

I got in and Alice turned the car on, the sounds of bubblegum pop music snapping in the air. Some girl group harmonized about not being able to speak French.

"So Bella, what kind of music are you into?" she asked as we drove down the driveway and pulled out onto the road.

"Umm, I'm not really stuck on one genre. I like all kinds of stuff. Who is this?"

"This girl group I found called Girls Aloud. They seem to be really huge over here," Alice's phone beeped and she pulled it out of the console. "That's a text from Rosalie. Can you see what she wants?" Alice handed the phone over to me and I opened the text:

**Hey bitch u better bring me smthng back Guys r here Want 2 no if we want 2 go out x**

I read the text to Alice and she giggled., "Guess we better get something for everyone. Tell her we'll get dinner for all of them and yes we're going out."

I quickly relayed the text back to Rosalie. There was another text back a few seconds later:

**Make sure you bring back alcohol Boys want to go into Glasgow Get train? x**

I read the text aloud and Alice considered this and nodded, "Tell her we'll be back in about fifteen and yes we'll take the train." I texted Rosalie back and put the phone back where Alice had it.

"Oh yay! This is going to be so much fun, Bella. We haven't been out together since we first got here. We've either been too busy or off doing our own thing. You're going to love it, the guys are hilarious together." She bounced in her seat bubbling with excitement.

We drove down the narrow street of a tiny little town, shops lining the street. Alice parked the car and got out and I opened my door to meet her on the narrow sidewalk. We went into a little corner shop and bought a large bottle of Bacardi. Alice led me outside and we walked down to a little place which Alice called the chippie. Inside there was a large metal case which had a glass window. Inside the case, which was warm to the touch, were various shapes which had been battered and deep fried.

The smells of French fries, salt and vinegar assailed my nostrils. Alice and I waited in the line until it was our turn and Alice ordered asked the attendant for fish and chips. I watched as the attendant went to work, scooping chips onto a sheet of paper she held in her hand and then placing each portion on the counter. Then she selected 6 pieces of fish which had been battered and deep fried. The attendant looked to Alice and me and asked if we wanted salt or vinegar on our fries.

Alice looked at me and I nodded my head. "Yes on two please. Thanks." The woman shook the shaker and squeezed brown vinegar onto three of the servings and then wrapped them all in more paper before putting them into a plastic bag. Alice paid for the food and we went back to the car, Alice turning the key in the ignition and the radio smacked out more girl group.

During a lull in the music, Alice turned towards me suddenly, "Do you have something to wear for tonight?" Before I could answer her, her eyes got a far away look and then she focused back on me, "That's ok, I think I've got the perfect thing for you." Then she smiled to herself, her eyes on the road and I swear I thought I heard her mutter something to the tune of, _Edward will certainly be pleased._

So Edward will be going with us? Why wouldn't he, it's his family after all. Would it be weird? Had he known that I was purposely avoiding him all week?

We pulled up into the garage and Alice shut the door behind us using a switch. She parked the car as the massive door finished it's descent.

I helped her carry in dinner, and as we walked in, Esme shouted, "They're all down in the basement!"

Alice and I made our way downstairs towards her and Jasper's part of the house. Even though I'd been down here before I had been too jetlagged to take anything in. It was much bigger than my room, almost like a small apartment. Her bedroom was a door off to the left side, a lamp faintly glowing inside. There was what seemed to be a living room area with a comfy looking leather couch which had these huge pillows with fluffy stringy wool on them. They looked so soft and inviting and contrasted perfectly with the black leather.

Alice had a large TV mounted against the wall and on either side there were shelves built in with a vast video library. There was music blaring from somewhere and I noticed that there seemed to be a small alcove over to the right. I followed Alice over and saw Edward leaning over a pool table as Emmett and Jasper looked on, pool cues in hand. Rosalie stood off to the side, her arms folded across with a smirk on her face.

Emmett noticed us first, "Hey Tater Tot, come see Edward get his ass kicked at pool He thinks he's shit hot, watch him screw this up." He said this as Edward was about to take a shot. As his green eyes met mine, he was unable to stop and ended up scratching the cue ball into a corner pocket. His eyes held me and I could feel that electrical pull between us.

Alice left the food on a card table in the corner. "C'mon and eat it before it gets cold. Bella grab some before they tear into it. Yours and Edward's are on the bottom with the salt and vinegar. Rose c'mon so we can start getting ready."

I grabbed two out and dug for mine at the back. Alice and Rose had disappeared behind Alice's bedroom door and I could hear Alice's pop music banging inside. I entered the room and saw Rose sitting on the bed. We sat and unwrapped the fish and thick cut potato 'chips'. I ate but felt it was almost too stodgy for my stomach. Rose picked at hers as well and we both watched Alice in her closet, tossing things out. I heard her squeal and she danced out holding a small pair of black satin shorts and a strapless shimmery sea green top that poofed out at bottom rather than having a hem. It was gathered at the top and belled gracefully.

She shoved the ensemble at me and pointed to her ensuite bathroom. Alice snapped directions like a drill sergeant: "Put this on, now. Rose if you're almost finished, get up and get changed! I don't want to miss the train. Make sure they're getting ready out there as well."

I emerged from the bathroom, the shorts were really short. Alice smiled wickedly and beckoned me to sit down. As she sang along with Britney, I noticed that she had gotten ready at lightning speed, sitting in stretchy vinyl leggings and a sequined strappy camisole. Alice moved towards me, hairbrush in hand ready to do battle. She put my hair up in a high ponytail and curled the ends. She dug around in her jewellery box and found me a silver chain with a silver bow on it and a bangle covered in velvet and beads that was the same color as my top. Then she dragged out her make up and gave me smoky eyes and glossy lips.

She got a worried look on her face and went into the closet. I could hear her muffled voice, "Bella, I know you may not want to, but trust me I know these things. You will look so hot in these shoes. Please just try them and if it gets bad, I'll keep a pair of satin dolly shoes in my purse." She walked out of the closet holding a pair of black patent leather stilettos covered in rhinestones. There were little black leather bows at the toe of each shoe also covered in glittery jewels. I grudgingly put them on, giving her a look that screamed _if I twist my ankle, I'm holding you personally responsible_.

She smiled, "Don't worry, you'll be fine!"

She stood back to admire her work and I rolled my eyes as she oo'd and ah'd over me.

She finished her own make up and spiked her hair. Slipping on a pair of black sequined stilettos, she turned off the stereo and said, "We better get out there, I think the guys are ready."

Alice opened the door and the sounds of the guys still razzing each other around the pool table drifted to us as we joined them.

The guys were crowded around the pool table still, Jasper in a deep purple buttoned shirt and dark jeans, Emmett in a red Ralph Lauren polo shirt and loose jeans.

Edward was dressed casually and I saw Alice sigh and shake her head as she looked at him. He was wearing loose jeans and around his narrow waist was a black leather studded belt. He was wearing a black t-shirt that said **FUCK YOU VERY MUCH,** across the front. His hair was mussed as if he had just woken up and ran his fingers through it. My eyes were drawn to his forearms, his green flame tattoos making my mouth dry as usual.

Rose stepped forward in a hot pink bustier that had black flowers embroidered on it. She was wearing black skinny jeans and black patent leather spike heals and they put her height close to Emmett's. "If we're going, lets go!" she said loudly and everyone moved to leave.

"Fuck's sake, Munchkin! Where have you been hidin those legs?"

Edward looked up and froze, his eyes narrowing as they travelled from my sparkly stilettos, lingering on my legs to my thighs. His eyes rested on my chest and he finally arrived at my eyes.

"You can't fucking wear that!"

* * *

**Oh Edward! **

**Reviewers get to have a FUCK YOU VERY MUCH tshirt. I have enabled anonymous reviews. Go for it. Srsly. But if you sign your name, I can respond to you. And I do respond. Srsly.**

**I have posted up more pics of Edwards kilt, they are on my profile. Thanks again for reading. xo**


	8. Chapter 8

**Usuals: I don't own these characters, but there are naughty things I would love to do with them. Neither do I own any of the songs or lyrics mentioned, but I would like to do naughty things while listening to them.**

**Sorry this is posted a little later than promised. I had a few technical issues. Big massive Cuervo flavored thanks to my substitute Beta this round: Popsicles Khimaira. (side note btw, thanks for catching the wolfish comment...don't know what I was thinking...)**

**This chapter is dedicated to my wee china doll for crazy drunken nights in The Garage, you bring sexy back, doll (yeah!)**

**Playlist:  
Tool: The Pot  
Kings of Leon: Use Somebody  
Rolling Stones: Sympathy for the Devil  
Shakira: Hips Don't Lie  
Fergie: London Bridge  
Usher: Love in the Club  
Britney: Breathe on Me**

**Another kilted thanks to Sunfeathers. I totes heart you!!!**

**Ok, enough...**

* * *

EPOV

"You can't fucking wear that!"

It was out of my mouth before I could take it back. And I wanted to take it back cause as soon as it was there, bouncing around the room, her eyes filled with tears and she turned so red. I instantly felt like a fucking ass.

I started to move towards her but Alice stepped in between us, throwing me a look over her shoulder as she spoke to Bella.

"What my asstard brother means is, you look amazing and incredibly sexy." Her hands lifted to cup Bella's face and gently wiped the tears out of her eyes, "C'mon don't ruin all my hard work because Edward can't control his verbal vomit."

Jasper put his hand on my shoulder and raised an eyebrow at me. "C'mon man, Alice has got her."

We all made our way out to the garage and it was decided the girls would go in Rose's mini and we would go in Emmett's jeep to the train station. The train ride was about 45 minutes. I watched the others go back and forth and realized that Bella was quietly sitting in her seat, silently enjoying the bantering. There was something about her face, a tenseness about her mouth, and I realised she was trying her best not to meet my gaze, avoiding looking at me entirely.

I got up and sat down in the empty seat next to her with my arm around her bare shoulders, she stiffened and I breathed in her ear, "Alice should fucking know better. You look fucking amazing," I felt her shiver and I nuzzled her ear, "I'm going to have to be _on_ you all night to keep the assholes away."

I felt her shiver again and I rubbed her arm. Gradually she relaxed and even smiled as she watched Emmett and Alice bicker back and forth.

"Shut the fuck up, Goliath. Just cause you're a goddam mutant doesn't mean you rule over the rest of us! You'll wear what I tell you to wear to that wedding. So help me God, Emmett-"

"Look Teenie-Weenie, I don't want to hear another goddam wedding conversation for the rest of the night. Let's talk about how drunk we'll be tonight and how shitty you'll all feel tomorrow."

It was a known fucking fact that Emmett never got hung-over and we all loathed him, especially the morning after, for his goddam cheerfulness. He took great delight in rubbing it in our faces and on more than one occasion I've come after him with whatever weapon was in reach.

Rose piped up and said dryly, "Well if we're going to feel shitty tomorrow I am not sitting in a bar all night. I want to go clubbing and you're dancing with me, whether you like it or not."

Emmett's face fell, "Awww, Rose-"

"Don't you _aww Rose _me! Last time we were out we sat in that bar the whole time and by the time we left, I was too shit-faced to get in anywhere. I want to get in this time!"

"That's what he said!" Emmett laughed.

Alice rolled her eyes at Emmett. "C'mon you guys, we're going all the way out here, the least we can do is do something for us girls. You're the ones who asked if we wanted to go out! Why don't we start off in that bar and then we'll head over to the place that is just up the street. I've heard it's really good in there!"

"Alright, fine. But I'm not sitting on that fucking dance floor all night, Rose." Rose just raised an eyebrow at him.

Jasper's quiet voice settled the argument, "C'mon Emmett, I know you've got enough game to at least break it down Grizzly style on the dance floor."

We all laughed, but I seemed to be the only one who noticed that Bella had blanched at the word grizzly. Rose turned to Bella, mistaking her expression for confusion and explained, "Bella, Emmett dancing, especially drunk-dancing, well picture a Grizzly bear on his hind legs doin' the Lean Back from Fat Joe."

At that moment Rose and Alice did an imitation and said in unison, "Cause my grizzlies don't dance they just pull up their pants and do the rock away, lean back, lean back, lean back!" They kept leaning over, giggling, and Emmett held up his middle finger.

We finally arrived at the train station and walked outside into the cool night air. Emmett stopped a black cab and we jumped in. The bar was called Fire and from the outside it looked like a shop, a huge shiny flame colored beast of a bike in the window. The bar itself was actually downstairs, built into the basement of a building. I held Bella's elbow as she went down the stairs in those ludicrously fucking sexy heels. If she tripped, I was going to do physical harm to Alice.

Alice gave us the girl's order and we ordered them as well as our beers at the bar. I glanced over my shoulder to watch Bella follow Rose as she led the search for an empty table. They finally settled on a round booth in the corner near the pool tables.

The pub was dark and hard rock music pounded from speakers mounted to the walls. Candles were lit on each table and lent an intimate and dark atmosphere to the crowds. People in all states of dress from gothic guys with loads of piercings, girls in club outfits, and weird hippy mod types who looked like they were trying too hard. Jasper left us to secure one of the pool tables. _Use Somebody _from Kings of Leon suddenly broke free from the speakers.

Emmett took the drinks over to the girls and I saw that Alice had settled Bella next to her and Rose was on her other side. Rose slid a glass towards Bella and I watched as Bella wrapped her fingers around the glass as Alice chattered away.

I chalked up my cue, Jaz racked up and Emmett took a long pull from his beer bottle.

Emmett caught me watching Bella and said loud enough for me to hear but not the girls to overhear.

"So what the fuck is up with you and Bella?"

"I'll let you know when it needs to be your fucking business. Who are you, Dr. Fucking Phil?"

"No. But if you hurt her I'll pound your fucking face in," he said casually as he chalked up his own cue.

My eyes strayed back to her and I saw her smile as she watched Rose and Alice go back and forth. The thought of hurting Bella made me think of my earlier fucking foot in mouth disorder.

During the pause, Jaz spoke, "She has a lot of inner turmoil, you can feel it every time she's in the room, it's almost tangible."

Emmett rolled his eyes, "Jaz you're such a chick, sometimes." Emmett drank from his bottle and nudged me, "Are you gonna break or just stand there and eye-fuck Bella all night?"

I moved towards the pool table and I looked over again and she chose that moment to look up.

***

BPOV

Alice and Rose were having a small disagreement about whether rhinestones were tacky in flower arrangements. Alice wanted to use them in the bouquet for Rose and Rose wasn't having it.

The bar throbbed with rock music and it made the atmosphere heavy and alive. A new song came on and I recognized the desperate cry in it. The lyrics were longing and they stirred something in me and as the they pleaded:

_I hope it's gonna make you notice…I hope it's gonna make you notice…Someone like me…_

I glanced over in Edward's direction. His eyes met mine and I felt as though I had been burned. Remembering his voice on the train, deep and dark, how it had made a million nerve endings come alive. It felt as though he had caressed me from head to toe and back again, his words dark and possessive in my ear.

_Someone like me…_

"Bella?" Alice called me back to the conversation and I reluctantly looked away, "What do you think? Roses are classic but Rose doesn't want them as she thinks they're overused and over-rated."

For a brief instance, my mind flashed to a blue cooler being carried through the woods. My mother's voice was excited, _"Bella I can't wait to see what you picked for my flowers. The wait is _killing_ me…"_

I felt my face grimace and then looked at Alice. My voice strained, I muttered, "Lillies, Stargazer Lilies." I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to straighten my face back into a smile.

Rose's eyes widened and she smiled, "Oh! I would love Stargazer Lilies! Pink ones…Alice?"

Alice's eyes brightened and she nodded. "Of course, there are different kinds of designs and you can have them on your cake to match your bouquet. Would you want one in your hair? We could do them in the centrepieces. That would look great with the colors you've picked, Rose…" she went on and on, almost talking too fast for either of us to get a word in.

Rose rolled her eyes and in an aside to me she said, "This will keep her going all night. Thanks!"

Alice paused and flicked Rose on the arm. With narrowed eyes she looked at Rose, "You love it and would be lost without me," she smiled.

"I would be and you know it." Rose smirked back, "Right ladies, I think it's time for shots."

Alice started to reach for her bag but I stopped her, "Alice let me get them. It's the least I can do," she started to brush me off and I interrupted, "Please let me do this?"

"Are you sure? Do you need help?" Alice's face was concerned.

"No I should be alright, I think. What are we ummm shooting?"

Rose and Alice looked at each other and then said in unison: "TEQUILA!"

Then Alice added, "Don't forget lime and salt, and get some for the guys, they'll probably join us!"

I laughed and made my way to the bar. The Rolling Stones, _Sympathy for the Devil _echoed around the bar.

I found an empty spot where no one was leaning and waited for the barman to notice me. I'd seen this done in movies all the time but this was my first time ordering a drink, let alone a shot. He finally looked over and I smiled.

The barman moved closer to where I was standing and leaned in to hear me.

I shouted over the music, "Six shots of tequila, lime and salt, please."

As he went to fill my order, a guy stood really close to me at the bar. Our arms were touching and I shifted to regain some personal space.

He looked down and leaned into my ear.

"Awright darlin'? What you up to tonight?" It took me a moment to translate his Scottish accent before I could answer him.

"Ummm not much. Just getting shots for me and my friends," I nodded in Alice and Rose's direction.

He looked over his shoulder and then went back to leaning over into my ear, "They're pretty but not as pretty as you, doll. What's your name?"

He had moved back into my space and I shifted away to leave a few inches between us. I jumped suddenly and squeaked as an arm reached between us and slammed an empty bottle on the bar loudly. The arm was covered in green flames and there was a black star tattooed on the inside of his wrist. The guy jumped and looked over his shoulder at Edward. Then he looked back at me and pushed away from the bar, disappearing into the crowds of people.

Edward leaned down into my ear and in that voice that made my nipples harden he said, "I fucking knew this would happen, you're just too fucking hot for your own good. Goddam Bella! Every guy in here with a pulse was watching you at the bar." His words burned in my ear and I pressed against him as he stood behind me, "Fuck, Bella. Don't fucking do that…I'm gonna end up dragging you out of here and-" He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly into my ear, growling under his breath. He leaned down and kissed my neck. I moaned lowly.

Suddenly Edward pulled a ten pound note and handed it to the barman who had returned from preparing the shots.

"Keep the change."

Edward picked up the tray with the shots and walked behind me back to the booth. Emmett and Jaz were already sitting with Rose and Alice.

I sat down and slid in next to Alice and Edward slid in to next to me.

"Bella, have you ever done a tequila shot before?" Edward asked.

I shook my head.

"Give me your hand," I put my hand in his outstretched one, "First you lick," he brought my hand to his mouth and licked my hand near the sensitive skin between my thumb and index finger. There was something oddly arousing when he did that and I felt my pulse stutter and a heat between my legs. His eyes smoldered as they looked into mine. He took the salt shaker and shook salt onto the wet place where his tongue had been, "Then you take the shot, and then you stick the lime in your mouth."

Emmett's voice broke the moment as he chuckled, "For fuck's sake Edward, you should make a fucking instructional video and shit," Emmett mocked.

"Fuck you, assjockey!"

Alice laughed and smiled, "Ok boys, don't make me send you to the naughty step," she eyed them both and then smiled around the table and lifted her shot glass, "Ok ready? One, two, three, GO!"

I licked the salt, my mind briefly connecting that Edward's tongue had been there, took the shot, and coughed as the liquid hit the back of my throat. Before I could gag, I stuck the lime in my mouth, sucking at the tart juice.

My throat burning, I felt a warmth spread slowly from my stomach to the rest of my body. I felt my cheeks bloom and I wanted to go again, like being on a rollercoaster ride the first time: all the build up, then the exhilaration and finally the surprise at how quickly it was over. I pulled the lime out of my mouth and put it in my shot glass like Alice had done with hers. I reached for the drink that I had been nursing earlier and finished it. I sat back and basked in the warmth that seeped through me.

Edward's denim leg was pressed against mine. I turned my head and met his eyes which were dark and fathomless. I licked my lips and his eyes followed the motion.

Edward leaned over and his voice was low in my ear, "Come with me," my eyes widened and he smiled wickedly at me, "I'm going outside to smoke, c'mon."

He raised an eyebrow at me and smirked as he slid out of the booth and waited for me. His hand was at my waist, his fingers splayed on my hip, as he guided me through the thick crowd towards a door at the back of the bar. It was a small outside garden with an overhang that was designated for smokers. There were potted plants sporadically placed and tables that were tall enough to lean against, each one with a small aluminum ashtray. Edward led me over to a corner away from the small groups that had congregated. He leaned against the wall casually and I turned to him, my back to the rest of the garden.

He pulled a pack of cigarettes and what appeared to be a lighter from his pocket. The lighter looked like a little metal ace of spades and he slid the ace over to flick the lighter. A jack of spades peeked out and a blue flame popped up. Edward put the cigarette in his mouth, cupped his hand around the cigarette and I watched transfixed as he lit up and blew smoke from his nostrils. Shoving the lighter back in his pocket, he winked at me and dragged on the cigarette. His hand came up to take the cigarette from his mouth and he leaned his head back to blow the smoke in the air instead of in my direction.

My eyes were drawn to his throat, strong and thoroughly male. I wanted to run my fingers down it and I stared, transfixed. He was slightly stubbly and I wondered how the rough texture on his skin would feel against the sensitive skin of my neck as he kissed me, his breath hot and heavy.

He caught me ogling him out of the corner of his eye and smirked. He slowly brought his head down, his fingers around his cigarette and flicked it towards the ground.

Suddenly he looked at a point over my shoulder, "Motherfucker."

He leaned close to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. Pivoting us so that I had my back against the wall. He moved in closer like he was shielding me. I stood on my toes and looked over his shoulder but couldn't see what was wrong.

I looked up into his eyes and he shifted fractionally to draw on his cigarette.

"What's wrong?" I couldn't understand why he was acting the way he was. Had I done something wrong?

"Fucking nothing," He blew the smoke out of his nose and shifted to put his hand in his pocket. He pulled his phone out and the screen briefly lit up, "It's nearly midnight. When we go back in, we should round up the others if we're still going to the other place." He placed the phone back in his pocket and brought the cigarette up to his mouth. My eyes lingered on his tense features.

"Sure." I said in a quiet voice. His mood was killing the glow I had from the shot and the high that had built quickly plummeted to a low. Rain pattered against the awning and I shivered.

I crossed my arms and looked towards the door over his shoulder. I shifted to the side in an attempt to move around him, "I think I'm gonna go back inside."

His brows knitted together, "Why?"

The alcohol made me brave, " 'Cause I've obviously done something wrong standing here with you since you're snapping at me and I don't know where I stand with you."

His eyes widened during my outburst, "Bella, I'm not fucking mad at you." The hand not holding the cigarette brushed down my cheek. "I'm fucking pissed with the assholes who were looking at you. I'm going to fucking kill Alice. She knew this shit would happen."

He flicked the cigarette away and leaned down to brush his lips against mine. I leaned closer and he sucked on my lower lip and then pulled away. "C'mon or we'll never get back in there." He put his arm around me and as we passed the group of guys he flashed them a deadly look and his hand tightened on my shoulder.

We went back into the bar and when my eyes found our booth, I saw that it was empty.

"Edward!" It was Emmett and my eyes found him with the others at the foot of the stairs waving at us. Edward pulled me closer to his side and maneuvered us around the crowded bar.

We climbed up the steps and the fresh night air coupled with the rain hit us. Alice pointed down the street. "That's it down there. It's not far. The line doesn't look too long either."

We walked the short distance down the street to a club that was called the Petrol Stop and the entrance looked like a truck that had been lifted so a mechanic could get under it. I stared up at the yellow truck in amazement and hadn't noticed the line moving so quickly. We were admitted through and the guys were searched from head to bottom and the doormen went through our bags. We were asked for our ID's and we all pulled our driving licenses out.

There was another set of stairs with red electric lights running along on the wall. We went upstairs and I could hear music pulsing. There was another set of dark stairs and as we ascended, I was very much aware of Edward behind me, I could almost feel his eyes burning into my backside.

The dance floor was huge and it was full of people dressed in everything from jeans and t-shirts to short dresses and heels.

Jasper ducked over and bought us a round of shots, this time it was something red which tasted like cinnamon.

Rose led Emmett to the dance floor by the hand with a smouldering look. Alice and Jasper also disappeared into the sea of people leaving Edward and I standing alone. I licked my lips and he looked down at me.

The music was so loud conversation was impossible. He leaned down into my ear and shouted, "Do you want to dance?"

I looked at him like he was crazy and shook my head. He leaned down again, "C'mon I'll get you a drink." He took my hand and we sauntered up to the crowded bar. Edward ordered himself a jack and coke and when he looked at me I pointed at this blue stuff I had seen a girl carrying around earlier. Edward handed me the drink after the bartender poured it and we found a small space away from the crowd against a wall.

I drank my drink nervously, too aware of Edward so close to me. Edward scanned around the room but kept returning to my face. I took a big gulp without realising it, too aware of the pull from him.

I glanced up as Edward cocked an eyebrow and leaned down into my ear, "You keep drinkin like that and you'll be on your fucking ass. That's a fuckin' double, sweetheart."

I looked back down at my glass and realized it was almost halfway gone. Suddenly Alice and Rose surfaced out of the crowds, Jaz and Emmett in tow. The start of some poppy song had come on and Alice wasn't taking a no for an answer as she dragged me out on the dance floor.

"Alice I don't know how to dance," I gulped my drink and set my plastic cup down on a ledge as I walked by a column."

She shouted at me and all I could make out was, "…we'll show you…"

Great.

Alice stood in front of me and Rose was at my back. Rose put her hands on my hips and showed me how to move. I practiced with her and Alice showed me what to do. Shakira's Hips Don't Lie came on and I tried not to move too awkwardly or stiffly as Alice and Rose danced with me. I closed my eyes and listened to the music, shaking and trying to follow the beats with my body. Rose was still trying to control my gyrations, her voice in my ear telling me to match the baseline.

I was laughing with Rose and Alice, able to relax and not worry for the first time in months. I felt free, liberated and I felt as if at any give moment I would burst into flames and soar.

The song changed to Fergie's _London Bridge. _Alice turned towards me and danced against me, Rose was at my back and we swayed in unison. I caught the guys out of the corner of my eye and saw Emmett punch Jasper in the arm and point at us. I saw Edward's face and he had frozen, his drink half raised to his lips. Alice bent down and slowly ran her hands up at my body, looking up at me from beneath her lashes and she winked, knowing we had an audience. She came close to my face like she was going to kiss me and I swear I could hear Emmett hooting.

I smiled and Alice and Rose laughed at the guys' reaction. The song ended and flowed into the introduction of something a little bit slower. We broke apart and I turned my back to the guys and watched Alice as she showed me how to move to the song. I felt someone come up behind me and when I turned my head I knew that it was guy but I also knew by smell alone that it was not Edward. I stiffened and stepped forward but it didn't matter because the next pair of hands on my hips were familiar and I breathed in Edward, his smell making me feel even drunker.

Somehow Rose and Alice had disappeared. He pulled my hips closer to him and I could feel him behind me, hard, and his voice growled in my ear, "Fucking Jesus, Bella. We cannot leave this floor anytime soon."

I sighed and leaned closer into him, my back against his chest, my hips grinding and rotating with his, my hands on his hands at my hips and the lyrics drifted as I danced with Edward.

_Might as well give me a kiss  
__If we keep touching like this  
I know you scared baby they don't know what we doin_

Edward leaned down and nuzzled my ear. His lips found my ear lobe and sucked it noisily into his mouth, sending tiny curls of pleasure down my body, finally settling between my legs. His hands started to drift upwards and his mouth drifted down my neck. I felt my nipples tighten in my bra.

_Lets both get undressed right here  
Keep it up girl and I swear  
I'ma give it to you none stop  
And I don't care who's watchin watchin watchin watchin watchin  
ohh in this club on the floor baby lets make love_

The song faded and moved into something else, throbbing and quiet. I turned around in Edward's arms. The whole dance floor dimmed and it was just us moving together, his hands on my ass, pushing me closer to him.

My arms went around his neck, tangling in his hair and he met my lips. This kiss was different from our other kisses. It was raw and desperate and hungry, like we were going to devour each other on the floor. He sucked my tongue into his mouth and as our bodies moved in time to each other, our tongues matching the rhythm our hips set as we ground against each other. He broke the kiss and I gasped for air as he moved to my neck again, his nose skimming my jaw and biting lightly where my pulse beat. As he ground himself into me, I could feel how hard he was and as I pressed against him, the speakers moaned:

_Ohh, it's so hot, and I need some air.  
Oh boy, don't stop 'cuz I'm halfway there.  
It's not complicated, it's just syncopated,  
We can read each other's minds.  
One love united,  
Two bodies synchronizing,  
Don't even need to touch me,  
Baby, just... Breathe on me.  
Baby just, breathe on me.  
We don't need to touch, just breathe... _

I wanted to be closer to him. So much closer.

***

EPOV

My fucking dick could pulverize stone, and she was making these tiny noises only I could hear. I knew that if I didn't stop soon, we were going to do something that would probably get us fucking arrested.

I pulled away from her and looked down into her eyes. She looked back up at me, her eyes all heavy lidded and dark.

I leaned down and gave her a quick hard kiss. I couldn't get enough of her.

"Bella," I muttered against her lips and held her arms, rubbing tiny circles with my thumbs. Her lashes flickered and she focused on me.

I kissed her hard again and leaned and said in her ear, "We have to stop."

I looked back at her face, her brows knitted together.

I kissed her lips again and said in her ear, "If we don't stop now, I'm going to do something you may regret in the morning." I felt her nod and I sucked on her ear lobe. I wanted to go on tasting her all over, wondering if she tasted like strawberries _everywhere_.

A thought occurred to me as my mind suddenly flashed over the last week. I had actually missed seeing her during the week. She had been way too careful coming down stairs during the day, probably making sure I wasn't around. It fucking bothered me.

"Bella," I growled in her ear, "Stop fucking avoiding me."

I kissed her neck and heard her moan, "All fucking week, Bella."

I bit her gently where her neck met her shoulder, "Did you think I wouldn't notice?" I said in her ear. She shivered and I leaned back to look at her face. I knew I should step away from her, my jeans were already tight enough but I kissed her again cause she tasted so fucking good.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time and saw that it was 2. I swore, knowing if we didn't leave now, we wouldn't get the train back. I looked up and Alice appeared at my side. She took me and Bella in and a sly look crossed her eyes.

"We have to go!" she shouted.

We met up with Emmett and Rose at the edge of the dance floor and made our way out of the club and out on to the street. I flagged a black taxi down and we clambered in. The taxi took us to the train station and we just made the last train.

The ride back was quiet, everyone lulling in the afterglow of the club, ears buzzing, senses dulled from alcohol, the rocking of the near empty train soothing.

Bella leaned next to me. Her head was on my shoulder and I put my arm around her. She scooted closer and made a small fist at the hem of my t-shirt, as if to hold me where I was. She fell asleep almost instantly.

When the train arrived I gently shook Bella awake. She stretched and I avoided her arms, she was all cute and groggy from sleep. I helped her up and we stepped off the train on to the platform. It must have rained, the sidewalk was slick and it glittered in the strange eerie orange glow of the platform lights. We made our way down the stairs of the platform.

Bella and I were the last to descend on to the street. I turned, clearing the stairs before her. She looked down at me, indecision in her eyes and then she opened her mouth to speak.

"Edward, I-" she looked down to take another step. As she stepped down, her heel went out from under her, a sickening noise came from her ankle as it twisted. She lost her balance and fell sideways, her head making an awful clanging sound on the metal railing.

"Oh Jesus! Bella!" the others turned as I shouted. Bella lay in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs, I tried to shift her and I as I put my hand behind her head, it was wet. I pulled my hand back, hoping it was only rain water, but dark liquid shimmered on my hand.

"_Bella!"_

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**Is there a doctor in the house?**

**Thanks for reading, and a wee wave to new readers! **

**Reviewers get to grind with Edward on the floor...**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Usual shite: SM is the bosslady and when she ain't lookin, I let'em out to play in the gutter.**

**Special thanks to my betas: TorturedByTwilight, PopsiclesKhimaira, and EvilBlackPoppies. You all keep me sane and hold my hand during the scary parts. I totally heart you.**

**A massive ginormous thanks again to Sunfeathers...she is the xhibit to my banged out, hoop-dee, hood rigged ride. Thanks Sunfeathers, for pimpin my fic!**

**Playlist for this chapter:  
30 Seconds to Mars: rEvolve  
Portishead: Glory Box  
Chopin: Prelude in C Minor  
Yiruma: River Flows in You**

**BTW!!!...You ummm may not want to read this at work...the lemony flashers are on and blinkin here (please be gentle...it's my first time...). So yeah, it's about to get M rated all up in this biotch. You've been warned, you know who you are!**

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EPOV

"Bella!" She was out fucking cold, I patted her face gently with my hand, "Someone fucking phone Carlisle," I shouted over my shoulder.

"He's on his way, Edward," Alice was at my side, "I'm sorry, Edward. It changed when she paused on the stairs. As soon as she paused, it changed and I didn't see her fall until it was too late."

"Alice I swear to fucking God. I'm not even psychic and I knew this would fucking happen." I couldn't look at her as she knelt beside me, taking Bella's hand in hers. I felt the others gathered around us.

I took my shirt off and placed it behind her head so she wasn't lying in the street, "Bella, can you hear me?" She was so pale.

Her eyelids fluttered briefly and she opened them but didn't focus on anything particular. "Mom…Dad…?" she moaned and then closed her eyes. A shudder went through here and she whispered, "So cold."

_Where the fuck was Carlisle?_

Just as the thought ran furiously through my mind, the beams of Carlisle's Mercedes-Benz flashed into the parking lot. Two car doors slammed, and I heard frantic footsteps.

Carlisle appeared on the other side of Bella, his voice and demeanor calming, "What happened, Edward?"

"She fell in those death traps on the stairs and knocked her head on the railing. She's bleeding on the side of her head near her temple." As I explained this, Esme came and spread an afghan over Bella and settled near Bella's feet, concern marring her brow.

I watched as Carlisle's hands gently probed her head, watching for any sign of discomfort on Bella's face.

Gently he asked, "Bella? Bella can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes and look at me." Bella's eyes opened slowly. Carlisle pulled out a small pen light and shined it into her eyes.

"Bella, do you know where you are?" he asked.

"Ummmm…no." Panic filled her eyes as she looked between me and Carlisle.

"Shh, it's ok," he soothed, "Do you know who I am?"

She took in a breath and looked at him, her eyes growing wider, and then she spoke, "Dr. Cullen?"

Carlisle smiled, "Good girl. Do you know your whole name?"

"Isabella Marie Swan." she looked up at his face, anxious.

"Good! I think you've got a nasty bump. Here, Edward, press this against the wound," He handed me a large piece of cotton and gauze from a sterile wrapper. "Press it hard-yes, like that-to stop the bleeding. Now, let's have a look at that ankle." He shifted down to look at her foot.

Removing her shoe, he lifted the foot and probed it gently. Bella sucked air in between her teeth when his fingers found a tender spot. I scowled at him, wanting to shout to be more careful but I knew that wouldn't help and that he knew what he was doing.

"Can you move your toes?" I watched her foot, her toes twitching briefly, "Good!" Carlisle's fingers continued over Bella's foot and ankle, "Does it hurt here? No. Ok…what about he-" Bella gasped and as she moaned in pain, I felt my stomach tighten and I had an urge to burn those fucking shoes.

Carlisle continued his ministrations, "I'm sorry, honey. Almost done," He turned to Esme, "Darling will you hand me a bandage to wrap this up and one of the icepacks." Esme dug around in a bag I only just noticed next to her. She handed him the things he had requested and Carlisle went to work, gently wrapping Bella's ankle and putting the icepacks against her skin.

Carlisle looked up at me and said, "She probably shouldn't walk."

I nodded, "I've got her." Alice and Esme stood up.

Carlisle glanced at the gauze I had pressed against her forehead. "Make sure that stays in place."

Esme looked over at the others, "Emmett give me your keys and I'll take you guys back, Edward take Bella into Carlisle's Mercedes." Emmett fumbled in his pocket and pulled out his keys and placed them into Esme's waiting hand.

I carefully lifted Bella up against my chest, she seemed too cold against my skin. Her head lolled and I whispered into her ear, "Put your arms around my neck."

She weakly complied and I carried her over to Carlisle's car. Carlisle followed behind and opened the backseat door. I settled Bella on my lap as I sat down and she rested the side her face against my chest, rubbing her cheek near my tattoo. Even with her being semiconscious, all the blood in my body seemed to drain into my pants and I shifted, hoping she wouldn't notice and think I'm some sort of fucking perv.

Carlisle started the car and followed Esme out of the station parking lot, the headlights of both vehicles prowling through the darkness.

She shivered then, her teeth rattling. "Are you cold?"

_Fucking go straight to the head of the class. _

She nodded and I rubbed her arms. I tried to wrap the afghan around her more without success. She tried to get closer to me, I let her, never mind my fucking dick for the moment.

She settled finally and by the time we were pulling up the driveway and parked, her breathing was soft against my chest. I muttered her name and she made this soft mewling sound at the back of her throat. Carlisle opened the door and the whoosh of cold rainy air had her sleepily opening her eyes.

"I'm going to carry you into the house, Bella. You'll need to wrap your arms around my neck again." She did so but she was still very weak in her grasp. I scooted out of the car and held her as close to my chest as I could.

Carlisle led the way in and held the door open as I carefully walked through the doorway, aware of Bella's ankle near the edges.

Esme was waiting in the hall, her hands wringing with worry as she looked at Bella. She looked at me and gave me a small smile of thanks as I carried her.

"Edward, Rose and Alice are setting up a bed in the living room. You can set her down in there." I nodded and moved towards the living room where Alice and Rose were spreading a sheet over the couch. Emmett and Jasper stood behind them, their arms full of blankets and pillows. I stood there, with Bella in my arms, and looked down at her face. Her eyes were closed, her long dark lashes resting on her cheek. Even injured and tired, and with dark circles under her eyes, she was still fucking beautiful.

"Edward?" It was Alice who had called softly to me, mindful of Bella. There were pillows down on the couch and Alice motioned for me to lay Bella down. I reluctantly moved forward, not sure if I wanted to let her go.

I gently placed on her the couch and as I started to stand up, her arms tightened around my neck and she whispered softly in my ear, "_Don't go_."

"I won't be far, just rest." I took her arms from around my neck and laid them at her sides.

Esme stepped forward then. "Right boys, clear out. She's not going to be sleeping in those clothes. Out out out!" She motioned us towards the door with her hands. I noticed she had what looked like a pair of black pajamas in her hand.

I met Jasper's eye and nodded towards the front door. He returned my nod and followed me to the door and back outside. I leaned against a post on the porch and lit a cigarette, the slow drag and nicotine usually calmed me.

"Jasper, what the fuck." I sighed, frustrated.

Jasper raised an eyebrow at me and lit up his own cigarette, "Somethin' on your mind, Edward?"

"Fuck, Jasper, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. She's been here, what, a week? I can't keep my hands off her, I can't fucking do anything without wondering where she is or what she's doing. This can't be fucking healthy."

He contemplated what I said, breathing out, smoke billowing into the breeze. He stared at the driveway, the houselights casting eerie shadows. "Maybe you should take it slow. She's fragile."

"What do you mean, take it slow?"

"My guess is this: whatever happened to her has really warped her. She's underwater just now, not really clearly sure who she is and eventually she'll either break surface or drown." He glanced back at me, his eyes serious, "The problem is, if you drag her up before she's ready, she'll be clinging to you to keep herself from going under again."

I nodded. Emmett might rag on Jasper and call him a chick, but he was a perceptive motherfucker.

We stood there in silence, my mind whirling too fast as I went over the events of the last few hours. I sighed heavily and flicked the end of my cigarette out towards the driveway in frustration, knowing if Esme found it later on she would give me hell for it.

We went back inside, and I noted the lights were dimmer in the house. Esme was tucking blankets around Bella and I noticed they had placed her foot on a pile of pillows to keep it elevated. I started to move into the room but Esme stopped me by gently grabbing me by the arm.

"Edward I'll stay up with her for a while. I'll let you know if I need any help. Now, go on upstairs and get some rest." I started to protest but the look on her face told me I was not going to win. I turned reluctantly and went upstairs. I felt really fucking tired all of a sudden but wasn't sure if I could sleep, my mind still flicking through everything that had happened.

***

BPOV

I opened my eyes to the stars and panicked. Would I ever escape? I felt my breathing ragged in my chest and started to run, my ankle sore.

This time, I ran into something solid. It was Edward, and he called my name and whispered into my ear. His arms were around me, his scent held me and I felt safe.

We weren't standing in the forest. We were all alone on a dark dance floor. There was no one around us, but there was music blaring dully from the speakers. In slow motion he leaned down and kissed me, his lips soft but firm against mine. My blood raced as his mouth moved over mine slowly, seducing my nerve endings. I could feel my pulse pick up and I held onto his arms, squeezing his biceps as he sucked my lower lip between his teeth. He groaned as I pressed myself against him, needing more of him.

His hands slid underneath my shirt and up my back to unfasten my strapless bra. He came up for air, and our breaths mingled as he looked into my eyes, his eyes green flames scorching me and he smirked as he moved his head to kiss along my jaw slowly. He found a spot underneath my ear that made electrical currents run from my head down to my toes and back up to settle between my legs.

I held onto his shoulders as he cupped my breasts, his fingers caressing the sides and then over my nipples, making them pucker as I moaned low in my throat. I gasped his name as he gently nipped my neck.

He stepped back and grasped the bottom of my top in his hands, lifted it over my head, exposing my breasts to the air. He studied me for a moment, his eyes hungry, my flesh on fire beneath his gaze and just as I wanted to cover up, he grabbed me closer and bent his head to kiss my collarbone and then slowly downwards between my breasts. It was torture as he edged closer and closer, the stubble on his cheek rasping my sensitive skin.

I bit my lip as I felt his hot breath against my skin, my nipples aching for his attention. He looked up at me with a devilish grin and then leaned down to suck my nipple into his mouth. I moaned as my hands wove into his hair, pulling him but pushing him closer to me and I felt his low chuckle against my breast. The sensations running through me were stronger, and the heat between my legs begged for his attention. I gasped as I felt his teeth graze the sensitive tip in his mouth and his strong arm at my back held me up as I felt my knees buckle.

His mouth blew against my breast, wet from his attention and I shivered. He shifted to lave attention on my other breast, his tongue swirling around my nipple before pulling it into his mouth. One of his hands slid down my back, and squeezed my ass, pulling me closer to him. My insides pulsed as his fingers squeezed and pushed me against him.

The dim lights of the dance floor faded and I was horizontal on cool sheets, Edward above me, still sucking and biting gently. His hand was at my hip squeezing gently, and I felt his knee part my legs. I ground against him, needing the friction but wanting more.

Distantly, I could hear piano music.

I reached down to grab his shirt and started to pull it up, needing to touch him. He sucked my nipple hard into his mouth and let it go loudly out of his mouth. He lifted his head and knelt above me, pulling his shirt off. He leaned back down and I spread my legs, feeling the rough texture of his jeans on the inside of my thighs as he settled between my legs. He kissed me, our tongues battling with each other. I ground myself against him, I could feel him, a hard length in his jeans pressing against me. I reached down to undo his belt and reached for the button of his jeans. I moaned as his hand joined mine and he helped me undo his jeans. My hand delved in, seeking, as his hand undid my shorts, and pushed them down my legs.

He gasped as his fingers found me underneath my panties and he groaned against my mouth, "Fuck, Bella, you're so wet."

I moaned and pushed against his fingers, urging him to explore. I gasped as he found my clit and I arched against him, my nipples rubbing against his chest and I moaned his name.

The piano music that had been playing stopped and I vaguely wondered why but forgot as Edward's fingers continued to touch me.

"Bella." he whispered in my ear. I loved the sound of his voice. I groaned his name, pushing myself against his hand, needing more.

"Bella?" He was louder this time and I looked at him, my heart pounding.

"Bella, wake up, sweetheart."

My eyelids fluttered open and I realized my head was pounding and my ankle was throbbing. His eyes were no longer full of heat but only concern, as he leaned over me. My eyes flickered around me and I remembered being placed gently on the couch in the living room.

I met his eyes again and remembered every detail of my dream vividly. I felt my face go scarlet, hoping he hadn't guessed why I had been dreaming about.

"Are you alright? Do you need a drink of water? I heard you moaning in your sleep."

I wanted to die of embarrassment. He _must_ know.

"Yes," my voice was all croaky and scratchy. I tried to clear my throat to bring it back to normal, "Yes, could I have some water, please?"

He caressed the side of my face and then stood up. Taking a last look at me, he turned to move out of the room towards the kitchen. I vaguely heard the refrigerator door opening and the sounds him rummaging around and things being shifted. The refrigerator door closed with a soft hushed click.

I heard him pad pack into the room in his bare feet and he came back into view, a bottle of water in his hand. He twisted the cap open and handed it to me. I struggled to sit up, but my head felt leaden and when I moved, the room turned a little bit. He leaned down and helped me sit up and I gasped from his touch, my body still humming from the dream.

"Did I hurt you? Are you hurt somewhere else?" He started to run his hands over me and I let him, needing his touch more than he knew. His hands did find a sore spot and I sucked air in and bit my lip; the pain was sharp. Before I knew what he was doing he lifted my shirt to see what his hands had found. "Fucking Christ, Bella. Look at that!" I leaned down, moving anything more than my eyes hurt but I was able to see the large, angry, purple bruise on my side, which looked like a menacing thundercloud. His hands shook as he traced the sensitive skin. My breathing hitched as his touch raised goose bumps on my flesh that had nothing to do with the cold. I felt my nipples harden at his touch and I hoped he wouldn't notice.

Unfortunately, there was no mercy for me and I saw Edward's head turn fractionally. His eyes darkened as he stared at my breasts and then his eyes met mine. The look he gave me was hot and full of questions and promises. He leaned in closer until we shared the same breath and my eyes closed waiting for him to close the distance.

We both heard it at the same time: footsteps that echoed down the stairs and we broke apart. Edward yanked my shirt back down and then he _winked_ at me. Taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch, he pulled a pillow into his lap not totally unaffected by our near kiss. He was wearing black Addidas track bottoms and I ground my teeth, seeing him there in just the track suit bottoms and no shirt.

It was Esme in a silk dressing gown and she glided into the room, a small smile on her face.

"Bella, I'm so glad you're awake. How do you feel?" She came to sit on the edge of the couch beside, glancing at Edward before turning back to me.

"I feel like I fell and hit my head against a metal bar." I grimaced up at her.

"Oh honey! Are you in pain, I brought some pain killers down with me." I noticed she had what looked like a blister pack of pills in her hand. I nodded in answer to her question and she popped a few of the pills out of the package. She held them out to me and I took the pills and placed them on my tongue.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" She felt my forehead and then brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear in a total mom gesture.

I shook my head, the thought of food making me feel nauseated. Her eyebrows drew together and she pursed her lips as she studied me.

"Hmmmm, well, I'll bring you a glass of juice. I don't want you to get sick, honey." She got up and looked at Edward, "Are you hungry?" She paused, smiling as Edward raised a brow at her, "I know, that's a stupid question. I'll throw some stuff on, the others will be up soon anyways."

She left us alone to go into the kitchen and we could hear her rattling pans around and the open and shut of the refrigerator door.

Edward and I sat in silence, I wasn't quite sure what to say to him and the images of the dream were still echoing in my brain. I glanced over at him and he was looking at me, studying my features and I blushed under his heated stare.

I looked away and thought about the dream again and wondered why at the beginning I had ran into Edward. The only other person who ever appeared in my dreams after the attack was Jacob.

_Jacob._

I had been here nearly a week and hadn't even called to let him know I had arrived safely. I looked over at Edward.

"Do you have a computer I can check my e-mails on?" I asked frantically.

"Yeah, I've got a laptop. I'll bring it down to you, it's upstairs in my room." He got up and quit the room, I heard the thump of his footsteps as he went upstairs. A minute later his footsteps were on the stairs again and he entered carrying the laptop. He placed it on my lap and I opened it up. It loaded and connected quickly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward leave the room.

I opened the webpage for my e-mail and logged in. There were several messages. Some of it junk, three were from Jacob.

I opened the earliest one:

**Hi Bells**

**I hope you landed safely. I drove by the house this afternoon and it seemed spooky and quiet without you. **

**Let me know you landed ok. **

**-Jake**

The next one was two days later:

**Bells**

**I still haven't heard from you, in case you sent an e-mail and think I got it. **

**I just want to make sure you're ok. Please let me know asap**

**-Jake**

I felt really guilty by the time I opened the third and final one which had just arrived last night

**Bella**

**WTF?! Are you ok? Are they holding you hostage? I'm looking for plane tickets to Scotland if I don't hear from you soon. Please e-mail so I know you're safe.**

**-Jake**

I bit my lip and tears gathered in my eyes. I had left so much behind but most of all, I had left one of my best friends behind without even a proper goodbye. I felt terrible and even from nearly 7000 miles away, he was trying to make sure I was safe.

I quickly wrote him back:

**Jake**

**Don't panic, I'm ok.**

**It's taken me a little bit to get used to the time zones over here. I'm settled in for the most part. Scotland is very rainy and is a lot like Forks, so I didn't need some of the summer clothes I packed. **

**How are the guys? How is your dad? How are you?**

**I miss you and wish you were here. The Cullens are really nice and welcoming.**

**xoBella**

As I hit send, I could hear music weeping silently through the house. I listened quietly for a moment but knew I had to find where it was coming from. I ached all over but like music from a snake charmer, I was compelled to seek it out.

I moved off of the couch, glad no one could see me struggling. My side was very sore and I hoped whatever Esme had given me would kick in soon. My ankle was ridiculously painful and I attempted to put weight on it but was met with a shooting pain that started in my foot and almost made stars appear in my eyes. I hobbled as best I could, trying to put weight on my toes rather than my whole foot. I made a slow progress out of the living room and into the hall, letting my ears guide me to the music.

I eventually made my way down the hall to a room with an open doorway. It was dark inside, the morning light grey from constant rain clouds. Edward sat at a large black piano, his back to me. I studied the play of muscle in his back, the large tattoo of the tree withering its branches as he made the piano mourn. I wanted to touch him, to place my cheek against his tattoo and absorb the waves of feelings emanating from him and the piano.

If he heard me enter or hobble to stand next to him, he made no sign. A lit cigarette lay burning in an ashtray, the smoke curling upwards and moved gracefully through the air like a willowy ballet dancer. I watched his hands, deft and sure, his long fingers caressing the keys as he played each note. The music called to me, the instrument sang to me, the player touched something deeper within me. I sat down beside him on the bench. Still he made no move to acknowledge me, continuing to play each note and chord as if they were a part of him, bleeding out into the room.

Hoping he was comfortable with my presence, I scooted closer to him on the bench, and leaned my head against his arm, letting the rhythm and movements of him and the music take over. The music was quieter, as if a storm had settled and the aftermath was calm but no less peaceful. The notes plucked and pulled at me as I offered comfort from my touch and took it in turn.

Finally the music stopped, the last note a question rather than a final word.

He rested a moment and then leaned over to retrieve his cigarette, flicking the ashes into the ashtray and held it to his mouth where he inhaled deeply, the quiet acoustics of the room enhancing the small sizzle of the cigarette burning as he drew in. The arm that I was leaning against shifted, and his arm was around me, his hand gentle on my side and I shivered like a newly lit flame at his touch.

His voice was quiet when he spoke, "Please don't tell me you limped all the way in here from the living room."

I sighed and said, "Alright, I won't tell you that I hobbled all the way in here."

He swore under his breath, "Bella you really need to start taking better care of yourself." As he said this, he rubbed my arm, taking some of the sting out of his demand.

We both heard Esme call from within the house to Edward, "Edward, your breakfast is ready."

Taking one last hit from the cigarette, Edward stubbed the lit end out in the ashtray. He withdrew his arm and stood up from the bench. Leaning down, he grabbed a t-shirt that had been folded neatly underneath the bench and put it on. I was sad as watched him shrug into the shirt and I mentally waved goodbye to his abs and navel.

I turned to face him as he stood behind the piano bench, looking down at me.

He smiled down at me, his eyes soft, "Well, c'mon then." I smiled back at him and felt my face grimace as I started to stand up.

"Oh no you fucking don't!" and before I knew what he was doing, he had scooped me up in his arms. I squealed as he gently situated me against his chest, taking care not to hurt my tender side. I squeaked as he jostled me and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He chuckled and looked at me, "I'm not gonna fucking drop you! At ease, Bella!"

Our eyes met and held and for a second the moment was recalled from earlier on in the living room as if our bodies remembered what close contact did to the other. I had an overwhelming urge to kiss the strong column of his neck.

"Edward, breakfast is in the dining room! Hurry before it gets cold!"

Edward headed towards the dining room which was elegantly decorated in hues of creams and soft deep wine colored reds. A graceful old chandelier hung from the ceiling over the table that sat ten. Edward pulled out a chair with his foot and gently sat me down.

Esme had arranged the breakfast buffet style on a sidebar. Edward picked up a plate and I watched him load it with scrambled eggs and other things from under the lids of the ceramic dishes.

He turned and set the plate next to me. I started to protest and he stopped me.

"You need to eat, Bella. You're way too fucking thin. This is what I mean about taking care of yourself."

I started to rebuke him for his high handedness but his eyes held mine, "Don't fight me, I'll win."

I sighed and picked up my fork as he turned to make his own plate up. As he sat down, Emmett and Alice strolled in. Emmett was his usual chipper self but Alice was yawning and scratched her head, her hair pointing in all different directions. Emmett made up a plate and turned back to the table, his eyes caught mine and his smile darkened to concern.

His voice gruff, he studied me, "Hey Bella, how are you feeling?"

I blushed under his concern and fiddled with my fork. "I'm fine, just a bit tender in some places."

"How is your ankle?" He asked.

"Swollen."

Before he could form an answer to that, Dr Cullen entered the room. He was so handsome but was wearing a sweater that could only be described as a Dad sweater: off white cream with leather patches on the elbows. If he looked anything less than a mature male model it would have looked horrible.

He flashed me a smile as he sat down, Esme moving to the sidebar to fix him a plate.

"How is my favorite patient today?"

I blushed even darker under Dr. Cullen's scrutiny, "Sore and my ankle is still quite swollen."

"It will be," he answered, "You're lucky you didn't break it. I'll have another look at it and re-wrap it for you after breakfast when you're ready."

Edward swallowed next to me and said, "She's got a nasty bruise on her ribs, you should have a look at it."

Carlisle eyes flickered over me in concern, "Bella how big is this bruise?"

Before I could open my mouth, Edward answered, "About the size of my hand." I blushed thinking that he had personally been able to measure it. I hoped no one could see my face and I leaned down to shovel a mouthful of eggs into my mouth.

"Hmmmm….You must let me have a look at it after breakfast. You've probably bruised your ribs." Dr. Cullen's eyes studied me again and I hoped he didn't notice how embarrassed I was by all the attention.

Jasper shuffled in, saving me. Wearing a t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms, he looked exhausted and his blond waves were a curly riot around his head.

Emmett flashed a big smile and said loudly, "Morning Jaz!"

Jasper waved without saying anything and plopped down in a chair next to Alice, his eyes hidden by his hair. As he raked a hand through his hair, his face winced and Alice gave him a sympathetic look.

"Poor baby sat up with Rose and Emmett all night and tore into that bottle of Bacardi." Alice rubbed his back as she said this and Jasper visibly shuddered at the mention of Bacardi.

As Alice stood to make a plate for Jasper, I looked at Emmett who was smiling at Jasper, enjoying his suffering.

"Emmett, how come you're alright?" I asked.

Jasper looked up then and scowled at Emmett, "Cause he's subhuman. A total freak of nature."

Emmett laughed loudly, and Jasper grimaced at the sound. "Don't blame me cause you can't handle your alcohol." He happily crunched his way through toast and Jasper blanched as Alice set a plate of food in front him.

Esme gracefully glided into the room, setting pitchers of juice on the table and then sat in the empty seat near Dr. Cullen. She smiled at Emmett and gave a pitying look to Jasper.

"Well, we have some good news. At the end of this week, my Aunt Siobhan and her family will be visiting from Ireland. They will be staying with us shortly and then they will be off to do more visiting before the wedding." Esme smiled excitedly, "I haven't seen Auntie Siobhan in years."

Alice brightened up, "We'll need to get the guest rooms ready on the other side of the house…"

Alice and Esme buzzed back and forth about preparations. I saw Edward out of the corner of my eye and he seemed almost too still, lost in thought and his eyes were unfocused on his plate. He became aware that I was staring at him and looked over.

Softly, so no one else could hear he said, "Are you finished?" I nodded and he placed his fork down. "Good, so am I. I'll take you back to the living room." He scraped his chair back and stood up. Pulling my chair out, he bent down to pick me up. I put my arms around his neck and tensed as he picked me up, my side starting to throb. Gently he lifted me from the chair and I felt like everyone's eyes were on us as he carried me from the room.

He started towards the living room but I stopped him, "Actually, and only if I'm not too heavy, can you take me upstairs. I really want to take a shower."

"Bella, I've lifted bags of sugar that weighed fucking more than you," He smirked at me, "I'll take you upstairs." He turned and started up the stairs and my arms tightened around his neck. He made it to the top and opened the door to my room. Entering awkwardly through the door so my foot wouldn't bump the frame, he set me down near the bathroom door.

I turned to limp in, thinking of the hot water and how soothing it would be on all my aches and pains. Edward had different ideas as I turned away from him. I squeaked as his hand pulled my hips against him and he bit my shoulder lightly.

"Are you sure you don't want any help in there, Bella?"

I shivered and leaned against him, easing the weight off of my injured ankle. I felt his nose glide up my neck and he planted a kiss behind my ear. I whispered his name and his fingers flexed gently on my hips.

"Let me know if you there is anything you can't reach, Bella."

And with that he let me go and walked to the door, closing it quietly behind him.

* * *

**A/N: so nervous srsly...**

***Hides behind couch*...so...you like?**

**Please review, I do respond to every one of them, they make my day, srsly. I'd also like to thank all the peeps who are favoriting, alerting, and all that. I save those e-mails like a total dweeb and read over them sometimes. You guys rawk!**

**BTW! Sunfeathers has kindly set up a thread for me over at Twilighted! There is a link on my profile if you care to dive in. I post teasers and any questions you've got, feel free to have at it. I'm usually about...or you could tweet me. Link's on the profile.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So here we are, chapter 10. **

**Usuals: Ms Meyer owns it all, lucky woman. Song lyrics are owned by respective artists/writers. **

**Special thanks to my beta: TorturedbyTwilight, who holds hands, makes suggestions, and ensures my spellings are American. **

**Special hugs to PopsiclesKhimaira who supports the low points and always has an open twitter ear.**

**And Sunfeathers...without your constant support, I would be a very sad panda.**

**Playlist:**

**Spill Canvas: Your Evil Soul  
Incubus: Love Hurts  
Dolly Parton: Jolene  
Dubliners: The Town I Loved So Well  
Dubliners: The Galway Shawl  
Dubliners: The Black Velvet Band  
Gaelic Storm: I'll Tell Me Ma  
Damien Rice: 9 Crimes**

* * *

I woke to blackness, pre-dawn and post-twilight. The last images of the nightmare still holding me like rough hemp bonds, tying me to the bed. My lungs pumped for air but I was unable to give into them, compressed and captive still. My body was covered in sweat and hurt all over. I tried to expand my lungs, attempting the breathing techniques that never worked. I was able to take short little gasps that offered no real relief. My ankle throbbed, reminding me that there was pain medication on the bedside table that would at least see to my physical injuries.

I sat up, the bruise on my side reminding me like a crying child that pain medication would be much appreciated. I turned on the bedside table, noting the time as after 2 AM on the digital clock. My eyes were heavy and the light seemed to be reassuringly piercing, showing me I was in the room and no longer running from the screams that were still echoing in my mind.

I picked up the blister pack of pills that Esme had given me and with shaking hands, managed to squeeze two out into my hand. I held them there and then closed my fingers over my palm, making a fist.

I leaned over and picked up the prescription bottle that held my hopeful kill switch for anxiety and fear. I wanted the escape of oblivion badly. I opened the bottle and spilled out two into my hand. I had missed my nightly pill and hoped to catch up.

I married these with the two already in my hand and looked down at my palm. The pills were shiny in the lamplight and seemed to almost sparkle like opals in my hand. I made a fist again, trying to absorb them through my skin, I was so tired of taking pills but knew I would find no solace in being above the surface without them.

I flung the covers back, intending to limp into the bathroom for a handful of water from the tap. Misjudging the distance from the bed to the floor, I jumped down and crumpled to the floor, the ankle wrenching again and I cried out as my vision went white with pain. I was all tangled limbs and the pills had spilled from my hand as I fell. I was searching for them around me as my ankle screamed. I realized I was whimpering and bit my lip, trying not to make too much noise.

But it was too late, and I could hear his footsteps scuffling in his room, his door opening quietly and I looked up to see the knob on my door turning. I panicked, trying to right myself so he wouldn't see me in a mess on the floor. I only succeeded in putting weight on my already injured ankle and crying out again. I dragged my lip back in between my teeth.

In he came, eyes concerned, hair tussled from sleep, bare-chested, and black lounge pants. His eyes went to the bed first but quickly found me on the floor.

His footsteps were quick and his hands were under my arms as he lifted me back on to the bed. I was all too aware of the thin t-shirt and boy shorts I had worn to bed. He stood there, looking at me, his eyes intense. I stared back, entranced but my anxiety from the dream was an abscess in my mind and I focused on the pills that were in my fist.

I could feel it starting to build, like a bubble trying to burst free, pushing on my larynx. My breaths started to come in short gasps and I saw his eyes widen with realization as he assessed me. His eyes ran over my face as I felt the hideous beginnings of a panic attack right in front of him.

He put his hands on my shoulders and leaned closer. "Bella, focus. Look into my eyes," His hands slid over my shoulders and into my hair, trying to sooth me. I nodded so he knew I had heard him. I put all my draining energy into trying to push the darkness back, to slow down the merry-go-round of images in my head and focus on his deep green eyes. I leaned closer and could smell him, that wonderful combination of tobacco, cologne, and something that was uniquely him. I drank it in like an antidote and felt my body slowly relaxing.

His forehead met mine and I leaned back, knowing I was clammy and not wanting him to feel how sweaty I was. I couldn't meet his eyes and he wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me close, and like a glutton I greedily clung to him and laid my cheek against his chest. I thought he was shaking at first but realized it was me. I leaned into him and his strength held me. The silence in the room filled the spaces around us and was only penetrated by the spatter of raindrops on the window.

After a while, he stepped back, his warmth infused into me. I dropped my hands from where they had been resting on his waist and he took my fist into his hands and opened it, finding the treasures I tried to bury deeply.

He pursed his lips and before he could speak, I broke the silence, "I was trying to get to the bathroom for water."

He sighed in response. He looked at the bathroom door and back at me and my ankle now throbbed painfully.

"Do you want some help?" He looked back at me.

As much as I wanted to say yes and feel his heat and hands near me, I shook my head. I felt bad that he felt obligated to carry me around.

I must have spoken the thought aloud because he let out a frustrated snicker. "Bella, trust me. I am not here under any obligation." His fingers were under my chin and he angled my head up until his eyes were looking into mine, hungry and dark like a starving man waiting for an invite to the banquet.

I blushed furiously, my mind thinking of the dream I'd had a couple of nights ago and I wondered if he thought about me too. His mouth kicked up at the corner and that tiny action sent electrical currents to my stomach. He moved back and took my arm to help me off the bed. I put my good leg forward and slid down from the bed onto it.

I started to move forward, Edward beside me and I protested, not wanting him to watch me limping like a lame dog, "Edward, I think I'll be able to manage from here. You don't have to stay."

Something flashed in his eyes and he narrowed them at me. He took a deep breath and huffed it out. Finally, he squeezed my arm gently and released me. I watched the muscles in his back as he walked over to the door and the tattoo of the tree called to my fingertips. He looked back over his shoulder and caught me studying him.

"Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, Bella." His eyes were heated as he said this and seemed to be trying to communicate more than just aid to get me a drink of water.

After he closed the door behind him, I slowly made my way into the bathroom flicking the switch on my way in. I turned the tap on and threw the pills into my mouth. With my hands cupped under the flow I quickly brought the water to my lips and drank.

The pills felt like lumpy razorblades and I shuddered as I felt their every movement down my esophagus. I turned off the water and limped to the door, turning the light off on my way out. Making my way back to the bed, I gingerly climbed in, taking extra care with my ankle. I turned to switch off the bedside lamp and the room immediately turned to darkness again.

The rain continued to knock at the window and as I felt my eyes grow heavy an irrational part of my brain wanted to reach up and let the rain in.

***

Showered and dressed, I was sitting in my room, contemplating the stairs. Light filled the room in a late morning glow and my stomach rumbled loudly. I was wearing

There was a loud knock and my name was shouted in a masculine voice. I smiled as I recognized Emmett's voice and called for him to come in.

He was wearing jeans and a dark blue t-shirt that had some sport team emblazoned in a lighter blue across the front. He smiled broadly at me and entered the room. His big frame made the room seem suddenly smaller.

"Well, Tinkerbella, you're not going to sit up here all day on my watch. Esme and the girls are gone to get stuff for the Irish invasion and Carlisle is locked up in his study_," _he rolled his eyes, "So you're not sitting up here all by yourself. We're down in the basement and I've come up here to make sure you're awake and dressed." He nodded at my jeans and t-shirt.

He walked over and put his back to me and I raised an eyebrow as he grinned at me over his shoulder, "Well, then, climb on. There's no way you're going down all those stairs on that ankle."

"Emmett, you don't have to-"

"Look Bella, you either come willingly or I fireman carry you down the stairs!" He winked at me and I decided ass up down the stairs did not sound very dignified. I knelt on my knees and wrapped my arms around his neck. He bent down so I could wrap my legs around his waist and he held onto my legs under the knees. Standing up to his full height I squeaked and tightened my legs and arms around him.

"And we're off!" He took off running from my room, singing the Hawaii Five-O theme, his off key bah bah bah's making me giggle as he raced down the hall. He told me to hold on tight as he flew down the stairs and I laughed and squealed in fright as he jostled me about, exaggerating around corners towards the basement door. He kicked it open with his foot and descended the stairs.

Jasper and Edward were on the couch and looked up in surprise as Emmett and I entered loudly, Emmett finishing the ride with a lap around the open floor from near Alice's door and zipping across to the pool table and eventually ending nearby the couch.

"Look what I found just lying around upstairs!" Emmett announced.

Jasper who was wearing a cotton blue button-down shirt and jeans smiled and waved hello but Edward gave Emmett a look that could pulverize rock. Emmett deposited me in a stuffy easy chair and I scooted back, trying to get comfy. He moved towards the empty space on the couch and dropped down, the couch groaning under his onslaught.

Edward got up and got himself a drink from the mini fridge near the pool table. He was wearing low loose fit jeans and black Ed Hardy t-shirt with a dragon on the front. The dragon was twisting and it seemed like it was calling me. The t-shirt hugged his chest and I had to force myself to look away before he saw me staring at him.

My cheeks burning, I looked at the TV screen in front of the couch and realized they were playing some sort of fighting game. Emmett tossed me a cordless controller.

"You're up, Bella, pick a character." A split screen with two identical boxes filled the TV screen. Inside the boxes were various character's faces growling or sneering in one way or another. I picked a little Chinese looking girl, she seemed at least pretty.

Emmett picked a hulkishly ridiculous character.

The fight commenced and I randomly started pressing buttons. My character started to gracefully charge her way across the screen. She made these stupid grunt and karate sounds as she got in lucky hits and kicks to Emmett's character who was busy trying to knock the tar out of my little character.

I glanced from the screen to Emmett's face. It was so funny that I giggled and he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. He was making this super intense face and swearing loudly as my character lamped him in the head and his character went down.

"How the fuck are you doing that?" he turned towards me as Round 2 started and paused the game, "Have you played this before?"

I shook my head and his eyes narrowed before he turned back to the screen. On and on it went until the end of Round 3. I kept a clean victory and Emmett threw the controller at the floor and sat back on the couch.

Jasper punched him in the arm, "I love how you admit defeat so gracefully, Emmett. Especially when you've been beaten by a girl."

Emmett punched him back, "Shut the fuck up! Why don't you play her, then?"

"Alright," Jasper answered, and winked at me as he moved in that slow way of his and lifted the discarded game controller. As he selected his character, Edward stood up. He moved around the couch and sat down on the arm of my chair, his arm around the top.

I was suddenly super aware of his nearness, the invisible ropes that pulled me closer to him, tugging at my belly button, feeling the butterflies who seemed to flutter whenever he was near take flight. His smell, his tattoos, the way his jeans fit on his legs. I didn't even realize Jasper was knocking the tar out of my character as I sat there drunk on Edward's presence.

Out of the corner of my eye, I studied him as if he were a piece of art created by an old master. Most of all I felt my pulse pick up as noticed how his t-shirt was snug in all the right places. I wanted to be the dragon on that shirt, alive and fiery and so close to his chest. His shoulders were broad and strong, his artistic biceps peeking out from underneath the sleeves. From his shirt, my eyes continued their travel downwards to his jeans, so comfortably loose and low on those hips of his.

His thighs were inches from my hand and I wanted to reach over and touch him. My hand almost left the game controller to explore its way up his leg, my palm wanting to learn the contours of muscle and skin. His free hand rested on his knee, the silver ring glinting dully in the light. The green flames on his forearm always drew my eyes and I felt like I could spend hours tracing them with my fingertips. There was a vein that ran up his arm that called to me, pulsing, and I felt my mouth go dry as I continued to study him.

I bit my lip and vaguely heard Emmett cheer Jasper on as I randomly pressed buttons, barely looking at the screen. I wanted to lean over and rest my head against Edward's side, I just wanted to be closer to his strength, his smell, and his heat. I imagined his hand slowly moving its way up my leg, over my , cupping my knee, his rough palm moving over the soft skin of my thigh-

"HA! Take that, Tiny Girl!" Emmett hooted as Jasper annihilated my fighter. I bit my lip, trying to bring myself back into the present. I bit my lip and blushed, hoping they wouldn't guess where my mind had been.

I handed my controller to Emmett who turned to the screen. I watched Jasper and Emmett banter back and forth. In the pause while the game loaded, my stomach chose to growl loudly.

Edward leaned down and said lowly in my ear, "What have you had to eat today?"

I shivered, his voice was like a caress, and I shifted my head slightly, "Nothing."

His sigh was heavy but it still caressed my neck, sending another wave of shivers through me. He moved to get up and I watched him walk away, his legs and hips moving with a cat-like masculine grace. He disappeared up the steps, his footsteps heavy, change jingling in his pocket.

I took a deep breath, attempting to recover myself from his nearness. I watched Jasper and Emmett play and my breathing returned to normal. The only problem was now I missed his presence. It was like playing with a candle flame: Running your hand over it, watching it flicker, sometimes if you were too close, the heat was too intense. But when the candle was blown out, and the ghostly smoke rose into the air, you missed the warmth and the glow.

Edward's footsteps tromped back down the stairs, his converse sneakers appearing, then his long legs in his jeans, his flat stomach and chest in his t-shirt and finally his face and hair. His hair was messy as usual and I wondered if he did it on purpose, knowing how sexy it looked.

In his hand there was a plate which appeared to have a sandwich resting on it. He put the plate in my lap and resumed his seat on the arm of my chair. He had cut it in half and I lifted one of the triangles up, feeling incredibly hungry now that the food was in front of me. The ham and cheese was suddenly the best thing I had ever tasted and I sat back and sighed once it was finished. Edward handed me a can of Coke and the cold liquid was bubbly and sweet as I swallowed.

We sat there for awhile and I watched the guys argue over the game. Edward participated and I laughed as they went back and forth, their language atrocious. Finally Emmett had enough when Jasper and Edward ganged up on him and he threw the controller again.

Before it broke I spoke up, "Maybe we should do something else before the gaming stuff breaks, guys."

Jasper smiled and winked at me, "Good idea, darlin'."

He lifted up the remote and flipped on the TV. The program guide appeared and he quickly skimmed through the movies.

"Greatest fucking movie of all time!" I tried to see what Emmett was pointing at on the screen as Jasper flipped past it.

"What movie?" I asked.

"Scarface." Edward answered.

"I've never seen it." I answered.

Three pairs of masculine eyes turned towards me. The look of horror on their faces seemed genuine.

Finally, Emmett broke the silence, "Bella, what the fuck kind of life have you been living?" He shook his head and turned to Jasper. "Turn that shit back, it's time to educate our _leetle_ friend."

As the last of the commercials ended, Emmett and Jasper sat at opposite ends of the couch. I looked at Edward, who was still sitting on the arm of my chair. I bit my lip, wondering what he would do if I scooted over and let him slide in next to me. He looked down at me at that moment and nodded his head at me, indicating he was going to do just as I wanted him to. I moved to the other side of the big chair and he slid down next to me, his arm around my shoulders.

I sat sort of awkwardly at first, stiff, not quite sure how much was ok to touch him: where to rest my arms and my hands. He sort of made the decision for me, his arm was around my shoulders and he whispered so that Emmett and Jasper wouldn't hear, "Relax, Bella."

Slowly I relaxed my body and as I did so, his arm tightened around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. I let go fully and sank into his side, the warmth of him radiating through his t-shirt. As the movie played, I tried to watch Al Pacino as Tony Montana.

Even though the images on the screen were violent, Edward's presence was soothing. I laid my head on his chest and scooted closer to him. After all of the non sleep I had plus my swollen and painful ankle and side, I felt so tired. My eyelids began to get heavy and I was lulled by his heartbeat, strong and steady beneath my cheek. I could feel my breathing getting deeper and I closed my eyes for just a second…

***

EPOV

I was half paying attention to Tony Montana's coke mountain only because I was more attuned to Bella tucked up against my side. I knew the instant she was fully asleep. She relaxed fully against me and she almost angled closer. Her hand resting on my stomach, making a fist in my t-shirt, anchoring me down.

I had made a decision the morning after she had fallen. Whatever this was between us I was just going to fucking go with it. I'd never really let anyone get to me, they were faceless girls that I didn't want in my head. I sometimes had this total mindfuck to myself, torturing myself with shit my mind couldn't seem to put away. I didn't want to let anyone in for fear of what they might find, my demons a lot more fucking awful than your average guy.

With Bella, I knew exactly what she was going through, been there, done that, and got the fucking emotionally scarred t-shirt to prove it.

I wanted to be the person to Bella that I had wanted nearby during those fucking darker times.

***

BPOV

This was it. All the preparation for the four day stay with Esme's relatives coming from Ireland was finally done and any minute, they would pull up in the drive, having taken the ferry over the sea to Scotland.

We were all sitting on the couch downstairs, and Esme had laid out nibbles in the dining room on the table. Alice stood up first, and we heard a car door slam. Edward went to stand by the door and opened it as a lovely woman with dark hair which was graying at the temples and handsome features walked into the doorway. Her eyes fell upon Edward and they widened as she took him in.

"Well, Jesus and Mary, look at you, young man! If I were younger, you'd be in trouble. Come and give your auntie a kiss and make it a good one!" Her voice was loud and musical with her thick Irish accent. She wrapped her arms around Edward and he gave her a loud smack on the cheek.

"Hello, Auntie Siobhan! Does Uncle Liam need help with the bags?"

"Yes, he certainly does! Go and help him! Jesus, look at that great hulk of a man," She stepped towards Emmett and he came forward and swept her up in his arms, "Put me down, ya madman! Esme control this handsome thing!"

Auntie Siobhan noticed Alice then and took Alice's face in her hands. "Oh darlin', just look at you. We're lucky the faeries weren't away with you when you were young!" And she kissed Alice on the cheek and released her.

"Esme!" I lost the conversation as the two of them lapsed into a foreign language momentarily.

My attention was drawn to a tall mature man in the doorway and he entered the house, clasping Carlisle's hand.

"And here's our man now. How is the fine doctor doin'?"

The two of them lapsed into conversation and I stood with Rosalie and Alice. Edward, Emmett and Jasper had gone outside to carry in the luggage and came back in starting towards the other side of the house where the guest rooms were. Behind them, a girl just a bit older than me stepped in. She was beautiful in a sensual way and her eyes raked the room as she entered gracefully. There was something about her that I took an instant dislike to.

The boys came back down and introductions were made for Rosalie, Jasper and me. I smiled and shook hands with Siobhan's husband Liam, whose smile crinkled his face and made his eyes merry.

I was introduced to Maggie who was Siobhan's grand niece, and Edward tensed beside me as Maggie came closer. She sniffed and looked me up and down before moving on. His jaw clicking, Edward stiffly greeted her, trying to hold her away from him as she pressed close, .

She looked at Edward from beneath her lashes and in a voice that was only meant for him she purred, "I hope we can pick up where we left off, Edward."

The lyrics to a song my mom used to hum in the house came back to me:

_Your beauty is beyond compare  
With flaming locks of auburn hair  
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green  
Your smile is like a breath of spring  
Your voice is soft like summer rain  
And I cannot compete with you, Jolene_

The only difference was Maggie had thick bright red hair in bouncy curls and as the song echoed through my mind, I knew a moment of jealousy as she lingered too close to Edward. I swallowed it down, trying not to let it bother me, Edward was his own person and I had no hold over him. She was much prettier than I was and from the sound of things, she knew him much more intimately than I did.

The pit of my stomach dropped and I moved away from the two of them, looking for Esme who was in the kitchen taking drinks requests. I wanted to go and help her, but my penchant for falling flat on my face plus my swollen ankle did not bode well for carrying glasses. Carlisle went into the kitchen to help Esme pour alcohol measures and open beer bottles. They were able to manage for everyone and finally sat down on the couch.

Everyone was settled in the living room, every seat occupied. I decided to sit on the floor near Edward's legs, as there was no space on the couch beside him, conveniently taken up by Maggie.

I took a sip of the drink Carlisle had handed me and heard a giggle behind me and glanced back to see Maggie running her hand up Edward's arm. I couldn't watch this, let alone sit near it and got up to sit on the floor near Alice and Rose who were talking with Siobhan.

The night and the banter grew on, the drink flowed, and I tried my very best not to keep glancing over to where Maggie and Edward sat. I saw Edward get up a couple of times to go outside and smoke, and I saw his face was tense when he passed me without sparing me a glance.

On his last pass, he brushed my back with his leg and I scooted away from him and looked up at him. "Sorry, Edward."

He squatted down, his mouth quirked to the one side and he whispered in my ear, "It was an excuse to touch you, don't apologize."

As he sat down, Siobhan called to Esme who had just settled herself next to Carlisle on the couch after refilling everyone's empty glasses.

"Esme, get the singing on. Sing us a song, darlin' "

Esme blushed, and shook her head. "No, you're not going to get me singing. You sing first, Auntie Siobhan, and I'll think about it."

Siobhan smiled and contemplated Esme's offer. "I'll start off and you join me."

Siobhan's voice was husky and soulful and she sang her song with feeling, the room was silent as she sang about a town she loved so well.

I was wrapped up in the simplicity of the song, describing life in a small town in Ireland and I found shivers run through my body during the last verse:

_Now the music's gone but they carry on  
__For their spirit's been bruised, never broken  
They will not forget but their hearts are set  
on tomorrow and peace once again  
For what's done is done and what's won is won  
and what's lost is lost and gone forever  
I can only pray for a bright, brand new day  
in the town I loved so well_

There were tears in Liam's eyes and the room was silent as Siobhan sipped her drink. Then her voice was loud as she asked Esme to sing again.

"Sing, Esme! I haven't heard you sing in years. Make your Auntie happy."

"I don't know what to sing!" she protested.

"Right! Edward, you push that table back, I feel a jig in these bones. Esme, come and sing the Galway Shawl with me. It won't matter as long as you're dancing! Come on!" Siobhan rose from the couch and pulled Esme me up to the centre of the living room.

Siobhan took Esme into her arms, intending to lead. "Liam, sure you can start our Esme off."

Liam's eyes crinkled as he started the song and Siobhan waltzed Esme around the living room. Esme soon harmonized with Liam and their voices were beautiful. Siobhan shouted over them.

"Sure you youngsters should be up here dancing. Edward bring Maggie up here and Emmett dance with your bride. You'll need practice for the wedding!"

I watched as Maggie led Edward up and he danced with her to the song and Emmett smiled down at Rosalie as he pulled her close. Jasper offered his hand to Alice and they joined the couples. Liam and Esme's voices rose higher and I smiled until I noticed Maggie's lips too close to Edward's ear. I tried to pay attention to the lyrics rather than Maggie but the lyrics offered no solace:

_She wore no jewels, no costly diamonds,  
__No paint no powder, no, none at all.  
__She wore a bonnet with ribbons on it  
__And round her shoulder was a Galway Shawl._

The song ended and Liam launched into another, his voice and Irish accent pleasant as he sang. I watched Maggie press herself against Edward and laugh, and I downed my drink a lot more quickly than I intended.

Liam's voice was joined by Emmett's strong and loud as he pulled Rose close to him and she smiled as the words of the refrain echoed in the room. My eyes watched them for a moment but strayed again to Edward and Maggie and he was looking down into her eyes but he turned her before I could see his face clearly. The song curled around the dancers and Emmett's voice was happy as he sang to Rose:

_Her eyes they shone like diamonds  
I thought her the queen of the land  
And her hair it hung over her shoulder  
Tied up with a black velvet band _

The song finished and Siobhan and Esme sat down. The rest of the dancers followed suit, and I stood, feeling the drink go right to my head. I swayed and stumbled off to the bathroom, limping as my ankle was still sore.

I came back and Siobhan was trying to get Alice to sing with her. She turned to Maggie then and smiled at her.

"Maggie my dear, start our Alice off. Sure she'll follow you!"

Maggie started a quick song and went to stand in front of Alice, her hands outstretched. Alice looked at her arms warily and then stood to join her. Maggie started the song and the two of them were singing loudly, swinging each other fast around the living room.

_I'll tell me ma when I go home,  
The boys won't leave the girls alone  
They pulled my hair,  
they stole my comb,  
But that's all right 'til I go home.  
She is handsome, she is pretty,  
She's the belle of Belfast City,  
She goes courtin', a one, two, three  
Please won't you tell me who is she?_

I watched the two of them, happy for the moment that Maggie didn't have her hands all over Edward. This song was faster and Siobhan was dragging Liam up to loop arms with the girls and take a turn at swinging each other around. I liked this song a lot and the dancers were laughing and singing between breaths.

As the song ended, Maggie dissolved in a fit of giggles and ended up in Edward's lap.

Slowly I staggered up, my good leg asleep and limped out of the room and down the hall. I was going to go into the kitchen but changed my mind and went into Edward's piano room. It was dark and I found an empty corner and slid down. I sat there, trying to take into deep breaths and not get upset when I heard a giggle out in the hall and shrunk back into the shadows.

"Edward, I'm so glad we're finally alone." It was Maggie.

I heard Edward mutter something way too low for me to understand.

"Edward, you know you want it. I know how you like it."

I felt my cheeks go red with too many emotions all at one: anger, embarrassment, jealousy, hurt.

I leaned over to see out into the hall which was gently lit by the lights from the living room. I could see the outline of two people which I knew was Edward and Maggie. I saw Edward had Maggie pushed up against the wall and was leaning down into her ear. Maggie gasped and took his face in her hands, kissing him.

Adrenaline and hurt pushed through my body and I got up and started running. I ran past them and made my way towards the stairs, not caring about my ankle as I went up them as fast as I could. I opened the door to my room and quietly shut it, throwing myself onto the bed.

I'd seen enough. Over the last week, Edward had been at my side, his lips at my ear or stealing a kiss when we were alone All week he had kept my body humming with his touch, and anytime I cried out in my sleep he had been there with strong arms and quiet words to wipe away the nightmares from my mind. I felt my eyes water as I saw _her_ in Edward's lap again, I felt my tears stream down my face as I saw them in the hall together.

I wanted to curl up and die wondering if I had just been a game to him.

* * *

**Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene! I'm beggin of you, please don't take my man...**

**Sign up sheet for whoever wants to scratch Maggie's eyes out...let me know via your review. **

**Don't forget, teasers posted at Twilighted thread...link on the profile.**

**Thanks for reading....**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **

**My my my ladies. We were very angry with Maggie, Edward, and the whole Cullen clan last chapter. I hope EPOV will make you happy. I know he has some 'splainin to do.**

**usuals: SM owns the people and shiz, all the twi-stuff...but the angst is mine...all mine.**

**Big Durty Kiltward thanks to my beta TorturedByTwilight...she held my hand and made Edward sweat it out.**

**As always, Sunfeathers pimps this story out, Edward thanks you from the bottom of his kilt...**

**Playlist:  
The Cure: Burn  
Ours: I am a monster  
Robert Pattinson: Let Me Sign  
Johnny Cash: Walk the Line  
Johnny Cash and June Carter: Jackson  
Foo Fighters: Everlong (acoustic version) srsly...****  
****  
Ok...so Edward has something he wants to say...**

**

* * *

****EPOV**

"Edward, we need to talk." Alice's eyes were like cobalt lasers.

"Not now, Alice. Mom asked me to-"

"Edward, _Right. Now_." I sighed as she took my hand and she pulled me into the room with my piano. She shut the door behind her and turned to me . I stood in front of her and crossed my arms.

"What the fuck is _so_ important, Alice?" I was really frustrated with her, I had shit to do-

"Did you fuck Maggie at Mardi Gras?!" her voice was quiet but shrill. I flinched, her accusation hit me like a whiplash.

"How the fuck do you-"

She put her hand up to stop me, "That's all I needed to know," She sighed, shaking her head, "Look Edward, I'm going to be brief. Siobhan arrives today-"

"So?"

"So….Maggie is coming with them!" She looked at me like I had a fucking screw loose and rolled her eyes.

"I figured she fucking would but I hoped she wouldn't." I shifted and re-crossed my arms.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._

"She's going to be all over you, Edward." Alice's face was so frustrated it was almost funny.

I felt myself smirk, "I can handle Maggie."

Alice's eyes widened and she pushed my chest. "It's not you I'm worried about!"

That got my attention, "What do you mean?"

"Bella!" She almost shouted at me.

What the fuck did she mean, _Bella?! _"What about her, what happens?" I uncrossed my arms and took a step towards Alice.

Alice's eyes took on a far away look as she replayed the vision she'd had, "I see her crying alone in a dark room-"

"Fucking what?! Is she hurt? What room? Where is she? When will this happen?" If someone fucking hurt her I'd kill them, hadn't she already been through enough?

"I see Maggie all over you," Her eyes focused back onto me, wide and anxious, "You're going to hurt her, Edward."

"What?!" I felt like Alice had slammed her tiny fist into my gut.

Her eyes glistening with tears, Alice shook her head at me, "You're going to fucking hurt her Edward, and you'd better make it right!"

***

All day my conversation with Alice had bounced around my head. How did I avoid hurting Bella? As if I would fucking do it on purpose?! I've been over this ground before and promised myself there was no fucking way I would make her cry again.

Because of fucking Maggie?! Literally, fucking Maggie?!

Last summer in Alaska, Maggie had come over to visit after she turned twenty-one. It was spring break and we all decided to go down to New Orleans for the three B's: booze, beads and boobs. From what little I can remember of the trip, somehow I had gone from Maggie flashing her tits at me to fucking her in my hotel room. The rest of the trip she had been all over me, waiting for a second invitation and I had told her straight that I wasn't fucking interested.

Now she was coming back in for another round and I really can't fucking wait. I don't usually do second tastes, one night stands with no strings were more my thing.

Nobody really knows about me and Maggie except for Emmett and now Alice. I can fucking handle her, I know she's a bitch. Problem was, I really didn't want the rest of the family knowing I'd fucked my adopted cousin…Esme would go ape-shit.

After Auntie Siobhan had walked through the door, I offered to go outside for the luggage, hoping to head off Maggie before she started any shit. Emmett, Jasper and I were outside heading to Siobhan's car when I saw her, ass up in the air in a ridiculously short skirt, leaning over the backseat.

Emmett threw me a look that said, _you better take care of this._

Fucking great.

Maggie turned her around and saw me, her eyes lighting up and then her face muted into what was supposed to be a flirty smile and _come fuck me _eyes. I walked past her as if she wasn't there and helped Emmett lift the suitcases out of the trunk of the car.

We carried the cases up the drive and I knew Maggie would be right behind us. I felt myself shudder, knowing her eyes would be all over me. This was going to be a long fucking night.

As we took the cases through to the guest rooms, Emmett shut the door while Jasper and I were inside.

"Jasper and Rose know, Edward." Emmett blurted out, his eyes on me.

"Well, that's just fucking fantastic. Not that I mind you knowing Jaz, but the less people involved in this, the better." I looked at Jaz as I said this, and he nodded.

Emmett spoke up again, "Look, we all know from last spring break that she's fucking psychotic. She's moody and crazy and almost got us arrested twice at Mardi Gras. Just fucking tell her straight off."

Jasper nodded his agreement again and added, "More than Maggie, you need to be very careful with Bella. We've talked about this before Edward, she is very fragile."

"I fucking know all this. Jesus Christ, get out of my ass. I haven't even had the chance to talk to Maggie, yet." What the fuck was up with people? I was going to speak to her.

Emmett gave me another look and opened the door. We walked back out to the living room and I stood next to Bella. I wanted to wrap my arm around Bella as Maggie came closer but I didn't want to make her a target for Maggie. Maggie was introduced to Bella and she gave her the bitchiest look. I wasn't one to hit women but goddam I wanted to slap her for being rude to Bella in that moment.

Then she saunters over to me, leans way to close and purrs, "I hope we can pick up where we left off, Edward." I gave her a look that told her to eat shit and die. I couldn't say anything to her in front of Siobhan or Esme, knowing they would pick up on any hint of me being an asshole to Maggie. Fucking Maggie, who, in Siobhan's eyes can do no fucking wrong.

I saw Bella move away from us and I took a deep breath, hoping this was the worst thing that happened all night.

But it fucking wasn't, was it?

We sat on the couch and Maggie conveniently glued herself to my side. Bella sat near my legs and I was happy she was close by, at least her touch calmed me down. Maggie just wouldn't fucking leave off; when she thought no one was looking, she ran her hand up my arm which made my skin crawl. I saw Bella glance over her shoulder, her face falling and then getting up awkwardly to go and sit with Rose and Alice.

I leaned over and said to Maggie, "Maggie, fucking drop it. It's not fucking happening."

She pouted and crossed her arms. I decided that I must have drank a lot more last spring than I remembered to make me even go near this girl with my dick.

She tried to run her hand up my thigh when Siobhan was deep in conversation with the rest of the women and I lifted her hand up and squeezed it hard without hurting her. Very low I said through my teeth to her, "Fuck. Off. Maggie."

I got up, tired of her trying to dry hump me on the couch and went into the kitchen to get another beer. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. If she kept at it, I was going to lose my shit in front of everyone. Esme didn't let me smoke in the house but I didn't give a fuck at this point, she could blame it on me being drunk or whatever. I lit up and flicked my ashes into an empty beer can. I tried to calm down and enjoy the cigarette but it was over too quickly and knew I couldn't chain smoke in the kitchen all night long.

I walked back in and brushed against Bella, needing to touch her but she flinched away from me and scooted closer, muttering a sorry. I felt like a world class asshole.

I leaned down to her and told her it was no accident. I looked up then, and Esme was frowning at me, motioning her head over to Maggie who was sitting all by herself. As if it was my fault that crazy bitch she was all alone.

FUCK.

The night carried on into singing and dancing, and of course I was expected to dance with Maggie and she used any excuse to rub herself all over me. If I gritted my teeth anymore to keep myself from telling her to fuck off again while we were dancing, my molars were going to shatter. I didn't want to start swearing at her while Esme and Siobhan were within earshot.

Finally the slower waltzes were finished and we could all sit down. I tried to find an empty spot near Bella but she had gotten up to stumble to the bathroom. I didn't see her face as she left but Alice threw me a dirty look from across the room.

One of the faster songs was started and I was happy to not have Maggie pressed all over me. Thank Fuck for Alice. I noticed Bella had come back and was going to sit next her but my reprieve from Maggie's fucking hands was short-lived as Maggie conveniently landed on my lap. I tensed up and was ready to throw her off but I was distracted as I saw Bella leave the room, her face upset.

Shit.

As discreet as I could I deposited Maggie on the floor and tried to follow Bella. I thought she had gone for the kitchen but it was empty. I made my way down the dark hall, my piano room door open but the light wasn't on. Maybe I had missed her going up the stairs. I was about to call out to her when I heard a giggle behind me.

I took a deep breath in, turning to _her_.

"Edward, I'm so glad we're finally alone." Why wouldn't this girl just fucking take a hint, already?!

I spoke to her quietly in case Esme or Siobhan wandered by. "Maggie, just fuck off, already. Whatever happened between us was a drunken mistake I'm not ever going to fucking repeat. Shit, I don't even remember half of it, so it can't even have been all that good."

She bit her lip, looking up at me from beneath her eyelashes and said, "Edward, you know you want it. I know how you like it."

What the fuck? Why couldn't she just fucking get it? I lost my temper then and pushed her against the wall not very gently. I leaned down into her ear so she would hear me. "Maggie, you fucking disgust me and it's never, ever, EVER, going to fucking happen again."

I was hoping that would be it, that she would get the message and run back into the living room. Hell, I didn't care if she ran in there in floods of tears and made me Captain Asshole for the evening.

What I didn't expect was for her to try and kiss me. This bitch really was crazy.

The worst part was Bella running past us. I heard her muffled sob as she went by and I knew, I fucking knew, that this is what Alice had tried to warn me about.

I pushed Maggie away from me, and heard her head knock against the wall, but I really didn't fucking care. She actually smiled at me, she must be one of those girls who likes it rough.

I started to go after Bella but Alice intercepted me at the stairs, her eyes full of anger.

In a hushed furious voice she ranted, "I told you, Edward. I fucking _told_ you. She's up there, crying her heart out because she thinks you were playing with her. Go up there and fucking fix this right now," She poked me in the chest with one of her fingers and it actually hurt, "They are going to be here for three more days, you better find a way of avoiding Maggie, she's going to be on you like a bitch in heat all weekend."

***

I was standing outside her door, and her sobs were like fucking razorblades in my gut. I had done that. I had fucking hurt her and made her cry like that. I'm a fucking asshole.

I opened the door, the sounds of her crying still muffled but louder and seeing her whole body jerk with sobs was another slash across me. I stood there, not knowing what the fuck to do, how to make this right without making it worse. I was terrible at shit like this, saying sorry, but I couldn't just stand there and watch her cry.

"Bella?"

She turned, and her eyes were swollen with tears, her cheeks red, and the hair around her face was wet. Her eyes widened as she blinked around the tears.

In a tortured voice she whispered before she turned her face back into the covers, "Please go away." It was so pitiful, it forced my legs into motion and I was on the bed beside her. I tried to turn her over, trying to offer what comfort I could to her. She fought feebly against me, saying please over and over in that little voice that was cutting me to ribbons inside. Finally I was able to get her to put her face into my chest and I rubbed her back as we laid on top of her covers.

Her bed was smaller and it was awkward laying on it with her. I rubbed her back as she muffled into my chest. She huffed and tried to stuff her knuckles into her mouth to hold the sound back. I brushed tears off of her cheeks and tucked a strand behind her ear.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. It's not what it looked like." Fuck, how fucking cliché did that sound?

She angled her head down so she didn't have to look me in the eye and from behind her knuckles, she huffed and sobbed, "Ju-just tell m-me Edwar-d. I do-don't want to be a-a plaything to you."

Oh Jesus.

"Oh Bella, look at me." She shook her head and I reached between us to angle her chin up with my hand, "I swear to you, you are not a plaything to me," She blinked and tried to look elsewhere. I could tell she didn't know whether to believe me.

"Bella, if I wanted to be down there, with her, I would be. I came up here for you." Her eyes were so sad, she had been through so fucking much, and I had made it worse. I couldn't take it anymore, being the cause of this pain. I wanted to be the one to heal this even though it was me who caused it.

I leaned down and kissed her mouth softly, I could taste her, salty from the tears on her lips. She didn't pull away from me and I took it as a good sign. I leaned closer, wiping more tears from her eyes, and I kissed her, deeply, wanting to suck the venom out like you would a snakebite.

She was unresponsive at first, tense against me, warring with herself. I sucked her lower lip in the way I knew she liked it and nibbled gently, trying to show her I was sorry. She melted against me and her hands crept up to thread into my hair. I loved it when she did that. I deepened the kiss and she hesitantly met my tongue, her taste driving me closer to her.

She broke the kiss and sobbed. Her hands left my hair and pressed against my shoulders.

"Please, Edward. Just go. You were _just_ kissing her downstairs."

"Bella, she was a fucking mistake that I stupidly and drunkenly made a year ago. I barely even remember any-"

"Just don't, Edward," she continued to try and push me away her little hands balled into fists against my chest and her head bowed, "Please. Just leave me alone."

I loosened my hold, and she shoved away from me. She crawled to the other side of the bed and hugged her knees, her face turned away from me.

I took a deep breath and got up from the bed. There was nothing else I could say and she was too upset to hear anything else from me.

I walked out of her room, feeling like a fucking dick. Alice had warned me, and I couldn't fucking listen to her.

***

**APOV**

To say that I had seen all this coming would sound cliché. But to see that skank with her hands on my brother was another thing entirely. I waited with Rose until after Siobhan and Liam had gone to bed. Maggie was on the couch still, and I had been biding my time till I could get her completely alone.

This was it.

Rose and I went in and Maggie smiled up at us, flicking at the buttons on the TV remote. "Alright Alice? Rose? Do you know where Edward disappeared to?"

I leaned over her and put my face really close to hers and Rose sat down next to her. I could see in her eyes she totally was ready to pee her pants.

"Now you listen, you stupid bitch, and you listen good. I'm only going to tell you once and I know you're sober enough to take this in. Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. Edward. Don't go near him, don't touch him, don't innocently bump into him, don't even breathe the same fucking oxygen as him. If I see you messing with him again, you and I are going to have more than words to say to each other, do you fucking hear me?"

Maggie nodded, her eyes wide.

Rose leaned over then and was in her face, her voice deathly quiet, her eyes sharp as an ice pick.

"You are well out of your league and in deep water if you fuck with me and Alice. Back the fuck off him. Don't start anymore shit, you will regret it."

I leaned down again after Rose patted Maggie's cheek with her hand, "I'll be fucking watching you, bitch. Don't think that I won't see it. I fucking will and if I do, we will both kick your ass from here to Limerick."

I leaned away from her and stood back up, the very sight of her made me want to break my knuckles on her jaw. I didn't and I tried to see if I would have to, gazing off into the future, images flashing in front of my mind. She seemed to have got the message and I forced myself to walk away from her. Rose nodded at me as we rounded the corner into the kitchen and gave me a look.

"Personally, I hope she gives me an excuse," Rose's blue eyes were venomous as she turned and made her way towards the basement door.

***

**EPOV**

I stood outside on the porch, leaning against a column, looking out at the driveway. The rain was slapping the driveway and the sound was a lot like what I wanted to do to myself. How could a few hours fuck things up so royally? I took another drag on my cigarette, and held the air in, torturing myself before letting it go with a burst.

I looked up as Alice joined me, her arms crossed. Her eyes flashed at me and I knew she was dying to give me a mouthful.

"Just go on and fucking say whatever you're going to fucking say, Alice." I snapped at her.

"I can tell by your face that you're doing a pretty good job of berating yourself for me."

I choked out a laugh as I raised the cigarette to my mouth again, "I'm a fucking asshole."

"Yes you are." she agreed.

"I fucking hurt her _really_ bad."

"Yes you did."

"I don't think I can fix this, Alice. She thinks I'm just fucking playing around with her." I felt myself grimace.

"Yes you can fix this and words won't make the hurt go away. You have to show her with actions, Edward. Mom is going to take them out tomorrow to go shopping, Siobhan wants to get something for her and Maggie to wear to the wedding. Why don't you and Bella go out and do something? She's been cooped up in the house since she hurt her ankle."

"What if she won't come with me?" I could just see Bella outright refusing to talk to me, let alone fucking go somewhere with me.

"You'll just have to persuade her, then, won't you?" Alice raised a dark eyebrow at me.

I flicked the butt of the cigarette towards the grass and breathed out smoke through my nostrils. Alice stepped closer to me and when I looked up, her elfin face was looking up at me, her eyes studying my face.

"Edward, you're not an asshole, you're just a guy. Guys do dumb shit. It happens." She moved closer and wrapped her arms around my waist, "You're my big brother, and I love you. You have a chance at something here, and I know you aren't going to screw it up. Just be yourself, ok?"

I sighed and returned Alice's hug. She was such a pest, sometimes, but as little sisters went, she was pretty cool. We stood there for a moment and then I looked down at her.

"Right enough of this sappy shit," I smiled at her and she looked up and smiled back, "Thanks, Alice."

She stepped back form me, "You're welcome, Big Brother."

We made our way back into the house, and Alice went towards the basement door. I watched her disappear behind it and then turned to make my way upstairs. I glanced at Bella's door and noticed there was no light glowing from underneath it. I listened to hear if she was awake. I couldn't resist checking on her and turned the knob and opened the door. She was lying in bed, her long legs twisted in the sheets, the cover kicked off. She was shivering and tossed fitfully in her sleep.

Was this because of the usual things that made her restless in her sleep or had I made her fucking worse?

Watching her face for any signs of her waking up, I reached over and disentangled the sheets from her legs. Pulling the blanket up, I tucked it gently around her. She sighed and I straightened away from her. If I stayed any longer, I would end up beside her. I turned to walk away quietly and just as I had my hand on the door…

"Edward."

I nearly jumped about a foot in the air when I heard her. Turning around, and in the faint light from the hallway, I could see she was still asleep. Her voice had been filled with such sadness and I wanted to go to her, to erase what I had done but I knew what Alice had said was true. I had to show her, I just didn't fucking know how.

***

I was sitting downstairs at the breakfast bar, the laptop on in front of me. The only thing I could think of to do with Bella that didn't involve walking was going to see a movie. Only I didn't know what she would want to see and if she would even want to come with me. I heard a door close upstairs and knew it was hers.

I heard Bellas limping shuffle behind me and then she walked past, her scent that was sweet like strawberries wafted by me. Then my eyes caught what she was wearing and I nearly choked on the orange juice I'd been drinking. She was wearing a little jean skirt, her legs bare, and a tight white t-shirt with a large black motorcycle on the front. She had put her hair up in a ponytail and her feet were bare her toenails painted a shiny black.

Fuck me.

I licked my lips and hoped she didn't see me before she turned around to look at me.

"Look, Bella. About last night, I-"

She interrupted me her features set in a hard look, "I don't want to hear your apologies anymore, Edward. You did what you had to do."

"Fuck. Bella, I'm an asshole, ok? It seems to be one of the only things I'm really good at-"

"Edward, I don't want you to play games with me. Please." Her eyes changed from the hard edge to imploring and I thought for a moment she was going to start crying again.

"Look Bella, I.." I stopped, her eyes looked like they would well up at any second and I didn't want to upset her anymore than I already had. Nothing else I had to say about last night really mattered.

"Will you come and see a movie with me today?"

"What? Are you serious?" She looked at me like I had grown a second head or something.

I knew this was a bad fucking idea. Great, fucking great. I sighed and got up, "Right sorry I asked." I slapped the laptop shut and picked it up. I walked out of the room, pissed off with myself.

"Wait!" She called out, "I'll go!"

I turned around walking back towards her with a big shit eating grin on my face. "What was that?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

She blushed and smiled, "I'll go. I want to go out with you to the movies."

"Well go put some shoes on." I ordered as she giggled and limped past me. She nearly stumbled in her haste and I followed her up the stairs. I wanted to touch her while she was smiling to absorb some of that happy energy she was suddenly exuding.

She quickly limped into her room and pulled out a little pair of ankle socks from a drawer. Sitting on the bed, she put them on and then reached underneath the bed to pull out a pair of black ox converse with little white stars on them. She struggled with her swollen ankle and I bent down to slip the shoe onto her foot and tied the laces for her. Managing the other shoe and tying the laces she stood up from the bed, a smile on her face.

"Excited, are we?" I looked down into her brown eyes, faint dark circles still underneath them, but they sparkled. She nodded and moved past me to grab a black purse and her little black hoodie.

Bella looked up at me expectantly and I looked at back at her, "Hmmm you're missing something."

Her expression changed to confusion and she looked down at herself, "What am I missing?"

I stepped closer and took her chin in my hands, lifting her chin up, "This." I leaned down and kissed her like I'd been wanting to since she walked into the kitchen. She tasted as good as she smelled, and I wanted to drown in her. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip and she sighed and opened her mouth. I tasted her deeper and she angled her head, pressing closer to me. I heard a thud and felt her purse hit my foot. Her hands slid up my shirt, palms flat as they ran over my chest. I groaned as she ran her hands over my nipples before she put her arms around my neck. My hands found their way from her neck down to her sides. I felt her breasts press against my chest and my arms went around her, squeezing her ass in the skirt, pressing her against me. I was instantly rock hard for her and the fact that she was wearing that little skirt was all too convenient. I deepened the kiss and our tongues caressed each other.

If I didn't stop this kiss now, the movies would go out the fucking window and as much as I would love to take advantage of the fact that she was almost grinding herself against me, the bed was right there, and she was wearing that little skirt, I knew I couldn't.

I pulled away from her and kissed along her jaw. She was making these little moaning sounds as I got closer to her earlobe. I nipped it with my teeth gently and breathed into her ear, "Bella, as much as I would love to fuck you right now, we should probably save some of this for the movie." I kissed her neck and she took in a little breath and angled her head to the side. I chuckled and bit her earlobe gently before putting some space between us. Her knees buckled and I held her for a second until she nodded and stood on her own.

I reached up and ran my thumb along her bruised lower lip, swollen from our kiss. "C'mon sweetheart. Let's go make out at the back of the movie theater," I smirked at her and she blushed. I bent down and picked up her bag where it had landed between us and handed it to her. She took it with shaking hands and slung it over her shoulder.

I took her hand and led her out of the room, down the stairs, and out to the garage to the Vanquish. Opening the car door cause I was a gentleman and shit, I waited for her to get in. She slid in and put her bag on the floor. I closed the door and I moved to the other side of the car to get in. I noticed she had her seat belt on already as I sat down and I fastened mine and put the key in the ignition. I revved the engine and docked my iPod.

"You pick a song."

Bella reached over and flipped through the songs, nibbling on her lower lip as she looked at the music I had. I had this wide variety of music, I loved just about everything from Bach to fucking ZZ Top. I was really fascinated by what she would pick, you could find out a lot about a person by what music they chose. I tagged Bella for an 80s pop and Cure girl.

But Bella always surprised me as Johnny Cash came on, promising to _Walk the Line_.

We lapsed into silence as the rugged scenery flew by us and Johnny's deep baritone filled the interior of the car. The lyrics were poignant and I glanced over at Bella who was mouthing them silently. As the song faded into the next, I wondered if she had chosen it on purpose.

The next song was Johnny as well, with June singing _Jackson._ Bella started tapping her foot and her eyes met min as I glanced over at her, smiling. As the first lines of the song started, we both sang along, me as Johnny and her as June. I laughed out loud as we sang, the song knitting us together as we kept up. Bella's voice was melodic and happy as she inflected the right amount of sugar and sass into it.

The last chorus started and we sang at the top of our voices, the car engine purring along as I pressed down for more gas. As the song finished we were both laughing out loud, and Bella's laugh did things to me that I didn't know I could feel. I'd never really spent this kind of time with a girl before, well at least someone who wasn't my sister and it was like it melted something in me. For some strange reason, it made me remember my mother, not as I last saw her, but humming a song as she made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I had forgotten how she used to wink at me before she licked the knife after she cut the bread into triangles for me.

"Edward?" Bella's voice was like a caress.

I blinked, tearing myself away from the memory and looked at her. Her eyes searched mine, "You went away there for a second." She gave me a small smile and I smiled back at her.

We pulled into the small town I had Googled, it had a very tiny movie theater with only two screens. It had two of the most latest releases, so I hoped Bella didn't mind and was ok with the two movies that were there.

I hoped to fuck she didn't choose the goddam Disney movie.

It was my lucky day, she turned her nose up at animated singing and chose the horror film that was on instead.

I got her a huge soda and she asked for something gummy. I had a feeling that gummy bears would not go down well and chose some sort of mixed bag of brightly colored gummy things. We sat down in the back row, which was against the back wall in the corner along the far wall. There were only two other people in the theater and they were on the opposite side close to the front.

Bella sat the drink between us after taking a long sip and offered me a cola bottle shaped gummy from the bag. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"Are you sure?" she pleaded. I turned to tell her no and as I opened my mouth she popped the gum in between my lips and giggled at me. I tucked the candy into my cheek and leaned down into her ear and growled.

"You'll pay for that later!" and then I bit her earlobe gently.

She gasped and let out a squeak and I put my arm around her as the previews came on. She settled the bag of candy in her lap when the movie started. It was dark and there was a huge scare at the beginning. Bella jumped and I leaned over to whisper in her ear again.

"Are you scared?" She shook her head, her eyes wide and glued to the screen. I wondered if bringing her to a horror film was all that great idea considering the girl had nightmares on a fucking nightly basis. I whispered her name into her ear and she turned to look at me, her eyes wide. I smiled and leaned closer, taking her bottom lip between my teeth, her lip sugary sweet from the candy she'd been eating. She sighed and turned towards me-Fuck, I loved it when she made that sound.

My free hand went to caress the side of her face as I kissed her. Her hands tangled in my hair and we picked up where we had left off in her bedroom. One of her hands was on my cheek and she was touching my face, her little fingers on my cheekbone before she moved it lower to my chest. My hand was on her thigh, just above her knee, squeezing and kneading the muscle while my tongue moved in and out of her mouth. She started making those sexy whimpering sounds at the back of her throat I loved and my dick went rock hard. I nibbled on her lip again before moving down to her jaw and she whispered my name in my ear as I found that spot under her ear she loved, making her shiver.

My hand moved higher up her thigh and she shifted her legs slightly as I moved my hand farther up, under her skirt, I couldn't stop from wondering what kind of panties she was wearing. Her legs suddenly clamped around my hand just as it brushed up her inner thigh. The plastic bag of candy landed on the floor with a deafening crackle.

I pulled back, and looked at her face. Her eyes were wide as they looked up at me.

"Bella? Are you ok?" I studied her face in the flickering light of the movie. She shook her head. I gently moved my hand back to her knee and leaned to whisper into her ear, "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

I leaned back to watch her face as she answered, and I swear her blush was dark enough to see in the faint light. She whispered something too low for me to hear and I leaned closer for her to whisper in my ear. "It's just a bit too fast for me, Edward." her whisper was hot in my ear but I could tell she was really embarrassed and when I leaned back to look at her face, she wouldn't meet my eyes.

I whispered in her ear, "Is it because I-"

But she pulled away, shaking her head and then leaned closer to whisper in my ear again, "No. No, it's not you Edward. I'm just-I don't-" she was stuttering and it hit me while she was trying to find the words.

This is why Bella was so different for me. She wasn't one of the many sorority girls or drunken party girls that entertained me for a few hours. Bella was the kind of girl who got embarrassed if you felt her up in public, who didn't sleep around, who waited for phone calls that didn't come, and for some guy to tell her all things she wanted to hear.

The question is, was I, could I, be that guy?

* * *

**a/n: Well then, is Edward forgiven? Can he be that guy for Bella? For you? **

**Edward was a chain smokin motherfucker while I was writing this chapter, srsly. He was not happy where I left chapter 10.**

**Please review, it makes for quicker posting...I swears it. **

Oh yeah, and don't forget the twilighted thread, link on my profile...teasers and what have you posted there. And I'm on twitter, too. xo


	12. Chapter 12

**Usuals First: Ms Meyer owns these characters and all things Twilight. I own Edward's cigarettes and tattoos.**

**Special thanks to my beta: TorturedByTwilight for holding my hand and reassuring me that I do not epicly fail. **

**More big dirty kiltward thanks sunfeathers for pimping me out. Bb I got your money, don't you worry, I said hey bb I got your money! (ODB anyone?)**

**Quickly, this chapter seriously kicked my ass. It was so hard and was 8000 words. I have chopped it in half, which means chapter 13 should post for the weekend, if not sooner. If you've been on twitter, you would know RL is also currently kicking my ass. Fucking wisdom teeth ARG! (special thanks to sympathetic readers who listened to me tweet-moan this week)**

**Song List:  
Wild Horses: Natasha Beddingfield  
Good Enough: Evanesence  
Saved: Spill Canvas  
****Tread Water: Sara Bareilles  
Sparks: Cold Play**

* * *

**BPOV**

I was mortified and couldn't find the words I had been trying to say. I felt like my brain was constantly under a blanket: muffled and trapped. Edward stared at me, his eyes worried in the flicker of the movie screen but I had a feeling he saw more than I wanted to.

I desperately wanted the things that his eyes and arms and touch offered to me. I wanted them unconditionally and without rationalisation. Every time he's near, my body is ready to ignite, like a shivering tree in a storm waiting for lightning. Whenever I'm with him or near him, I am able to feel _something_. Recklessly abandoning myself to him, I feel something other than grief, or fear, or panic, or guilt, or the overwhelming sense that I was well and truly alone from everything and everyone around me.

I am addicted to him and the way he makes me feel. I can't say no to him, knowing that at any given moment when he's near there is a possibility he's going to touch me. The anticipation of his touch was almost as drugging as the sensation of his warm hands touching me. Every time he does, it's like he's washing all the blackness away and replacing it with promises he'll keep.

I know it's not really meant to be this way. He is the most beautiful guy I've ever seen, with his messy bronze hair that somehow always looks perfect. Those grass-green eyes of his that seemed to know everything about me without me divulging a word. His toned and tattooed arms and chest I could spend days studying with my eyes, my hands and my mouth. My eyes followed him around, noting the way his jeans fit him so well, but making me want to rip them off of him at the same time. Everything about him drew me in.

The worst of it was, that next to him I know I must look like some sad person he's escorting around by order of community service.

After last night, though, almost every time I close me eyes, my mind tortures me with Maggie's fiery curls glinting in the dim light, a seductive smile on her lips as she pressed herself against Edward and kissed him. I shuddered as the images scraped across my mind again.

Edward's hand tightened on my shoulder and I looked away from his penetrating eyes to the movie screen.

A girl was running through the woods, looking over her shoulder. She stumbled and fell, leaves scattering around her in the moonlight She struggled to get up, she realized her ankle was twisted. She squealed, calling for help but the only answer was the sound of something chasing her, guttural and feral, crunching through foliage and brush, getting closer, her breathing getting louder. Her gasps so loud, I could feel them in my chest.

Distantly, I thought I heard Edward swear. Then his voice caressed my ear, "C'mon Bella, I'll take you out of here." His hands were on mine and he pulled me up. I stumbled behind him, and realized I was close to having a panic attack in the movie theatre. Sweat broke out over my body and I tried to swallow the feelings back to the cesspit inside me where I kept them. Faintly, I could hear my mother screaming my name as Edward pulled me by the hand out through the lobby. He looked back at me as I stumbled and stopped mid stride. His lips tightened for an instant and he pulled me into his side. His arm protectively around me shoulders, his hand gently rubbing up and down my arm.

We walked through the glass doors back outside and the parking lot seemed to move closer to me as I felt a darkness from behind my eyes trying to seep in. The sunlight was numbed behind low gray clouds and I shuddered. The screams were getting louder now and I put the hood up of my hoodie, hoping to block out the sounds. Edward walked me over to his car which was around the corner of the building, and this part of the lot was deserted save for us.

I broke away from his arms and rested my head on top of my arms against the car. I leaned my cheek against the car window, trying to focus on other things, pressing myself close to the car, trying to hide from things that only existed inside of me. The glass of the car window was cool on my cheek and I choked on a sob.

Edward was behind me, his hands on my waist. "Bella, come here." He turned me gently so I was facing him and pulled me close to his chest. I rested my cheek on his soft t-shirt and he wrapped his arms around me.

_This right here. This is why I need him. This strength that I don't have, he gives me it back when I'm close to him. _

I pressed closer to him and I felt his chin rest on the top of my head. My breathing broke on another sob, as it bubbled its way up my throat. Why? Why was this continuing on? When would I be better? I can't even go to a movie without acting like a freak. I'm so tired of having to be in control. I'm so tired of being tired. I just want to let go and become weightless, I want to float away in the breeze.

His voice was like velvet in my ear, "Bella," his hands shifted on my back pulling me closer to him. Then I felt his arms shift and his hands slid up and inside my t-shirt, touching my skin. His touch pulled along the jagged wound I was nursing on the side, but his palms were flat, covering my skin, his fingers finding places that were crying for them.

He sighed and whispered raggedly in my ear, "Bella you're going to get through this and probably come out stronger on the other side," His hands continued to run up and down my spine, I felt goose bumps brake out over my skin as his touch worked his magic . I felt him press his lips to my hair and I choked on another sob, and felt my eyes well up. I shouldn't be comforted, I don't deserve it. I was left on my own for a reason.

"Please don't cry, sweetheart," I leaned more heavily against him, and his arms tightened around me, "I've got you." His hands continued to move over my skin as we stood there and I swallowed and closed my eyes. He gave me his touch and the time I needed to calm down. My breathing returned to normal, and I felt drained.

One of his hands moved from my back and he shifted to look down at me, his hand lifting my chin up so he could look in my eyes. His eyes studied mine for a long moment, his thumb at my eyes to wipe away the unshed tears.

"Do you want to go back?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Do you want to-" my stomach interrupted his question with a loud growl. He smirked as a chuckle escaped his smile. He looked up at the sky and back down at me, "I guess we better feed you," He smiled down at me and I nearly melted into my converse, "C'mon it's starting to rain." Reaching behind me, he opened the door of the car.

I sat down and placed my purse on the floor. I loved the way his car smelled. It was still kind of new car but a mixture of Edward and cigarettes as well. It made me smile. He was beside me and starting the car, revving the engine. He must have lit a cigarette before he got in, the smoke curling around us before he cracked the window. He leaned over to fiddle with the controls of the stereo. I watched, mesmerized by his long fingers as he selected a song and then straightened in his seat, his hand on the gear shift, throwing the car into reverse. His arm was around the head rest of my seat and there was something intimate in the way he was turned towards me but looking behind him. It was over as quickly as it began and we were pealing out of the parking lot, his foot on the accelerator. We left the tiny town that the movie theater was in behind.

The opening notes to a familiar piano song floated through the air and they blended gracefully with the swish of the windshield wipers and the patter of small raindrops.

I gasped when I recognized it, "Claire de Lune?"

He glanced at me and then his eyes were back on the road, "You know Debussy?"

"My Mom used to play piano music in the house sometimes when I was younger. I only know my favorites."

There was a calm soothing silence in the car and I shifted farther into my seat, getting comfortable. It was so wonderful, the sounds and sight of the rain and music, they were like a healing balm on my frazzled emotions. Edward deftly steered the car on the single lane road, blowing his cigarette smoke out of the window. The sound of his breaths and the smell of the cigarette were also oddly comforting to me.

His whiskeyd voice broke into the silence, "How do you know Johnny Cash by heart?"

I sighed, "When I used to visit my Dad in the summertime, it was all he used to play in the cruiser sometimes. He always seemed like a total cliché with his moustache and sheriff jacket on, singing Johnny Cash songs. Now, every time I hear Johnny Cash it reminds me of shady summers in Forks."

I thought of last summer, and the quiet summer days I had spent with Jacob and the guys. I smiled, remembering how I had always tagged after them when I was little and they used to chase me away. I used to watch them go cliff diving but they would never let me, saying it was too dangerous. Last summer had been spent back and forth to Jacob's. He had been restoring some old motorcycles and I loved watching him work, handing him tools that he asked for and replenishing our supply of soda.

I thought of the drive down 110 towards the La Push Beach, that road seemed to go on forever. On sunny days I would roll the windows down in my truck and stick my hand out, letting it bask on the wind, making waves. If I closed my eyes, I was there in my old truck, Jacob would be laughing as my hair blew in my face. I sighed as I remembered, and wondered what he was doing right now. I really should check my e-mails again. And soon, I bet-

Edward brought me out of my reverie, "What are you thinking about?"

"Driving my old tank of a truck and my friend Jacob." I sighed again.

"Who the _fuck_ is Jacob?" he snapped, I saw his hands tighten on the steering wheel.

My eyes widened at his response, "He's my best friend from back home. I've known him since I was little." I paused, trying to find the right words to explain, "We played together as kids when our dads would get together for fishing or football."

Edward turned and glanced at me, his eyes narrowed. I shrank back a bit from the anger I saw on his face and he saw me flinch. His eyes gentled immediately and he turned back to the road. Taking a final drag on his cigarette, he flicked it out the cracked window and sighed. One of his hands left the wheel to run his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry Bella. I just thought-" He broke off huffed, and ran his fingers through his hair again, "I just though he was your boyfriend or some shit."

"My boyfriend?" I gaped at him.

"Well, yeah. Is he?" he glanced over at me, an eyebrow raised.

I wasn't quite sure how to answer him. Jacob and I had never like, gone out or anything. Sometimes, I had caught Jacob looking at me funny. There was a time last summer when he and the guys had built a bonfire on the beach. It had been night time and the flames had warded off the end of summer chill. The guys were in the middle of some heated debate when I turned and caught Jacob looking at me. He had started to lean in, like he was going to kiss me and then Paul had asked him a question and he'd looked up. I had always wondered what would have happened if Paul had never said anything.

Edward grew frustrated with my silence, "Fuckin-a, Bella, Is-"

"No," I said it a lot harsher than I meant to and tried to gentle my tone, "No. Jacob and I are just close friends, that's all."

Abruptly, we pulled into a parking lot that was close to a marina. The lit sign for an Italian restaurant loomed as Edward manoeuvred the car around the lot. He pulled into a space and turned the car off, his motions fluid as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car, closing his door behind him. I released my own seatbelt and struggled with the door handle while he walked around the front of the car. He was at my door and pulling the handle, the cold evening air hitting my face. I took his offered hand as he helped me out. The touch of his fingers seemed to tingle up my arm as he led the way towards the entrance of the restaurant.

The air was full of the smells of the sea and I could see the tops of boats swaying gently in the waves. The keening cry of seagulls echoed around us as some of the birds took flight to bask on the breeze.

Edward opened the door for me, and I went in, taking in the smell of garlic bread and the sea. Edward was right behind me, and I felt his arm settle around my shoulders as the hostess sized me up. She was tall and blonde, her hair was poker straight. She wore a black pencil skirt and a white blouse that buttoned up, but she had left some of the buttons undone to display some of her ample cleavage. 'Hostess Barbie' decided I was of little importance and moved on to look at Edward behind me. It was shameless the way her eyes devoured him.

"How many?" She addressed Edward, not sparing me another glance. Her voice was inviting and her eyes went all seductive as she batted them at him.

"Two." he answered. She nodded and grabbed two menus and started to make her way towards a table in the middle of the dining area. The dining room was modern with creamy walls panelled in dark wood the color of dark chocolate. The tables were black and had matching black leather chairs. There was a small candle on each table that led an air of intimacy to the atmosphere. Most of the tables were empty and only a few diners were in, glasses of wine glinting in the dimmed light of the overhead chandeliers.

She laid our menus on the table but Edward shook his head and it looked like he had smoothly handed her a tip, "Something more private?"

Hostess Barbie nodded and took us to a more intimate booth in the corner. I sat down and slid in and Edward slid in next to me, our knees touching. Hostess Barbie placed the menus in front of us and as her eyes lingered on Edward's forearms, she stated our waiter would be right with us. She sauntered away, her heels muffled on the carpet.

We picked up the menus and studied them in silence. I was aware that he hadn't said a word to me since the car and the silence was starting to make me feel anxious. I was about to ask him if I had done something wrong when he turned to me.

"Do you know what you want yet?" His mouth was tense and I had the feeling that question meant more than food.

I glanced at the menu and picked the first thing I saw, _the cannelloni_. I nodded and told him. He was just about to say something when our waiter showed up.

He was tall, his hair a sandy blonde, his eyes a warm hazel. He smiled at me, and I looked away, back down at the menu. I caught Edward's jaw ticking out of the corner of my eye.

In a thick Scottish accent, the waiter spoke, his voice deep, "Hiya, I'm Mike. Can I get you something to drink?" I looked up and he raised an eyebrow at me, completely ignoring Edward.

I struggled with something to say, and I could feel Edward tensely quiet next to me, "Just an ice water, please."

"Awww, darlin, are you sure you just want a water?" Mike's eyes smiled into mine.

"Yes, she _just_ wants fucking water. And that's all you'll be fucking giving her, _Mike_," Edward sneered his name, his eyes twin green flames, "Now go and fucking get the goddam water," Edward said the last part in a quietly lethal way and Mike almost ran to do his bidding.

I looked at Edward in astonishment as he attempted to calm down, his nostrils were flared and he glanced over at me. For some reason, and I felt awful for doing it, which only made it worse, I started to giggle. It was that stupid look on Mike's face before he left the table, like he was going to wet himself.

Edward glanced over at me out of the corner of his eye and I bit my lip and looked away from him. Absolutely dying to laugh, my giggles nervously bubbled to the surface and I chanced a glance back over at him. He was looking at me, his eyebrows raised. His face had calmed a bit and his eyes narrowed as he took in my shaking shoulders.

"Is something funny, Bella?" his voice had a different kind of edge to it now.

I tried to sober my face. I shook my head, but a squeak escaped. He slid closer to me in the booth and put his arm around my waist, squeezing me closer to his side. I jumped as he found a ticklish spot and another squeak escaped.

"Are you sure you don't find anything funny, Bella?" He asked softly, trying to lean around my face which I was hiding from him. My ponytail fell between us against my neck and he smoothed it back over my shoulder, his fingers lingering on my neck. Before I knew what he was doing, he placed a wet kiss on my neck and then I felt his teeth run along my neck to my collarbone. I shivered.

I heard a throat clear and saw two waters being set down in front of us, the glasses full of ice and a large glass bottle of war was placed in the middle of the table.

I felt myself turn absolutely red and Edward straightened up from my neck but his arm never left it's place around me. Mike wouldn't meet our eyes as he pulled out a notepad from the front pocket of his black apron.

"A-are y-you ready to order?" He stuttered.

Edward glanced at me and I nodded. He looked at Mike with a demonic grin on his face, "Two cannelloni's, Mike."

Mike scribbled in his note book and walked away as quickly as he could.

Edward turned back to me and took one of my hands. His thumb rubbed over my knuckles and tiny little lightning bolts ran from my knuckles up my arm and through the rest of my body.

He looked into my eyes and I stared back, dazzled by his touch and his intensity.

"Bella we really need to talk." He stopped and took a breath, "I-" He paused, his eyes left mine and then returned, "Fuck, this is just shit that you need to hear, ok?"

I nodded at him, I couldn't figure out what he was so frustrated with, I studied his face which was drawn into a

"Bella, I need to talk to you about Maggie and some other things," I started to interrupt him but he put his index finger over my lips, "No let me finish, this is shit I have to say to you, ok?"

I nodded again. I didn't know if these are words I want to hear. Just the mention of _her name _made me inwardly cringe. I sat back from him but he held on to my hand. I couldn't break that contact with him, his touch invoked too many things in me.

"Last spring break, we all went down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. We-you know, as in Emmett and Rose, Jaz and Alice, and me. Maggie decided to visit when we were going and she came with us. It was after 5 AM, and I was pretty fucking wasted. We eventually made our way back to our hotel rooms. And Maggie? Well," He paused, looking down at the table, "You can guess the rest. I barely remember anything, but she was all over me the rest of the trip." He sighed and moved his finger from my lips to run his fingers through his hair.

"Bella, I am not a commitment kind of guy. I'm really just good at being a fucking asshole. Alice calls it my," he raised his hand up, making aerial quotations with his fingers, "_Fuck'em and Forget'em Syndrome_." Before putting his hand down, he nervously ran his hand through his hair, shaking his head, "I don't do relationships, I don't do second dates or even second chances. I don't call when I say I will. I don't remember their names, sometimes their faces."

Why was he telling me this? He had said I wasn't a plaything to him and the hurt from the previous night started to twist in my chest like a knife. If we had met at one of the numerous parties my room mate Jessica had dragged me to, would I have been a victim of his carnal habits? I could feel myself getting more and more upset by the minute and I started to withdraw from him, the hurt I was feeling last night started to blossom in my chest again. I could feel my eyes start to well up and I looked away from him.

"Wait," He followed me as I tried to turn away from him, his hand reaching under my jaw to bring my gaze back to his. He swore when he saw my eyes and his thumb came up to wipe them, "Wait, before you start drawing the wrong conclusions! Bella I fuck up, like all the fucking time. Current situation is a perfect fucking example,"

He paused then and took a deep breath, then continued, "Things, for me, are different with you. I don't usually spend this amount of time with a girl and I kind of get the feeling that there are is a lot of shit I'm more aware of than you are. Not that you're like some naïve little girl and shit, just that I have more…Fuck, I don't know, experience, in certain things. I think you might need me to take things slow with you, but I can't stay away from you anymore. I can't play this _are we _or _aren't we _shit. I know you've only known me for just less than a month, but I want you Bella. I want you like I've never fucking wanted anything else. This is so different for me, because I-" he paused, searching for words, "I-Fuck! I don't know what I'm saying here and I'm probably scaring the shit out of you." He put his head in his hand, his words silent for now but still curling around me as I tried to make sense of them.

I knew that there was something between us and I knew that he was attracted to me, I had felt it against me when we were dancing and a few other times when he had kissed me and held me. I just don't want to be another knotch on his bedpost, I don't want to be a faceless girl that he's slept with. I had so many other things that I could just barely deal with.

He was watching my face, waiting for a reaction. He must have read my features while I processed what he had said.

"Bella, I've never done anything like this before and with you, I just don't want to fuck things up."

I nodded at him, "Edward, I-" but Mike showed up then with our plates and nervously placed them in front of us. Automatically, I spread my napkin in my lap and looked at Edward. Mike asked if we needed anything else and Edward shook his head. Mike lit out like his pants were on fire.

I scooted back against the booth as Edward took his arm back from around me. I picked up my fork, my eyes never leaving his. The moment we shared between us was intense, his face unmoving as looked at me. If the lights had been off, someone would have seen the little bits of electric lights that flowed between us.

"Edward, I'm not one of those kind of girls that sleeps around. In fact, I-"my eyes strayed to my lap and I squeezed the fork in my hand until it hurt my fingers, "I haven't, umm slept," I felt my cheeks go redder and my voice was tiny, "like ever."

I chanced a look at him through my lashes and if it were even more possible, his eyes were more intense, on fire with something else now. The heat from his gaze burned my skin where it touched and his eyes slid over me, looking me over, inspecting me and I shivered.

"Bella, you fucking let me know when you're ready to sleep." His hand reached over to trace my cheekbone and down towards my neck. I shivered from his touch, like a flame in the wind.

We ate then, in silence, but the intensity wasn't any less. It seemed that no further words were needed between us. I was so aware of his lips, his fingers, his green flame tattoos that danced on his arms every time he moved.

Before I knew it, my cannelloni had disappeared. I was so full, I rested against the back of the booth while Edward paid the cheque that Mike brought over. In a daze from the evening, Edward took my hand as we stood up from the booth and led me out of the restaurant. The sun was setting over the sea and the sunset was beautiful. Streaks of orange yellow and pink mingled with downy purple clouds that were trying so hard to be rain clouds.

Edward guided me over to the car, his hands never leaving me. He held the door opened and I settled into the seat. I was leaning over buckling the belt wondering why Edward hadn't shut the door. When I turned around, he was right there, his face so close and I jumped. Kneeling next to me, he smirked and took my face in his hands. He lowered his head, and my eyes fluttered closed, knowing he was going to kiss me.

It was very sweet, this kiss. My hands wound into his hair, playing with it as he gently touched his lips to mine, running his tongue along my lower lip before placing his lips more firmly on mine. His lips were soft and he tasted of the chocolate after dinner mints that had been placed on the table. It was intoxicating and reminded me of slow dancing with him for that first time. He was drawing me in, but so enticingly slow, his hands stroking my cheekbones. He threaded his hands into my hair, releasing it from the ponytail I had it in. It fell cool around me and he massaged my scalp as his tongue gently traced mine, both actions sending a current of sensations down my body and settling between my legs. I felt my nipples tighten in response as his fingers touched me, skimming down my neck. I wish I wasn't restrained by the seat belt but he leaned closer, one of his hands still in my hair, the other now down at my waist, kneading my hip with his long fingers.

He broke the kiss, and gave me another quick short kiss on my lips. He leaned back to look at me and I opened my eyes to meet his jaded depths.

Then he grinned at me, and that grin was instantly my favorite. It was so sexy, lopsided and knowing exactly what is he does to me. It made me smile in return.

He stood up then and shut the door, my eyes following him as he walked around the car. Before he got in, he reached into his pockets and pulled out his cigarettes and lighter. He lit up, the smoke captured by the wind and blowing it away from him. He stood there for a moment, breathing in and then exhaling slowly. The breeze caught his hair and played with it gently. He opened the door to the car then, and got in beside me.

He turned on the car and cracked the window again to allow the smoke to escape. He played with the iPod once he docked it and selected a song. He pealed out of the parking lot and we were on the main road heading back as the opening chords to Led Zeppelin's _Going to California_ filled the mellowed air around us.

I smiled, feeling better about things, a sense of total lightness filling me. I hadn't felt that way for a very long time.

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**Ahhhh, isn't that nice. Do you feel all warm and fuzzy?**

**Please review, I totally heart them all. You can join me on twitter or twilighted for mad chat and Rain Story Q&A. Twitter link on my profile if that's your MO.**

**Oooo and also! As a reward for you, gentle reader, there is a wee poll on the my profile for next chapter! Since I hit 100 reviews last week, you may have a choice! Do you want your first Rain Season lemon BPOV or EPOV? Do let me know! Voting will close at the end of the week.**

**Hmmmm...I wonder where that Maggie got to...teaser for chapter 13 on twilighted (link on my profile). C'mon over, I don't bite. Kiltward might, if you ask him nice.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A\N: First off: These are Stephanie Meyer's children as is everything Twilight. **

**Ok, real talk peeps: If you are in anyway related to me, know me personally, or have to look me in the eye on a daily basis, DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER. If you read it, I will not discuss it with you. SRSLY! Move along, there's a whole internet to explore. GO DO IT…like now. Srsly, piss off.**

**For those of you who stayed: if you are under 18, please go away. This is officially the point where you stop kidding yourself on and find the T related fics. Thanks.**

**Eh hem…so this chapter is NSFW, it is lemon flavored. If that ain't your bag, beat it. Srsly. Usual thank yous and song list will be posted at the bottom. **

**Lastly, thank you to my Beta, TorturedByTwilight who held my hand and told me I was perfect my first time.**

* * *

**BPOV**

We were walking back into the house and could hear laughter coming from the living room. Edward had his arm around my waist as we walked in. Esme and Carlisle were entertaining Liam and Siobhan on the couches, glasses of wine and small glasses with whiskey were on the table.

Esme smiled as we came in and got up from the couch to move toward us. "There you two are! Alice said you'd gone to a movie but we were wondering what had happened to you."

Edward answered her, "That was the worst movie I've seen in a while. We ended up stopping off for dinner."

"Oh well, that's fine. The rest are all downstairs, I think they ordered pizza if you're still hungry," Esme's eyes shifted to me, "Are you ok, sweetheart? You look a bit flushed."

I blushed even more, and I felt Edward's hand tighten on my hip. "I'm ok. It was nice to get out for a while."

"Oh honey. I knew we should have taken you with us this week. I was just worried about your ankle. I promise we won't keep you all cooped up. You and I will go out sometime next week." She smiled at me and we followed her as she turned towards the kitchen.

"Edward take that beer down with you. I think you and Jasper are the only ones who will drink that brand anyways," Esme had opened the fridge and started to hand Edward tall beer cans of the fridge and he removed his arm from my waist to carry them.

"Bella do you need anything, honey?" Esme's head peaked up from behind the fridge door.

"No, I'm good. Thanks, Esme." I smiled at her and she nodded. I took a couple of the cold cans she was handing to Edward. The can was freezing and I was glad I still had my hoodie on.

Esme closed the door and smiled at us, "If you need anything just ask." She turned to leave the kitchen, and I stood there looking at Edward holding the cans.

He seemed reluctant to leave the kitchen that was dark except for the light filtering from the living room. The faint glow only gave enough light for me to see our outlines. The hum of the fridge seemed to echo the hum of electricity between us as he stepped closer to me. The cans forgotten, he leaned closer and brushed his lips across mine. I sighed and he pulled back, chuckling.

"C'mon." His velvety voice wrapped around me and I had to force my legs to move from where I stood. He managed to get the door open without dropping his cans, and Alice's pop music filtered out. We made our way downstairs, Edward behind me and as I stepped off of the stairs, I stiffened. Maggie was sitting in the chair I had occupied while the guys played video games earlier in the week. I tried not to look at her, her presence making my stomach drop as memories of the previous night tried to filter into my brain.

Rose and Alice were seated at the opposite end of the table, Alice talking animatedly. Alice was dressed in black skinny jeans and black and white striped top with a picture of red lips on them that reminded me of the _Rocky Horror _lips. Rose had on a boot cut blue jeans and a white ringer t-shirt with black rings on the arms and neck. On the front of her t-shirt were words in purple black and teal lettering that said: _I Could Be A Bitch If I Was Nicer_.

I followed Edward over to the counter area where the mini fridge was and saw Jasper and Emmett playing pool. Emmett was wearing loose jeans and a white t-shirt that had a green logo on but I couldn't make out the words under the logo. Jasper looked up and smiled at me as Emmett leaned over the table to position his cue, and I smiled back at him and waved once I put the cans down. Jasper was wearing jeans as well, and a black black button up shirt, the sleeves rolled over his forearms.

I turned back to Edward who had opened his beer and his eyes met mine, "What do you want to drink?"

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Alice and Rose were drinking bottles of beer with limes in them. "Whatever Alice and Rose are drinking."

Edward set his can down and turned back to the fridge and pulled out the bottle. There was a lime sitting on a cutting board and he sliced a wedge for me and stuck it in the top of the bottle. Handing it to me he glanced at Maggie, then back at me and said, "Don't let her get to you. She'll be gone soon."

I nodded and his hand came up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. Smiling he stepped around me to join the guys at the pool table.

I went and sat next to Rose on the couch. Alice smiled at me as I sat down.

"I'm so glad you're here! Rose and I were talking about having a spa day. There are a lot of them up north. Just us girls and Esme too! The wedding isn't too far away and we could all do with a refresher before the real chaos descends!"

Rose sighed, "I know I could do with a massage." She leaned forward to grab her beer bottle off of the table and took a drink.

Alice nodded, "It's settled then. I'll organize it all in the morning." She smiled wide and clasped her hands together.

The conversation went on and I smiled watching Alice and Rose go back and forth. The gentle click of the pool balls as the guys razzed each other echoed from the other part of the room. Maggie sat in sullen silence and it was obvious that she was tolerated only and not included in the Cullen Family experience.

I finished my beer, the lime giving the beer a lovely tart taste, when I felt him standing behind the couch. His voice curled in my ear sending shivers down my body.

"How are you doing?"

I looked over my shoulder at him, he was leaning down and our mouths were so close we shared the same breath.

"Yeah, I'm good," I smiled at him and blushed.

He kissed my lips quickly and blush deepened, "You want to learn how to play pool?"

"Sure." I stood up and Alice and Rose got up as well. Stepping around the couch, I moved to stand with Edward who led me over to the pool table. Jaz and Emmett stood at the back of the table, their cues in hand , Jaz chalking the tip of his stick.

Alice came over with us but Rose went to the fridge to get more drinks.

Emmett was tapping his pool stick on the floor in beat to the Britney Spears song that was playing and then realized what he was doing.

"Aw, fuck! Alice, what is with this shit?!" He protested, motioning towards the speakers blaring the pop music.

Alice grinned at him and put her hands on her hips, "Are you going to touch my music, big brother?"

"If I hear one more minute of this shit, I _swear_ I'm going to grow fucking ovaries." He stomped over to the stereo, tossing his pool cue to Alice who caught it.

Edward pulled me by the hand over to the pool table. Jaz had laid his stick aside and had racked the balls into a triangle on the table.

Edward showed me how to hold the pool cue and how to take a shot first. I loved watching his flame tattoos flicker over his arms as he showed me what to do. My mind drifted and I missed half of what he said. I studied his tattoos again, my eyes touching him where I wanted to with my hands. His black t-shirt with half angels wing design on it was like a tattoo as well. His jeans fit loosely, but I wanted to grab his ass. The way he leaned over that pool table did things to me. He straightened from the table and looked at me expectantly. I grabbed the cue he handed me and leaned over the table. Pulling at my skirt, hoping no one saw my underwear when I bent over the table. I took aim and started to make my shot but the stick was stuck. I looked behind me and Edward was holding it. He leaned over me, his body pressed to mine his arms around me as he showed me how to line up the shot.

"Right, Bella, you hold the stick this way and aim at the cue ball to brake." His voice was in my ear and he helped me take my first shot, the balls clicking against each other and bumping against the side of the green felt table. We both stood up together and I leaned against his back. The all white ball fell into the corner pocket and I jumped in the air.

"I got one! I got one!" I smiled and turned to Edward. He cringed and I felt my face fall, "Oh, no…did I do something wrong?"

Jasper chuckled and I turned back to look at him, "You're not supposed to put the cue ball in, honey." His slow drawl soothed.

"Oh, no." I chewed on my bottom lip and started to back away from the table but tripped into Edward who was still behind me. He caught my arms and his touch burned through me as I dazedly watched Jasper dig into the pocket holding the eight ball.

"What Emmett doesn't know won't hurt him." He winked at me and placed the ball back onto the table. Edward pulled me back against him and placed a wet kiss on my neck. I blushed, hoping no one noticed. Jasper was taking his shot and Rose had returned with everyone's drinks in her arms, Alice was helping her set them down. Emmett was still fiddling with the music.

"No. No. Hell no. Fuck no," Emmett continued to scan through Alice's music selection.

But someone had noticed Edward and me, and her eyes narrowed as she tossed her copper locks over her shoulder. She threw me the dirtiest look from where she sat, and her posture was absolutely seething. Edward must have seen it as well, I felt his arm curl around me protectively.

Emmett finally found music he was happy with, and the opening strains of Asher Roth's _I Love College _filtered from the speakers.

He punched Edward in the arm on his way by the pool table, "I put that on for you, fucker. That is our entire college career in three minutes," He looked at us standing there and had a wicked grin on his face, "Why don't we make this a little more interesting?"

Alice handed him his pool stick and clapped her hands together, "Oooooooo! Emmett, that's perfect. It's going to be so funny!" She danced over to the bar area as Emmett rolled his eyes.

Emmett shouted after her as she bent in front of a cabinet. "Grab the tequila Alice! None of that stupid shit that is the color of cough medicine."

Alice found the bottle and skipped back over with the tequila and a stack of shot glasses. She lined them up on the table and poured a shot into each. Then she looked up at all of us, "Ok, a shot before each team's turn and a shot if they make it, of course. We are going to be _very_ drunk."

We all stepped forward to have our shots. Slamming his glass back down, Emmett rubbed his hands together and grinned, then walked back over to the pool table to take his turn.

He smirked at me and motioned towards the table, "Show me what you got, Tiny Dancer!"

The game commenced, and I played on Edward's team against Jasper and Emmett. I was terrible but Edward enjoyed showing me how to make better shots, and I enjoyed his whispered instructions in my ear. Pretty soon, the game was over and I handed my cue stick to Rose. Alice walked over to take Edward's. She was only slightly taller than the stick itself.

Maggie came over to pour herself another drink. She had been going back and forth all night to from the kitchen area to the chair to pour her own rum and cokes. Her eyes seethed as she watched us, and the others tried their best to ignore her.

Edward leaned against the wall to watch the game, and I leaned against his front, my back to him. I could feel Maggie's eyes burning with jealousy on the two of us. Edward didn't seem worried, his hands either on my hips or stroking my arm as he stood behind me, raising goose bumps. He suddenly pulled me tighter to him in a hug and I sighed, leaning my head back into his chest. The alcohol was making me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Maggie suddenly rose, and stretched. She let out a big dramatic sigh, "Well, I'm off to bed, have to get an early start tomorrow."

And with deliberate haughtiness, got up and walked out of the room. She closed the door behind her with a loud bang.

Emmett was the first speak, "Well thank fuck for that. Jesus, if I had to sit there and tolerate anymore of her shit, I was gonna toss her up those stairs."

Jasper scowled, "I would have gladly helped you," he shook his head, "How one person can create such a nasty atmosphere is mind blowing."

The game was getting silly after the umpteenth round of shots, and we were all a bit drunk. The tequila eventually ran out and everyone migrated over to the couches. The mood was mellow as Edward and Emmett traded wild stories from last semester at college. I got up from leaning against Edward while Emmett was telling some story about this night Edward had to escape the cops in his boxers when the cops raided some party they'd been at.

I pulled out a couple of bottles of beer for the guys from the mini fridge. Then I twisted the cap on a large bottle of Coke. It sprayed all over my t-shirt. Five pairs of eyes turned to me. I turned around, my white t-shirt soaked with Coke and I saw Edward's eyes light as he stared at my transparent top. I crossed my arms over my chest and blushed.

"I'll be right back, I'm gonna go upstairs and change." I stumbled over to the stairs and started to make my way up them. I could feel myself getting all sticky. Opening the door, and I was met with total darkness. I felt totally disoriented and wandered for a bit, feeling along the wall for a light switch.

Just as I found a switch, I realised I was in the kitchen. The clock above the stove read 3:30 AM. I jumped as I heard a voice behind me.

"Hello, Bella."

Turning around, I saw Maggie behind me, dressed in a pair of too short shorts and a tank top that was far too tight for her bust.

Her face erupted into a snarl as she smacked me in the face with her open palm. Pushing me up against the fridge, she lowly growled at me in her Irish accent, "You've ruined this whole fucking weekend for me you stupid bitch. He'll get bored with you , too."

***

**EPOV**

I was popping the cap off of a bottle of beer when Alice suddenly screeched.

"_THAT FUCKING BITCH_!" I turned my head to see Alice fly up the stairs, Rose close behind her.

I set my beer down and ran after them, Emmett and Jasper on my heels.

The sight that met my eyes when we got to the top of the stairs made me see fucking red. Maggie had Bella pinned to the fridge and a bright red hand mark was forming on Bella's cheek. I started to move forward but Jasper stopped me.

"Alice and Rose have got it." I fought against him but Emmett clamped down on my shoulder as well. I watched as Rose pulled Maggie off of Bella and Alice got in Maggie's face.

"I _fucking_ told you!" she hissed, "I fucking told you this would happen. Now you're gonna make me be a bitch, and I don't like being a bitch. I told you not to mess with my brother and you still tried to pull your shit. Now you're trying to start some shit with Bella. Fuck you, bitch!"

"As much as it would give me the greatest pleasure to slap the shit out of you, I'll give you an out. Get the fuck out, and make it within the next 6 hours. Fuck off back to Ireland. I better not see your face at the wedding. Make up whatever excuse you like for right now and later on to Aunt Siobhan, I don't give a fucking toot. Just _fucking_ do it. Go pack your shit and get out of my sight and if you're not gone by tomorrow morning first thing, I will personally see to it that Aunt Siobhan is aware of the large amount of coke in your suitcase," Maggie's eyes widened, "_Yes, I know. _Now FUCK OFF." Rose let Maggie go and she scampered out of the room like a frightened rabbit.

Emmett and Jasper let me go and I went to Bella who had crumpled on the floor. That bitch fucking hit her and Bella would be lucky if she didn't have a bruise tomorrow. I angled her chin up so I could look at her face more fully.

"Fuck, Bella. Look what she did!" I traced her cheek with my fingers. Bella's eyes started to well up and I wanted to turn around and go after Maggie for making Bella fucking cry. I wanted to beat the shit out of her for causing Bella so much pain. I was not the kind of guy to hit a woman, but that animalistic desire to stomp a fucking hole in her was there. I drew in a deep breath, trying to calm down for Bella's sake. Alice was beside me and assessed Bella's face.

"I think you better take her upstairs to bed, Edward. Are you ok, Bella?" Alice's concerned eyes met Bella's velvet brown ones. Bella nodded but then looked down. Putting my arm around her and my other arm beneath her knees, I lifted her against my chest. She put her arms around my neck and hid her face in my shoulder. I turned to face the others.

"I'm gonna take her upstairs. I'll see you guys in the morning." Emmett nodded, his face furious and Jasper's eyes were like flint, narrowed and full of anger.

I turned back around and made my way to the stairs. I climbed them slowly, keeping a firm grip on Bella. Making my way down the hall, I started to go to her room but she stopped me.

"Please Edward. I don't want to be alone while she's still in the house." Her voice was tiny and pleading and I couldn't say no to her.

I turned and chose to go into my room instead. I laid Bella on the bed and turned on a lamp which only provided a small amount of light.

It touched on Bella's body which seemed crumpled and defeated, lying on top of the covers. Her t-shirt was still wet from the coke that had fizzed on her earlier. I looked at her and walked over to her side, putting a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Bella, let me help you out of your wet clothes."

She sat up and realized where she was. She studied her surroundings, the wall of CD's and vinyl that I had meticulously organized, the large stereo system and woofers, the desk and the wardrobe that were against the wall but on opposite sides of the room. She studied my bed next, her head turning, her eyes lingering on the leather head board. It had a wooden base and was much higher than her bed was. The sheets and pillows were black and I had insisted on a black bedspread as well before Esme got carried away and started to order fucking flowers and shit.

"Do you want me to go over to your room and get you something to change into?" Bella rubbed her eyes and nodded her head. She stifled a yawn and then grimaced, rubbing her cheek. I went across the hall and flicked on the light to her room. Opening the top drawer on her dresser, I pulled out a black t-shirt. The next drawer I opened was full of panties and bras of every color and shape. My cock went instantly hard at the thought of Bella in each pair and me pulling them down her hips with my teeth. There was black lace, white satin, purple cotton, little white shorts with…fucking cherries?! Oh fuck. I shut the drawer before she walked in and caught me perving over her panties.

I opened another drawer and found a pair of little red sleep shorts. Standing, I walked back into my room and found Bella where I had left her, sitting on the bed. Her eyelids were droopy and she looked exhausted. I handed the clothes to her and she slipped down the front of the bed and landed on her good foot. She walked into my bathroom and quietly shut the door behind her.

While she was in, I stripped out of my clothes and shoes, and placed them in a neat pile so I could move them into my bathroom once Bella was finished. Moving to the dresser, I pulled out a pair of black Addidas tracksuit bottoms and put them on. If I had been by myself, I would be fucking naked, but as it looked like Bella would be spending the night, wandering around with a hard on in front of her didn't go with my whole telling her exactly how I felt about her shit.

I had meant every fucking word. She was so different to me than any person I had ever met and it took what had happened at the movie theater to make me realize.

The door to the bathroom opened slowly, and a sleepy eyed Bella stepped out in the black t-shirt and red shorts. My eyes nearly fell out of my fucking head and my cock tried to leap out of my Adidas. I tried to adjust before she noticed. She wasn't wearing a bra and I swear I could see her fucking nipples through that t-shirt. She didn't seem to notice me trying to burn a hole through her shirt though as she moved towards the bed, rubbing her cheek. I walked over to enter the bathroom, flicking on the light and shoving my clothes into the basket, then brushed my teeth.

I walked back into the room, and Bella was laying in the bed, the covers pulled up around her shoulders. Turning off the small desk light I walked over to the bed. Sliding under the covers, I pulled her against me. She rolled over and cuddled up towards my chest, already half asleep.

"Please hold me, Edward." I wrapped her into my arms and pulled her close. One of her legs came up to rest over my hip.

I stroked her cheek, hoping she wouldn't have a bruise. "I'm _so_ sorry she fucking hurt you, Bella."

Bella didn't open her eyes but one of her hands came up and rested on my chest. "S'okay, Edward."

I took a deep breath, there was something that caught and broke inside me. I felt like I was holding my world in my arms, and it scared the shit out of me.

***

I was leaning against a post on the porch, the early morning sunlight streaming through the trees. The air was fresh from the rain yesterday. I was enjoying this part of my morning ritual the cigarette smoke mingling with the breeze as I exhaled it into the breeze.

This morning I had woken up with Bella laying on top of me. Her small even breaths huffing in and out. Not once during the night had she cried out with some nightmare. She had somehow wiggled closer to me, one of her legs thrown over my hips. Her lashes were long and dark on her pale cheek, her face relaxed and innocent in sleep. I could have stared at her for fucking hours, so quiet and peaceful.

Somehow I had extracted myself from her warmth and touch, needing this place on the porch to hear my own thoughts.

I had always had this thing with control. I fucking hated that feeling, like someone had a grip on me. I had always done my own thing and I know that Carlisle left me to my own devices, knowing it's what I needed. It had helped a lot that he recognized my need for space. He knew I always came back, I always came home and this was why I felt right calling him father. Esme had always been there when I returned, her arms opened, her love maternal without smothering me.

I looked up as the front door opened, and Maggie struggled out with her suitcase. She didn't look at me as I watched her nearly trip down the stairs. I shifted not to help her but to flick my cigarette into the grass beyond the drive. She looked up then, startled, as if she hadn't seen me at first.

I looked her in the eye as she nervously tried not to look at me, "Maggie!" she flinched, then looked up at me, "If I _ever_ fucking see you again, it better be from a fucking far distance. I don't fucking hit women, but I came very close to losing my shit with you last night. Stay the fuck away from us, Maggie, if you know what's good for you." She looked at me, her eyes getting wider with each word. She turned away, her posture defeated, and dragged her case away from me down the drive.

A big black taxi pulled up into the drive. The driver was an older man, a boat cap tucked nearly over his eyes. He had a tobacco stained mustache on his upper lip. He got out to put Maggie's case into the car. He helped her up into the cab and shut the door behind her. Maggie informed the driver where she was going and like that she was gone without a backward glance.

I sighed then, feeling a sense of calm over the house, and smirked as I thought of Maggie as the demon exercised. The door opened again, and Esme stepped out onto the porch. She was wearing a silk blue kimono robe and blue slippers. She was yawning and there was a mug of steaming coffee in her hands. She looked at me and smiled, "What has you smirking so early in the morning?"

I chuckled at her, "It's just good to be alive," I leaned back against the post and Esme's eyes narrowed as she studied me.

"There's something different about you, Edward. What's going on?" she asked, a smile playing about her lips as she sipped her coffee.

I shook my head and breathed in deeply, "I haven't quite pinpointed it myself."

She looked at me again, her eyes studying me. She grew silent, and then sipped her coffee. Finally she spoke, "Is it Bella?"

I raised my eyebrow but she spoke again before I could say anything, "I've seen the two of you together, Edward. She has been through a lot and I know that you have as well. Just be careful with her," she raised her mug and inhaled the steam.

"I will." I replied. Esme had noticed us together, and I hoped this was her way of saying she was ok with it. Before I could mull her words over too much she spoke again.

"I saw Maggie left abruptly this morning. She caught an early flight over and said her mother wasn't well. I hope Kitty is ok." Esme looked out at the trees and I inwardly snickered. Maggie could go fuck herself for all I fucking cared.

We lapsed into silence, the sun growing warmer. Finally Esme sighed, "Well, I guess I better get on with my day." She walked over and kissed my cheek before disappearing back into the house. I waited a moment and then opened the door to go back in. The house was still and quiet and I made my way up the stairs quickly. Walking down the hallway, I wondered if Bella would still be asleep.

Opening the door quietly, I could see her still form in my bed. The sight of her there drew me closer. I stood at the edge of the bed, watching her sleep.

She muttered something then and sighed. She turned over, away from me and I paused as she spoke, "Edward."

This was entirely different from the last time she had sighed my name. This time it was breathless and inviting, waiting for me. I climbed in beside her, angling my body around hers and pulled her back against my chest. My hand was at her waist and I rubbed it over her stomach, making my way up to place it on her chest, my palm where her heart is, feeling the steady rhythm. Her hair smelled like strawberries and sleep and I buried my face in it.

My mind wandered as the steady rise and fall of her breaths lulled me. I felt my eyelids go heavy and was just about to fall asleep when I felt her body tense. She lay there and I could see her eyes were open, her eyes lashes blinking as she struggled to wake up.

"Good morning," I said into her hair. I leaned down and kissed her neck and she trembled and then wiggled her ass against me. My cock took notice of the sensation and she froze the moment she realized that it had. She tried to scoot away from me, and I let her. She turned over to face me and the hand I had on her chest rested on her hip.

Her warm chocolate eyes were full of questions and I raised my hand from her hip to brush a lock of hair that had fallen onto her cheek. I ran the backs of my fingers down her smooth cheek, and her lashes fell.

"Bella," I spoke her name, my voice husky. Her eyes flashed back open and she crept closer, her face full of trepidation. I chuckled, and she looked up at me.

"I'm not gonna jump you." I raised an eyebrow at her. She hesitated and then she was closer, the top of her head bumping into my chin. She flinched away and mumbled an apology. I smiled at her and rolled onto my back. She was pressed to my side, her cheek pillowed on my chest, her finger drawing small circles around my nipple.

I breathed in, her smell filling my lungs again and I looked down at her, tracing her cheek again and remembered how red it had been last night, Maggie's hand print evident.

"Bella, what happened last night when you went up the stairs?" I had to know what Maggie had done.

Bella hesitated, biting her lower lip and then letting it go. Her pink tongue darted out to moisten her lips and then she began, "I climbed the stairs and when I got to the top, the house was so dark. I was feeling my way along, looking for a light switch. I turned it on and she was there. She-she umm, she slapped me and pinned me against the fridge."

"Did she say anything to you?" I asked, my voice harsh, remembering the scene and I could feel the anger starting to fucking boil.

"No." Bella answered, but I could see her cheeks going red. She was a terrible liar. It was really kind of fucking cute the way she was trying to hide it.

I angled her chin up to look at me, "Go on, Bella. I know she fucking said _something_ to you. What did she say?"

Bella turned a darker shade and she wouldn't look me in the eye. In a tiny voice she said, "Maggie said I had ruined her weekend and…" Bella trailed off.

"And?" I urged.

In an even tinier voice Bella muttered, " She said you would get bored with me too." Her eyes shot back to mine and quickly darted over to something behind my head.

I studied her face. I had told her yesterday she was different to me. I had never spent this amount of time with a girl, especially one I wasn't fucking. But Bella doesn't know me that way, and I could only show her with actions and words that I didn't see her that way.

I pulled her close to me and rolled us so we were both on our sides. Her eyes were back, searching mine, her brows drawn together as her face reflected her indecision to trust me.

"Bella I told you yesterday that you're different. Please don't call bullshit unless I have given you a reason, ok?" She looked at me and then nodded her head. I smiled at her and leaned closer to her, pulling her closer in my arms, to kiss her.

***

Over the week, we said goodbye to Uncle Liam and Aunt Siobhan as they made their exit to visit other relatives in Scotland before they came back for the wedding in a couple of weeks.

I spent more time with Bella. I took her to the beach one day when it had been sunnier. She loved the water and had giggled as she ran down the beach. I had ran after her and her smile had been without the doubt and worry she'd been carrying since she arrived. She had looked over her shoulder at me and shrieked, the sand and the waves slowing her. I let her win for a little bit but caught up to her, my strides long and sure. I wrapped her in my arms and tackled her to the sand, the smallest bit of surf washing up around us. I took most of the fall, but water got in her hair and sand on her clothes. She laughed, her brown eyes sparkling and shyly planted a kiss on my lips.

Her shy kiss had sparked between us. And somehow I was on top of her, kissing her, the cold surf washing over us as I licked salty water from her neck. She had been wearing a white t-shirt that day, and I could see her nipples hard from the cold water of the surf. She was making those small sounds at the back of her throat that were making my cock harder by the second.

I kissed my way down her throat and took one of her nipples into my mouth through the cotton. My mouth warming her cold flesh and she moaned, her fingers twisting in my hair. Her hips bucked against me and I rubbed my hand between her legs, her breath in hot gasps as she ground herself against my hand.

Her hands had come up beneath my wet black t-shirt, they were cold from the water but as the rubbed over my back were warmed. I felt her nails dig in as I switched to the other breast. My hands stroking her and she bucked her hips again needing more from me.

I had to stop us where we were, knowing that if it went any further and someone happened along Bella would probably die of fucking embarrassment.

***

Later on in the week, all the girls went on some spa day shit that Alice had organised. They were gone for most of the day and I spent the day either at the piano or in my room, shuffling through my music collection. I had begun writing a new song on the piano, I could hear it in my head and it wouldn't fucking go away until I put it on sheet music.

I was in the middle of inking in notes when the girls returned. I got up to see Bella walk by the hallway. When she saw me, her face went scarlet.

_What the fuck?_

Alice gave me a knowing grin and shook her head. What had Alice fucking done to Bella? Why was Bella blushing? Alice looked back at me and mouthed, _Don't ask. _

***

Friday night. Esme and Carlisle were staying over night at a hotel up North. Emmett and Rosalie were out for a date night and Alice and Jasper had shouted up before they left that they were going for a drive and not coming back for a while. Alice had giggled as if she knew something I didn't.

I was trying on my kilt for the wedding. Esme had them delivered a few days ago and wanted to see how they fit. I decided I would go 'true Scots' for the wedding and so thought I would try it out for the test run as well. I stood naked in front of the full length mirror that hung on the back of the bedroom door. Taking the kilt from where I had laid it on the bed, I wrapped it around my waist, securing the buckles. Just as I finished, the door opened and I looked up.

Bella stood there dressed in a sexy purple tank top and a tiny pair of black sleep shorts with these little ties on the side of them that were so fucking cute. I dragged my eyes away from her thighs and looked at her face. My laptop was in her hands and her eyes were red-rimmed like she had been crying. I strode over to her and took the laptop from her hands and set it on the desk. Taking her face in my hands, I traced the tracks of tears over her cheeks with my thumbs.

"What the fuck?!" I pulled her into my arms, she was shaking, "Bella?"

"It's gone. All of it is gone." her voice was hollow.

"What's gone, sweetheart?" I rubbed her back and felt her arms go around my waist.

"Oh Edward. Some vandals burned my father's house down to the ground. They burned it. Jacob wrote me and said there is nothing left." Her breath choked on a sob.

"Shhhh. Was anyone hurt?" I asked.

"N-n-no. But it was what I had left of them. Oh God, Edward, what am I going to do?" her voice was strained and full of grief when she whispered, "I have nothing left."

"Sweetheart, no one was hurt and at the end of the day, it's just a house. Your parents wouldn't want you to be upset this way. They would want you to go on living. They gave of themselves so you could be alive." She looked up at me then.

"Edward, I-" she blushed but she didn't look down, "When I'm with you, I feel alive. I feel more alive than I've felt in the last few months, the last few years," her voice went all shaky, "Please, Edward. Please help me feel alive."

Her hands slid up my chest and up to my head where her fingers began to tangle themselves in my hair. She stood on her tip toes and pulled me down to kiss her. This was a different kind of kiss then we'd ever shared before. Bella was taking charge, her lips moved over mine, gentle and then demanding, her tongue stroking mine, sucking.

I pulled back and stared into her chocolate brown eyes, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Please," with that word, I was fucking done denying her and denying myself,. "I need you Edward." her plea broke something in me.

I bent down, and put an arm at her knees, swinging her up against my chest. I walked the few steps to the bed and, laying her gently on the bed, I got in beside her. Her hand was on my cheek tracing my jaw as I braced myself on my elbow, my eyes never leaving hers. I reached over to smooth her hair away from her face and bent down to kiss her. Her lips soft beneath mine, our mouths open, sharing our breath. Her tongue touched mine, the kiss was hungry and desperate. I caressed her tongue with mine trying to show her with my mouth what I wanted to do to her body.

Slowly, I raised her black tank top with my hand. Smoothing my palm against her stomach, I traced her curves. I wanted to know her body better than mine, tracing up her ribs, she made a low sound in the back of her throat. I kissed my way along her jaw and found that spot she loved below her ear. She gasped and arched against me. My hand moved up to her breast. I leaned up to look at her. Her eyes were hooded, her lips lush and bruised from our kisses. Her hands reached down and pulled her tank top over her shoulders.

_Holy fuck._

She wore no bra, and her pink nipples were hard and pouty as the cool air hit them. I sat back and stared at her and her skin flushed as she tried to hide herself from my eyes.

I stilled her hands with mine, "Bella, let me look at you," Her cheeks were pink and she bit her lip. Her skin was pale and unflawed, like fine porcelain. I leaned down and kissed her heart and then slowly moved to the side, the rasp of my unshaven chin making her skin rise in goose bumps. I kissed around her nipple, my nose grazing it as I passed over. She was making small moaning sounds at the back of her throat which were making my cock twitch underneath the kilt She arched her back, pushing her breasts towards me.

"Edward…please," Her voice came out breathy and full of need.

I looked up at her, "What, Bella. Tell me what you want."

"Edward, I want you to kiss me." she pleaded.

"Where do you want me to kiss you, Bella?" I asked.

"O-on my…On my…breasts." she moaned.

I leaned down and grazed her skin again before placing a wet kiss near her nipple, "Here?"

"No. Edward, please!" she arched her back again her hands in my hair, pulling. My fingers played up and down her side, touching her ribs as she arched towards me. "Please, Edward, my nipples…"

It was all the encouragement I fucking needed.

I drew the pink crest into my mouth and sucked her nipple sharply until it was an aching throbbing peak. I softly grazed it with my teeth and she sucked in a breath and moaned. She tasted like strawberries, just like I'd imagined.

I turned my attention to her other breast, her breath coming in swift gasps and cresting moans. Every time I flicked my tongue against her nipple, she cried out, and her hands tightened in my hair. I smiled, knowing she loved it. I reached between her legs and touched per pussy through her shorts. As I tugged gently with my teeth, I ground my palm against her and her hips pushed against me, seeking more friction.

I released her nipple out of my mouth and planted kisses on her belly. She was ticklish in some spots and I rasped them with my chin, and she gasped and moaned my name.

"Do you like that, Bella?" My voice was rough.

"Mmmmm, Yes, Edward." She moaned in that fucking sexy way of hers.

I kissed her stomach again, then kneeled back and took her right leg and rested it against my shoulder. Turning my head, I planted small kisses down her leg. She moaned again, making me even harder. I was at the sensitive skin of her inner thigh and bit it gently.

She gasped, "Edward." She was panting now. I put her leg back down and kneeling between her knees, I started to pull her shorts down, wondering what panties she was wearing. She lifted her hips to help me and I sat back to pull them all the way off.

Her panties were - _fuck_, they were tiny purple with black polka dot hipsters. They had black lace that ran around her hips and along the seams around her thighs. I devoured her with my gaze: burning over her nipples hard and pink from my mouth, Her pale skin was flushed, her mouth rosy from my mouth. I leaned over her and grabbed one of the extra pillows to put underneath her hips.

"Edward, wha-" she asked, as she opened her eyes wider.

"Don't worry Bella, you'll like this, lift your hips up, love, so I can put this under you." She did as I asked and I placed it under her. "Lie back, sweetheart."

I bent between her legs, and like I had fantasized the other day, I kissed her hips bones and then took the edge of her panties in my mouth, the other side I pulled down with my hand. I tugged them down slowly, my chin along her skin, and she sighed, her face a picture of pleasure.

I leaned back to help her take them the rest of the way down and again I knelt and stared at her. She was fucking beautiful and was bare, fuckingly beautifully bare.

Her eyes widened as she realized I was looking at her pussy. She tried to cover herself.

"Is it ok? Alice had me get it done at the spa…? She told me I would like it better this way."

"Bella, it's fucking beautiful. Don't cover yourself, sweetheart." I caught her wrists and moved her hands above her head. She blushed when I looked her in the eye.

"I've never been naked before with anyone else." she shyly admitted.

As if I didn't feel possessive of her already, I felt my cock shift at her words. I kissed her hard on the mouth, trying to pour all the things I didn't fucking know how to say to her in the kiss. My hands roamed up and down her body and she was gasping and moaning my name into my mouth. I broke the kiss and planted wet kisses on her neck again. She bucked against me and flinched when my hand touched her pussy.

"Are you alright, Bella?" I looked into her eyes as I ground my hand into her.

"I have umm oh! I've touched myself but n-no one's ever-"I groaned and kissed her again, sealing off her words with my mouth, my tongue. I knew what she was going to say and nearly lost my shit right there. My blood boiled in my veins, my cock about to make a hole in the kilt.

My finger slipped in between her folds, "Fuck Bella, you're so wet." She moaned as I found her clit and rubbed my thumb softly against it. Her hips bucked and her breath broke into soft pants as I passed my thumb over her again. Her hips found the same rhythm as my hand and she bucked against my hand seeking more friction. She was getting wetter. I chanced another pass over her again and her legs trembled.

I moved between her legs, I had to taste her. She smelled so fucking good and her taste nearly drove me over the edge again. I found her clit and dipped my head to circle it gently with my tongue. Bella let out a soft cry and I saw her hands grab the sheets. I licked her again and her hips convulsed.

"Do you like that, sweetheart?" I looked up briefly before going back down and circling her clit again.

Her answer was a loud moan.

_Good enough._

I continued to circle her flesh and grazed my teeth gently against her clit and she shifted her hips. Her pants got faster, her moans louder. I passed my tongue over her again, faster and she moved her hips to the same rhythm. Faster I went and the louder she got until she suddenly tightened and screamed my name, her whole body pulsing around me. I sat up and touched her hips with my hands, running my palms up her sides until I was bracing myself on my elbows watching her face slowly relax.

She heaved in a sigh and I touched her. I placed escaped locks of her hair away from her face. I kissed the tears from her eyes where they had started from her orgasm.

"Bella." I spoke her name and rolled to my side, holding her during the comedown, stroking her body, her hips twitching with each caress. She tried to get closer to me, her thighs sliding over one of mine. She was so wet and she hissed in a breath and opened her eyes when her sensitive skin rubbed against my thigh. The kilt had hitched up slightly and she looked down between us.

"Edward, you're not naked!" she said, her eyes wide.

I looked down in mock surprise. "Fuck, you're right." I looked back into her eyes and she giggled.

She blinked then and looked at me from beneath her lashes, "Can I…Can I see you?"

"As if you fucking have to ask!" I leaned on my elbow and she sat up. I rocked onto my knees and undid the buckles of the kilt. As the last buckle was undone, I reached to unwind the kilt from my waist. She leaned forward, her hands on mine.

"Can I?" I looked at her eyes which were heated.

I nodded, my throat thick. She unwrapped me like a Christmas present and gasped as my cock was revealed from beneath the heavy wool.

I knelt while she looked at me, her eyes burning. Then she noticed my tattoos on my hips and blushed. I smirked as she leaned over to touch the black stars that were tattooed low on my hips. Her hands shook as they touched my cock, wrapping around me.

Her face fell and I edged her chin up, "Bella what's wrong?"

"You're not going to fit all of that in me." her eyes looked shyly up at me.

I chuckled darkly, "You'd be surprised, Bella."

Her hand tightened around me when I spoke, and I hissed in a breath, "Fuck, Bella."

"I'm sorry." she snatched her hand back.

"No," my voice broke as I half chuckled half, groaned as I took her hand and placed it back on my cock, "It feels fucking phenomenal with your hand on me. You can touch me all over if you like later, but right now Bella, I need to be inside you." I leaned down to kiss her. Her hand let go of me and traced its way up my side to my shoulder. Her other hand was on my other shoulder and she grabbed on as I slowly leaned her back down to the bed.

I knelt between her open thighs and rubbed my cock up her slit. She gasped when it rubbed against her clit, still pulsing and on fire from her orgasm. I groaned as I rubbed her again and she writhed beneath me. She was so fucking wet.

I leaned back down to kiss her, my tongue thrusting into her mouth. Her hips pressed up towards mine and my cock rubbed against her again. _Fuck, I needed to stop. _

I kissed her and then leaned up, reaching into my bedside drawer.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked, her eyes following me as I leaned away from her.

"I'm getting a condom."

"You ummm, you don't have to. I'm on the pill. My mom made me when I went away to college. I'm safe." She explained. I paused, going back over what she said.

"Are you sure?" I looked into her eyes.

She nodded.

I leaned closer to her and slipped a hand between us. I stroked her clit until she was moaning and shifting her hips beneath me.

"Bella? Bella, look at me." My voice was low and raspy. She opened her eyes, "Tell me you want me."

She moaned and pushed her hips against me.

"Say it. Out loud." I gritted my teeth as she rubbed herself against my cock.

"I-I want you, Edward. _Please_," she begged.

I found her hot and ready for me. I pushed in, "Fuck Bella you're so tight." I wanted to go slowly, she was so hot and wet around me. She bucked her hips and I thrust forward.

She cried out in pain, arching her head forward and her eyes opening wide. Mid thrust, her nails dug deep into my skin causing a mixture of pleasure and pain. I rained kisses on her face, her lips, her neck. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." I whispered to her.

I reached down between our bodies again, finding her clit and stroking her until she was crying out again. I moved slowly in her, watching her face for any sign of pain.

"Bella?"

"Oh Edward, please. Just like that." she said mid-sigh as she lay her head back on the pillow, looking up at me.

I withdrew and thrust in slowly and her hips rose to meet me. "Wrap your legs around me, sweetheart."

She did so and gasped as I slid deeper. I started a slow rhythm then, thrusting into her and her sighs met me each time I was deep. I started to go faster and moaned, her body rocking with mine. Her pants were quicker and I moved hips faster, until she started to cry out louder when I felt her starting to orgasm around me. Her walls tightened and she let out a loud cry as she fell apart.

"Fuck! Edward!"

_Holy shit. _I felt it build in my balls and suddenly I was exploding into a million pieces, in the grips of one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had in my entire life. "Bella, fucking Christ!"

I pulled her to me and kissed her sweaty forehead. We lay together, with me still inside her and I could feel her hips twitching every now and again.

I opened my eyes and I swear floating in the air around us, I saw sparks.

__

Did I drive you away?  
I know what you'll say.  
You'll say, "Oh, sing one we know"  
But I promise you this,  
I'll always look out for you.  
That's what I'll do.

And sing "oh"  
I'll sing "oh"

My heart is yours.  
It's you that I hold on to.  
That's what I'll do.  
But I know I was wrong,  
And I won't let you down.  
(Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah I will, yes I will…)

But I'll sing "oh"  
I cry "oh"

Yeah I saw sparks,  
Yeah I saw sparks,  
And I saw sparks,  
Yeah I saw sparks.

-Coldplay Sparks

* * *

**A/N:**

**Awwwwwwww! I hope you liked that. I loved it. And if you've never heard that song…please download it, it's lovely and acoustic and dreamy and oh kiltward, hold me! **

**Please review and tell me what you think, it's my first lemon, be gentle.**

**Special thanks to Sunfeathers for the uber pimping, Kiltward enjoys the tweet whoring.**

**If you're a reader and you're following me on twitter…please give me a wave, even if I'm not about! I get all my mentions through the magic of tweet deck. Thanks to all the readers who tweet with me, I appreciate talking to you gals, it keeps me going when I have writers block/lemon avoidance. LOL!**

**Song List:**

**Britney Spears: Radar  
****Asher Roth: I Love College  
****Incubus: Stellar  
****Robbie Williams: Feel  
****Coldplay: Sparks**

**PS: Beta is making up outfits for RS which will be posted on my profile…**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:**

**These people are all Stephanie Meyer's creation…I enjoy tattooing them and letting them fuck about.**

**Like last chapter, this chapter is full of the lemon flavor. So please, do fuck off if you meet the following criteria:  
****a) you're not 18  
****b) you're related to me in some capacity or know me personally  
****c) if you have to talk to me in real life, cuz we ain't gonna talk about this. I mean it…go away...shoo! go look at amazon, they got a plethora of books I hear.**

**So, if you're still reading…hi! *waves***

**Big thanks to returnofthedeb for looking at my dirty words and not meeting my eye. I love you like keyboard cat loves that keyboard.**

**Musical play list  
****Scream: Timbaland (srsly, this song is so sexy)  
****Rush: Ferras  
****The Scent of Love: Michael Nyman (this is the song that Edward plays, go listen…it's really good)  
****The Way You Look Tonight: Frank Sinatra  
****I Kissed A Girl: Katy Perry**

* * *

**EPOV**

Moonlight filtered through the window as I opened my eyes. Bella was asleep in my arms, and our limbs were tangled together. I stared at her face, her features perfect in the light from the window. I tightened my arms around her as I remembered her shy admissions. I wanted everything to be right, to make her fucking happy and had cockily thought that I had so much to teach , she had taught me something in return. She had been so open and honest with me, there was no falseness in how she responded. She hadn't been living up to anything that she thought I wanted. Which made me want her even more. She shifted in her sleep then, and my arms pulled her even closer as I drifted away, her soft skin was soothing as I rubbed her back gently.

***

I woke again, cold this time and realized that Bella had rolled over, her back to me. I stroked her spine and she shivered. I realized we had been laying without the covers and I got up to pull them down on my side. I shifted her and she made a soft sound but didn't wake up. Pulling the covers over her naked form, I touched her cheek and then turned away, heading for the bathroom.

Turning on the light, I looked down and saw blood on my cock.

_What the fuck?_

My head snapped up and I realized.

_Bella._

Was she still bleeding? Had I hurt her? I'd never been with a virgin before. What was normal?

I looked around me, not knowing what the fuck to do. My eyes fell on the huge bathtub at the far end of the bathroom. I strode over and turned the water on and filled the tub.

Fuck, should I put something in it? Shit, I didn't have that kind of stuff.

Naked, I ran out of the bathroom, checked Bella was still sleeping, and ran across the hall into her room and nearly fell on my ass as I skidded into her bathroom. There, on the counter was a paper bag with the logo of the spa that they had visited earlier in the week. I grabbed the bag, and found a bottle of some botanical chick shit. It had the word bath on it so and I grabbed the bottle and ran.

I streaked back to my own bathroom and poured it in, and waited until the water started to go sudsy. I then went back into the bedroom and got back into bed.

"Bella?" She muffled something and pulled the covers tight around her.

"Bella, sweetheart?" I shook her and she slowly opened her eyes.

"Edward?" She looked up at me, her eyes sleepy.

I brushed my lips across hers and she moaned softly. She stretched, her fists coming out from beneath the covers. Then she tensed and looked down as if trying to see underneath the duvet and sheets. Her eyes flashed back to mine and she turned cherry red.

"Bella, I-" _what the fuck am I supposed to say? _"Bella, I need to make sure you're ok."

I pulled the covers back and she squeaked and tried to cover herself but my eyes were drawn to the scarlet marks on her thighs.

_Oh God._

I gathered her up and carried her into the bathroom.

"Edward!" She squealed as I sat her in the bathtub. I watched as her arms flailed wildly while she tried to settle herself in the bath. I could see small glimpses of wet skin and pink nipples as she struggled to right herself in the water.

"Is it too hot? Fuck, I didn't even check." I knelt and put my arm in and felt that it wasn't. She slid beneath the bubbles, her face red to her roots. She looked so fucking cute trying to hide in the foamy suds.

I stood up and put my leg over the side.

"Edward! What-what are you doing?" Her voice went up an octave as she watched me get in the tub on the other side, her eyes growing hungry as she watched me move. I switched off the faucet as the tub was close to overflowing with me in it.

I eyed her up, knowing she was naked underneath all the bubbles and water. I moved closer and her face grew apprehensive. Underneath the bubbles I searched for and found her waist. I rubbed over her skin and she shivered.

My hands shifted so I could I pull her against me. She squeaked and I scooted back so I could lean against the far wall of the tub, with Bella between my legs. My knees bent, I propped my arms on the side of the tub and relaxed. She leaned back against me and sighed not seeming to care that I my cock was hard and pressing against her back. I rested my chin on the top of her head and took a deep breath in. We lay like for I don't know how long. The only sound was the tiny pop of bubbles around us.

"Did I hurt you, Bella?"

She tensed against me and her voice was small, "No-no. I'm not hurt."

"Are you sure?" I must have done something, she was bleeding for fuck's sake.

"Well, it's a little like, tender but it was my first time and all. I'm not like in pain or anything." Her hand was on my thigh and she was tracing a pattern with her fingernail that was driving me fucking crazy.

"I can't fucking stand the thought of you hurting, Bella. You would tell me if I-" She turned around to face me and put a wet finger on my lips.

Her eyes were beautifully warm brown, like dark cinnamon, and her hair was wavy from the steam of the bath. She looked into my eyes deeply and her voice was low as she answered me, "Edward, you didn't hurt me. Am I sore? A little. But pain…pain is the last thing on my mind right now." She dragged her lower lip into her mouth and I reached up to tug it back out. Her eyes were hot as she looked deeply into mine.

She shifted to turn herself fully around and my cock which was already hard went fucking solid as she pressed her breasts into my chest and kissed my throat. She moved so her legs were on either side of my thighs, her pussy dangerously close to my cock.

"Can we do it again?"

_Do bears shit in the woods?_

She put her arms onto my shoulders to brace herself and her hands were in my hair, her fingernails scratching my scalp. My hands found her hips in the water and I lifted her slowly, so her nipples were in line with my mouth. I pulled one into my mouth and sucked greedily, loving the taste of her skin, wet from the bath.

She threw her head back and sighed, her hands in my hair, pushing me closer to her breast. I teased her nipple until it was hard and lightly grazed it with my teeth again. She gasped and I moved to her other breast, placing wet kisses on her chest as I moved my head.

She started grinding herself against me, and when my cock grazed her clit she hissed a breath in between her teeth and I froze.

"Bella?

She moved again, seeking me with her body and when I felt my cock in her slit, I threw my head back and nearly hit it off the edge of the tub. As she bucked against me we moaned together, her's soft and light, mine guttural and deep. I reached between her legs and found her clit with my fingers.

"Edward…" she gasped as I rubbed her clit with my fingers. Her breath became short little pants as I continued to rub her, I could feel her getting wetter.

"Edward I need you inside me," she moaned in my ear and my cock leaped at her throaty voice in my ear. I moved my fingers to slip inside her, testing, to make sure she wasn't too sore.

"Please, Edward." she bit my earlobe and turned her head to kiss me. Her hands on my jaw, her tongue touching mine. Our mouths moved together as she kissed me like she was trying to fucking devour me.

I moved my fingers in and out of her and her hips matched my rhythm. She broke the kiss and gasped in my ear, her breasts pressed against me as she moved. Her arms wrapped closer around my neck as she moved faster against my fingers. I withdrew all the way and touched her clit which was swollen. I could tell how wet she was and that she was almost there. I rubbed her faster with my thumb, my fingers touching her as she got wetter. I watched her face as she moaned; she was the most beautiful instrument I've ever fucking played as her cries filled the air between us. I felt her hips tighten and she shuddered She collapsed against me, her lungs dragging in air.

"Don't think you're fucking done yet, sweetheart." and I lifted her hips and slipped my cock inside her.

Her eyes widened as she drew in a quick breath as she felt me filling her and she whispered my name and put her arms around my neck, hugging me to her, trying to get as close as possible to me.

"Fuck, Bella!" I groaned.

When I was deep, I started moving her up and down, the water sloshed around us and over the tub as she caught on. I let her set the pace and watched as she threw her head back as she moved over me. She was so tight, she was so fucking wet for me and before I closed my eyes, the visual of her breasts wet from the bath and nipples hard from my mouth bouncing in front of me, her hair wet and wavy, the long column of her neck begging for my mouth as a flush from her cheeks spread over her chest.

The sounds of our groans and the water splashing onto the floor echoed in the bathroom. She got louder as she got closer which only spurned me on. My hips rocked with her rhythm and I felt her start to orgasm around me, tightening around my cock as her cries were louder, then moaning my name. I followed her soon after and pulled her hips up and down as I pumped into her.

"Bella!" I shouted as I came white hot inside her.

She had collapsed against my chest, her hips twitching, her arms still wrapped around my neck, her cheek pressed to mine. I couldn't stop touching her back, slick from the bathwater. Running my hands up and down her spine, moving her wet hair to the side so I could touch more of her skin.

We sat like that in the bath, until the bubbles melted and the water went lukewarm. Our skin went wrinkled, but we didn't fucking care, both of us reluctant to break the contact of our skin, slick from the water and sweat.

Finally I roused her, kissing her neck, "Bella, we can't lay in here for much longer, the water is going cold."

She nodded and tried to move but ended up glued to me again. I chuckled and moved my hands down, squeezing her ass which made her shiver. When she still didn't move I pinched her lightly and she jumped.

She leaned up to look me in the eye, her arms loosening as she stared at me, her face playfully indignant, "Edw-"

Before she could finish, I captured her mouth with mine, slowly kissing her, sucking on her lower lip and nibbling with my teeth. She sighed and leaned against me again. I tasted her, not being able to get enough and despite the cool bathwater, could feel myself starting to get hard again. I broke the kiss and looked into her eyes which were starting to go misty with need. I pinched her ass again.

"Come on lets get the fuck out of this cold water before we catch a cold." She rested her forehead against mine and bit her lip. I lifted her and shoved her towards the other end of the bath, water going over the sides of the tub. I levered myself up as she looked at me in surprise.

Stepping out of the bath, I grabbed a towel and watched as her eyes stared at my body. They roamed over me as I rubbed the towel over myself to dry off.

She lingered over my tattoos and there were questions in her eyes. I raised my eyebrows at her but the questions disappeared as she realized I had caught her studying me. She blushed and started to get out of the bath. I pulled out a dry towel and captured her to pull her close to me. Leaning down, I kissed her nipples, God I loved how she tasted with the bathwater.

She moaned and I smiled wickedly at her. I rubbed the towel over her and she stood there, her eyes closed as I moved slowly, my hands and the towel touching her everywhere.

I stopped, and her eyes opened. "Turn around." I said to her gruffly. She did so and I knelt to slowly shift the towel down one leg and up the other. I dried her ass off and couldn't resist biting one of her cheeks. She shrieked and I laughed as she looked over her shoulder at me.

I stood then and dried her hair, squeezing the water out with the towel. I laid the wet dark tresses over one shoulder and kissed her other bare shoulder. I bit the place where her shoulder met her neck and she gasped. My hands found her hips and I moved us so we were standing in front of the mirror.

Still behind her, I saw that her eyes were closed in the mirror. "Open your eyes, Bella."

I prodded until she did so and her eyes shyly stared at our reflection. Making sure she kept them open, I watched her face as my hands roamed over her stomach and up to cup her breasts, teasing her nipples. I leaned down to kiss her neck and whispered in her ear, "You are so fucking beautiful, Bella," she started to protest but I kept talking, "Your skin, your breasts, your neck, your hair, your face, your eyes, your pussy. You may not think so but I'm going to fucking try to convince you."

I stepped back from her and placed an arm around her waist. I pulled her with me to take her back to the bedroom, back to my bed.

*******

**BPOV**

I felt renewed this morning. Like all the heavy things that had weighed me down for the last few months had been burned away. Putting my t-shirt on, I smoothed it down my body and it felt foreign to me and I realized it was because the last touch I had really felt was Edward's. I wanted it now, again, before my brain righted itself.

I found my panties under the bed and slid them on as well as my shorts. Running my fingers through my hair, I took one last look at his room before I opened the door. I had entered in here last night knowing that all I wanted was Edward. I needed his touch, needed him to kiss me and make it go away. I was so tired of feeling loss and lost.

He had been like a powerful thunderstorm, moving over my plains, washing me clean, making things new. I had been a virgin when I began here and although I'm not a virgin now, I feel like I'm walking out of this door with more than I had entered with. An ache built in my throat wishing he was here to hold me while my mind waltzed around everything that had happened last night. He had touched me everywhere at least twice and had called me beautiful. And his mouth…his mouth. I could feel it still, and my nipples went hard and heat pooled in my legs thinking about it.

Opening the door, I stuck my head out into the hallway. I knew it was only our rooms up here, but I wasn't ready for anyone to see me. I quickly sprinted the short distance into my room, and shut the door behind me with a small click. Being back in this room, I had a brief flash of last night before I had shut the laptop slowly and quietly, unable to see for the tears in my eyes. I leaned against the door and allowed myself to remember Jacob's e-mail, as if I were pealing off a painful bandage that had stuck to the wound:

**Bella**

**Please don't freak out. The Police were by yesterday, figuring we would know how to contact you. Some assholes burned Charlie's house down. I'm so so so sorry, Bella. Please let me know you've received this. I wish I was there to tell you rather than send you a crappy e-mail.**

**-Jake**

I wasn't able to compose a reply then and as I thought now of my dad's house on fire again, there was a burning at the back of my throat.

I leaned against the door and slid down, the morning light bringing more clarity to my mind. It was suddenly filled with visions of my bed on fire, of the coat hooks in the hall igniting, the kitchen table charred and breaking apart, the couch smouldering, the windows shattered from the heat. The siding melting and curling, smoke rising in the air like ghosts desperate to escape the heat and the life that existed once in that white house. The air heavy and moist, the clouds dreary, the road wet, the driveway gravely and muddy.

All the laughter that had existed there was swallowed up by the crackle and pop of violent flames, the cooking smells erased by smoky sharpness, the soft snores of sleep silenced.

I don't know how long I sat there, but I was surprised when I touched my cheeks to find wet there, not realizing I had been crying.

I sat there for I don't know how long, trying to think of Edward, not wanting anyone to see me like this. Finally I got up, and decided I would take a shower.

Under the spray, I washed my hair and watched as the foam ran towards the drain. I rubbed conditioner into my hair and I felt like my mind was going to fast. I caught myself staring at random corners in the shower not knowing how long I had frozen for. I drew in a deep breath and turned around, closing my eyes, letting the water hit me full in the face.

Finally finished, I shut the tap off. Dragging a towel over my body, my legs felt weak as I remembered Edward rubbing a towel over me with those beautiful hands of his. His forearms on fire with green and the black stars at his wrists winking at me as he caressed me from head to toe with the towel. I felt my centre go warm again and I moaned thinking about his body pressed to mine. My body tingled ever place his hands and mouth had been and I needed him to obliterate everything else in the world but him.

I wrapped the towel around my body and stepped into the bedroom, padding barefoot to the dresser I pulled out a black bra and black pair of hipster panties that had white polka dots on them.

I had laid a pair of stonewashed jeans on the bed, and I pulled them on, smoothing my hands over my thighs. They were slightly bell bottomed and I loved the way they flopped around my feet when I walked. Next I found a gray deep v-neck t-shirt that had, on the front, in a darker gray screen-print the logo for AC DC and the words _Back In Black_.

I dried my hair and left it loose to hang over my shoulders and down my back. Walking to the nightstand near the bed, I opened the drawer and taking out the bottle, I shook pills into my hand. Striding towards the bathroom, I put the pills in my mouth and cupped a hand under the faucet while I ran the water. I drank from my hands and swallowed the pills, the water tasted sweet.

Walking back into the bedroom, I found my black flip flops underneath the bed and slipped them on. Taking a deep breath I left the bedroom.

I could hear it as soon as I stepped into the hallway. Making my way down the stairs, the sounds continued to grow. Turning towards the hallway where the piano room was, I listened to the music, Edward's presence called to me and I hastened my step to be closer to him.

Quiet notes filled the air as I got closer, they started low and questioning before tripping up the scale, establishing an ebb and flow, like a quiet sigh breathing into passionate breaths until the two mingled, eventually climbing higher and higher. Crescendos of notes climaxed into the air as I stepped into the room, watching Edward playing the piano. His broad shoulders were in a black long sleeved t-shirt, his bronze hair glistened in the dull gray light that filtered through the large windows. Closing the door behind me, it clicked shut as I moved into the room.

I moved closer to him and watched him like I had done before, so many weeks ago. The music seemed different, just as the air was between us. The notes that had questioned before seemed to have the answers. These notes were hungry, they discovered, they found hidden places within the music to reach new heights and soared over the edges of the dark clouds that hovered outside.

Drawn to him by the notes and the electricity of his presence, I sat down next to him as he played the final notes of the song, reaching a height that swept me up into it. His fingers moved over the piano, the notes curling around us both, I felt my pulse quicken at the sight of him, the sounds he drew from the piano with his fingers were faster, the last note keening and crying out for more. The silence was heavy around us. He turned to me, his eyes wild and alive, his breathing heavy, and I could tell by the look he was giving me that the piano wasn't the only thing his fingers were willing to pluck notes from.

***

**Carlisle POV**

Our glasses clinked, filling the silence in the hotel room. Our eyes met and held over the rim of the glasses, and candlelight glinted off of the fine crystal and sparkled in her eyes. Outside, rain tapped lightly against the window, adding a unique tempo to the dance of the candle flames.

Her eyes were a beautiful hazel in the soft glow and her caramel hair flowed loosely over her shoulders. She was wearing a beautiful creamy silk gown that draped low over her feminine curves which drew my eyes to her. Still after all these years, I couldn't believe she was mine and her loving heart had chosen me.

We were lingering at a small white linen draped table in our hotel room. I had ordered a fruit and cheese board, and the manager had also supplied champagne and chocolate covered strawberries at my request.

Esme sighed, content, "This is nice. I'm so glad you did this." she sat back in her chair and leaned against me. I picked up a chocolate covered strawberry and held it up to her mouth. She bit into it, and I watched her full lips as she delicately chewed. She took another sip of champagne and kissed my fingers and I rubbed my thumb across her lower lip.

For an instant, a look crossed her face, her mouth turned down slightly at the corners and her brows started to knit together in a frown. But it was gone as soon as it was there, and if I hadn't been watching her so closely, I wouldn't have seen it.

"What is it?" I asked.

She pursed her lips and hesitated. I leaned in to kiss her lips gently, "Tell me."

She drew in a deep breath, "I'm worried…"

"About…?" I urged.

"Edward…and Bella." her voice was low with concern and her eyes centered at point on the table.

"Why are you worried?" I placed my hand along her jaw and turned her face back to me.

"Bella, she's so fragile. I don't think she's dealing with Renee's death well," she said.

I breathed in before answering, "I've observed certain behaviours in her, since her arrival, that would suggest anxiety issues. Although I would not be surprised if she's been taking medication. Would you like to have word with her?" I looked into her eyes and watched her expression.

Her eyes cleared a little, "Oh would you?"

"Of course I will," I smiled and then asked, "Now, what were you saying about Edward?"

"He seems to have formed a special bond with Bella," she answered.

"In what way?" thinking about our youngest son.

"I don't know…they are attached at the hip. When have you ever seen Edward overly affectionate?"

I felt my eyebrows raise and Esme took another sip of her champagne.

I remembered the first time I saw Edward:

A boy of sixteen with a man's eyes. I had gone into give a lecture in the local high school on sex ed. He had been sitting in the back row, his jeans baggy, his hoodie black and a shiner around one of his eyes.

Those eyes that had barely looked up during the lecture met mine on his way out the door. I stopped him, needing to say something, anything to this young man. I had asked him about his black eye, and his voice had been bitter, when he replied.

I found out that he was in foster care and I had worked hard with the school's counsellor to see about adopting him into our family. It had taken him a while to settle in, convinced at some point that we would send him back like a purchase that just hadn't fit well.

It took me quite a long time to brean down Edward's defences. With what had happened with his mother and the subsequent years in foster care, Edwad had built a very high and sturdy wall around himself emotionally. He had never been much for affection but after living with us for a while was finally able to accept my hand on his shoulder and even Esme's frequent displays of affection.

I am proud of the man I can see him becoming. I can see the potential I had glimpsed ten years ago finally shining through. He had completed his four years at college and was starting a post grad in the fall studying mechanical engineering. He had a brilliant mind for pulling things apart and being able to put them back together.

I shook my head, bringing myself out of my thoughts and back to the room. I looked at Esme, and her eyes met mine. We smiled together and I pulled her onto my lap. Her arms draped around my shoulders, we kissed, and the world drifted away as we got lost and found each other in the sputtering candlelight.

***

BPOV

I smiled at Esme as she and Carlisle entered the house. She hugged me to her, and asked me how I was.

I wondered if I had _I had sex with your son_ tattooed on my forehead. Could she tell? Could anyone tell? Was it obvious? I felt anxious all of the sudden, like I had done something wrong. Her eyes searched mine which made it worse and I could feel myself going ten shades of red.

"Bella?" she asked.

"I-I th-think I just a-ate something funny and it's made me feel all weird." I stammered out, hoping she would buy that.

She nodded, "Well, if you're stomach gets upset, let me know." She spoke with Alice next and I was relieved to have her attention shifted from me.

I felt Edward standing behind me, his arms wrapped around my middle and he dropped a kiss on the top of my head. I leaned back briefly, forgetting where I was, consumed entirely with his touch. He was wearing a green t-shirt today which brought out the green of his eyes and the flames on his forearms. His jeans were dark and I was dying to run my hands over him. My pulse picked up, thinking about the black stars that were just below the waist of his jeans. I wonder if he-

I jumped when Esme asked where Emmett and Rose were.

Alice answered, "They're picking up the rest of the bridal party at the airport, they should be back by now." Her eyes looked at Edward behind me as if she was trying to silently communicate something. Just as she said that, the sound of car engines purred in the driveway.

We all moved to the door as the sounds of car doors slammed. Filing out onto the porch, I could still feel Edward behind me as Rose and Emmett made their way up to a bright red sports car in the drive. The driver side door opened, and I noticed the bright maraschino cherry red hair first. It was styled like some kind of 1940's pin up girl with an over the top black bow that pinned one side of her bright hair back.

Her nose was small and her lips were large and pouty and lips ticked in bright red to match her hair. Her eyes, which seemed to have a carnal and knowing look in them, were large and lined with black liner that flicked out to make her long lashes look longer. Her perfect eyebrows were dyed to match her firey hair. Her large breasts were trapped in a small tight black t-shirt that said Pussy Control in scripty letters on it. Her long legs went on for miles in black skinny jeans and she had on spiky peep-toe leopard print stilettos. Tossing her loud locks over her shoulder, she smiled as she waved at Alice and called out to her. Her voice was husky and sultry as she smiled and traded pleasantries. Emmett was pulling her luggage out of the car and dumped the leopard print case on the driveway.

Her eyes fastened on Edward and her expression was heated as she looked at him underneath her lashes.

"Hello, Edward." she purred.

"Hello, Tanya."

* * *

**A/N:**

***hides***

**Just a brief side note here:**

**OMFG, thank you kstew411 for the fuckawesome review at robmyworld dot com. (I am still completely flattered and speechless)**

**I'd like to say hello to new readers, there are a ton of you this week. Don't be shy, come join me on twitter or the twilighted thread for Rain Season. Links are on my profile. I don't bite, but Edward will if you ask him nice. **

**And quickly, big thanks to Pamela J Austin for telling peeps about me in her last chapter…IrishTwiSisters for including me on their bloglist, to CarinaOlsen for major pimping, and as usual, Sunfeathers, for being an original gangster. For all of you who are sharing my fic with others, I am truly humbled and thank you for finding my words worthy enough to tell someone else about. **

**So yeah…Tanya. Wtf. Review?**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: All things Twilight related are all down to SM's genius. Putting Edward in sexspenders and spats is my idea. All songs and song lyrics mentioned are the property of their respective artists, no insult or infringement is intended.**

**Man, y'all bring the rage for Tanya. Awesomesauce.**

**Quick PSA: Fuck off if you know me or you're under 18. This is not the place for you. May I recommend a lovely stroll in the fine autumn weather or a quick peek at the TV. MOVE THE FUCK ALONG. That is all.**

**Thank yous at the end cuz this is already epic enough.**

**Songs for this chapter:  
Mr Brightside: The Killers  
Desperado: The Eagles  
Tiny Dancer: Elton John  
Something I Can Never Have: Flyleaf (NIN cover)  
The Perfect Drug: Nine Inch Nails  
You and Your Hand: Pink  
Bodies: Drowning Pool**

* * *

**BPOV**

Several hours later, we were camped out on the couches in the basement, Carlisle and Esme were upstairs unpacking from their weekend away. The guys were busy trying to demolish each other in some stupid video game and I was trying to follow the conversation between Rose, Alice, and Tanya. I nervously rolled my beer bottle between my hands and stopped when I realized I was making the beer flat by swishing it around in the bottle.

Being in her presence made me want to run. Was this how it was going to be? Edward had told me he'd been with a lot of girls and it made my stomach twist to think he had touched other girls, let alone Tanya, who was obviously more experienced than I was. What was there to keep him with me if there were girls like Tanya around. She was so …sexual. And I'm just not. I was awkward…and clumsy… and just plain and ordinary. I could feel the start of blackness returning that Edward had pulled me out of. I tried to think up an excuse to go upstairs hoping I could just be alone to gather my spinning thoughts.

Alice turned to me then and raised her eyebrows like she knew I was ready to bolt.

"I think we're out of limes for the beer. Bella and I are going to go up and get some, does anybody else need anything?" Alice looked around the room and everyone shook their heads. She took my hand and led me upstairs, I could feel Edward's heated glance on my back.

When we were up in the kitchen, Alice turned towards me, "Bella, I know things are hard for you and sometimes we forget. Do you want to come out with me tomorrow?" She went to the other side of the counter and pulled out some limes from a large fruit basket.

"Umm sure. I would like that." and I would love it, but I wondered if I could be away from Edward for long.

She looked over at me and continued, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Caught off balance by her question, I shook my head.

"You're not used to all the noise and people in the house, are you?" she smiled, but her eyes were full of concern.

"I don't have any siblings, it was always just my-my mom and me." I felt my voice catch when I thought of my mother. I tried to lock away the painful memories of dance class, yoga class, cooking adventures, knitting, and all the other things my mom had kept herself busy with. I swallowed heavily, trying to keep the images back before they could crash over me like a wave. I felt my eyes try to water and my throat went painful.

Alice touched my arm, and I tried to smile at her but it was more grimace than smile.

"You and I are going to have a long talk tomorrow. We'll go do something fun. Rose will have Tanya to entertain, and they usually stick to themselves anyways. We'll leave mid morning, ok?" Her eyes searched mine and I felt them water and spill over at her kindness. She made a sound and her small fingers came up to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

She pulled me into a hug, then, and I tried to breathe and not fall apart. Alice was always so nice to me, and she barely knew me. I knew I didn't deserve it but I took it anyways feeling guilty.

She leaned back then, and smiled at me, "Why don't you go upstairs, Bella? You look exhausted. I'll make your excuses to everyone if you want."

"Thanks Alice." I took a deep breath and she squeezed me again to reassure me.

I turned to move through the house, not realizing just how late it was. The windows were dark from the twilight glow of the evening stars and moon. I shuddered thinking of the bright stars outside and how they resembled the bright stars of another wilderness a few worlds away.

I got to the hall, and made a decision to go into my bedroom, I didn't want to bother Edward tonight. I felt utterly defeated with Tanya as part of the group.

Getting ready for bed, I was almost too tired to put on pajamas. I started to put on a red tank top but it reminded me too much of Tanya's hair and I threw it down in disgust.

Pulling out a blue tank top from the dresser drawers, I found the matching pair of cheekies that went with it and changed into them. Smoothing the blue cotton over my hips, I turned to the bed. I felt like I was under a dark shadow, I took my medication without water, almost enjoying the tight scraping sensation as they fought against the lump in my throat. Sighing, I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over me. I clicked out the light and pulled the comforter over my head, trying to shut out the thoughts and feelings I had been fighting against for months.

***

The bed dipped and I was lost for a moment, caught between star pierced visions and the vague moonlight coming through the window. I felt the covers lift behind me and my head cleared as soon as I smelled him. He pulled me close to him, nuzzling my neck, his hand running up my side underneath the soft material of my tank top.

My body responded to him instantly. I started to turn towards him but he stopped me, "Go back to sleep, Bella. You need your sleep." I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head. I scooted back against him, as close as I could possibly be. His arm was around me and I was almost asleep again when a sickening thought entered my head:

_Was it because_**she**_ was here that he didn't want to go any further?_

***

The morning dawned gray and I would have never believed it was June. I woke up alone and empty and I swallowed past the lump in my throat with the aid of pills.

Showering and putting my hair up in a bun, I attempted mascara and lip gloss, knowing I would be out with Alice today. I put on a pair of black skinny jeans and a red polo shirt that had little cherries embroidered over the pocket on the left breast. I decided I would leave my hair loose and it got in my face as I bent over to pull my black converse on.

Going downstairs, I felt myself in a slightly foul mood, even though I was dressed in one of the brightest things I had probably worn since I had left Forks.

Alice was waiting for me, wearing a pair of skinny jeans as well and a little dark purple t-shirt. Around her neck was a stylish charcoal gray scarf. She was holding a huge leather purple handbag and looked up at me, her eyes flashing mischievously. She shoved a paper towel wrapped bagel into my chest and grabbed my empty hand. She grinned wickedly at me and ran towards the garage door.

"Come on before Edward notices you're gone!" she giggled. My mouth full of bagel and cream cheese, I stumbled after her. I started to hesitate, not wanting to get bagel crumbs in her Porsche but I heard her shout from inside the car.

"Eat it inside, get in!" I felt my mouth pull up slightly at the corner, as I opened the door and slid in. I held the bagel in my mouth while I fastened the seatbelt. She handed me a bottle of water from her bag and then revved the engine as the garage door opened. She adjusted the music on the stereo and peeled out of the garage, the tires squealing.

She smiled wicked and crinkled her tiny nose, "Emmett hates it when I do that." and I laughed at her, my bad mood melting with her enthusiasm.

We drove for a while, music floating quietly through the car, and I noticed something was totally off.

"Alice, is that The Killers?!" I was surprised, usually it was Britney or some other ridiculous girl group cheesing out of her speakers.

"I know. There's something about this song that makes me want to jump around." she glanced at me before turning back to the road.

We rode in silence for a while, listening to the music, the rolling green fields interrupted by small towns and roundabouts. She broke the silence first.

"So. Can we name the pink elephant in the Porsche?"

I choked on the water I was sipping out of a bottle of water.

"You and Edward have grown _a lot _closer in the last couple of days." The way she said _a lot _had so many implications and if it was weighted anymore it would tear a hole through the flooring in the car.

She looked at me again meaningfully and then turned back to the road. I supposed she took my silence as confirmation.

"Ok, now that it's out in the open, there are things you need to know about my brother."

I was quiet, waiting for her to continue.

"Edward refuses to need people. I think what happened with his mother closed him off from people for a very long time. When he first came to our family, it took him a while to warm up to all of us and even still, he very much prefers his own company. Esme learned that he knew how to play the piano and made sure we had one on hand. He played at first but only touches it every now and again. In the off change he might take a notion, she had one sent to the house here." Alice paused then and I looked at her, thirsty for getting to know Edward more, even if it was indirectly.

She continued, "He's been playing it more since you've been here, Bella. I'm not going to lie to you. I've never seen Edward like this, with anyone. You're good for him. You need to know that." She looked over at me then, briefly, and her smile was full of thanks.

We rode in silence again while I digested what she had said. With all of what she was saying, my mind kept coming back to the same niggling place in my gut.

"Alice, you don't have to answer if you don't want to…but has Edward ever-I mean did he and Tanya have…um…" I trailed off, not knowing how to phrase what I really wanted to say but knew I needed an exact confirmation.

She picked up where I left off though, "Has Tanya and Edward ever done the horizontal tango, the dirty push push, the no pants dance, knocked boots, bash the beaver, the jiggy jiggy, the giggity giggity, buttered the muffin-"

"Ok! Ok! I get it!" I laughed in horror and she smiled, watching the road but sobered quickly, not forgetting what my main reason for asking the question was. I lifted the water bottle to my lips again.

Alice shook her head then, a smile playing across her lips still, "Tanya isn't really one for cock, Bella."

I choked on the drink of water at the back of my throat. "She what?!"

"Bella, say it with me, Lesbian." The way she said lesbian, it was like some word of the day off of Sesame Street. My mind instantly saw Ernie ask Bert what a Lesbian was…Gee Bert…I shook my head away from that and looked back to Alice.

"So they never-" I started but Alice turned and rolled her eyes at me.

I took a deep breath in, that was a relief. A big one…but a small doubt clouded my mind:

_So why didn't he touch you last night? What if he's tired of you already?_

My mind recoiled from the idea. Alice said I was good for him, and I needed to believe that. His touch, his voice, his presence, when he was inside me, I forgot about the darkness that threatened to swallow me whole emotionally every time I shut my eyes.

I lifted the bottle to my lips, trying to swallow more than water.

Alice and I spent the better part of the day together. Her cell phone kept going off and she chose to ignore it, although there was an evil little smile on her lips every time she placed it back into her handbag.

We went for lunch but opted for ice cream as the day was really warmm the sun beaming down on us. We were eating ice cream and giggling along a boardwalk, the ocean not far and there were people with fishing poles hanging off the pier and small children in little flip flops running around. The salty air was fresh from the ocean and it filled my lungs as I took a deep breath in. Alice was so easy to talk to and I found it easy to listen to stories about her growing up with Emmett and later on Edward. She was open about her adoption and how she didn't remember life much before Carlisle and Esme. She loved Jasper madly and they had been together forever it seemed.

The conversation switched to the wedding then. We were talking about the bridesmaids dresses and how they would be delivered this week for a final fitting in the house when I realized I had nothing to wear to the wedding.

I asked Alice the time and she replied it was just after 1.

"Alice, can I ask a big favor?"

She gave me a look like she already knew what I was going to ask, "Yeah Bella?"

"I didn't pack anything because I figured I would get something while I was over here. Can you take me somewhere so I can get a dress for the wedding?" I looked at her, waiting for her to turn me down.

Alice nearly leapt on top of me, "Oh Bella, I thought you would never ask!"

Alice danced all the way back to the car in that graceful way of hers and I walked behind her, watching her unlock the doors and fling herself inside. I opened the door and got in beside her. She waited until I had buckled my seatbelt and then pealed out of the parking lot.

"I know just the place to take you!" she sped along the road, the radio blared more familiar pop music this time. We arrived in a small town after about twenty minutes. Alice stopped the car outside of a formal wear shop, beautiful dresses outside.

Once we were inside, Alice and I took a quick look around. I pointed out a couple of colors I liked and she picked out about a dozen more. We were going through the racks when both of us touched the same dress. There was something about it and when she pulled it out we both gasped. I knew it was what I wanted and it looked like it was my size. Her blues eyes met my brown ones in pure and utter carnivorous feminine excitement.

It was perfect. It was satin and would hit me just below the knee. There was black tulle that peeked out from underneath the skirt, making the classically A-line dress poof out towards the bottom. There was a small satin black ribbon that wound around the dress just below the bust. A small smart bow was tied on the right side.

The best part of all, was that it was my favorite color: emerald green. It reminded me of Edward's eyes.

Alice and I ran to the dressing room, the other dresses forgotten. She waited outside while I tried it on. Before I came out, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt…beautiful. Never mind the dark circles under my eyes, or my hair that needed cutting. For this singular moment, I felt pretty. Not able to wait much longer, Alice threw the curtain open. She smiled when she saw me, and wrapped her arms around me from behind. Speaking to me while she looked at me in the mirror.

"Oh my God, Bella! This is it. This is totally it. Please tell me you love it.!"

"Oh Alice. I love it. I really really love it." We laughed as she stepped back and made me do a twirl. She shut the curtain then, and I changed back into my jeans and top. Pulling my shoes on, I stood up and threw the curtain back, the dress hanging on it's hanger.

After I had paid for it, Alice and I went back to the porch and laid it carefully in its garment bag in the backseat.

We both got into the car and she turned to me, "Bella, I forgot to say to you. Rose and Emmett are having a stag party together and it's themed. We bought our outfits months ago. I promise you, I know exactly where to go and it won't take too long." her voice was sincere, and I couldn't say no to her.

I nodded and she floored the Porsche's powerful engine. We were flying over the road and I found myself clutching the door handle. In probably about half the time it would take a normal, sane person to drive, she had brought us to Glasgow again. I looked out of the window at the city which was raw and alive. There was a feral quality about Glasgow that refused elegance and went for slick styled shop windows at street level and older architectured buildings from the Victorian age on top, like old warriors refusing to lay down their swords.

Alice zipped around the streets, some of them one way and found a place to park the Porsche safely. We walked together and I listened as she explained about the stag night.

Hotel rooms had been booked months ago. She and Tanya had planned it before they came to Scotland. They were going to come into Glasgow later on in the week, the group was to go out for drinks at some place that was like an old time saloon. The theme was guys and dolls/1920s gangster theme.

Like a woman on a mission, she spun us around the shops. When we entered an exclusive lingerie store, I waved my credit card at the woman and we were both treated like queens. It was a surreal experience for me. I blushed for the first solid twenty minutes but eventually learned what I liked and what I didn't like. I bought a few pieces that I thought were sexy and shyly wondered if Edward would think so too. Alice bought a few things for herself and winked at me while she was at the register and mouthed Jas loves black lace.

I felt myself blush clear to my roots.

By the time we got back to the car, our arms were full of shopping bags and I shared a smile with Alice. I hadn't had this much…_fun_, in a very long time. I'd had good times with my college roommate Jessica, but majority of the time she was out 'studying' at some party or another. I had just never been that girl.

The ride home was spent getting to know each other better. We swapped favorite books and movies and giggled over old cartoons from our childhood. When the Porsche pulled up into the drive, Alice put it into park so we could take the bags in through the front of the house. I looked towards the door and saw Jasper and Edward standing on the front porch smoking. Edward was wearing loose jeans with a black silver studded belt and a slate colored t-shirt with a skull on the front. His bronze hair was messy and rumpled and reminded me of how it had looked when we had lain together the night before last. I remembered it has been so soft as I had twirled little pieces around my fingers.

Jasper was wearing dark blue jeans and a sky blue polo shirt. His curly dirty blond hair ruffled in the breeze. The day had turned out to be really nice, and the breeze was still and heavy like overly ripened fruit. Edward raised an eyebrow at the bags and both he and Jasper moved to help us but Alice stopped them.

"Now boys, if you helped, you'd peek," She crinkled a couple of bags while Jasper tried to tip them so he could see what was inside. She giggled at him, "No peeking! Come on Bella." and I followed behind her as she led the way through into the house.

We parted as I made my way up the stairs, balancing all of the bags as I made it into my room. I placed the bags on the bed and picked up the garment bag with my dress in it to hang it up in the wardrobe. Walking back over to the bed, I started to empty their contents into a pile on the bed. I hung up and put away my costume for the stag night. Then I started to empty the bags containing all the lingerie. I hadn't realized I had bought so much. There were various satins, sexy lace and sheer fabrics, all in different colors or shapes or patterns. I had bought several sexy bras and panties sets, and a few really sexy looking baby dolls. I had even bought a beautiful black corset with satin ribbons.

I stood there, looking at it all and felt my eyes start to well up. I don't know who I was kidding. These aren't things that I could possibly wear let alone let Edward see me in them. I imagined myself wearing it and his face changing as he humored me and told me I looked ok. The thought of that actually happening killed me and I climbed up onto the bed and knelt in front of my purchases. I started to scrape all of the lingerie into a pile of lace and silk and satin, hating that I wanted to touch each one and examine it more closely, but voices mocked me in my head for the idiot I was. I gave up, looking at the small mountain I had made. I got down from the bed trying to get away from them but unable to just leave them like horrible evidence of everything I was not, lying on the bed. I resumed my place at the foot of the bed, starring at it, and I felt tears running down my face and drip from my chin.

There were hands then, his hands on my shoulders. I felt him behind me, lifting my hair and placing a kiss on my neck which made me shiver. He kissed my cheek then, and I knew he the moment he tasted the wetness there.

"Bella?" He turned me around and his eyes searched mine, then running over my face trying to read why I was upset.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he leaned down, and brushed his lips across mine, gently, offering comfort. His arms were around my waist as his bottle green eyes looked into mine.

"I…I…." I didn't know how to explain to him how I felt. He followed my eyes as I looked at the lingerie mountain in the bed.

His jaw flexed and he looked back at me, "Did Alice-"

But I interrupted him before he could finish the thought outloud, "No! No. I bought those things myself. She didn't push me. I bought them." He looked at my face and then back at the bed.

"So what's the problem?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

"I shouldn't have bought them." I looked away from his gaze, not wanting him to see why.

"Why?" he asked. I shook my head and I felt his hands on my shoulders again, rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs close to my collar bone. His eyes were on level with mine and I felt captured as he looked at me, "Why Bella?"

The explanation shot out of me like champagne out of a shaken bottle, "Because I'm not sexy or beautiful or pretty or any of those things. I'm just plain ordinary me and I should just ask Alice to help me take them back tomor-" he shut off my tirade with his lips over mine. His mouth was hot and wet, but it was slow and seductive, his tongue licking along my lower lip before sucking it into his mouth. I pressed closer to him, needing to be closer, and his hands ran down my sides and back up as my fingers found their way into his hair. He was practically holding me up as I leaned against him.

He ended the kiss and I leaned towards him, seeking his lips again. When he didn't kiss me again, I opened my eyes. He was waiting for me, his eyes full of green fire as he looked at me intently. He leaned in and kissed me hard on the mouth.

"Yes, you fucking are." He kissed me again, quickly and turned towards the bed, an arm around my waist as he started to pick through my selections.

"Fuck, Bella. Are you fucking serious?" he held up a black baby doll with pinstripes that ran down the front and molded bra cups. There were black ruffles that ran along the bottom and suspender straps for stockings. He saw me cringe and shook his head. He took my hand and placed it on the front of his jeans. He was very hard.

"Bella, that is for you, for this," He motioned towards the silk and satin on the bed. My eyes widened and I felt heat gather between my legs at his words and what was just behind the denim I was touching. His eyes took in my dilated pupils, my parted lips. He reached for me, pulling me close, his hands at my sides, rubbing up towards my breasts. He pushed me towards the bed and I fell back. He was standing in between my thighs, leaning over me, his lips at my throat when there was a gentle knock at the door.

"Bella? It's Esme." We both looked at each other in that instant, our eyes wide and I felt heat stain my face and Edward muttered something foul underneath his breath. I mouthed _bathroom_ at him and he nodded, slipping quietly into the dark open doorway. I got up, and closed the door. My body was still humming from his touch and I pulled my hoodie off of the bed and put it on, hoping Esme wouldn't see the flush on my neck from where he had been sucking.

"Bella? Are you in there?" I opened the door as she finished her sentence. She smiled at me and faltered as she took in my flushed face, "Are you ok, sweetheart?"

"Yeah." Was that _my_ voice, husky and breathless?

Her eyes gentled, "I think we're going to go up to the beach with blankets and build a bonfire. We'll be leaving in about 15 minutes, ok honey?"

I returned her smile and she turned to leave me to get ready to go. I shut the door as quietly and quickly as I could. Edward came out of the bathroom, his eyes devouring me.

He stood close to me, his hands at my sides and then on my back before grabbing my ass playfully. He smiled wickedly at me, and I giggled.

"C'mon, gorgeous, let's get down there or else I'm gonna finish what we fucking started." His eyes changed in that instant from playful to liquid molten green and he squeezed my bottom differently this time, kneading my flesh and pulling my closer, grinding himself against me.

I took a shuddering breath and he bit my neck. He chuckled and stepped away from me, but his arm guided me towards the door, giving me a slap on the backside before we left my room.

***

I stared into the flames of the fire, a fleecy midnight blue blanket wrapped around my shoulders. Esme and Carlisle sat on the other side of the fire, sharing a blanket and watching the guys. Edward, Jasper and Emmett were kicking a soccer ball at the edge of the surf, Alice was cheering on Jasper, and Rose and Tanya were cackling in front of the fire as they reminisced about Rose's early relationship with Emmett.

Tanya wiped a tear from her eye while she took breaths in between laughs, "Do you remember when he showed up at your work in the white outfit like he was Tom Cruise from Top Gun?"

Rose started laughing harder, "Oh my God, I can't breathe," she wheezed, "That was Halloween a couple of years ago! Emmett and I had a huge fight that week, I wasn't talking to him. He and Edward had dressed up in those white Air force uniforms and shown up incredibly drunk. The bar had been doing karaoke that night. I thought I would either murder him or kiss him for singing _You've Lost That Lovin Feelin_ . The aviators were so completely sexy, I couldn't even remember what we were fighting about."

They continued to laugh, swapping stories back and forth. I smiled, listening to them but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the flames. Something about the fire was oddly familiar. Suddenly a log fell, causing the fire to pop and sizzle and in my mind I saw a flash of a flannel covered arm moving a fresh log towards the warmth of the flames.

I shivered and turned away, locking out my father building the fire that last night I'd been with him. I had to get up and get away from the fire before it burned away more of the wall that I kept those memories locked behind.

I rose shakily, dusted my jeans off, and I watched as sand fell and shimmered in the firelight on the dark blanket. I shut my eyes as they briefly reminded me of dark stars. I felt my stomach turn over and I nearly ran from the fire.

I started to head towards Edward but I didn't want to bother him, he looked so happy. He had kicked his shoes off, running in his bare feet along the beach. His jeans were wet at the bottom of his legs and it made them saggy. I could see the top of his dark boxers. His gray t-shirt lay in a heap in the sand far away from the surf, and his tattoos flexed and moved with the play of muscle as he kicked the ball to Emmett and Jasper. His hair was windswept and his face was full of concentration as he kicked the ball over to Emmett. I was drawn to him, the way he moved.

I turned away from him though and walked along the beach, following the surf. I pulled off my shoes and socks, letting them dangle from my hand as I played keep away from the ocean with my feet. It kept coming up onto the shore, trying to pull me in and there was part of me that wanted it badly. To jump into freezing waters and not feel anything anymore.

I jumped when I heard a voice behind me.

"Hey Bella." I turned around, and Tanya's bright red hair grabbed my eyes. My eyes eventually met hers and she smiled at me, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Her eyes were cautious.

"Hi." I croaked, confused why she wanted to talk to me.

She moved to start walking beside me, separating me from the surf and from the thoughts I had been thinking. I walked beside her for a moment when she stopped.

"Look. I know you probably find me a little bit intimidating. I know I'm a bit loud," she rolled her eyes, as if looking at her hair and then smirked at me.

"I just want you to know you don't have to fear anything from me. I see the way Edward watches you and I've never seen him look at any girl like that. I can see that you're good for him." she took a breath and her eyes changed, they were hard and glinting.

"But if you hurt him, if you do anything to make him unhappy in anyway, I will personally see to kicking your ass. He's a fucking great guy, and we've been friends since we started college at the same time. I've seen girls throw themselves at him and use him just as much as he's used them. Don't fuck this up." she looked at me up and down, like she was assessing me for a body bag and then her eyes changed again and she smiled at me and winked.

I stood there, rooted to the spot in shock and watched her walk away. Her red hair lifted in the breeze as she made her way back towards the fire. I don't know how long I stood there, slowly processing and then reprocessing what she had said. After a while I shivered and realized the sun had started to go down. I walked back over not realizing how far I had actually walked away from the fire and drew closer to where the guys had been playing football but I found only Alice and Jasper; Jasper was showing Alice how to keep the ball in the air with his knees. Emmett had sat down next to Rose, his big arm had pulled her into his side. Edward who had put his tshirt back on was sitting with Tanya.

This time, I couldn't resist the pull, like silken cords that tugged me closer to him, binding me to him, lacing us together, I couldn't resist the tug. I made my way over without stumbling in the sand. I got closer to the fire, and saw that Esme and Carlisle were roasting hotdogs on long sticks. Esme offered me one already cooked and in a bun. I took it and sat down near Edward without touching him.

I took a bite of the hotdog, which tasted heavenly and smoky from the fire. Edward and Tanya were talking about something complicated and in depth. I tried to follow their conversation, but it was too in depth and too fast for me to understand. I met Emmett's eyes on the other side of the circle.

He rolled his eyes and looked at Edward and Tanya pointedly, "Engineer nerds." I smiled and Tanya turned around to roll her eyes at Emmett and punch him in the arm.

"So Bella," Carlisle mused, "I understand you were at college the last couple of years. What is it that you've been studying?"

I felt nervous as I felt everyone's eyes on me, even Tanya and Edward had seemed to finish and were looking at me expectantly.

"Well, I was studying to be an English teacher." I smiled inwardly, as I had enjoyed my studies from day one. My father had been so proud the day I had received my acceptance letter from Washington State. We had jumped around the kitchen, screaming and hollering until he had knocked his hip into the table edge. I remember when he had helped me move onto campus. I had thought that goodbye when he left my first night was painful. No, I had been wrong about that. The last goodbye sliced slowly through my mind, and I felt my heartbeat start to pick up and face go pale as I remembered entering the morgue, the colors muted and blue from artificial light.

"What made you pick that, Bella?" Esme's voice reached me through the fog. Edward's hand was on mine and he squeezed it gently as I swallowed.

Before I could answer, Alice came to my rescue.

"Jasper, brought his guitar!" she bounced towards us, Jasper in tow, a beautiful guitar slung over his shoulder. As they moved to sit in the empty spot next to me in the circle around the fire, I noticed the sky. It was getting darker now, the sun was setting on the sea behind the large Island of Arran that slept peacefully across the water.

Edward moved to sit next to me, and when our sides touched, my body felt alive with electricity. He pulled a blanket around us and I smiled at him. Before he put his arm around me, he caught a stray lock of hair that had been pulled loose in the ocean breeze and smoothed it behind my ear. His touch kept away more than the cold as the last pinks and oranges of sunset faded into the bruises of twilight.

There was a stillness around the fire as Jasper softly strummed his guitar, his hands moving to accommodate chords and notes from the guitar which was lacquered in glossy black. The fire crackled and hissed as Carlisle threw more wood onto it. The waves continued their advance but were only a soothing whisper as the tide went out.

Jasper played the opening notes to a familiar song and his southern voice was soulful and melodic as he sang the lyrics to _Desperado_.

The song was soothing and Jasper's voice left me feeling warm and content. I leaned my head on Edward's shoulder. Under the blanket, his touch slipped underneath my hoodie and t-shirt to touch my bare skin. His thumb moving back and forth, I felt lulled and content. As Jasper finished, I noticed that the stars had come out. I shut my eyes and focused on Edward, his touch, his smell and the way he leaned his head against mine. Under the blanket, I searched for his hand. I pulled it from his lap and brought it closer to me. Tracing his fingers with my own and then going over his knuckles and touching the small space between them. When I found the ring on his middle finger, I shifted it slowly around his finger, like I had seen him do often when he was thinking.

I opened my eyes to look at Jasper as he started the chords to another familiar song. He was smiling at Alice and she was smiling back at him as he strummed out the notes and began the words to _Tiny Dancer_. I closed my eyes again, letting the words float over me. I was simply holding Edward's hand now and he squeezed mine gently.

The song reached it's peak, and Jasper stopped strumming and tapped the guitar with his hand, the rhythm replacing the notes. He sang the first line to the chorus and then urged us to follow him, "Come on." he drawled. I could see the smiles of our small party and everyone sang the chorus with him. I smiled as I could hear Emmett's off key roar from the other side of the fire. Edward and I joined in.

_Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer.  
__Count the headlights on the highway  
__Lay me down in sheets of linen  
__You had a busy day today_

On and on the night went. Jasper fulfilling requests as we sat and snuggled in close to ward off the evening chill. At some point, I must have fallen asleep as one moment I was shivering and trying to be closer to Edward's side, Jasper still playing and singing his guitar. The next moment, I was in Edward's arms as he carried me to the car.

Once we were back at the house, he followed me upstairs. I was so tired, I don't even remember the others entering the house behind us. I do remember Edward pulling me into his room when I started towards mine. I remember unzipping my hoodie and then my jeans. I remember stumbling into his bathroom and using his toothbrush. I remember falling into his bed, falling into his arms, falling into sleep with his smell all around me, his skin touching mine, and his hands on my back as I crept closer to his heart under the covers.

***

EPOV

I took one last look in the mirror and straightened my white tie. I was sceptical at first, dress up shit was for girls and , but I actually looked fucking good.

The black shirt was expensive and crisp, Alice had seen to that. The silk white tie contrasted with the dark shirt perfectly. She had made sure there were matching white suspenders to go with my tie outfit. I wore black perfectly creased trousers and black and white patent spats. I was adjusting my cufflinks when the door to the bathroom finally opened.

Jesus Christ in motherfucking Heaven.

Bella. I was ready to throw her over my shoulder and fuck her against the first available surface. My eyes travelled from her spike pinstripe peeptoe heels up to her fishnet encased legs to the tiniest skirt that had ever been created. It was short enough to show off the garters she wore at the top of her stockings. She was wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, but it was unbuttoned to her navel. A black pinstriped vest was over the shirt and a black bra appeared to be attempting to force her beautiful breasts out of her fucking shirt. She was wearing a little black tie that rested between her breasts. Her hair was shiny and wavy and hung around her shoulders. She had perched a miniature fedora hat that sat off centre in her hair. Her eyes were dark and smoky and her lips had been painted ruby red.

My cock was trying to jump out of my trousers to say fucking hello.

"Fuck, Bella!"

She looked at me and then looked down at herself, "Is it ok, should I change something? Is the fishnet too mu-" I was over and in front of her in a flash.

"Don't say another fucking word." I stalked towards her slowly and her eyes grew wide as I advanced. I was close enough to her to touch her and she started to back up. She jumped when she hit the wall. I put my hands on either side of her head and leaned forward.

She licked her lips in anticipation as I lowered my head. Kissing her hard on the mouth, showing her with my tongue what I wanted to do to her body. She moaned in the back of her throat and kissed me back just as hungrily, trying to devour me. I slid my leg between her thighs and she shifted her hips to grind herself against me. My hands went to her ass underneath her skirt and slid underneath her silky panties to palm her soft skin. I squeezed her ass as she moved her hips and she let out these fucking sexy little whimpers. Her hands went from my shoulders to my arms and I could feel her fingers squeezing the muscle through my shirt. Her hands slid back up my shirt and went to the tie at my throat and loosened it. I helped her take it off and threw it behind us. Her little fingers started to unbutton my shirt and I slid the suspenders down so they hung loosely from my hips. She had my shirt open and was running her black nails up and down my chest. Her nails grazed my nipple and I broke the kiss as sensations jolted from her nails down my body, making my cock twitch.

"Bella, fuck, keep that up and I'm going to fuck you against this wall."

I kissed her mouth again, running my tongue along her bruised lips and then moved to her throat, sucking the spot I knew made her nipples hard and her body crazy. She continued to touch my chest, her fingers tracing the muscle and it was driving me fucking nuts. I leaned back from her, knowing it would probably leave a mark where I had kissed her neck but not really giving a fuck.

I knelt in front of her then, and slowly ran my hand up her calf. Those fishnets were fucking hot and I couldn't wait to feel her legs wrapped around me. I lifted her skirt and dragged her small pinstriped panties down her legs. Placing one of her legs over my shoulder, I kissed her thigh at the top of the stocking, her eyes watching me the whole time, her lower lip between her teeth. I shifted and pressed a kiss to her pussy. Her hands went into my hair as I slipped my fingers into her slit and found her clit. She was wet already but I wanted her close before I was inside her.

She gasped and her body arched as I fingered her flesh slowly. I tasted her with my tongue, circling her clit and then rolling my tongue over her. She tasted so fucking good, and I fucking loved the fact that I was the only one who had ever tasted her like this. Her hands pulled at my hair just enough to make the pain pleasurable and I continued to lick her slowly then faster building her higher. She was getting closer, I could tell by her moans and I rubbed her one last time before standing up.

I shrugged out of my shirt and let it drop to the floor. She pulled her vest off and then her hands went for the last few buttons on her shirt. Her hands were shaking and I pulled them away, to undo the last two buttons myself. I helped her shrug out of it, and her shirt joined mine on the floor. I reached around her and undid her bra, freeing her breasts, her pink nipples hard. I kissed them and then dragged one into my mouth, biting her gently. When they were wet and shiny from my mouth, I pressed her against the wall, her hard nipples pressed to my chest and the sensation of her skin on mine made me groan.

I kissed her neck and her hands found my belt buckle. She had it undone and was unzipping me. Her hands were inside my boxers and I inhaled sharply when she wrapped them around my cock.

"Edward, please." she moaned.

"Please, what, Bella?"

"Fuck me, Edward."

The sound of that word coming from her lips nearly had me cumming in her hands. I pulled my boxers down and my hard cock was in her hands as I pressed forward, thrusting into her hands. I groaned and growled raggedly in her ear, "Bella, wrap your legs around me." Her hands went to my shoulders, and I grabbed her ass to lift her, as she wrapped her legs around me, her heels digging into my ass as she crossed her ankles. The fishnet rubbed against me as she moved her legs around me, squeezing me close to her and she gasped and I moaned when my cock touched her. I lifted her onto my cock and thrust into her and she gasped as I filled her completely.

I used the wall and my arms as she opened her mouth and huskily panted my name. I set a quick rocking rhythm against the wall. She was moaning and gasping and I ground against her using my knees for a better angle, going deeper.

For every thrust she groaned a syllable through her teeth, "Oh. Yes. Ed-ward. Deep-er. Just. Like. That."

Her pants were getting louder and louder and I moved in her, harder, and faster. I felt her thighs tighten around me and I went faster, knowing she was getting closer.

"Yes, Bella. Fucking cum. I want to make your hot pussy cum all around my cock." She moaned louder then and I felt her muscles grab my cock as she started to orgasm. Her eyes shut as she shuddered around me, her cries louder and then softer. I pumped into her harder as she came and I felt my balls tighten and I exploded inside her, shouting her name.

We slid down slowly, the two of us hot and sweaty, her legs still wrapped around me. I was on my knees and she was wrapped around me limply, our foreheads touching, both of us panting and sharing the same air.

After a moment, I opened my eyes to look at her.

"Jesus, Bella. Are you ok?"

She smiled and kissed my mouth, "I'm more than ok. Are you ok?" she looked at me shyly then and I kissed her mouth quickly and stroked her cheek.

"Bella, that was fucking crazy," I fingered the tops of the fishnets on her thighs, "Please tell me you have more of these."

She blushed, "Do you like them?"

"Fucking like them?! Like isn't the fucking word. I fucking love them." I snapped the top against her skin and she giggled.

I sighed then, remembering why she had them on in the first place. "We better get cleaned up or they'll be wondering what we're doing up here." Bella's eyes flew wide.

"Oh my God, I totally forgot. You don't think they'll know that we've-" she faded away and looked at me, her eyes filling with mortification.

"Who the fuck cares? And if they do, we might as well give them something to talk about. You were fucking loud enough, sweetheart." I bit her shoulder gently as I said this, licking over the spot where my mouth had been.

"Oh no!" she moaned, totally embarrassed.

"Hey, there are no fucking oh no's. The louder you are the more I know you fucking love what I'm doing to you," I leaned back to look into her eyes, "And you do, don't you? You love what I do to you."

She blushed deeper and in a tiny voice, "Yes."

"I fucking thought so." I shifted my hips then and she gasped, still sensitive.

"Let's go fuck in the shower and we'll go and meet up with them. Rose and Tanya always run late when they get ready together anyways."

She looked at me, and I could feel her pulse rate picking up. I withdrew from her and she moaned at the loss. I helped her to stand and we hurried into the bathroom, slamming the door.

***

We had been sitting in the bar for a few hours. The place was fucking hilarious. It was like some kind of wild west saloon come Vegas casino bar. There was one of those bucking bronco machines in a far corner that people were lining up to chance their fucking necks on.

The girls were in various colors of pinstripes and had their tits and asses on display. I could tell Emmett was not happy with how much Rose did not have on, and I wasn't all that fucking cool with the amount that Bella was showing either. Jasper was watching Alice, a predatory gleam in his eye anytime anyone wandered too close to her. The girls were up dancing and I nearly shattered the bottle of beer in my hand when I saw some guy try to grind up behind Bella. She threw him a look over shoulder but before he could get any closer, Tanya was between them, grooving him away from Bella. The guy's eyes nearly fell out of his head as Tanya turned around and pressed her ass against his crotch. Tanya found me in the crowd and cocked an eyebrow at me. I nodded my thanks.

Alice had sat us all down and told us that we were not allowed to ruin any fun the girls were having tonight and that they could take care of themselves. So there we sat, tense, watching as they danced on the crowded dance floor, the music blaring.

I wondered which one of us would break first. I looked at Emmett in his red shirt and black vest. He was wearing a black tie and a black fedora with a red ribbon at the band. Jasper was in a black shirt but his tie was a brilliant hot pink. Only fucking Jasper had balls enough to wear hot pink, and I grudgingly admitted he made it look cool.

The girls left the dance floor and I saw them make their way to the bar. They were served eventually, Tanya and Rose carrying trays with various drinks on them.

Tanya smiled at us as she set the tray down, her tits nearly falling out of her top as she bent over. The girls sat down and I got up to allow Alice in next to Jasper. I sat back down and Bella sat next to me. I put an arm around her and shot a look at the guy across the room who had been checking out her ass. I leaned into her ear and growled, "Are you having a good time?" she nodded and I bit her earlobe.

We raised our glasses and saluted Emmett and Rose. We did shots and Rose put Emmett's glass between her breasts and he dove in with his mouth as she laughed loudly. He came back up with the glass in his mouth and winked at us the tequila emptied into his mouth. We laughed and carried on, for a while until the next round of drinks was due. The girls got up and I watched as Bella followed them towards the bathroom. I slid out of the booth as well, and Jasper looked at me as I put a cigarette behind my ear. I motioned towards the door for a smoke and Jasper nodded. Shuffing through the crowd we made our way towards the door.

I flicked open the lighter and held it towards my cigarette. Jasper lit his own and the two of us stood in silence.

Jasper spoke first, exhaling, "I can't believe it's only a week away now. That means we're only in Scotland for another two weeks from today." He drew on his cigarette and I turned what he said over in my mind.

Two weeks. Only two more weeks and then what? Back to college to start my post grad in Alaska? Back to normal? The thought of it made me sick. I had loved my time at college, loved studying and excelling beyond what I thought I could ever fucking do. I loved making Carlisle proud of me.

But now, the thought of just turning away from Bella in two weeks was beyond my comprehension. It hit me like the force of a truck crashing into my gut and I didn't know what to fucking do. I was attached to her and the thought of not having that connection with her made me sick. I didn't know what she wanted either and I didn't want to assume that she would want to continue whatever this was between us on after the summer.

Jasper and I stood there and finished our cigarettes, grinding them out into the ashtrays and then headed back inside.

I followed Jasper back towards the table but changed my mind. I decided to find Bella, needing to see her, to touch her. I found her near the bar, alone.

"Bella, where are the girls?" I asked her, pissed off that she had been left alone.

"Umm, I think they went to buy shots but I got separated from them. Alice is looking for you though." she smiled at me and I kissed the corner of her mouth.

"Do you want something to drink?" I asked.

"Umm, yeah. You pick, though, I have no idea what I want." I kissed her again and eyed up the crowded bar. Rather than drag her through the masses I asked her, "Do you want to wait here for me or do you want to sit at the table?"

"I'll wait," she answered.

"Ok, don't fucking move."

***

BPOV

I watched as Edward turned away to try and fight his way through the crowds gathered at the bar. I was right at the corner and moved to allow a group of guys to get closer to the bar to shout their drinks orders.

"Well, darlin. I never thought I'd have the chance to see you again." A slightly familiar voice slithered in my ear. A cruel hand clamped around my wrist and pulled me away from where I had been waiting for Edward. I looked around me, but I must have stupidly drifted away from where Edward had left me.

It was him. The guy I had met weeks ago at the night of the party Carlisle had been invited to. His voice made my skin crawl. He was dragging me through the writhing mass of bodies that were in the bar. I panicked and tried to call out but over the noise and the fog, no one could hear me.

He shoved me into an inconspicuous corner that was far away enough from the crowd.

"I knew you were a fucking whore the moment I saw you and do you know what happens to whores, darlin? They get what's coming to them. Lucky for you, that's me."

At his words, my body reacted. But it was more than just his words. It was months of pent up emotion, the few shots I'd already had maybe mixing with my anti anxiety drugs, but something flashed to life inside me. Something angry and animalistic. I was tired of being some inferior creature and he embodied everything I suddenly despised in that moment about myself. All the guilt and all the rage I had for myself, I was able to project them onto him. I felt my hand twitch, and before I could control the action, I hauled my arm up and punched him in the mouth as hard as I could.

He reeled back, and lifted his hand to his lips. When he pulled it away, there was blood on his fingers.

"Now you've fucking done it, you stupid fucking cunt," and he took me by the shoulders and shoved me hard and I would have fallen on my backside if I hadn't fallen into something solid.

The voice of my archangel echoed dangerously soft in the air around us.

"I told you I would fucking end you if you came near her again."

* * *

**A/N**

**Sigh…my hero. What did you think of that? **

**And if you're not sure what spats are, a picture link will be uploaded at some point on my profile. **

**Hi there to new readers. I love you and thanks for all the reviews this week…I still plan on answering them. Also I will extend the reader reward over at twilighted until midnight tonight PST…even though I'm on Greenwich time in the UK…cause I love you long time like that.**

**Special Thanks to: KStew411/AmberRMW RobMyWorld dot com, Southern Fan Fiction Reviews and IrishTwiSisters for pimping me and Kiltward out on their blogs. I squeed, he smoked, it was a good day. Links will be on my profile shortly. **

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**If you've been pimping and I haven't included you I apologize. Please let me know directly. srsly.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:**

**As per usual, all these things are Stephenie Meyer's creation…well at least Twilight wise. I've added a dash of lemon to her recipe.**

**And again, go find a hobby or some shit if you know me or you're under 18. Thanks.**

**Song List:  
****I Predict A Riot: Kaiser Chiefs  
****Set Down Your Glass: Snow Patrol  
****Ayo Technology: 50 Cent and Justin Trousersnake  
****Love Game: Lady Ga Ga  
****Say It: Neyo  
****Stay With Me: Danity Kane (don't hate…I didn't realize it was them when I randomly downloaded it)**

* * *

BPOV

His hands were around my waist and he physically lifted me to set me behind him. His hands steadied me as my legs were shaky from the adrenaline rush. His eyes burned with rage as they looked into mine and his jaw locked as he looked me up and down, scanning me for injuries. Satisfied I was ok, he turned to James.

It was all so quick, if I blinked I would have missed it. Edward landed a punch right in James' midsection which doubled him over like a lawn chair folding in on itself. Stunned, James wasn't ready for Edward's second swing, which caught him on the jaw, snapping him back up. It was unnatural how his head bent back the way.

James straightened, his eyes were wild and he fixed them on Edward. He smirked and in a mocking voice he sneered, "Is that it, ya prick?"

He tried to swing for Edward but Edward sidestepped him and James stumbled forward. James let his anger and frustration rule his movements and Edward was able to avoid his fists and block his advance. James started to tire even though not even a minute had passed, and tried a last charge at Edward. He bent low to head butt Edward in the stomach. Edward was able to push him back and he landed against a large man dressed in a tight black t-shirt and black jeans.

"Alright, pal. Break it up!" It was the bouncers from the front door. There were two of them and they struggled with James while he fought to break free. His limbs flailed wildly as he tried to charge again. He squirmed free and his eyes searched for me Edward tensed, putting himself between James and me. One of the bouncers caught James before he could take another step.

Locking James' arms behind his back, the bouncer shouted at him, "The police want a word with you, arsehole."

They hustled James towards a door at the back of the bar. James continued to scream and kick as they dragged him towards the back entrance. We watched and I felt Edward's arm encircle my waist. He pulled me against his side and his hand ran up and down my side as if he was reassuring himself that I was ok.

"Let's go," he said, his velvet voice was ragged in my ear. I staggered beside him, my legs suddenly like wobbly Jello. His grip was firmer and he pulled me even closer as we moved through the crowds. Emmett caught up with us, his eyes wide.

"Alice told me. Where the fuck is he? Are you ok, Bella?" he said frantically, searching my face and then Edward's. His eyes caught on Edward's hand.

"Dude, you're bleeding." Emmett nodded towards Edward's hand.

Edward raised his hand to examine it. I gasped when I saw his busted knuckles and I felt instantly guilty that he was hurt because of me. I watched as he flexed his fingers and made a fist.

"I'm cool. Let's get the fuck out of here." Emmett nodded. We went by the table and everyone seemed to understand that we were leaving. They all started to get ready to go: gathering purses and downing drinks. As a group we made our way to the front door through the heavy crowds.

Emmett hailed taxis as we stood outside. He, Rose and Tanya got in the first one, Edward and I along with Alice and Jasper stepped into the second one. Edward had to help me, my legs were still so shaky. We told the cab driver the name for the hotel we were staying at and he took off, weaving through the rain slick streets. We arrived just behind Emmett's cab and stood outside for a moment.

Emmett looked at us, Edward's face was like thunder. Emmett grinned broadly and he started laughing.

Edward flexed his jaw and gave him a piercing look, "What the fuck is so funny?"

"This. This whole fucking situation. Here we are, dressed up like this, and it's only eleven. Are we that fucking boring we're back at the hotel?!" he laughed harder and it was infectious. I smiled at him; Rose and Tanya rolled their eyes and smirked at Emmett laughing his head off. Alice smiled at Emmett and Jasper shook his head.

Rose rolled her eyes and linked arms with Tanya. "There is a bar in this hotel. Let's go drink it dry." The sliding glass doors _whooshed_ open as Tanya and Rose strutted into the hotel their spike heels clicking in unison on the marbled floors. Emmett followed after them, still laughing. Jasper nodded at Edward and he took Alice's hand as they went into through the doors together.

Edward looked down at me, and there was an intensity in his green eyes I had never seen before. As if he had decided something in his mind and accepted it. He reached for my hand with his uninjured hand and laced his fingers through mine. He squeezed my hand and bent to kiss me. The kiss was very tender and gentle, his tongue running along my lower lip before sucking my lip softly into his mouth. His thumb was running over my wrist, sending tingles up my arm to run through the rest of me. I laid my free hand on his chest and it slowly slid up until I had tangled my fingers in his hair. He deepened the kiss but it was still slow and lazy, his tongue caressing mine softly. I felt his injured hand on my back and he rubbed slow soothing circles until I felt my knees turn to jelly again and flutters in my stomach. I leaned into him more and his hand at my back pressed me closer to him. As his tongue touched mine, I felt him squeeze my hand again and I sighed, basking on the warmth that flowed through me from his touch.

The kiss ended as slowly as it began and I found myself cuddled up to his chest. He stood there, his hand at my back pressing me close. His chin rested on top of my head, and I felt him breathe in deeply and let out a heavy sigh.

"Are you ok?" I said into his chest.

"Yeah." he said huskily. His arm pressed me closer. A gust of night air streamed by us as we stood outside alone. The rain started again and the quiet symphony of city noises and rainfall echoed around us. I felt something bubble up in my chest, like there were words I needed to say but I didn't know what they were. I looked up and Edward's beautiful green eyes stared deep into my eyes. That same look was still there, it was something I couldn't define. The intensity should have scared me but I felt drawn deeper by in. I wanted to drown in it, drown in him, dive deep and never come up for air. His touch, his voice, everything about him made me feel safe. Like I was home.

I shivered as a car went by, a wave of chilly air hitting me.

"We'd better go inside…there won't be much left for the rest of us." his voice was deep and raspy in my ear and part of me wanted to stay out here where I had him all to myself.

I nodded reluctantly and his arm dropped so I could walk beside him. We walked through the sliding glass doors, and they shut automatically behind us. He still had hold of my hand, his thumb caressing the backs of my knuckles and I flinched when he touched a sensitive spot. He felt my reaction and brought my hand up.

"Is that sore, sweetheart?" he kissed the knuckle and looked at it. I could see it was slightly swollen. It was the hand I had hit James with.

"Yeah. I must have hurt it when I punched him." Edwards eyes narrowed at my words. He kissed my knuckle again and met my eyes.

"He didn't-" his eyes started to fill with anger again and I interrupted him.

"No, I kinda slugged him before he did anything," I attempted a smile but saw Edward's jaw tick, "Hey, I'm ok," I took a step back so he could look at me, "Look! No harm done." I smiled wider and looked at him underneath my lashes. I lowered my voice and said for his ears alone, "If you want to take me upstairs and inspect me all over, I don't have a problem with that."

He chuckled then, his eyes looking at me with a different heat. He groaned, "Don't fucking tempt me, Bella. Fuck, if this were any other night, we would be naked right now." The way he said fuck and naked in the same sentence did things to my insides. He looked me up and down and I blushed, knowing he was thinking the same thoughts.

"Fuck me, come on before we end up naked in the lobby." he smiled at me heatedly and I giggled as we walked through to the bar area.

The group was sitting in a corner and we waved to them. Edward took me up to the bar and we ordered our drinks. They were served to us and we made our way over to the table.

It was silent as everyone sat stirring their drinks, the sounds of ice clinking on glass and the cheesy music the hotel pumped into the bar making the atmosphere heavy. Guilt started to twist slowly in my stomach and I started to feel really bad. I looked at the faces around me and my stomach tensed even more, knowing it was my fault we weren't out partying it up and stuck in the hotel.

Finally Tanya broke the silence. She sighed, "We can do better than this, guys." she sipped her drink and then straightened her eyes full of ideas.

"Ok, if this sucks, I take full responsibility. Why don't we go find a strip bar? It's classic stag night behavior, we'll have a good time, and it beats sitting in here huffing over our drinks. What do you say?" She looked around the table trying to judge our reactions.

Emmett nodded, a grin dawning on his face, and looked at Rose.

Rose shrugged, "Let's do it, I don't want to sit in here all night and think this is it."

Alice smiled and looked at Jasper who winked at her. The mood shifted at the table as one by one everyone agreed they were in. We finished our drinks quickly and the hotel ordered us a limo. Emmett spoke to the driver and asked where he could take us. The driver looked us all up at and down and muttered which club we should try. The limo was buzzing as Emmett got more and more excited the closer we got. The driver had turned the music on for us and we danced in the limo as the party mood lifted again.

The limo dropped us off, and I could hear loud music pumping from inside the club. The windows were all blacked out so we couldn't see inside. There was a large burly bouncer outside who looked about the same size as Emmett.

As the door, the bouncer laughed at our outfits and Tanya touched his chest and whispered something in his ear. He nodded and went inside with us. The bouncer spoke briefly at the entry with another big guy who nodded and motioned for us to follow him.

We followed him into what looked like a private party room. The lighting was muted and tinted red which made it a bit difficult to see at first. As my eyes adjusted, I noticed there were mirrors along the wall above the boothed seating and it made the room seem larger. There was a large piece of counter space between the booths and tables that sparkled in the dim lighting.

In the middle of the room was a huge shiny pole and I eyed it warily, wondering if I was really in this room and if I was going to see actual strippers.

I sat down next to Edward, who had seated himself near a corner, not quite sure what to expect. A raven haired beauty with tattoo sleeves which blossomed over her chest and stomach walked in, wearing a black bikini style bra with bright red stars where her nipples should be and tight leather pants. She had several piercings in her lip, an eyebrow ring and an industrial piercing in each of her ears. She looked like a crazy tattooed version of Betty Page and she smiled sexily at us as she put a bottle of tequila on the small stage with the pole in the middle.

"Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the Champagne Room, I'm Senga, and I'll be looking after you tonight." she started to pour eight shots and winked at us. Handing out the shots and keeping one for herself she looked at us with a sparkle in her eyes, "What are we celebrating?"

Tanya spoke up, "This hot mess," she pointed a black nail at Emmett, "Is marrying this hot piece of ass," she said and winked at Rose.

"Awww you guys are too cute.," she paused to raise her glass towards them, "Well, may all your ups and downs be in bed!" We raised our glasses and shouted before we all downed our shots.

"Right before the girls come in, what are we drinking?" and she pulled a small pad of paper out of her bra; I didn't see where she got the tiny pen from.

We ordered our drinks, Edward and I both ordering Jack Daniels and Coke. Senga left to fill the order and Tanya clapped her hands in excitement.

"Oh my God, remember when we took that pole dancing class last summer?" she asked Rose.

Emmett coughed, "You never fucking told me that!" he looked accusingly at Rose.

Rose shrugged her shoulders, "I was waiting for us to get a pole at the house."

Emmett's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, "Oh we're fucking getting one. We are so fucking getting one."

Senga returned with our drinks then followed by three girls who were dressed in various bits of lingerie which barely covered them where it counted. Edward asked Senga to bring in a couple of bottles of champagne.

Over the next few hours, I laughed more than I had in a very long time. We all had a lap dance and the girls got Rose up to help them give Emmett a lap dance. Emmett was enjoying himself so much, he was actually quiet and the girls and Rose giggled when he seemed speechless.

When the girls gave Edward his lap dance I wasn't sure how to feel. I watched his face, knowing those girls were much more sexier than I could ever be. I tried to memorize some of her moves, they were so sexy, to see if I could do the same for Edward sometime.

I loved what he did to me, did for me, his touch giving me more reasons to rise above the surface of my numb emotions. I wanted to do something for him, I wanted to give as well, I wanted to please him. I didn't want to lose him. As I watched his eyes, they looked intently into mine and I acknowledged that he could arouse emotions in me I wasn't sure I could name.

While the two girls were occupied with Emmett and Edward, another girl did a routine on the pole. I found a new respect for her as she performed provocative twists and turns around the brass vertical bar and we all hooted and hollered as she struck poses high on the pole. She slowly slid down and we did tipped her. She joined us for a round of shots and we cheered her on as she allowed Tanya to do a shot out of her belly button.

When the girl that was on Edward moved to Jasper, I almost jumped when I felt Edward's hand on my knee. He slid it slowly up to where the fishnet ended, squeezing my skin, and I shifted in my seat as I felt myself heat pulse between my legs at his touch. I bit my lip, remembering how he had me against the wall in our hotel room. I looked at him from beneath my lashes and his eyes were full of heat and promises for later.

All three girls started dancing to the music that was blaring and I watched, amazed as they shook their hips and popped their bodies to the rhythm. On and on it went, and the girls laughed and joked with us as they drank from flutes of champagne and poured it over themselves. They danced with each other and then pulled each of us girls up to dance with them. When it came my turn, I wasn't quite sure what to do, and one of the girls put her hands on my hips and showed me how to move. She whispered in my ear behind me, "He's really hot, you're a lucky girl, doll." I looked at Edward then, and his eyes burned over me as I danced.

I blushed as one of the girls ran her hands up my hips as she showed me how to roll them seductively. Edward looked like he didn't know whether to shout at them for touching me or drag back to our hotel room. The heat in his eyes was intense and the champagne made me bold and giddy. I licked my lips at him and he widened his eyes and smiled sexily at me as he adjusted his trousers. The girls led me back to my seat and started another pole routine.

It wasn't long until the champagne, tequila, and Jack Daniels really started to go to my head. I started to feel a bit woozy and I scooted closer to Edward during the pole dancing. He put his arm around me and I sagged against his side. I wrapped my fingers around one of his white suspenders, hoping if I anchored myself to him, the room would stop spinning a little.

He looked down at me, "Are you ok?" he smirked.

I leaned up to whisper in his ear, "I think I might be very drunk."

Edward snickered, "That's ok, I think you might be very drunk, too."

The show came to an end with all three girls on stage dancing together each taking a turn to swing themselves around the pole. We clapped and Jasper held his fingers to his mouth and whistled as they smiled and waved before leaving the room.

We finished our drinks, and Senga cleared away the empty bottles and glasses. I yawned and Alice organized with Senga for the limo to be phoned again to pick us up. Edward picked up the three unopened bottles of champagne as we filed out of the room and handed one to Jasper who had loosened his tie and one to Emmett who had his arm around Rose. Jasper's fedora was slightly off-center and he winked at me and put his arm around a very tipsy Alice. Edward put his arm around me as well as he guided me out to the limo.

The ride back to the hotel was quiet and when we stumbled into the lobby, I noticed it was just after four in the morning.

The elevator was quiet as everyone was either too tired or too drunk to say much. When the elevator dinged, we dragged ourselves off in separate directions, murmuring promises over our shoulders to meet up at some point later on in the morning.

I walked down the hall, half leaning on Edward while he pulled me along, his arm still around my waist.

I stepped down funny on my shoe and felt it start to twist beneath me. I tensed, waiting for the inevitable fall but he caught me.

"Oh no you fucking don't. Not this time. I'm fucking ready for it." he muttered gently as he righted me and we started walking again. We arrived at the room, and he fished the key card out of his pocket and I briefly saw the lock on the door flash a green light before he swung the door open. He let me go inside ahead of him.

I stumbled towards a chair and sat down. Pulling my shoes off, I sighed with relief, wiggling my toes which was oddly satisfying in the fishnet. I pulled the little hat out of my hair and flung it somewhere to the side of the bed. The black vest came off next and I unbuttoned my white shirt until it hung loosely at my sides. Standing up, I unzipped the skirt and shimmied out of it.

I looked up as Edward put the champagne bottle down on the table. I watched as he loosened his tie and pulled it off, his collar unbuttoned, he shrugged out of his suspenders and they hung loose around his long legs. He kicked off his shoes next and bent down to pull off his black socks. He straightened and turned towards me, his eyes locking with mine. They glowed like green tinted coals as they roamed over my body. They softened when an involuntary yawn caught me. I shivered and felt my eyes water. He chuckled then and I tried to give him a serious look but wasn't sure if I managed it. My senses seemed ultra aware of everything in the room which I mentally chalked up to the amount of alcohol I had consumed and my meds and Edward looking so sexy in his black shirt and pants. I wanted to pull on his white suspenders and unzip his trousers. I wanted him then, my mind focusing on him and the way he made me feel when he was inside me.

"Tired, Bella?" he smiled at me.

"Kind of." I wasn't sure, but I think I may have slurred.

"Do you want me to carry you to bed?" he asked me.

"I want you to carry me to Pleasuretown." _Oh God…had I actually just said that out loud?_

Edward laughed, "You fucking what!?"

"Please put me to bed before I say anything else stupid," I groaned, covering my red face with my hands.

Edward laughed and I felt him bend over me. His arm snaked under my knees and his other arm was at my back as he lifted me and tossed me onto the bed. I shrieked and my arms flailed wildly. I had no time to steady myself as Edward followed me and settled between my legs. His eyes looked deeply into mine and the moment was intense. I drew a breath in sharply, his look making me feel weak and needy for him. I could feel him, hard, through his trousers as he shifted his hips to press against me through my panties. I gasped as he moved his hips again and I tried to move my hips with him, searching for more. I felt myself go wet and he bit my neck none too gently. The sensations of pleasure and pain mingled and shot through me as I rolled my hips, looking for more friction.

His forehead dropped to mine, "Fuck me, Bella." He murmured against my lips before kissing me. He kissed a path from my neck, down the valley between my breasts, his chin rasping against my belly as me moved lower. His hands came up and pulled my black lacy thong down. He knelt between my legs and kissed the inside of my thigh. His hands came up and rolled the stocking down, kissing each inch of skin revealed. I could feel millions of little currents running up my body from his touch and his lips. When he had removed the fishnet entirely, he repeated the same slow, tantalizing process on my other leg.

He leaned up then, and undid his belt. I sat up and helped him unbutton his shirt, kissing his skin as I progressed down his chest. I felt my hands shake as I pulled it down over his powerful shoulders and revealed his tattoos and muscles as he shrugged out of the sleeves. I needed to touch him, his body was like a temple I wanted to worship in. I kissed his nipples and bit them lightly with my teeth and his groan was deep and purely male as I ran my fingernails over the padded muscle of his chest and down his abs. His hands pressed against my back, moving up to unhook my bra. I shrugged out of it and tossed it to the side of the bed. I leaned in towards him and pressed my breasts to his skin, and felt my nipples go hard at the contact and the heat between my legs was slick with need for him.

Placing my hands on his shoulders, I pulled myself closer to him and gently bit the muscle between his neck and shoulder and his hands ran down my back to cup my ass. As he kneaded my skin, I kissed his neck and sucked on his earlobe.

I whispered raggedly in his ear, "I want you Edward," and I did, I realized in my hazy mind. I needed him first, before there was air to breathe and water to drink, I needed him so badly.

His knuckles rubbed softly down my cheek, but the skin felt raspy rather than smooth. I turned my head and saw his hand. The skin on his knuckles was broken and dark and dried blood had settled over the small wounds. His knuckles looked swollen and my stomach twisted at the thought of him hurting himself for me.

I felt my eyes prick with tears, "Oh Edward!" I gasped, looking at him.

He looked up then, his eyes had been on my breasts. He saw my expression and his eyes widened in alarm.

"What? What is it?" he asked.

I didn't have any words for him. I had to show him what he meant to me. I reached for his hand and kissed each precious knuckle. His hands had always fascinated me, they were so sexy and so masculine. There were small scars from nicks and cuts which made me think he must work with his hands. I loved the way he played piano with his long fingers, how they knew every key and played each note so beautifully. He knew every key in me, was the only one to play those keys and I wanted him to know he owned every note in my heart.

I continued to press small kisses on his hand and looked at him. There was that strange light in his beautiful emerald eyes I had seen earlier tonight. I looked at his hand, and then lifted my head to meet his eyes.

"Does it hurt?" I said, worried his answer would be yes. It would kill me if he said yes.

"No." he said gruffly, his usually smooth voice was like dried leaves.

I kissed his knuckles again and then put his hand to my chest, placing the palm flat against my heart. I searched for words to articulate how I felt and I stumbled through them, "Edward, I-" I stopped, words failing me again, not quite sure how to articulate what I wanted to say. I tried again.

"I don't know what's happening to me, to us. I know that I want this moment to go on forever. If something had happened to you tonight, especially because of me, I don't know what I would do." I felt my eyes water again, "I need you," I whispered. He pulled me close then, my breasts were crushed against his chest, and his arms wrapped around me. One of his hands at my back, the other on the back of my head as our mouths collided. Wave after wave of need and want rolled over us both as we poured everything into the kiss. It was violent and intense and neither one of us wanted to come up for air. I kissed him deeply, needing to show him in every way how he was so imperative to my survival. I could face anything as long as Edward was holding onto me.

Finally, we broke apart, and our quick breaths mingled as our hands roamed over the other, the air around us sizzling. My hands came up to his shoulders, and I pressed forward to push him backwards on to the bed. He reclined back on his elbows and watched me, his expression conflicted, not sure whether to hold me or allow me to continue.

I climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and leaned down to trace the Celtic lion tattoo on his chest with my tongue. I kissed the lion's head and knew somehow that this tattoo, so close to Edward's heart was important to him. I moved to his nipple and kissed him softly before nipping him gently. He tasted like something woodsy and fresh and incredibly male.

I leaned up to just stare at him, he was so beautiful. His skin was perfect and toned muscle made plains and valleys that asked for my touch and my mouth. I rubbed my fingers from his chest down his abs and his stomach jumped.

I looked up at him and analyzed his expression as I ran over the spot again and his eyes slightly crinkled as he choked on a laugh he was trying to hold back. The atmosphere changed, the intensity that almost overwhelmed us both lifted slightly.

I flashed him a mischievous grin, "Edward! Are you-"

"No." he said way too quickly.

"Are you ticklish?" I smiled broader.

"Don't you fucking dare." he growled and his eyes widened as he looked at me. He scooted farther back on the bed, trying to get away from me. I laughed as he only succeeded in scooting out of his unzipped pants and exposing his boxers and part of the dark star tattoos on his hips.

"Oh I fucking will dare," I started to run my nails over his stomach and he laughed. Hard. I couldn't get enough of hearing his utterly masculine laughter. It did things to me, to see him happy like this, just this way. It was liberating to be this close to him and I felt something burst inside of me, a lightness that overshadowed all of the darkness I'd felt over the last few months. It changed me and I scooted up his body and he tried to tickle me but I wouldn't let him. I needed to kiss him and press against him and be close to him. He grabbed me then and I knew the instant he turned serious as well. The laughter left his eyes to reflect the darker flames in my own eyes.

We lay on our sides as our lips met. Our tongues touched and mated and moved over each other, battling for dominance. One of his hands were at my back, pressing me close to him. I felt his touch run down my back and then slip down to cup my backside. I lifted my leg to hook it over his hips. I could feel his cock through his boxers pressing against me. I pulled him closer with my leg, trying to be closer to him, I want to crawl inside him, to drown and never come up for air. My hands reached between us and went to the waistband of his boxers. His hands left my ass to help me and together we managed to shrug them down his legs. I used my foot to push them further down and he kicked them off.

Skin to skin, we lay on our sides, grinding against each other. I felt his hands on my backside again and he pressed closer, his cock seeking between my slick folds. I pushed against his shoulder and he stopped kissing me to look at me.

"Roll on to your back, Edward," I said huskily against his lips.

His eyes narrowed, and he wrapped me in his arms as he rolled onto his back taking me with him. I raised over him, my legs on either side of his hips and slowly positioned myself to sink down, taking him inch by inch. I threw my head back as I felt blood rushing through me like a wild sunburst. I sat with him, greedily loving the feeling of all of him inside of me. I rocked my hips and gasped as I felt something deep inside me awake.

"Fuck Bella, do that again." I rolled my hips again and tentatively moved up and then back down on him. Our gasps became louder as I kept it slow and the pleasure of it was bittersweet as we both needed more. I picked it up and his hands went to my hips as I moved faster. I watched his face as it became more intense, his green eyes watching me as I moved.

"You are so fucking beautiful, Bella. I love watching you," I could feel the pressure building and I changed to a faster rhythm, I could feel the muscles in my thighs start to bunch and my toes started to curl. I knew what was coming but I wanted to wait for him. I bit my lip, trying to hold back.

"Fuck Bella, don't do that, let yourself go, sweetheart. Let me see you." he groaned at me.

One of his hands reached between my legs and found my clit. He gently stroked the sensitive flesh with his finger and it sent me spiralling upwards. All of my nerve endings were tingling and I let the sensation take me away as I shattered. I rode him higher and higher and I felt him cum inside me, hot and deep. I fell forward onto his chest and his arms were around me, stroking my back.

He smoothed my hair out of my face and pressed his lips to my temple. The way he touched me, so carefully, as if I was something fragile and precious to be handled gently. His fingers stroked down my back again, soothing, and I closed my eyes, remembering how he had saved me tonight and how he had saved me from so many other things. Before I could stop, I felt tears prickle in my eyes, the emotions finally overwhelming me. I breathed in raggedly trying to stay calm.I didn't know how to feel them; I had been suppressing and beating my emotions down for so long. It felt like there was a ticking bomb inside me, the needles of the clock slicing my insides open. I knew at any moment it was going to go off and it frightened me. I didn't know whether I should attempt to stop the bomb or let it blow up and blossom inside of me.

"Bella?" his voice was gruff and I heard it rumbled in in his chest.

I bit my lip and tried not to make any noise.

He rolled us onto our sides and he brushed more of my hair back, searching for my face.

"Please don't hide from me, sweetheart. Are you ok? Fuck! Are you crying?" he said on a swift intake of breath. Pulling my face up to see me he swore softly again, his thumbs wiping away the tears.

"What is it? Are you hurt?" he searched my eyes and started to withdraw from me.

I shook my head, "Edward, I'm sorry."

His brows knitted together, "What the fuck are you sorry for, Bella?"

"I don't know how to explain it. It's all just too much and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm sorry for crying." I tried to draw in a breath to calm down.

His eyes were understanding and he pressed my face to his shoulder with a hand at the back of my head. He wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close.

"It's ok, Bella. I've got you." He rocked us back and forth, the touch of his skin and the swaying motion lulled me to sleep, the feelings and emotions fading like the spectres of a bad dream.

***

EPOV

I was small again, and I walked into the living room after school. Flinging my Spiderman book bag on the counter, I stole a juice box from the fridge before mom caught me. She said they were supposed to be for my lunch.

I looked around but realized she wasn't in her usual place on the sofa. Maybe she was in her room. I went outside to the backyard to find my ninja turtle. I loved Michelangelo cause he liked pizza, like me.

As I stepped onto the back porch, something hit me in the forehead. I realized it was a foot. I looked up, knowing those green eyes would be staring at me. Eyes once full of love would be bulging and bloodshot and full of horror. Eyes that were just like mine.

But the eyes weren't the soft green of freshly mown grass. They were brown, a beautiful roasted cinnamon brown and her hair was dark deep mahogany.

***

BPOV

I was brought out of a deep sleep by Edward shaking next to me. He was restless in his sleep and I rubbed my hands over his naked skin. He was slick with sweat. I opened my eyes and blinked. Wrapped around him the way I was, he was nearly crushing me, his arms were so tight around me. It was starting to get hard to breathe. His arms were like steel bands and if I didn't wake him soon, he was going to leave bruises.

I thumped his chest, "Edward?" he was unresponsive, caught in the throes of some dark dream. He squeezed again and I thought I heard him mutter my name.

"Edward?" I thumped him again and struggled in his arms.

"EDWARD!" I screamed at him.

Finally his body flinched and he said my name as he opened his eyes. He lay there panting and I struggled in his embrace.

"Edward, I can't breathe." I said softly.

"Jesus, Bella, I'm sorry." He released me but I didn't move away from him. He rolled onto his back and I lay on half on him, unwilling to be away from his heartbeat.

"Are you ok?" I whispered.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. It was just a dream." he answered.

"Ok." I whispered.

His hands touched me and I shivered. He pulled the covers up and gently pulled me close. I shifted up so I could touch my lips to his. We lay in the predawn gray, using our lips and hands to explore each other slowly, reassuring ourselves that the other was real and tangible in the semi darkness.

***

* * *

**A/N**

**Love. **

**Ok, here's the deal: I've got a wedding to plan…so next update will be a little slower. I'm guessing this next chapter is going to be very long…there is a lot that needs to happen…if I can, I'll try and split it into two. **

**Big major howdy to new readers! *waving* Glad to have you onboard Goodship Kiltward…hope you enjoy the ride *snicker***

**Big Thanks to Sunfeathers, thanks for pimpin us out, bb. Kiltward loves you much.**

**Again, thanks to the blogs: KStew411 for robmyworld dot com, Southern Fan Fic Reviews, IrishTwiSisters and Ashnanphillips. I love you ladies for your kind words, thank you for finding me worthy. **

**All the ladies on twitter who listen to me whine and bitch and carry on. Thanks for that.**

**This is long enough…**

**Goin to the castle and we're…gonna get married! **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:**

**Before we begin, a massively super wonderful I'm-not-worthy thanks to my two Betas girlnextdoor81 and motherchucker9. Welcome to Team Rain Season, Edward and I are glad you're on board.**

**Big thanks to Sunfeathers for allowing us a part of her corner. We know it's hard out there for a pimp.**

**Music:**

**If You Could Only See: Tonic  
****Hey There Delilah: Plain White Ts  
Hallelujah (Cover): Hana Pestle  
Crash: Dave Matthews Band  
True Love Way: Kings of Leon  
Come Away With Me: Norah Jones**

* * *

**EPOV**

It felt like time was fucking pushing us closer to the edge of a precipice and there was nothing I could do but get closer to the edge. Bella and I clung to every moment we had together, both of us seeming to know that we were dancing along the rim of an abyss much bigger than either of us were willing to acknowledge.

Esme had been organizing the house room by room, deciding what to take back to Alaska. She had ordered large shipping boxes for us to pack our stuff into. Bella spent an afternoon helping me pack up my music collection and the whole time her face had been tense and pale. Her lower lip was so swollen from her constant worrying and I felt powerless to stop it.

I had to make a decision and I had to make it fucking fast: My post-grad was due to start a week after I got back to Alaska. It hit me then, the solution seemed so simple, but it all depended on whether the schools would let me transfer so soon to the beginning of the semester.

So I started to look into it. It turns out that Washington State University offered my post grad course. It would just be a matter of a last minute transfer. So I started making phone calls and found that not only would my credits transfer, Washington State would be happy to have me.

Next fucking semester.

Fucking assholes.

I begged and pleaded. I offered to throw fucking money at them. I shouted. I swore. I asked Carlisle to speak with them. They just wouldn't fucking budge. I had to accept their offer for the following semester.

Which meant that for nearly three months, Bella and I would be apart. My insides fucking twisted with guilt. I didn't want to let her down, but it felt like I _was _fucking letting her down. I knew she was getting better, the nightmares and panic attacks had almost gone away. At night, things between us were so intense; we couldn't seem to get enough of each other.

I knew we would need to talk about things, and soon. I was afraid of upsetting her, frightening her. I could tell that she was thinking about it as well. If I didn't say something soon, she was going to start drawing all the wrong conclusions about us. She still believed she wasn't worth a shit, no matter how much I tried to show her.

There was an afternoon when I was outside smoking on the front porch. I heard heavy running footsteps inside and a set of stumbling thumps on the stairs. I flicked my cigarette into the grass and opened the front door. The house was quiet and I listened for a moment before moving towards the stairs.

I opened the door to Bella's room. She was sitting on the floor, her back to the wall, her chin resting on her bent legs, her arms wrapped around them. She was way too quiet and still as I knelt in front of her. I could see that her eyes were red rimmed from crying. When I saw how upset she was, I was ready to commit fucking murder.

"What the fuck, sweetheart? What happened?" I asked, settling next to her and putting my arm around her shoulders.

She sagged into my side and stared at a random point on the purple carpet. Her voice was too neutral as she answered, "Carlisle wants me to come with you guys when you leave Scotland. He asked how I was doing and how I was coping with my-with my mom and dad being-" she swallowed audibly then continued, "_gone_."

The way she said _gone_ made my stomach clench for her.

She continued in that same tiny monotone voice, "I thought I was getting better. I really, really did. Which is scaring me." She reached for my hand, which was resting on my bent knee. She played with the ring on my finger for a moment and then in a very small strained voice she said, "I'm afraid to let go, Edward. I don't want to let go of them, even though those last moments were horrible. They're all I have of them together." She continued to play with my fingers, her hands shaking and her bottom lip tucked under her top one. Her brown eyes brimmed with tears she was trying hard not to shed.

I sighed and pulled her closer trying to quietly offer her the comfort she needed. I had struggled for years with the last memories I had of and with my mother. I had gone through a whole fucking parade of emotions. From guilt, to doubt, to anger, to resentment, to bitterness. It wasn't until after I had met Carlisle and Esme that I really started to pull together.

All the years I had spent in fucking foster homes had pulled me inside out emotionally. Family, for me, was a concept that existed on TV or in books. Carlisle had shown me that didn't have to be so when he welcomed me into his. It had taken me awhile to realize that he meant what he said and that I wasn't going to be left out at the end of the drive for collection when he was tired of me.

If I had to pinpoint the exact moment I knew, I would have to say when I graduated high school It was the pride I had seen in his eyes. I didn't fucking care about it-graduation and shit. High school was fucking over and I was glad to fucking leave it behind me.

The principal had announced my name after Alice's, and I walked across the stage to receive my diploma. I glanced over to where I knew Carlisle and Esme were sitting. Emmett, who had graduated a year before me, was whistling and whooping it up with a big smile on his face while Esme held the video camera. Carlisle sat quietly but the look on his face was wistful and proud. His eyes seemed to say, _My son_. For the first time in years, I let the word _dad_ quietly whisper through my mind.

Emmett and I went out together that night. We were gonna hit some of the house parties he knew about. I told him I had something to do first and he went along with me. I wanted to go for my first tattoo. I had already chosen the lion because it reminded me of myself. The lion was on his back legs like he was going to attack and he looked so angry, like he was ready to fight off anything. The Celtic knot work around the lion reminded me of the Cullens, the design was woven around the lion but it was also part of him.

***

We were lying on the couch in the basement, the lights off and the glow of the TV filling the room with dull light and making the shadows darker. I had flipped around but stopped when she squealed.

"Ohmygod! Turn it back!" she pointed at the TV.

I flipped it back and the beginning of Bram Stoker's _Dracula_ filled the screen. I sighed and she turned to me with her big brown eyes.

"Please can we watch it? I haven't seen this in eons."

I sighed and put the remote down, "Stand up for a second." she did as I asked and I stretched out with my back against the back cushions. I opened my arms and she lay down, fitting her curves into me like two pieces of a puzzle. I pulled the throw that Alice kept over the back of the couch over us and settled my arms around her underneath the blanket to watch Gary Oldman vamp it up.

Bella was enthralled with the film. She seemed to love the angst of it and during the scenes between Vlad and Mina, she snuggled closer to me, wiggling her ass and rubbing her cheek against my bicep where it was resting. My free hand found its way under her shirt and it rested against her warm soft skin.

I was watching her watch the movie. Watching Bella was far more entertaining as her delicate face changed during high and low scenes. She was so fucking pretty but I knew she didn't really see herself for what she was. Her name was ironically apt. She was a beautiful swan and I didn't know how else to communicate it to her. She was stroking the flames on my arm when it hit me. I knew exactly what I wanted to do to show her what she meant to me.

She cried at the end and I brushed the tears off her wet cheeks with my fingertips. She turned in my arms then to face me. Her hand came up to stroke my cheek and she pressed her lips against mine. My hand, still under her shirt, stroked her back as we kissed softly. I pressed her to me and she melted against me, our bodies moving and undulating against each other as we made out in the dark on the couch.

***

**BPOV**

I read Jake's response to the e-mail I had sent him last night.

----------

**Bella**

**Sure sure, I'll be at the airport to pick you up. I'll even drive your truck; I know you've probably missed it. **

**You know you don't have to ask if you want to crash with me and dad. Our home is your home.**

**Jake**

---------

Sighing, I closed Edward's laptop and put it on his desk. He had been gone since breakfast. I was just stumbling downstairs in my pajamas around noon when he lifted me off of the bottom step. I had half giggled half squeaked as he set me on my feet and kissed me on the mouth. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and dark blue jeans. His black Converse peeked out beneath the bottom of his jeans. I hooked my thumbs into the belt loops of his jeans and my fingers snuck underneath his t-shirt to touch his warm skin.

"I've got some things I need to do. I'll be back in a few hours. Don't miss me too much." he smiled at me and then headed towards the garage. I had been a bit hurt he didn't want to take me with him but I tried not to let it get to me. I ate my breakfast in silence. The other Cullens were obviously already out before I dragged my lazy butt out of bed. I finished and rinsed out my cereal bowl and set it in the dishwasher. Sighing and looking around, the silence in the house became too much and I went upstairs to shower and dress.

I tried reading a book, waiting for Edward to come back but I couldn't concentrate. That's when I decided to check my e-mails. Now that was over, I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like I was waiting for a thunderstorm, every sound that was like a car door made me jump. I wrapped my arms around myself, wishing it was Edward.

I heard an engine in the driveway and rushed downstairs, knowing it was the Vanquish. I could almost feel him getting closer as I heard the garage door open and close. I ran into the garage just as he was getting out of the car. My feet carried me closer, I started to stumble as I tried to launch myself at him. His low chuckle was in my ear as he caught me and pulled me close.

I laid my cheek on his chest but lifted it when I felt something odd underneath his t-shirt. I raised my eyes to his.

"What's that on your chest?" I asked.

He kissed my lips and then said softly against them, "It's a surprise. Come with me." Taking my hand, he led me to the car.

***

I stared at the scenery passing swiftly by the car window as Edward drove too fast down the small road. I felt like it was going by me too fast and my fingers wanted to linger on the blades of grass, the ancient stonewalls dividing farmland, and the new white colt grazing in a grassy field.

The sky peaked through in patchy blue hues from behind fluffy clouds which seemed on the verge of tears. I was touching the window, drawing circles with my fingers, which I hadn't done since I was a child. I snatched my hand down, not wanting to mess up the glass. I wanted to see it all clearly.

Edward's hand gently found my thigh. He drove one handed and squeezed to get my attention. I turned to him, and caught him glancing at me, his beautiful green eyes full of emotions neither one of us could fathom yet. His hand moved back to the gear shift then, and I watched how his hand gripped the stick, his large masculine knuckles reminding me of the way he caressed my cheek sometimes when he kissed me. His long fingers flexed and their carnal knowledge from being inside me made me blush. I reached out with my hand, and laid it gently on top of his.

We had been driving for an hour, soft piano music drifting through the car. There was a comfortable silence in the car as the electrical current that was always there flowed between us. We were surrounded on either side by rolling hills, the yellow green grass was cropped short and every now again a small flock of black faced sheep would flit by the window as Edward drove past.

He down-shifted the car suddenly, and I jumped, brought out of my comfortable reverie.

"Are we stopping?" I asked.

He only nodded and turned the car down a narrow dirt road. We drove down the bumpy road, the sounds of rock and grit hitting the inside of the tire well filled the car. Finally we came to the end of the road, and there was a small rusty gate. It looked as though it hadn't been used in years.

Edward turned the car off and opened his car door. I sat, stupefied, not really sure what was going on. He was at my side of the car, opening the door and I automatically reached down to unbuckle the seatbelt. It slid up and I disentangled myself. I looked up as Edward offered his hand to me to help me up and out of the car. He squeezed my hand gently and pulled me towards the trunk. He let go of me for a moment to open the back of the Vanquish. He leaned in and pulled out several blankets. Edward winked at me and motioned for me to close the trunk door as his arms were full.

I shut the door and he started walking towards the gate. I raced ahead of him to open it for him and it gave after a few tugs. We walked for a little while over the grassy field. What had looked smooth from the road was surprisingly, clumpy and I tried my best not to stumble. Edward kept glancing at me, as if he knew at any given moment I was going to fall flat on my face. He shifted the blankets in his arms and was able to carry them and free an arm to hold my elbow as we walked. I smiled at him briefly but turned my attention back to my feet and the hazardous grass. After a while, I noticed there was a slight incline and I looked up, realizing that we had actually climbed up a small hill.

I could see for miles around. The sun broke through the clouds and glittering rays touched a hilly field like the long fingers of some relaxing deity testing the texture of a velvety green lover. There was a small tree not far from where we were standing and I followed behind Edward as he spread blankets underneath the tree. The area was both open and sheltered and I took a deep breath of the air and felt like it was cleansing my insides.

Edward turned to me then, his hands on my hips and then running up my sides.

"Lie down with me, Bella," his eyes were imploring and heavy with emotion. We lay down together on our sides and looked at each other. He opened his arms and I went into them willingly. Kissing me softly, he smoothed a lock of stray hair away from my face and caressed the side of my cheek.

The silence was finally broken by his velvety voice.

"Bella, since I was a kid, everything I ever loved was taken from me. My father, my mother, the childhood I should have had with my parents. I couldn't, for a long fucking time, let that shit go. I was so angry with no one to be angry at. I shut myself away, even after Carlisle adopted me when I was a teenager. For a while, music was an outlet for me, the piano an extension and expression of myself.

"I've never had a person in my life I wanted to call my own. Not in some fucked up ownership way. Someone who was mine. Mine alone. When we danced that first time at the party, when I kissed you, I felt like the fucking midnight that my life has been since I found my mom, was ending. I knew you were dealing with your own shit and that you had that same numb look I had when I looked in the mirror a few years ago.

"Christ, I'm fucking rambling, here," he sighed and ran his hand through his bronze hair, "Bella, what I'm trying to tell you…what I'm trying to fucking say is…" he paused again and huffed.

I felt my eyebrows knit together and I blinked, staring at his frustrated features. I reached up to smooth his forehead. He took my hand and looked into my eyes; his emerald green eyes were bottomless.

"Bella, I'm fucking in love you and it scares the shit out of me."

His words echoed in my mind, as if he had shouted them across the open fields surrounding us. My heart beat faster and adrenaline started pumping through me. He was staring at me expectantly, waiting for a response.

I swallowed, almost audibly, trying to move words past the lump in my throat, "Edward. I don't have words to describe what you are to me. I love you.. You are my life now." I was breathing in and out rapidly, the realization of our confessions hitting me with full force.

"Bella," he shook his head and shut his eyes, when he opened them, they were full of guilt and grief, "You leave in four days. Four fucking days. I don't know when we'll see each other again-"

I put a finger to his lips, my eyes meeting his tortured expression, "Don't. Please don't." I felt my eyes fill with tears. Being away from him was something my mind rejected automatically. I couldn't hear those words from him.

When he saw the tears start to streak down my face he moved swiftly, his arms crushing me closer to him, his lips possessively taking my mouth. He kissed me deeply, all of the emotions of the moment poured into the way his mouth moved over mine. We kissed each other desperately, our hands roaming wildly over each other. I tugged at his shirt and he drew it over his head.

I gasped as his chest was revealed. There on the left side of his chest, covered in a bit of cling film, was a new tattoo. It was a swan, its wings slightly open and was surrounded by Celtic knot work. My fingers shook as I gently traced the ink. I leaned forward and kissed the tattoo, my lips attempting to convey the emotions that were nearly overpowering me. For the second time, I felt tears prick my eyes and his hand moved to my cheek.

"Bella, the swan is you. She rests over my heart."

***

EPOV

"Bella, the swan is you. She rests over my heart."

I could see her eyes starting to go shiny again and the last fucking thing I wanted to do was upset her. I groaned and moved to kiss her mouth. Her mouth moved with mine, our tongues touching and caressing, gently at first and then devouring. The kiss grew hotter until it consumed us both. Her hands ran over my shoulders and then she ran her nails down towards my stomach. We broke apart, coming up for air.

I slowly raised her t-shirt over her stomach, searching her eyes to make sure she was ok with being naked in the open with me. She bit her lip as she sat up and her fingers were near mine as she raised it over her head. Her long dark hair spilled around her shoulders as she tossed the t-shirt behind her. Her bra was hot pink satin and I gently cupped the fullness of her breast while she reached behind her back to undo the hooks. The straps slowly slid down her small shoulders and she seemed shy and hesitant all of a sudden.

"Show me your skin in the sunlight, Bella. You are so fucking gorgeous."

She let the straps fall down her arms all the way and she pulled the satin away from her skin fully, her breasts beautiful in the afternoon light. I started to tug her back down with me but she shook her head and her hands went to her jeans next. She undid the button and pulled the zip down and awkwardly shuffled out of them. She put them near where her shirt landed. She was naked except for her hot pink thong which made my dick twitch at the sight of her in lace and tiny ruffles at her waist.

My eyes moved back up to her face. She was looking at me, and a pink blush stained her cheeks. Here she was, nearly naked and I was sitting in my jeans. My hands went to my belt and undid it and then moved to the button fly of my jeans. I straightened and pulled them down and over my legs. Her eyes went straight for my boxers and I smiled slightly as I pulled my boxers down. I put them neatly at the side of the blanket and turned to her.

She crawled to me and pressed her skin to mine. I put my arms around her and rolled us until she was on her back with me on my side leaning over her, my cock grazing her thigh. I was just about to kiss her when she spoke softly.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered and I was lost in her fathomless brown eyes.

I stared at her features, trying to memorize every small fragile detail. I kissed her eyelids, her eyebrows, her forehead, her cheekbones, her jaw. I kissed her neck and sucked gently on the spot she loved and smirked when I heard her quick intake of breath, her hands on my shoulders.

I bit her earlobe as her hands smoothed down over my arms and then back up, her nails lightly brushing across my skin. I kissed her collarbone and smoothed a palm over her breast and then watched her face as my fingertips touched her hardening nipple. I slid my palm down her stomach and then back up to her breast and she trembled, her lips whispering my name.

I shifted to kiss her pink nipple before taking it into my mouth. God I fucking loved the taste of her: strawberries and Bella. She was so fucking sweet. My other hand teased her other nipple as I sucked and pulled with my teeth gently. She arched her back, and moaned for more. I swirled my tongue around her nipple and she panted, her hands had moved back into my hair and she pulled slightly as I started to move her other breast. In the valley between them, I kissed her heart softly and whispered her name.

I took her other nipple into my mouth and played with the sensitive tip, teasing it with my tongue and using my teeth gently. She was doing that cute sound at the back of her throat and arching her back for me. I drew her deeply in until she gasped and panted my name, her fingers in my hair. My hand slid beneath her thong and I dipped a finger between her lips and found her wet for me. I curled a finger in and found the sensitive flesh I was looking for. I rubbed gently over it and she panted as I matched the movement with my tongue over her nipple.

I moved my finger again and her hips rose as she arched her back. I rubbed my teeth over her nipple and her nails scraped over my shoulders. As her moans got louder I knew I needed to taste more of her.

I shifted over her and she arched her back to rub her nipples against my chest. The afternoon sunlight hit her through the branches of the tree, her skin sultry and pink; her nipples hard and pouty from my mouth. I felt a wave of possessiveness as I looked at her. I wanted this moment in this field to go on forever. My mind echoed one word over and over in my head as I kissed her mouth quickly and then planted kisses from her heart, then shifting lower to her navel and down towards her pussy.

_Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. _

Her fingers fisted in the blanket as I lay between her thighs. I separated her lips with my fingers and kissed her clit. My name was a lusty gasp on her lips as I circled her gently with my tongue. She was getting wetter and I couldn't help slipping a finger inside her, testing her tight passage. I slipped a second in and she panted as I moved them in and out of her. I looked up to watch her head thrash from side to side, her hips moving with my hand. Her moans were getting louder and a summer breeze blew across us. I rubbed her clit with my fingers and watched her face as she grew more flushed. I could tell by the sounds she was making that she was getting close.

I withdrew my fingers and ran my hands over her thighs. I reached for her ankles and placed them on my shoulders. She opened her eyes and I watched her face as I slowly filled her.

I moved slowly at first, building her back up. I reached between her legs to find her clit. I ran my finger over her and her breath broke as she gasped and moaned. I went faster, then lengthening my strokes and she moved her hips against me.

"Deeper Edward. Please…" she purred.

_Your wish is my fucking command. _

She panted and bit her lip as I started to move deeper inside her. She touched her breasts then and I nearly lost my shit right there as she squeezed her nipples. The breeze shifted then, it got colder. I could feel the sweat on my body as I moved but she was so hot and her small pants were quicker and louder as I picked up the pace, her moans becoming more insistent. I could feel sensations twisting through me as I watched her face.

"Bella, open your eyes," I growled at her. She complied, her eyes heavy with passion.

"You're mine, Bella. Say it!"

"I'm yours, Edward. I love you."

Suddenly she crested, her walls tightening around my cock and I felt my dick twitch in her as she arched her back and cried out. She was beautiful, so fucking beautiful in her ecstasy, and I loved the way she came for me.

I kept moving in her while she pulsated around me. I felt myself start to lose it.

"I love you."

I crashed into her as the waves of my orgasm pulled and pushed through me. I could feel Bella start to tense up as another orgasm overtook her. I clutched her to me, trying not to crush her.

As we went over the edge, the heavens opened up and it began to rain.

***

BPOV

It was a beautiful summer's day in Scotland. The weather was mild and a slight summer breeze ruffled the wedding guests' gowns and formal feathered hats. I sat next to Esme, who was dressed in a stunning ice blue dress which brought out the alabaster of her skin and her full lips. Her caramel hair fell down her back in soft waves and there was a beautiful feathered clip in her hair that matched her dress.

We were seated on the lawn underneath a marquee tent, the imposing castle served as a backdrop, the ramparts like an elderly sentinel. There was a hot pink carpet that led up the aisle which was lined on either side by white wooden folding chairs. White roses and hot pink star gazer lilies were set in an artful spray across the back of the white marquee tent. A small band was set up to the very front entrance of the tent, and it was composed of a violinist, a flautist, and a piper. I learned after speaking with Siobhan briefly before entering that the bagpipes in the small trio band were a smaller version called Uilleann pipes. Siobhan said they were the smaller Irish pipes and had a wider range for notes and harmony.

I looked up as Emmett, Edward and Jasper made their way into the tent to stand at the front. Edward said something into Emmett's ear and he nodded. My eyes were on him, I couldn't tear myself away. Even though I had helped him into and then out of and then back into his kilt this morning, my eyes could not drink their fill of him. Although all of the guys were dressed pretty much the same, I only had eyes for Edward.

His bronze hair was carefully mussed and it didn't matter how many times he ran his long fingers through it, it always made him look so sexy. He was clean shaven, and his green eyes sparkled when he looked at me. Edward was so handsome in his black suit jacket and matching black vest, both with silver buttons in a diamond shape on the cuffs. The jacket was left unbuttoned to show the dark vest buttoned underneath. Underneath the vest, he had on a stark white shirt with a black ruche tie.

There was wearing a black leather belt over his kilt that fit snug around his narrow waist. A shiny silver buckle winked in the sunlight filtering through the windows of the tent. His sporran was dark black moleskin with criss-crossing silver chains running across the front. At the end of each chain was a black tassel of moleskin the same color of the sporran.

Next were those knees and I smiled remembering the first time I had seen them a month ago. Knowing exactly what presents were waiting for me underneath that kilt, I blushed as he caught me staring at his knees. He raised an eyebrow at me and smiled.

He had black socks on with black flashes. There was the handle of a tiny knife, traditionally called a _Skean Dhu_, sticking out from his sock on one side. It was worn tucked into the sock, the ornamental silver handle sticking out. His shoes had been polished to a high gloss and I looked him over again, wistfully thinking he couldn't be any more handsome.

He walked over to me then, admiring my dress, and leaned down to whisper in my ear, "It's gonna be a while yet until Rose and the girls show up. Do you want to come outside with me while I smoke?"

I nodded and he took my arm as we went outside. A breeze ruffled my hair gently and his kilt shifted slightly. He stuck a cigarette in his mouth and flicked his lighter. Replacing the lighter in a pocket on the inside of jacket, he took a long drag and then blew the air smoke into the air above us. He looked at me, his eyes roaming over my dress.

"You look fucking amazing." he said, his eyes appreciatively running over me again.

"You wanna know a secret?" I blushed and looked at him.

He nodded, his eyes smouldering.

I crooked my finger and he blew smoke out of the side of his mouth before leaning closer to me. When our noses were nearly touching I said quietly for him alone, "I'm not wearing any panties."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bella!"

At that moment, there was the sound of bagpipes from far off.

"Shit! That's Rose. Fucking Jesus, Bella!" and he flicked his cigarette far off into the grass. He kissed me hard on the mouth but sucked my lower lip in between his lips.

"You're gonna fucking get it later on." he said against my mouth.

"I fucking hope so," I said back to him. His eyes widened and he groaned. He straightened and wrapped his arm around my waist. We entered the tent together and he leaned down and growled quietly in my ear.

"And Bella?"

"Yeah?" I sighed. His voice was making me all tingly.

"I'm not wearing anything underneath this kilt."

I nearly swooned on the spot.

Somehow I found my place next to Esme and Edward took his next to Emmett at the front. We all turned to the back of the marquee tent to see Rose floating forward. And float she did. Her dress was a beautiful confectionary sugar white. The skirt was A line but covered in big ruffles that looked like whipped cake icing. The strapless and square cut bodice of the dress was fully boned and embroidered with pearls. It fit Rose like a glove and she glowed behind her veil. In her hand was a long stem bouquet of hot pink stargazer lilies. She wore a multi tiered necklace of alternating diamonds and pearls around her graceful neck. A tiara fit for a beauty queen sparkled in her blonde hair which flowed over her shoulders in romantic waves. The piper stopped and Carlisle appeared, handsome in his dark kilt and took Rose's arm. She smiled at him and adjusted her flowers as he smiled back down at her, and patted her hand affectionately.

They started forward, and I noticed little Jane, whom I had met briefly the other night, holding the long train of Rose's dress. Jane was in a beautiful pink dress which brought out the roses in her chubby little girl cheeks. Her angelic face was concentrating on her task, her blonde hair curling gently down her back. A tiny little fairy tiara was perched in her hair.

Alice and Tanya walked gracefully behind them. Their dresses were a shiny satin black, and they reached to just below their knees. The bodice of the dress was strapless and square cut and smoothly flowed down to the skirt which was tulip shaped and puffy at the bottom. Both Alice and Tanya had black bows in their hair. Alice had asked the hair dresser to give her longer locks, and had them sewn in. The darker flow of her hair was straight and glossy and the black bow perched in her air to the right side.

Tanya's hair was fire engine red, and the black bow gave her fiery hair a sophisticated edge. The black satin bow sat on the same of her head as Alice's and she smoothed her hair over her shoulder.

The band started to play a Celtic version of Pachabel's Wedding Canon. Carlisle led Rose forward and she smiled as she caught site of Emmett waiting for her. He was grinning broadly, his big hands wringing, as if he were nervous. His eyes looked awestruck as Rose made her way up the aisle to him. When they reached the top and Emmett and Rose were standing next to each other, Carlisle reached around and pulled Rose's veil over face, revealing her to the crowd. She smiled wider as Carlisle kissed her cheek and whispered something in her ear. He took her hand and placed them in Emmett's before backing away and taking the aisle seat that was empty, on the other side of Esme. Tanya and Alice moved forward then, and Tanya, as the maid of honor, took Rose's bouquet. Tanya led little Jane by the hand and had her stand next to her.

The priest began the ceremony and I listened to every word, never having been to a live wedding before. He gave a brief speech on the virtues of marriage and the beauty of joining to souls together for eternity. He asked Emmett and Rose to turn to each other as they said their vows. Rose's voice was husky with emotion as she promised to love Emmett forever and Emmett smiled broadly as his deep voice rang clear with pride as he vowed to do the same. The priest asked for the rings, and Edward reached into his pocket and handed them to Emmett. Emmett slid Rose's wedding band on her finger and Rose's hand shook as she placed the band on his finger. The moment was heavy and fraught with promises of more than love or any words could have ever said as the wedding rings were on the fingers closest to the lovers' hearts.

The priest smiled at Rose and Emmett, "I now pronounce you man and wife," He winked at Emmett, "You may now kiss your beautiful bride."

"Hell yeah!" Emmett barked and pulled Rose to close. She was laughing and he kissed her smile. Her hands rested on his shoulders as he bent her backwards in a quick passionate kiss. The guests cheered and the band struck a loud happy tune. Emmett stood Rose back up and Alice handed Rose her flowers. Emmett took Rose's hand and tucked it into his arm. The turned to us and we cheered loudly. They made their way out of the marquee, followed by little Jane. Edward and Tanya linked arms and she said something in his ear that made him laugh. Jasper and Alice followed, they were silent but their eyes were only for each other as they walked slowly behind Edward and Tanya, Alice's arm through his, but they were more intimate, their bodies closer.

The marquee emptied and the guests made their way inside the castle for the reception. I started to follow but Esme called me back.

"Bella! Do you want to stay for pictures? I would really like the photographer to take some pictures of us with you," she said. Her gentle face smiled warmly and I nodded.

I watched as the bridal party and then the groom's party had their pictures taken in front of the castle on the lawn. Esme came forward then and had me stand for pictures with her and Carlisle and then with all of the Cullens.

"Just the young ones, now!" Esme shouted and she and Carlisle stood off to the side. They made us take a fun one and we all made stupid faces for the camera.

"Now just Edward and Bella." the others melted away and Edward and I posed. I blushed slightly as his arm possessively wrapped around my waist. He stood behind me, his sporran pressing into the back of my dress. I trembled slightly remembering he was naked beneath his kilt. His fingers flexed where they rested across my stomach. I squeaked and he laughed lowly. The flash went off as the photographer took the picture.

Eventually we made it into the hall. Esme had wanted me to sit with the Cullens at the top table, but I would have stuck out like a sore thumb in my emerald dress. I took my seat next to little Jane and her family at one of the other tables.

The meal was lovely.

Edward made a brief speech as best man and we all toasted Rose and Emmett when he finished. The meal finished and the top table was broken down and taken away as a DJ wheeled in to quickly set up his equipment. The lights dimmed and DJ spoke into his microphone.

"Ladies and Gentleman, please join in me welcoming Mr and Mrs Emmett Cullen to the dance floor for their first dance as man and wife." We clapped loudly as Rose was led onto the dance floor by Emmett.

Rose placed her arm on Emmett's shoulder and he took her hand, his other arm around her dainty waist. Her large wedding dress train had been pinned up to the back of her dress. The low strains of a guitar echoed through the room. Emmett and Rose had chosen _True Love Way _by Kings of Leon for their first dance and they smiled as they sang the lyrics together.

_Oh we'd be so freeHappy aloneSharing a smileSo far from home_

"Would the rest of the wedding party like to join them?" the DJ announced.

Carlisle and Esme were first, followed by Tanya and Edward. Jasper and Alice bounced on, Jasper's kilt swaying with his movements. Rose and Emmett continued to laugh as he took her hands and twirled her around, her dress moving with her like a cloud.

The song ended and Emmett and Rose were giggling together and their happiness was so lovely to see, the rest of the room seemed to smile with them.

The DJ called for Jasper then and I noticed him then, near the stage, his guitar in hand. Alice was next to him a fiddle in her hand.

They sat down in unison, a look between them full of something that could almost be touched. Jasper arranged his kilt and winked at the people who giggled. He settled the guitar in his lap and strummed quietly, tuning quickly, and Alice put the violin to her chin. He looked up and smoothed his blond curly hair out of his eyes. Nodding at Alice, he started to play slowly.

I recognized the tune but I wasn't sure what it was. My view was obscured as a dark black tartan swirled in front of my eyes. His sleeves were rolled up, his green flamed tattoos dancing over the tendons in his arm as he held his hand out to me. I stood up, entranced and he led me out onto the dance floor. Winking at me as I placed my hands where he had showed me last night.

Jasper's rich husky voice started the song and Alice played the violin softly harmonizing with his voice.

_Come away with me in the night  
Come away with me  
And I will write you a song_

Edward swept me over the dance floor as we moved with the other couples. I was looking at my feet, trying not to step on his when his arms dropped and his hands took mine. I looked up, and without breaking the hold his eyes had on mine, he brought my hands to his neck. I pressed closer to him and swayed with his body. His eyes softened and he put his arms around me.

_And I want to walk with you  
On a cloudy day  
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high  
So won't you try to come?_

We waltzed slowly to Jasper's easy strumming and liquid voice. The rest of the world melted away. Beyond the music, beyond the crowd, beyond the dimmed lights, it was just Edward and me. We moved in unison, my body pressed to his and his pressed to mine. I was drowning in his eyes; my thoughts no longer coherent as I felt everything that was anxious in me dissolve. I never wanted this moment to end. I didn't want to think about 48 hours from now when I would have to board that plane.

* * *

**A/N**

**Links on my profile for various things with the wedding…dresses, music etc. **

**Gather 'round. It's called The Rain Season for a few reasons. Angst. I love it. Truly. **

**Secondly…for all my Scottish readers who will know what I'm talkin about…it fucking rains almost all fucking year in Scotland, srsly. So the end of the summer is NOT the end of the line for this story. **

**Anywho a big fuckin Joey Lawrence **_**How you doin'? **_**to new readers. There were a lot of you this week and I just wanted to say howdy doo. I have much love for you.**

**Teaser for chapter 18 on my blog and Twilighted…link on my profile. xo**

**Questions...comments...opinions...you know what to do, bb.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N**

**Forgot to say this last chapter: all things Twilight are the absolute magical genius of Steph Meyer. I'm only worshiping at her alter. Song lyrics are the property of their respective artists, I ain't tryin to offend anybody, srsly. I know at this point I haven't answered reviews and I'm sorry. I'll get there, promise.**

**A massively huge thanks to my girl at IrishTwiSisters. I love you, I'm in love with you, and Edward is pining for you as well now. **

**Thanks to Betas for taking in my words: girlnextdoor81 and motherchuck9.**

**To Sunfeathers, we love you here at Rain Season central, and Edward is glad you're ok.**

**Music for this chapter:  
****We're In This Together: NIN  
****Rope on Fire: Morphine  
****Roslyn: Bon Iver & St Vincent  
****The Meadow: Alexandre Desplat  
****The Promise: Tracy Chapman**

* * *

***

**EPOV**

I had just stubbed my cigarette out and the last of the smoke exhaled out of my nostrils when I saw Bella push through the heavy door that led to the outside smoking area.

I straightened from the wall I'd been leaning against as she spotted me and started to make her way over to me. She was fucking gorgeous in that green dress. It brought out the beauty of her skin and the soft blush in her cheeks.

I knew that time was slipping away from us. It was like a wound that was bleeding slowly but steadily. Both of us in denial over the amount of blood lost and the pain it was causing us. I shook my head to clear it, not wanting to stain these last moments together.

"Edward?" she asked, catching the slight movement.

"It's nothing. How is it in there?" I nodded towards the doors that led back inside.

She huffed in a sort of laugh, "Alice keeps finding all my hiding places and has dragged me up to dance I don't know how many times. Your umm, your Uncle Aro is a bit handsy."

"Christ, Bella, I should have warned you. Did he-"

She laid a finger over my lips, "No. No he was ok…he pinched my butt and called me honey. Emmett rescued me." she smiled.

She stepped forward, closer to me and laid her hands on my sporran. She looked up at me and I saw her eyes darken and I could almost hear her pulse picking up.

"Something on your mind, Bella?" I watched as her hand left my sporran and started playing with the buttons on my vest.

"I was wondering if you were going to show me what was under your kilt?" She looked up at me shyly through her lashes. Then she fucking licked her lips.

_Fuck_.

I bent down and kissed her mouth and it was like a match to tinder. Her hands were all over me, my hands went to her back to press her closer. As her hands tangled into my hair, mine slipped down to cup her ass. Our tongues battled for dominance and she sucked mine into her mouth. I knew at any moment, any one of my family could wander out here for a breath of fresh air.

She seemed to realize the same thing as we broke apart. I kissed her lips and said against them, "There's something I want to show you."

My hands slid up from her ass to her hips; both of us reluctant to break the contact. I reached up and took one of her hands that was around my neck. I turned slowly and took a step, she walked with me, pressed to my side.

We walked back through the main doorway together. Inside the entrance, the dull thud of the base from the party could be heard. I steered us away from the noise and started up a flight of stairs. Her breath caught as I ran my finger over the sensitive skin of her wrist. After a couple of flights, I took a left down a long dark corridor. The only sounds in the still blackness were our breathing and our footsteps muted on the carpet. Dull moonlight lent enough light for me to see where I was going. Finally, we arrived at the door I wanted, and I moved the red velvet rope barrier aside.

"I don't think we-" she started.

I turned to look at her, "Oh I think we will. Twice."

I saw her body sway at my words and I quickly opened the door. Inside was a stone staircase that emptied out onto the battlements of the castle. She followed me through the door and I let her go ahead of me as I closed it behind us quietly.

There was a small amount of moonlight but the exit sign above the door bathed the stairs in an eerie red glow, making the staircase almost seem to pulse as our eyes adjusted.

As soon as the door shut, we were on each other. Her hands were in my hair then started unbuttoning and smoothing cloth back from my skin. Our lips were ravenous and bruising as a sense of urgency filled us both. Her hands were frantically unbuttoning my vest and spreading it wide before moving to the buttons on my shirt. I smoothed my hands down her back and back up her dress, finding the top of her zipper. I zipped it down slowly and it fell in a muted heap at her feet.

"Jesus Fuck, Bella. What the fuck is that?" Black smooth satin cupped her breasts but continued down her sides and over her stomach. It ended at her hips where two small black straps with red ribbon ran down the milky skin of her thighs to hold up black stockings. My eyes travelled back up and studied the red satin that ran up the middle of her lingerie, lined with red satin ribbon that wove in and out of black lace to tie in a bow over her heart.

True to her fucking word, she wasn't wearing anything else.

I rolled my eyes heavenward, and mouthed my thanks to the Gods of Fuckhot Lingerie. She giggled and I quickly pulled my vest and shirt off, leaving them on top of her dress. Her hands ran over my chest, ghosting over my tattoos before running down my arms.

I growled in her ear and she shivered while I bit her earlobe. My hand reached between her legs and she moaned as I circled her clit with my finger.

I brought my hand up and tugged the cups of her bustier down freeing her breasts. I took her nipple in my mouth and sucked it greedily, rolling my tongue over it. My name was a deep moan on her lips as her hands swept over my bare shoulders. She kneaded the muscles as I let her nipple go with a loud pop and she gasped. I moved to her other breast, the nipple already hard as I ghosted my thumb over it.

I licked my lips in anticipation, I would never get tired of her breasts. The taste of them, fuck yes, but the sounds she made when I had my mouth on them made me rock hard. She was doing it now, and it was all I could fucking do not to be in her.

My hand stole down to her pussy again and I knew she was more than ready.

"Wrap your arms around my neck, Bella," she did so, "Tighter" I said to her. I bent down and lifted her up, holding her so her legs were spread wide, my hips between them. I walked towards the stairs and she tried to rub her pussy against my kilt.

In between rough kisses on her lips I said, "No. Fucking. Way. Sweetheart. We still have to go back downstairs."

I stopped when I got to the stairs and set her down on the third step. She sat there, her legs spread and I could see her pussy, and I couldn't resist running a finger up her slit. She panted in that sexy way of hers. She watched as I lifted my kilt, and she licked her lips as she saw my cock before I knelt between her legs.

I shifted closer, finding her slick and ready and rubbed the head of my cock up and down her sex until she was bucking her hips and gasping.

I thrust into her then and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I withdrew and thrust again and she moaned louder, her arms around me, her nails digging in my back. Her hips met mine and we were almost animalistic in our need for each other, each time I was deep in her, our blood pumping as if there was one heart between us, beating a rhythm our bodies matched.

Faster and faster we went, her tight wet centre squeezing me like a glove. I could tell she was going to cum when she started making those sounds, her thighs squeezed my hips and her own hips started to tremble fiercely. I watched her face as she suddenly let out a cry, and clenched my teeth as I felt her tighten deep inside as she came. I thrust slower, gently, riding out her orgasm. Her arms relaxed around my neck and I kissed her slackened mouth.

"That's once, Bella," I growled lowly in her ear, "Wrap your arms around my neck."

When I felt her fingers lace at the back of my neck, I put my hands on her ass and lifted her. She gasped and her hips twitched, my cock still hard and deep inside her. I climbed the stairs, and the friction caused by the movements of my cock inside her had us both gasping.

"Oh my- Edward!" she moaned in my ear and I shifted my hands on her ass to get a better grip, the jostling making us throb for release.

At the top of the stairs, I stepped out into clear and pale moonlight with Bella wrapped around me. She was whimpering in my ear with every step I took, and I groaned heading for one of the tall stony turrets in the corner. Supporting her against the wall, I played with her nipples again until she was gasping. They were hard and pink in the moonlight and I couldn't resist nipping each one lightly with my teeth. She panted and moaned as I plucked at her.

"Edward, please!" she gasped.

I moved in her in a quick hard thrust, "What is it, sweetheart?"

"Edward I want-" she broke off, panting, as I moved my hips again.

"What do you want, Bella?" I could feel her pulsing harder around me now, gripping me.

She opened her beautiful eyes, "I want you. I want you always this way. Deep inside me. Please Edward."

"Fuck yes, Bella." I started moving faster, knowing she was close. I built her up until she was almost there and then paused, filling her as deep as I could and staying without moving until she had come back down. Her nails scratched my back in frustration, her legs flexed around me. She leaned forward and bit my shoulder. Hard. I nearly lost my shit there.

I moved then, faster, and this time I let her go. When I felt her orgasm start, I kissed her mouth to seal off her moans as she got louder. I came inside her as she cried out in my mouth. Bella's legs flexed, pulling me closer and our foreheads touched as we kissed. It was so fucking intense; I didn't want to let her go.

We came back down slowly, whispering incoherent words to each other between kisses. We were a fucking mess of limbs and kilt. From a long way off, I could hear my phone ringing.

Shit. The fucking reception! I was so caught up in Bella, I'd forgotten we had left the party downstairs.

"Bella…the party…"

She opened her eyes widely, "Ohmygod! Oh no! They'll know, Edward," she was already flushed but she went even fucking redder in panic.

"Don't panic, people will be too drunk to notice anything." I pulled out of her and she gasped, her breath hitched and her hips jolted at the loss.

I pulled her up with me and we made our way back down the stairs, our legs shaky as we dressed quickly. She brushed dust off of my kilt and slipped her dress over her head. After helping her zip up the back of her dress, kissing every inch of skin as it disappeared, I turned her around to face me. I kissed her slowly, leisurely, before opening the door and leading her back down to the party.

***

BPOV

As we made our way back inside, I wondered if anyone could tell that my hair was mussed or that Edward's tie was crooked. His hand came up to smooth my hair back and he kissed the side of my neck before we went in.

The DJ turned the music down as we sat down together. I ran my shoe up his leg and he looked at me and clamped a hand down on my thigh.

There was a brief pause then and the DJ held the microphone to his lips, "Can we have Mr and Mrs Cullen to the floor for the final dance of the evening?"

Emmett and Rose made their way onto the floor as it cleared and everyone came to stand in a circle around them.

"Not sure if you Americans will know this one but we close a lot of weddings with this song. Join hands and try to sing a long!"

A loud lilting wail of bagpipes followed and a man's voice sang of his lost true love. The crowds joined hands as we hummed along to the lyrics. Emmett waltzed Rose in the circle we had formed, and she said something to him in his ear. Emmett listened to her intently and then threw his head back and laughed. Her smile widened as the song continued on.

The guests howled the chorus as it repeated again and the lyrics struck me deep as Edward squeezed my hand:

_You take the high road  
__And I'll take the low road  
__And I'll be in Scotland before you.  
__Where me and my true love will never meet again  
__On the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond. _

Emmett lifted Rose up and she smiled down at him and put her hands on his wide shoulders. The crowd weaved in and out around them like waves crashing on the sand colored dance floor.

I didn't want this night to end; I didn't want it to be tomorrow just yet. I spied a clock behind the bar and it read 3 AM.

***

EPOV

Morning light lit the castle hallway, and I closed the door quietly, knowing Bella was asleep inside our room. It almost actually fucking physically hurt to leave her, to be away from her on our last day together.

"Where do you think you're sneaking off too?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin and turned to see Alice waiting for me, leaning against the wall, her small arms folded across her chest. There was a small smile playing about her lips.

"As if you don't already fucking know," I raised an eyebrow at her as she stepped away from the wall to walk beside me down the hall. She matched my steps, nearly running to keep up with my long legs. I reluctantly shortened my stride for her.

"So, Edward. What are you doing?" she asked me, her face serious as she ran her hand over the textured wallpaper that ran down the hallway.

"I'm getting some breakfast to bring-"

"That's not what I meant." Her voice was quietly serious.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair as we walked along, "I don't fucking know, Alice. I have no fucking clue."

"Why do I see Bella on that plane tomorrow? I know Carlisle talked to her, I know I'll talk to her, but she still gets on the plane. Edward, I don't see her after she lands. Please talk to her." Alice turned her pleading blue eyes to mine.

"Alice, I can't fucking force her to stay." As much as I wanted to. And God, I fucking wanted to hold her down and keep her from going on that plane. I wanted her to make the decision though…it was something Jasper had said to me weeks ago that kept resonating in my mind.

_She's underwater just now, not really clearly sure who she is and eventually she'll either break surface or drown…if you drag her up before she's ready, she'll be clinging to you to keep herself from going under again._

Her small hand laced into mine and she leaned against my side, "Edward, you're my brother. I love you. I want you to be happy. I know sometimes the things I see can't be one hundred percent but I'm usually not far off the mark. Just be careful with your heart and hers."

I sighed, feeling hopeless, no ready answer coming to mind.

Fuck.

***

"Bella…sweetheart…wake up."

She opened her sleepy cinnamon eyes, and blinked against the light. She had put on my white shirt from last night, the sleeves flopping over her wrists as she sat up. She stretched and for a moment, her nipples were pressed against the shirt. I had to fucking will my dick down as she sighed and let out a small whimper as she arched her back.

She eyed the chocolate croissants sitting on a tray that I had placed on the small table in our room. I was sitting in a chair at the table, and moved the tray towards the empty chair.

"Come over and eat something." She got up from the bed and I watched as her legs peaked out from the covers as she climbed down. Her hair was an adorable fucking mess, and my shirt was long and hit her just below mid-thigh.

She sat down in the opposite chair and tentatively took a croissant. I watched as she started to pick it apart with her fingers.

It must have been all over my face that I wanted to talk. I sighed heavily, not wanting to have this conversation with her, knowing it was going to end in tears. I stared at my hands and then looked at her face.

"Bella, I don't know what to do. I told you before I'm a fucking idiot. I don't know what the fuck to do," she looked up from her croissant and laid it on the table, "I tried to transfer, ok? I tried to move schools but they won't fucking let me go until the next semester." I stopped, feeling like I was fucking rambling on while she sat there, the fragile croissant too quickly demolished and pulled apart.

"Come with me, Bella. Come with me to Alaska. Take a fucking semester out." I looked at her face, watching for her reaction.

She went pale. Totally fucking pale. Her eyes filled with tears and she turned away from my gaze to further tug at pieces of the croissant.

"My father asked in his will that I finish school. I'm afraid if I don't return I won't ever go back: to school and to Washington. Edward, I- I need to see my father's house. Even if it's a pile of ash, I need to see it. When I close my eyes, I can see his police cruiser parked outside. I need to know what's left. I…I haven't been to-to," she swallowed audibly, her eyes shining as she looked back at me from the croissant which was in small pieces bleeding chocolate all over the table, "I haven't been to see them since the funeral," she finally broke then, her whole body heaving with emotion.

I scooted back from the table and bent forward to grab her hands, which were wringing themselves pale. I took them as she balled them into fists and pulled her forward into my lap. We sat in the chair and she trembled and shook in my lap. I felt fucking helpless.

She sat up then, her face devoid of emotion. "I think I'm going to take a shower. I just need to gather myself together, ok? I don't…I don't," she bit her lip and closed her eyes. She tried again, "I don't want to do this today," I looked down at her red rimmed eyes and nodded. She got up slowly and then quietly walked into the bathroom. The muted click of the door closing and the soft hum of the bathroom light filled the shuddering silence in the room.

I felt empty without her. Especially after that. I hated this, I fucking hated it. I sat in silence, listening for a noise to indicate she was moving around in the bathroom, but it was complete silence except for the buzzing of the light.

Finally, the water started and I heard her footsteps in the shower. I sat there for another few minutes. Finally, I couldn't fucking take it anymore. I stripped out of my red tracksuit bottoms and white t-shirt. The bathroom was steamy as I opened the door, and my eyes adjusted to the bleak cloud. I shut the door and the steam rolled and swayed. I saw her then; she was standing naked in the corner with her back to me. Her hair was wet but lay across her back in dark strips, like deep claw marks. Her face was in her hands, and her shoulders were shaking.

My stomach tightened and I opened the door. She tensed when she heard it but didn't look up. The water hit my skin and it was almost scalding. I noticed her skin was turning red from the spray and I adjusted the silver faucet to a better temperature.

Standing behind her, I put my arms around her. The cool tiles pressed against my skin and contrasted with the warm water and Bella's warm wet skin.

She said something but I didn't catch it over the water.

"What did you say, Bella?" I said in her ear.

She shivered and brought her face away from her hands, "I'm sorry, Edward." she whispered.

"For what?" I asked.

"I feel like I've fucked this up. Because I'm fucked up."

"Bella, _you_ have not fucked this up. _You_ are not fucked up. It's just going to have to fucking be this way for now. We'll figure it out. Ok, sweetheart? We'll get it right later on. Right now, it's just me and you. Right here." She leaned back into me, not seeming to mind that my cock had other things on its mind.

I rubbed my hands down her arms in a comforting gesture. Her skin was smooth and slick from the water. A leftover sob escaped from her body and shook her violently.

I reached for her soap, which smelled like berries and Bella to me. I squeezed some into my palm and slowly rubbed it between my hands until suds formed.

I kissed her neck and smoothed my hands over her shoulders then slowly down her arms to her hands. I brought them back up, squeezing and kneading her muscles until my hands were back upon her shoulders. I made small passes across her skin, trying to wash away all the things that we both knew were unsaid between us.

Slowly, my hands plunged over her collar bones then down her chest. I soaped her breasts and kissed her neck. I could feel her relax against me, and I continued to massage her breasts, squeezing, cupping, my fingers caressing. Her nipples had tightened into buds and I could feel them caressing my palms as I continued to stroke over them. I left them and circled my hands over her sides and then rubbed over her stomach, my thumb pressing into her navel before moving low over her hips and abdomen.

Her shoulders jerked then and a fresh wave of emotion washed over both of us.

"Shhh, Bella. Don't think about it. Just be here with me now. Stay with me."

My arms came around her middle and I pulled her back against me. Her shoulders jerked again, and she turned in my arms, her skin slick against mine. She laid her cheek against my chest and I rested my cheek against her hair. Her smell surrounding me and I closed my eyes, my sense of touch and smell taking over.

The water continued to hit us and she cried quietly in my arms. One of her arms was around my back, her fingers spread wide and the other was on my chest.

She started talking then, her body shaking. "Edward, I can't be without you. I can't. And I don't know what to do," her breaths started coming quicker and I could tell she was going to start hyperventilating soon. I hadn't seen her like this in weeks.

My hands moved, rubbing over her back, trying to soothe her, "Bella. Bella we can do this. I can't force you or make decisions for you. I want you, anyway I can have you." I kissed the top of her head and my hands roamed over her skin.

We were quiet then, the sounds of the shower spray the only noise. The steam rolled around us, blanking out the rest of the room and making the light seem dull.

Her hand moved then, and she kissed the center of my chest, where my heart was beating.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered, brokenly. She looked up then and I clenched my jaw at the emotions shining in her brown eyes. I brushed my lips over hers, softly and then firmer, trying to absorb her pain into me. I sucked her bottom lip in and she sighed raggedly.

We both sank to our knees, penitently aware of the others emotions. Her hands wandered over my shoulders and over my arms. Her tongue stroked mine as we sat down in the shower, her legs straddling mine as she sat in my lap. Her hands reached between us and stroked my cock and we shared the same breaths as my hands found the place between her legs. I touched her clit and stroked around it with my fingers as she moved her hips seeking more of my touch.

"Edward, I need you inside me. Please, Edward."

She levered herself on my shoulders and lifted so the head of my cock pulsed near her slick opening. She sat down slowly and we both groaned, our foreheads touching as I filled her completely.

She started to move her hips, rocking against me. I kept stroking her clit, and she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth.

Her eyes opened and stared into mine. It was so fucking intense as we looked into each other's eyes. We rocked harder together, her hips grinding faster. Her eyes filled with tears as she came hard around me, her hips moving faster, taking me higher and I spilled over the edge after her, pulsating deep in her. She was sobbing in my arms and I clutched her to me as water poured over us.

I watched as it slipped down the drain.

***

**BPOV**

Edward and I had spent the day locked up in our room. We didn't eat, we didn't talk anymore, we just held each other. We made love several more times, each time more desperate than the last. Time marched on way too quickly, and we clung to each other like frightened children caught in a thunderstorm.

Finally, it was time to take me to the airport. The Cullens stood outside and I said my goodbyes to them individually. They were linked up like a firing squad and each goodbye ripped through me like a bullet.

Carlisle hugged me gently and kissed my cheek. His eyes tried to reassure and comfort me, "Our home is yours, Bella. Please don't be a stranger. If you need us, anytime, please don't hesitate."

Esme was next, and she kissed my temple, her eyes filled with tears, "Bella, please don't make this the last time we see you. Let me know when you're settled in Washington. I want to make sure you're all right. Ok, honey?" I nodded at her, tears brimming in my eyes and she pulled me into another hug.

Emmett's hug nearly crushed my ribs. His eyes were suspiciously bright when I pulled back from him. He patted my back and whispered in my ear, "You take care, little sister."

Rose stood beside him and I shifted to stand in front of her nervously. "Oh come here, Bella." and she hugged me. She rubbed my back and said, "You know I don't do mushy shit for just anyone. Keep in touch."

She let me go then and Jasper was pulling me in for a close hug. His honeyed drawl whispered in my ear, "Take care of yourself, little darlin. You're family now. Give us a holler for anything and we'll come running." He squeezed me close and then stepped back. Alice stood at the end of the line, silent tears falling down her cheeks.

"I'm mad at you, Bella. I don't want you to go. I know you have your reasons but I want you to stay. Edward will miss you, but I'll miss you too." I hugged her and her small arms wrapped around me to hug me back just as fiercely. She felt like a delicate bird and I was afraid to crush her too hard but her strength surprised me. I felt her tears on my neck and knew she could feel mine.

Edward's hand was at my shoulder and his voice was low, "We're running late as it is. Bella we have to go." he said softly.

Alice and I reluctantly broke apart, and her eyes tried to communicate to me what she couldn't say. I nodded, trying to re-assure her.

I waved feebly at the Cullens one last time and then got into the Vanquish, wiping my eyes on my hoodie sleeve. Edward ground his cigarette out with his shoe into the gravelled driveway and then joined me in the car. The car started and the engine hummed as I watched the Cullens grow smaller and smaller as we drove down the long driveway.

***

This was it. That moment that my mind had been denying since Edward had rescued me from the deep current pulling me out to a sea of non existence.

This is that moment where his green eyes would look into mine for the last time. That moment where all the answers to unspoken questions would end. That moment where solid ground grew shaky and the balance of my reason for staying sane tipped. My mind teetered on the edge, a whole in my chest ripped wide open, my jaw clenched till it hurt, and an aching fire of denial started low in my gut. The alarm was going off, sending all of my emotions running for exits to escape. Leaving me slowly burning until I was nothing but an empty shell crumbling on its foundations.

He opened the door of the Vanquish for me and I stood up, my hand in his. I felt sick. I felt numb, which made me feel even worse. For once, I wanted to feel this. I wanted every last drop of emotion, even if it hurt, like a thirsty man in the desert squeezing the last drop of water out of his canteen.

I stood up and his hand lingered in mine. Both of us stood there, the open car door open like an odd unfinished book. I took one last smell of the interior, trying to burn the smells of Edward, leather, and tobacco into my senses.

Of their own volition, my arms wrapped around his waist, and I inhaled him. The soft cotton of his dark blue t-shirt rubbed against my cheek and I felt his arms close around me fiercely. We stood there, wrapped around each other for so long, the world slowed into slow motion around us. Sounds seemed muted except for the steady beat of his heart in my ear, the gentle inhale and exhale of his breath, the sound of skin moving over cloth as our hands, smoothed, comforted, and memorized each curve, each muscle, each smooth piece of skin. His warm hands slipped under my t-shirt and I half moaned half sobbed as they smoothed over my skin.

How long would I be without this electrical current moving over me at his touch? How long would it be until he would be moving inside of me, touching the very center of my soul?

Time was like an evil spectre, standing between us, pulling us apart. It felt like a fishing hook that entered through my back and pierced my navel, pulling me, dragging me away from him.

"Edward." I spoke his name, it felt like a prayer. A litany of syllables to be spared having to say this goodbye; to fast forward through it to get to a happier moment in my life.

His hands moved, pressing me closer to his body, he angled himself over me, trying to protect me from the darker emotions we were both feeling.

"I know sweetheart. I know." his voice was like gravel in my ear. He cleared his throat roughly, and I felt his cheek press against my forehead. The soothing feel of his stubbly skin against my face comforted me. I could smell him clearer and it made me ache. I loved the way he smelled. He pressed a kiss to my temple, his hands continuing to rub my back, trying to offer the comfort both of us knew would not be enough.

"I love you, Edward." I said, and I felt tears run like waterfalls down my cheek, staining his t-shirt and catching at my jaw. One of his hands, cupped my jaw, his thumb smoothing the tears from my cheek and he kissed the paths they had made over my face.

"I love you too, Bella." he whispered as his lips ghosted over my skin.

We stood there a moment longer, unwilling to break the contact we had.

He sighed then and I knew what he was going to say.

"We better start making our way inside. I'll stay with you for a little while, ok sweetheart?"

I nodded and stepped away from him. His fingers were on my cheek, smoothing the last of the tears. His lips found mine and he kissed me softly, gently, trying to give me strength.

He squeezed my arms and took a step back from me. The distance, even though only a few inches, had me clawing and screaming inside.

He waited with me while I checked in, our fingers laced as we moved through the line. I checked in my luggage, and kept my small backpack with me. I tugged at the sleeves of my hoodie while the attendant typed in my details. Edward stood behind me, pressed to me, his hands on my hips.

We wandered together for a little while. My heart thudded in my ears, making me wince, every time it sounded like a door slamming shut.

"Do you have a headache?" he asked, aware of every movement and motion I made.

"No. I - I just-" but I couldn't finish, and a fresh agonizing wave of sobs wracked through me. I nearly fell, but Edward caught me. He tried to whisper words into my ear but nothing would be as good as staying forever where I was, in his arms. His hands moved over my back, pressing me closer to him.

"It will only be for a little while. You won't be too far away. I'll try and come down to see you whenever I can. I fucking promise Bella." His voice was ragged with emotion in my ear.

I sobbed harder, and knew people were starting to stare, but I didn't care.

There was an announcement then that echoed through the airport.

"This is the first boarding call for British Air flight 54 headed to Chicago O'Hare. We are now accepting boarding for all passengers who require extra assistance and passengers with small children."

Edward tensed, "Oh shit, Bella! That's your flight. Oh Fuck." He started kissing my face everywhere. Then his lips, his wonderful lips, found my mouth. He kissed me fiercely, his hands roamed over my body possessively, his body pressed to mine protectively. I felt tears run down my cheeks and his hands came up to cup my face, his thumbs rubbing away the tears. My hands fisted in the back of his t-shirt, anchoring myself to him.

He pulled away then and brought his face level with mine, his green eyes intense, "I love you Bella. I fucking love you. Look after yourself. Don't do anything reckless, for me, ok?"

"I promise Edward. I love you, Edward. I love you." I said between hiccupping breaths. I felt the world tilt.

"I'll come for you, Bella. I promise. Wait for me."

I nodded, "I will, Edward, I'll wait for you. I'll-"

"Ladies and Gentleman your attention please. This is British Airways Flight 54 requesting again that all passengers who require special assistance and passengers travelling with small children please make your way to the gate for boarding. Thank you."

"Go sweetheart." He kissed me on the forehead and I shoved a piece of paper in his hand before I started to walk away. I slung my backpack over my shoulder. I looked back, I allowed myself that.

Edward stood there, his hair mussed from my frantic fingers. His shoulders were bent, defeated, one of his hands shoved in his pocket the other clenching my note in his fist. His green eyes were bright beacons in his face, which almost seemed pale. His features were so handsome and so beautiful. His jaw ticked as I met his eyes, burning into mine as my feet stumbled, carrying me farther away from him.

His hand reached out, as if from far away he could catch my elbow. To cover the movement, he shoved his hand through his hair and I saw him take a deep breath. His jaw was still tense as if he was holding back a scream.

I drank my last view of him before I rounded the corner, his green flame tattoos burning into my memories, my body remembering the way it felt when he was inside of me, and my skin vividly remembered the feel of his pressed against it. My insides caved, I felt like someone had sucker punched me in the stomach as I rounded the corner, breaking eye contact.

***

**EPOV**

I wanted to shout, I wanted to fucking scream. This is not the way things should fucking be. She rounded the corner and I felt like my insides had fallen onto the floor in front of me. My hand clenched into fists, and I felt the folded piece of paper crumple in my hands.

I opened it, clinging to this last piece of her. Written in her handwriting was a poem:

_I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz  
__or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.  
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,  
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.  
__  
I love you as the plant that never blooms  
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;  
__thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,risen from the earth,  
lives darkly in my body._

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;  
So I love you because I know no other waythan this:  
where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,  
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and walked away, my feet somehow finding my way back to the car. I sat inside the Vanquish for I don't know how long, staring blankly out the windshield. My phone rang then and I turned to look at it.

***

**BPOV**

I don't even remember going through security, I don't remember how I had got on the plane. I don't recall how I found my seat in first class, or that my seatbelt had been fastened across my lap. The wound in my chest focused all of my attention now. I reached up to touch where my heart should be and felt wet cloth. I looked down, and for a split second almost thought it might be blood, but it was only tears.

This was worse. I had lost my parents, but this seemed worse, somehow. Like it was happening again, like the loss, and regret and pain was happening again, only the wound was wider, darker, and deeper in my chest.

Only this time Edward was alive.

And it was still worse, knowing he was alive, not even far away, and my heart was ripped out. It had refused to come with me, had decided to stay there with him.

That was when it occurred to me. As if a light had suddenly flickered on in a very dark, cold room in my mind. Like a bird beating its wings against the bars of its cage, what was left of my heart raced.

"Wait! Stop the plane!"

* * *

**A/N**

**Edward's not talking to me at the moment. He's standing in the corner, smoking, and holding a crumpled piece of paper in his hands. He won't even look at me.**

**The poem is a love sonnet by Pablo Neruda. **

**Links on my profile for Loch Lomond song.**

**Hi to new readers, and hi to you crazy gals on twitter who keep me going during critical emo nose dive moments. I heart you much. Srsly. **

**Please have a look at the link on my profile: The Fandom Gives Back. It's for a good cause and is being organized by Ninapolitan, tby789, & lolashoes. **

**Oh, and btw, there will more than likely be drunktweets next week thanks to Crystal19k.**


	19. Chapter 19

****

A/N: All things Twilight are Stephenie Meyer's. I kinda took them hostage for a little while.

**Song lyrics are property of their respective owners. And their respective owners pwn me.**

**Special thank you to IrishTwiSisters for pre-reading and beta awesomesauceness. I love you. Srsly. Edward has dirty things he wants to do to you in the Vanquish. j/s...**

**Sunfeathers. I have no words. Only gratitude.**

**Song list:  
****Velvet Revolver: Fall to Pieces  
****Red Hot Chilli Peppers: Zephyr  
David Sides: Chasing Cars (Piano cover of Snow Patrol song)  
****Spill Canvas: Lullabye  
****Mandy Moore: Umbrella (cover of Rhianna's song)  
**

* * *

EPOV

"Hello?"

"Edward, it's Esme," her voice was full of concern, and I could picture her holding the phone close to her, "I just wanted to make sure you're all right, honey."

I breathed in heavily, not really sure if I could fucking define how I felt, "I'm not going to be back until later tonight."

"Ok, Edward. Take the time you need. I love you."

I made a noise that was neither an affirmative or negative and hung up. I didn't want reassurances right now. I clenched my fist and felt the paper in my palm.

I opened my hand and smoothed the scrap of paper with my thumbs. I sat there for what could have been years, re-reading the words she had written, touched them, knowing it was from her, like an extension of her. It was like looking at a small movie of the last few weeks, every line a small scene replaying on the page.

Someone knocked on my passenger side window.

***

JPOV

Bella's truck was in good working condition because I had kept it that way over the summer. I knew that it needed some work. While she was gone, I noticed the water pump was totally KO'd so I replaced it, changed the oil, and checked the brake.

The guys had ragged on me all summer, saying I was pining away for Bella. It's true, I had missed her. It was weird not having her around. Usually we had each other when the guys were being assholes, Paul in particular. For some reason, he took great delight in taking pot shots at Bella until she stormed off or cried.

So here I stood in the tiny airport in Port Angeles, waiting for her. My eyes focused on the doors where the arrivals were due to come out. I was really excited about seeing her, hoping the break away was good for her. She had looked so sad and tired when she left, I hope the break away from Forks had done her some good.

I stood with my arms folded, watching people reunite with their loved ones. The atmosphere in the tiny airport seemed really happy and I hoped Bella was smiling when she came through those doors.

I kept looking for her, her small frame tripping over the bright airport carpet, suitcase dragging behind her. The crowd started to thin and I shifted on my feet and shoved my hands in my pockets. My eyes continued to scan the people walking forward. A couple of times I thought it was her but they were false alarms. Pretty soon there weren't anymore people coming from the exit near baggage and I started to get worried. I knew her flight was in, where the hell was she?

***

EPOV

I looked over to the window to see a parking attendant telling me to roll the window down. I scowled at him and pressed the button to lower the window.

"Look, pal. Are you gonna move? Your parking slip is almost up and if you don't move, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket."

Fucking Parking Nazi telling me to fuck off. Fucking asshole prick.

I nodded mutely, and felt my hands ball into fists again, wishing I could smash them into his jaw. The guy backed off and went to the next row of cars.

I slammed the keys into the ignition and revved the car loudly, listening to the engine growl. I reversed hard, the tires squealing, and peeled out of the parking lot, my eyes in the rear-view mirror.

***

BPOV

"Wait! Stop the plane!" I unbuckled my seatbelt and stood up.

One of the stewardesses came over to see me, her face annoyed, "Is everything ok here?"

I shook my head, trying to move past her, "No. Please, I need to get off the plane."

Her face was stern as she blocked me from getting into the aisle. "Madam, I'm going to have to ask you to sit back down and fasten your seatbelt. The Captain has put the sign on for a reason, we are taxiing away from the gate." She raised her eyebrows at me and I had an urge to smack her. Adrenaline flowed through me and I wanted to fight and punch my way through her to get off the plane.

The plane was suddenly too hot as my heartbeat thudded loudly in my ears.

"Please, you don't understand, I want off the plane." I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Madam, it is too late. We have a scheduled place on the tarmac. You are not getting off this plane. Now please sit down." I could tell she was trying to be discreet but her voice had risen by a few octaves.

My breath hitched and I begged, "Is there anything, anyway? Please, I'll do anything."

The stewardess gestured to the rest of the plane, which was staring at me, "You're going to delay all these people and cause them to maybe lose their connecting flights, madam."

I looked at the passengers faces and some of them were looking at me with outright disgust and anger. I felt myself go beet red.

There was a guy who was looking at me, he was drumming his fingers on his arm rest and he sat up, his eyes burning with anger, "Hey look, can you shut up and sit down already?"

I looked away from him and looked back at the stewardess.

In a quieter but firm voice she said, "Now, madam. Kindly sit down and fasten your seatbelt."

Defeated, I nodded mutely and sat back down in my seat. Turning the overhead light off, I fastened my seatbelt, the click like the sound of a jail cell door slamming shut. My eyes watered as I thought of Edward and I cuddled up to the wall of the plane to cry silently. My whole body seemed to turn in on itself and I wished it would complete the action and turn all the way inside out.

The plane moved out onto the runway. The engines fired up and we were racing across the black tarmac, lush green grass and airport signal lights raced by the window. I felt the plane angle and knew the moment the wheels left the ground, it felt like my heart had ripped away, clinging to gravity and places that it felt safe.

I looked out the window, my eyes devouring my last glimpses of Scotland. My breath caught as I saw a tiny black car racing along the highway and I wondered if it was Edward. Even though the plane was in the air, I felt so heavy, like I could actually crash through the floor of the plane and plummet to the earth. I desperately tried to blink the tears in my eyes away so I could cling to the small black moving dot.

***

JPOV

_Where the hell was she?_

As if she had heard my thoughts, she pushed the doors open, her suitcase turning over as she dragged it behind her. She tripped and nearly landed on her face. Catching herself, she turned towards the suitcase to set it back on its wheels.

I jogged towards her, before she could trip again. She was struggling to right her suitcase again when I picked her up in my arms. She squealed, her hands clutching my shoulders.

"Jake! Put me down!" she smiled at me but it didn't quite light her whole face. I looked at her face, which was pale and drawn but her eyes were swollen. I set her back down and she reached for the pull handle of her suitcase.

There was something about her that was different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was there. In the way she moved or something.

"How was your flight, Bells?" I asked as I took the suitcase from her. She walked along next to me and I had to walk slower so she could keep up.

"It was alright," she said quietly.

"How was Scotland?"

She didn't answer me at first, "Bella?"

She made a funny sound and I looked over at her and could see her eyes were welling up. I really hope she hadn't been like this the whole time she was over there. I stepped closer to her and put an arm around her. We walked like that, slowly and awkwardly until we got outside. I led her over to where I had parked her truck and put her suitcase in the back. I covered it with a piece of tarp I had brought and secured it with some bungee cords.

Bella got in the passenger side and struggled into her seatbelt. I opened the driver's door and sat down, closing the door behind me. It seemed louder than normal in the quiet truck. I fastened my own seatbelt and started the ignition. I put my arm around the back of her and reversed out of the parking spot.

Bella pulled her phone out of her pocket and I saw the light flash on while she checked it She quickly dialled a number, held it to her ear and then let out a frustrated sigh. She hung the call up and shoved the phone back in her hoodie pocket.

I let that lie. If Bella wanted to tell me about it she would.

"I should warn you, Bella. Emily is kinda doing a thing." I knew she would pitch a fit so it would be better to warn her now.

"What thing?" she asked, turning her head to look at me. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth tightened.

"She's kinda throwing a small welcome home party. See, we all missed you and you know what Emily is like. She and Sam got engaged over the summer by the way. Anyways, she totally-"

"Jake. Please tell me you did not say party," she sighed.

"Ummm, I may have uttered the P word in there somewhere." I looked away guiltily. Bella hated parties and as much as I had tried to convince Emily not to, she just did it anyways.

Bella sighed again, "Jake. I'm really not up to a big party. I feel exhausted and sticky from being on a plane for what seems like the last two years."

I rubbed the back of my neck, keeping one hand locked on the steering wheel, "Yeah well, it's kinda already started, they're waiting for you at my house."

There was a long silence in the truck. The only sounds were the roar of the engine and the tires as they drove over the rain slicked road. I glanced at her, worried she was going to go nuts. I was about to crack some joke about the party when I saw she had turned away and was starring out the window. Her hands were clenched in tight fists in her lap. I turned back to the road, figuring she was just tired and pissed off about the party.

I had tried to tell Emily, tried to beg Emily. Then I had shouted at her when she kept brushing me off and Sam had told me off for shouting at her. They knew Bella hated parties and knew what she was like. Why they suddenly decided she would be cool with being the center of attention when she shied away from it was beyond me. She would never let us throw birthday parties for her and hated any sort of spotlight.

Finally, I turned the truck down La Push Road, and the truck groaned as I gave it more gas. The last few miles were eaten up as we broke into the main drag that ran through the res.

The Res was home to my family and my tribe, the Quileutes. I had been raised on the reservation and had graduated high school this year at the local school. I couldn't wait to start my first year at college, I just wanted to blow this small town and not come back for a while. Dad was really proud of me, I was the first in the family to go to college.

I turned down the road that led into the residential area and made another right. Houses passed on either side and as we passed one of the elder's houses, he flagged me down. I shifted the truck down and rolled to a stop.

His wise old eyes settled on Bella's still frame, which was still turned to the window. He raised an eyebrow and then turned to me.

"Ask your father to call me when he gets a chance. I want to ask him about the meeting next week."

I nodded solemnly and watched as his eyes flickered to Bella and he pursed his lips. I huffed and shifted the truck as I slowly drove away. I rolled my eyes, thinking my girlfriends would be on the agenda. I swear why those guys called it official tribe business when they got together perplexed me. They gossiped like old women at the meetings. I sighed and shook my head trying not to think about it too much.

I drove on and turned up the gravel drive to my house. I groaned as I saw that the party had not only grown in size, but they put up more banners, balloons, and were those lanterns?!

Dad was behind the grill flipping burgers from his wheelchair. The guys were having some sort of wrestling match and Emily was watching them with her arms folded, shaking her head at them.

She looked up as the car roared up the drive and ran over to greet us as I shut off the engine. She arrived at my side first. Emily stepped back as I opened the car door.

"How is she?" she whispered.

"Tired. Not up for this." I muttered back to her as I shut the door. Bella had managed to slide out of her car door and shut it quietly behind her. Emily moved to the other side of the car and smiled at Bella.

"Welcome home, honey! I hope you don't mind, we just thought it would be nice to celebrate you coming back. We all missed you over the summer. Especially Jacob." Her eyes slid to me and she smiled.

I rolled my eyes.

Bella attempted a half smile and shoved her hands in her hoodie pockets. "Thanks, Emily. I missed you guys too."

Emily put an arm around Bella and led her over to the picnic table that was set up near the grill. Someone had taken down the volleyball net and had moved the poles closer to the porch area. Strung between them were little electric lanterns between them. There were small candles burning in glass cups and it was all too pretty and girly but Emily had tried for Bella.

Dad waved his spatula at me, "Burgers are almost done, Jacob."

"Kay, dad."

Emily had brought a stereo outside, and Sam's Bob Marley mix was bumping out of the speakers. Bella sat in one of the old white lawn chairs and Emily sat beside her. I was about to take a seat next to them, reluctant to leave Bella when Emily looked up.

"Shoo, Jacob," she waved me away with her hands, "I'll take care of Bella, you go break up that fight that's about to happen."

I assessed Bella with my eyes and guessed she would be ok. Glancing over at the guys, their voices were already raised. Sure enough, Paul was about to get into it with Embry. I jogged over just as the debate got louder.

***

The evening wore on, we all ended up on the porch, stuffed full of hamburgers and hotdogs. Bella hadn't really eaten much but I put that down to her being tired. Paul and Sam had bottles of Bud in front of them and the rest of us had stuck to soda. I saw Bella shiver, and went inside to get her the blanket from the back of the couch. She smiled gratefully at me as I handed it to her. The guys started to make goo goo noises at me and I gave them a look that told them to shut up.

We had caught Bella up on all the stuff that had happened over the summer while she was gone. The conversation eventually lulled and a sense of calm broke out over the group as darkness enveloped us except for the small candles and the lanterns. Mosquitoes buzzed around our heads and crickets chirped, creating gentle night time melodies.

My father yawned which started everyone around the circle. Emily smiled at Sam and they seemed to rise at the same time. Emily wrapped a shawl around her arms and Sam led her to their car. Embry pulled out his car keys and offered Paul a ride home. Paul punched him hard in the shoulders and took off for the car.

I noticed Bella had fallen asleep under the blanket. I moved towards her and scooped her up in my arms. She didn't even wake as I carried her into the house. I walked through the hallway and stopped at my room. Kicking the door open, I angled us inside, her head grazing the door jam and I swore. She didn't make a noise , though, so it must not have been too bad. Luckily the blankets were already turned down. I laid her down on my bed and she rolled onto her side. I lifted her small feet and took her shoes off. Pulling the blankets up, she snuggled deeper into the bed. I watched her, unable to take my eyes off of her in my bed. She started talking in her sleep then.

"Edward…Edward, please! No, no Edward, no."

I leaned over her and she was restless in her sleep, tossing and getting caught in the blankets I had just pulled over her. I put my hand on her shoulder, it seemed so small and fragile in my hand, like if I squeezed too hard she would snap.

"Bella…wake up. Bells." I shook her gently and she gasped as she opened her eyes. They were wide with panic and for a moment she didn't seem to recognize me.

"Jake?" she asked after a pause, her voice hoarse.

I chuckled, "Yeah, Bells. Who else is it gonna be?" I smiled at her.

Her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, I'm sorry Bells. I didn't mean to make you cry." I sat down on the bed and tried to hug her but she pushed at me. She patted her hoodie pockets and looked up at me, her eyes frantic in the pale moonlight.

"Jake, Is my phone outside? I think I left it outside."

"Who are you gonna call at this time of night?" I asked.

"I just need to call…" she started to get out of bed.

"I think you left it on the truck. Don't get up, I'll get it."

I got up and ran out of the room. Jogging outside, I opened her truck door on the passenger side and found her phone on the floor. The phone was vibrating like crazy and I resisted the urge to see who had been trying to call her.

I went back inside the house and found her where I'd left her, sitting up in bed and shaking like a leaf. Bella reached for the phone and I handed it to her. She got up from the bed, pushing past me and dialled quickly. She left the room and I heard her pad down the hall. I frowned as I heard the door to the bathroom close quietly.

***

EPOV

I pounded the keys with my fist, making a horrible screech erupt from the piano.

Fuck this.

I looked up as my phone started ringing. I almost fucking dropped it when I pulled it from my pocket, my hands were shaking.

It was Bella.

"Hello."

"Edward." she sobbed my name.

"Bella. Bella are you ok? Where are you?"

"I'm ok. I'm in the bathroom at Jake's house." She was crying, I could hear it over the phone as she tried to breathe normally. I felt my guts twist and my hand nearly crushed my phone as my body reacted to her voice. I wanted to be there, I needed to be there.

I sighed, "Bella, sweetheart. Fuck," I ran my fingers through my hair with my freehand, "You can do this."

She sobbed silently into the phone, her breath in small huffs, "I can't Edward. I can't do this, not without you. I tried to get off the plane, y'know."

"You fucking what?"

"I tried. The stewardess wouldn't let me. They had already taxied away from the gate. I tried, Edward. I tried, but they wouldn't let me off the plane. The whole plane revolted and told me to shut up."

I squeezed my eyes shut, picturing her desperate and hysterical on the plane. In my ear, her hiccupping breaths were tearing me apart.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Bella, don't fucking say you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Ok." she said softly.

I sighed. We listened to each other breathe, her breaths were broken.

I shook my head. How the fuck were we supposed to do this for three months?! I tried to think of something trivial and off topic.

"Why are you in the bathroom?" I asked.

"Umm, so I could have some privacy. I didn't know where else to go. Jacob's house doesn't have a lot of quiet corners."

"Oh. Where are you sleeping?"

"I'm not really sure yet," she sighed, "They had a party for me."

I snorted, "You must have fucking loved that."

She huffed a small laugh, "Yeah, I almost killed Jake when he told me they were waiting. I wish you were here with me, Edward."

"Me too, sweetheart. Me too." I squeezed my eyes shut.

She sniffled and her voice was slightly shakey, "What were you doing before I called?"

I looked down at the piano, "Fuck all."

"Where are you?" she asked.

"In front of the piano," I answered.

"Edward can I ask you something?"

"Anything, sweetheart."

"Will you play something for me? Please? Just imagine me sitting on the bench next to you, and I'll imagine sitting there with you, listening to you play."

"Ok. Bella I don't want you to sit in the bathroom. Why don't you go out to the living room or something, ok?"

"Ok." I heard her get up and her shuffling footsteps as she opened the door and left the bathroom. I could tell she was trying to muffle her breaths.

"Edward, I'm lying on the couch. Will you play for me?" her voice was quiet and muffled. I imagined her lying on her side, a blanket pulled over her.

I put the phone on speaker and set it on top of the piano. My hands were fucking shaking as I laid my fingers on the keys. I played the song that came to mind first, the keys and notes weaving together. I closed my eyes, my fingers finding the notes to _Chasing Cars _by Snow Patrol.

_If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

The last few notes echoed around the room and the silence was heavy.

I picked up the phone, "Bella?"

She didn't answer. I listened hard, "Bella?"

Still no answer. The call was still connected. What the fuck? I held the phone close to my ear and could hear her breathing. Only they were long, deep, and even breaths.

She had fallen asleep.

I held the phone to my ear and sat there for what was probably an hour, listening to her sleep. At one point she must have rolled over, I could hear the phone rustling. Her breathing sounds were gone and I felt the loss of the small connection. I was about to end the call when I heard her mumble in her sleep:

"Edward…Edward. Love you, Edward. Love you."

"I love you too, Bella."

***

BPOV

The week passed slowly. I drove to the insurance office where I had made an appointment about my father's house. The fire marshall's report had concluded that it was arson on Charlie's house. They had paperwork for me to sign and it was explained to me they had a procedure to follow before they could pay out any insurance money.

I nodded mutely, the word money making my stomach turn. I picked up the company logo pen the lady at the office offered to me and signed where she asked me to. I tried not to allow tears to well up in my eyes as my fingers traced the street address on the paper before she tugged the sheet out of my hand.

Laying the pen down on the desk, I zoned out while the woman explained to me about their investigation procedures. I nodded mutely when she finished and attempted to smile back at her as she told me to have a nice day.

You have a fucking nice day too.

***

EPOV

Back in fucking Alaska. I cannot believe this shit. Bella and I talked every night and by doing so reopened the wound on a daily basis. She fell asleep to the sound of my voice or the piano.

She was avoiding doing the things she had gone back for. She told me about the insurance office but I knew she still hadn't been to the graves yet or to her father's house. I so wanted to fucking be there for her when she did it. I wanted to ask her to wait for me to get there but I didn't want to hold her back if she did decide to do it.

I knew I would have to go back to campus soon to start the next semester and I knew she would be leaving soon as well. Both of us seemed in total denial about time and about when we would see each other again.

***

JPOV

I watched Bella closely over the next week. I remembered what she was like before she left for Scotland. I remembered the screaming nightmares and panic attacks. I remembered feeling totally powerless to help her. She was fragile and small and broken.

But the Bella who had come back from Scotland was different. She was stronger, better. The panic attacks were gone but the sadness seemed deeper and darker. I kept thinking of the way we used to be so easy around each other. We would talk for hours on end or just hang out together. There was something between us now, a barrier, and it was something she wouldn't talk about.

I knew she was taking meds. I could hear her rattling the bottle. She was trying hard not to be a burden no matter how many times we tried to reassure her. She was building herself up for something, I caught her a few times standing at her truck, the keys in her hand. She would stand there and then turn away, her eyes dry but almost wild looking. Her features were strained and she wouldn't look at me as she went back in the house.

It's gotta be whoever this Edward guy is. She talked about him all the time in her sleep. She wasn't screaming anymore in her sleep but she was crying now. I would hear her say his name and I would rush in to check on her, aware of her, and see them slowly fall down her cheeks.

She had been back almost two weeks and I was sitting in a chair, watching her sleep. It hit me, like a burst of sun through dark clouds. I cared a lot more for Bella then I was willing to admit to myself until now.

Whoever the hell Edward was, I wanted to pound his face in for hurting her. He obviously had. Could he not see she had been hurt enough already?

***

EPOV

Two whole weeks had passed since I had seen her. I was sitting in my room and had just lit a cigarette when Alice walked in.

"Esme is going to kill you if she catches you smoking in the house." she coughed.

"Do I look like I give a fuck at this moment? What the fuck do you want?"

"Oooo…Touchy, aren't we?" she raised an eyebrow at me.

I took a drag and blew smoke at her.

"How are you holding up?" she asked.

"As if you don't fucking know. Look Alice, I'm not in the fucking mood right now, say whatever you came to say."

"I saw her. Briefly." her face was tight as she said this.

"What the fuck do you mean you saw her?" my voice was louder than it needed to be but I didn't give a shit.

"I saw her at the graves. She doesn't leave and ends up sleeping in the rain in the graveyard." Alice's eyes filled with tears, "I think you should go down there, Edward. She really shouldn't be alone for that."

I stared at her for a moment and without a word, grabbed my jacket and car keys. I left my room and practically ran out to the car.

***

JPOV

"Jake, I'm going out for a while. I probably won't be back until after dinner time. Don't worry about me for dinner, either, I'll probably just go to bed."

I looked up as she came in to the living room. Bella had her black hoodie on and a black knee-length skirt. Her face was way too pale though. Her hands were wringing themselves to death.

I raised an eyebrow at her, "Where are you going?"

She bit her lip, "There's some stuff I need to do. I'll be back soon, ok?" she attempted a lighter expression but it failed. She turned to leave.

"Wait! Do you want me to come with you?"

She paused, her back to me, "No. No, I have to do this alone, Jake," she looked over her shoulder at me, her teeth biting her lower lip, "Thanks, Jake."

***

BPOV

_CHARLES SWAN, BELOVED FATHER, HUSBAND, AND FRIEND. _

_RENEE SWAN, BELOVED MOTHER, WIFE AND FRIEND._

_GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN AND ALWAYS IN OUR HEARTS._

I brought Charlie a fishing lure and I brought mom a book of French poetry. I laid them at the either end of the tombstone. It was raining and my hoodie was already soaked through, my converse were squishy, and my skirt was muddy where I knelt on it.

The rain fell harshly, smacking into the top of my head and shoulders. I blinked and more tears fell down my cheeks. I didn't know what to do, what to say. I hadn't spoken to them since I'd told them I was going for a pee in the woods. Those were the last words I'd had with my parents.

I could feel my breathing become erratic as I remembered everything that followed. The screams, the stars, the sounds of the bear. I remembered hiding in the woods, Jake finding me. I remembered going to the morgue, the blank haze of the days that followed.

I clawed my hair back from my face as my body, racked with sobs, fell forward, my cheek pressing into the mud. I wanted to dig through the mud, dig down to where my family was and pull them back.

"Oh, Daddy…Mommy. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Over and over again I murmured to the ground, hoping they could hear me. I dug with my hands, tearing at the grass. I could feel grit burrowing underneath my fingernails.

I felt a strong pair of arms pull me up from the ground and I gasped. I was pressed against a masculine chest and when I breathed in, my mind denied what my senses were telling me.

But I would know that smell anywhere. The smell of tobacco, and the smells that I uniquely associated with him. With Edward.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks for sticking with me and The Rain Season, gang. Reached 500 reviews this week which was amazing. I know I've been a bit fail at replying and I apologize for that. **

**I am offering up my services to thefandomgivesback dot com. Links on my profile. Have a look, Kiltward could be all yours for a ten spot. I've put him on the auction block and he's looking forward to it. He's been strutting around in that kilt, telling me what prompts he hopes the winning bidder picks for the lemon. Go check him out, and help a good cause. **

**Oh yeah…and teasers will be up momentarily for chapter 20. Cause I love you like that. So does Edward, for that matter. **

**xo**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:**

**As always, Stephenie Meyer pwns all things Twilight. She also pwns me. As does Robert Pattinson.**

**Big nekkid boobie hugs to Lambcullen for stepping in and having a look under Edward's kilt with her red pen. I heart u bb, Kiltward will be down directly…and I don't mean just geographically…**

**Big wave to the Merkin gals…I really mean it, we will pwn Summer 2010.**

**Side note: I'm a loser who doesn't answer reviews. I've been having some emo moments and RL issues as of late. I will try and pick them back up again. I'm sorry, y'all.**

**And Sunfeathers. Where would RS be without you? Prob left for dead several chapters ago. We love you much.**

**Song List:**

**Mexican Standoff: Elbow  
Closer: Kings of Leon  
****I Want You: Madonna and Massive Attack  
Breathe Under Water: Placebo  
****Fade Into You: Mazzy Star  
****Temptation: Garbage**

* * *

**JPOV**

We were in the school gym, the walls were butter yellow, the lights buzzed loudly above us and old gym mats and bright traffic cones were stacked off in one corner. A table and chairs had been set up for the dozen members of the tribal council. Dad had dragged me along to this meeting, saying I would need to start listening in on council stuff. I would have rather been at home, parked on our old couch, watching football. I rolled my eyes as they meandered through some other boring topic.

My thoughts strayed to Bella again. I wondered how she was doing at the graves. I knew it would be hard for her and the thought of her going alone twisted painfully inside me. I felt really restless through the whole meeting, my leg shaking violently under the table.

I was so lost in thought that I hadn't realized the meeting had paused for a break. I looked up when I heard the chairs scooting back.

Finally, a break. I knew it wouldn't be much longer now. I moved towards the double doors, the bright red EXIT sign like a beacon. I moved outside and shivered, the rain unseasonably cold.

*******

**EPOV**

I pulled over and poked a finger at the sat nav on the car. Finding the only graveyard in Forks, I pulled back onto the road and floored the car. The rain was heavy and even though the windshield wipers were on at their fastest speed, visibility was still fucking shitty.

I cannot believe she was fucking out in this.

The small town faded slightly and I drove on until I could see a black wrought iron fence. I slowed the car, and put it into park. When I opened the door, rain pelted me in the face and I quickly got out, slamming the door behind me. I ran towards the entrance to the graveyard, trying to duck from the rain but getting fucking drenched anyways.

Thank fuck the graveyard was tiny; the rain made visibility hard enough. I started walking in between the rows, searching for her. My black Converse squelched through the muddy ground and I knew they were already soaked through. I neared the last row and started to feel frantic when I didn't see her.

Fucking rain. I doubled back, trying to squint my eyes to see better. I thought I saw something and stopped. It looked like something had been left on one of the graves, like a blanket or a coat. It moved slightly and I squinted my eyes against the rain, trying to see what it was. I moved closer to get a better look and felt my gut wrench when I realized what it was.

There she lay, totally soaked, clawing at the mud.

_Jesus_.

I ran over to her, nearly slipping on the grass. I lifted her up and dragged her into my arms. She was shaking like a leaf blowing in the wind. There was mud on her from the ground, and her hands were dirty but I didn't fucking care. Her hair was cold and I could feel it through my wet t-shirt. She fisted her hands in my t-shirt and I tried to pull her closer, tighter, to me.

I kissed the top of her head and inhaled deeply. That smell, that fucking smell nearly killed me. It was strawberries and Bella. She had left behind one of her t-shirts in Scotland and I had held on to it but nothing compared to the real thing.

I glanced over her head, reading the tombstones of her parents while she cried into my chest. I rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. I realized she was talking but I couldn't quite catch what she had said.

"What did you say, Bella?"

"I don't think they can hear me, I told them I was sorry," she whimpered.

I smoothed wet hair away from her face, "Do you want to leave?"

"Yes," she nodded and put her arms around me.

We walked awkwardly forward, my arm tight around her side. We had just stepped onto the pavement when an old red Ford Rabbit pulled up. A Native American kid got out, his eyes were on Bella. He advanced towards us and I saw him size me up.

What the fuck. I stepped forward, protectively putting Bella behind me. The boy's eyes widened as he read my stance as a threat. His eyes shifted from Bella to me and back.

The rain continued to pour down on us, I should have been cold but I wasn't. I didn't like the way this kid was eyeing us up. His eyes darted back to me, and flicked over my tattoos. I flexed my fist, making the tendons on my arm jump. His eyes moved back to Bella as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Bella, who is this?" he asked, a dark eyebrow raised as he lifted his chin, indicating me.

Bella moved to step to my side and I tensed. She moved her hand up my wet arm, trying to soothe me. I clenched my jaw, my eyes not leaving the kid as we continued to try and stare each other down.

Her voice rough from crying, she shouted over the rain, "Jake, this is Edward. Edward this is Jake."

Neither one of us acknowledged the introduction. Jake's eyes went wide and his nostrils flared.

"Edward? You mean the one you've been shouting in your sleep?" his voice was cold and his eyes narrowed as he looked at me.

I turned my head to look at Bella, watching as she wiped rain off of her face, cleaning the smudges of mud and makeup from her prefect skin. I knew she talked in her sleep, especially when she was upset or restless. She blinked up at me, raindrops glittering on her face.

_Was I the subject of dreams or fucking nightmares?_

At Jake's comment, Bella had gone red. That was all the answer Jake seemed to need. He advanced on me, and I watched his arm start to draw back. I shoved Bella behind me again.

"What the fuck, kid? Throw the first punch, fucking touch me and it will be the last fucking thing you do." I stepped forward as his face screwed with anger.

Bella stepped between us, "Jake! No!" she shouted. I started to tug on her arm to move her out of the way. She was so small, and she looked like she hadn't eaten since Scotland. If he threw a punch wild and hit her, she looked like she would break so fucking easily.

Jake saw me try to grab her arm and he shuddered all over, "Get your hands off of her."

I tried to move Bella to the side, I was fucking bored of this kid already, "Fuck you, by the way. Seriously, fu-"

Bella turned to me, her big brown eyes pleading, "Edward, please. He doesn't understand."

As I looked at her, I could feel my jaw ticking and I tried to calm down. She turned back to Jake and stepped back to my side.

"Jake, I love him. Please." she shivered into my side.

It was as if Bella had punched him as soon as the words left her mouth. A small verbal fist in his gut and a second shot in the chest. His face flashed briefly with pain before he masked it.

"Well that changes things," he said, his voice deathly calm. He pursed his lips before turning to walk away. Bella watched his retreating back and her hand was in mine. She squeezed hard and I tried to squeeze back.

"We'll see you back at the house, Jake," she shouted hoarsely over the rain.

He held up a hand, not turning around, "Sure sure." he said. He got back in his car without looking at us. The headlights and windshield wipers were turned on with the engine. The car jerked as he shifted it into gear and he drove away without a backward glance.

We stood there until I felt her shudder again. Before I could say anything to her about getting out of the rain she turned to me. Her small arms wrapped around my waist as I studied her face, drinking in her features. I stared at her lips as she spoke.

"Edward, what are you doing here? Not that I mind you here, I mean I want you here. I want you all the time. Is something wro-"

My lips were on hers before she could ask anymore questions. The rain soaked our clothes, molding them to us. I sucked on her lower lip, nibbling lightly before I took her lips fully.

Strawberries. She tasted like strawberries. Fuck how I missed this. Missed her.

Our mouths moved against each other, our tongues tasting and touching softly. We greedily drank in the other, sealing our mouths, as our hands frantically found places they had been searching for. Bella pressed herself against me and my hands held her face and caress her jaw. I felt my heartbeat in my chest and my gut tightened, as I poured all the anguish and fierce longing from the last two weeks into the kiss. Touching her again, holding her, kissing her, I felt a total fucking rush as if I had shot something into my blood.

We only came up for air when we absolutely had to. Reluctantly, our lips parted from each other, our breath mingling as we shared the same breaths.

I held her for a moment longer, our foreheads touching. "C'mon, let's get out of the rain." I said against her lips and kissed them, nibbling on her lower lip again. She took my hand, lacing my fingers with hers as we turned towards my car.

Her brows knitted together as she looked at it, "Edward, where's the Vanquish?"

I smiled, remembering it, "That was a loaner while I was there. Liked it, did you?"

She looked at me, a small smile playing about her lips and nodded.

"Yeah, well, me too. I'm gonna get one I think. Maybe trade this one in." I indicated towards the car currently parked on the sidewalk. We walked over and I unlocked the doors with the remote. She caressed the rain slick door handle with her fingers, moving aside as I opened the door for her. I watched her get in before closing it.

Jogging over to my side, cold rain pelted me, and I opened my door as quick as I could and got in. I shoved the key into the ignition and switched the heating on full blast and revved the engine. Luckily, the engine was still warm from my long drive down and the car started to fill with warm air.

Bella chafed her hands as she studied the interior, "So what is this?"

"What's what?"

"The car?"

"Oh. It's a Maserati GranTurino." I watched as her brows knitted together briefly.

"It's pretty." she smiled at me.

I snorted, "Pretty?! Bella, this car is not pretty." She rolled her eyes.

"Edward, my truck!"

I looked in the rear-view at that rust bucket I had noticed earlier. I bet it wouldn't go over fifty at a push. It was the rustiest, oldest poorest excuse for a truck I had ever seen in my fucking life. Trucks just weren't my thing. While I glanced at it, Bella unbuckled her seatbelt. She started to get out of the car but I put an arm across her.

"We'll get it later." I said.

The atmosphere in the car changed. My arm across her, the simple contact had us both super aware of the other. I felt the hairs on my arm stand up, as if there was electricity in and around us. I looked down and I swear I could see her nipples through her black hoodie. My dick went instantly hard.

Rain continued to smack into the windshield, creating the only sound in the car. The air thinned as it charged between us.

We both jumped as a small electric sound came from Bella. Her eyes widened and she patted her hoodie. She pulled a phone out of her pocket, the light eerie on her face as she unlocked it.

"It's just a text from Jake. He's gone to pick up his dad." she said quietly.

I revved the engine and shifted into gear, moving the car slowly onto the street.

"Edward, how long are you going to be here for?" she asked, her voice was careful but not careful enough. I could hear the veiled anxiety.

I swallowed as the image of her in the airport filled my mind again. My hands tightened on the steering wheel, "I don't know."

"What are you doing in Forks, and how did you know where to find me?" Her tone was still cautious.

I sighed, not knowing how to answer that. I shoved my hand through my wet hair.

"Bella, Alice can see things. Things that haven't happened-"

"Like the future?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah."

"Really?" Her voice went all high and I glanced at her face to see how she was processing this. She was looking at me, her delicate brows drawn together in confusion.

"Yeah."

"So, she's like, _psychic_?" Her eyes were widened and then blinked as she tried to take in what I was saying.

"Yeah."

"What did she see?"

"She saw you spending all night in the fucking graveyard. When she told me, I couldn't not come down. As if I needed an excuse, I was trying to think of one to come see you anyways." I looked at her from the corner of my eye.

"Oh." she said and her face was pale as a ghost in the dulled light. She had her head bowed as she messed with the drawstring on her hoodie. I watched as she dragged her bottom lip between her teeth and started to worry it.

I looked back at the road and sighed. Thank fuck I had left my cigarettes in the console. I cracked the window slightly as I steered with my knees so I could fish a cigarette out of the pack and light it.

The familiar burn was soothing and I saw Bella relax slightly from my peripheral vision.

She turned to speak, "It's funny, I missed the little things like the way you light your cigarettes and the smell of them." She smiled slightly at me when I glanced at her. I blew smoke in the direction of the window.

"Yeah?"

She nodded. "Edward, where are we going?"

"I have no fucking idea."

Both of us sensed the question and answer meant more than literal destination.

"Are you staying overnight?"

"Ummm, yeah. I hadn't given much thought to what I was going to do once I got here. I just knew I needed to get to you. I guess I'll go to a hotel or whatever."

"No way, Edward. Stay with me at Jacob's house." she pleaded.

"Fuck that." The fuck if I was going to be under the same roof as that asshole.

Bella turned towards the window. The interior grew silent; the only sound was the purr of the engine, the rain, and the swish of the windshield wipers.

"Will you take me to Jake's so I can get a change of clothes?"

I sighed. I didn't want her fucking near him, at least not without me there, "Yeah." She quickly gave me directions and I turned the car around.

The drive was quiet and I switched the stereo on. _Closer_, by Kings of Leon crept from the stereo as we drove through Forks. I had barely glanced at the town when I drove through the first time and it seemed like just about every small town I had passed through on my way here. But in the unnatural dark of the rain storm there seemed to be shadows that lurked where the light from the headlights could not reach. I struggled to see between the rain drops which were like crystal curtains swaying in the breeze. Revealing and concealing the town itself in eerie waves, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

The haunting guitar and lyrics moaned on, as I drove us down the long road that led out of town. The trees that lined the road were heavy and overbearing from the rain, lending their own weight to the sinister darkness.

The trees faded to a small village that perched on the coastline. The trees continued on one side of the road, interspersed with homes and businesses.

"Turn here," she told me and I maneuvred the car down a gravel driveway.

The car hitched and bumped, I swear to fucking God, if any of those little fucking pebbles scratched the paint, I was going to lose my shit.

The Rabbit was nowhere to be seen and Bella confirmed what I suspected.

"Jake must still be out. I'm gonna run in, grab some stuff and run back out again, ok?"

"Ok, but I'm coming with you," I unfastened my seatbelt as she did and turned the car off.

Following her to the door, she fumbled with the keys but eventually got it unlocked.

Taking my hand, she led me in. We both felt the jolt at the contact and her body swayed towards mine, like a magnet to metal.

She didn't turn any lights on, knowing her way around. I followed her into the dark, my hand in hers as she pulled me towards the back of the house. I recognized her suitcase in the darkness and she quickly pulled out some things from it and shoved them in a small bag that she had used as hand luggage.

"I think I'm done. Oh wait! My toothbrush." She took my hand and dragged me through the house. I could feel my feet sliding in my wet shoes as I walked behind her.

Fuck, I couldn't wait to get out of these shoes. She stuffed her toothbrush in her bag and her small toiletries bag followed it. She led me back out to the door and we left the house. I waited while she locked it and we ran through the rain back into the car.

She sighed, as I pulled back onto the road and I set the sat nav to take us back into Forks. In no time we were back on the main drag in the middle of the small town and I found a half decent looking hotel. I pulled into an empty parking space and looked over at Bella. We stared at each other for a moment, and I couldn't resist smoothing a finger down her soft cheek.

The moment held in the car until eventually I remembered we were both sitting in the car soaking wet.

"C'mon, let's go inside."

We got out and made our way towards the reception. The lobby was small and clean and had that unique hotel smell to it. Per usual, there were random fake potted ferns dotted about the place and a large wooden desk. Horrible elevator music filtered through the lobby, I think it was some middle of the road shit from the seventies. A bored looking woman with bleach blonde hair sat behind the desk. Her ample curves were poured into a polyester hotel uniform of black blouse and white tie. She straightened as she saw us walk in, her heavily kohl lined blue eyes ran over my arms and wet t-shirt.

She raised a pierced eyebrow at me, "Can I help you, sir?"

I snorted at the word sir. Her eyes changed and she took in my smirk and smirked right back at me.

"I need a room."

She pursed her lips and glanced from me to Bella, "Well you're in the right place then. What kind of room are you looking for, sir?" her eyes turned mischievous as she called me sir again.

"The biggest room available."

Her fingers ran over the keyboard. She nodded, "I've got one of our larger rooms available, king size bed. How many nights, sir?"

I looked down at Bella and she looked at me, our eyes searched each others for a moment and then without looking away from Bella I answered, "One week."

The woman asked for my credit card and ran it through the machine. Satisfied, she handed it back to me. Standing up, she smoothed her uniform blouse and pencil skirt. Big tits and a big ass, Emmett would have loved her.

"I'll just get your key cards for you." she smiled and disappeared into a doorway at the back of the desk.

She returned shortly and handed them to me.

"Your room number is 303. If you go to your left from here, you'll find the elevators. Breakfast is from seven. It's buffet style. Room service is until midnight. If you need anything, just dial zero and it will come to the desk out here. Is there anything else I can do for you, Mr. Cullen?"

I snorted again and looked at her nametag, "No thanks, Jenny."

She blushed with pleasure and wished us a nice stay.

***

**BPOV**

Edward poked the button for the elevator impatiently and I felt my teeth start to chatter. He looked over at me, his mouth tightening. Stepping over, he put his arms around me, rubbing his hands over my back.

"Cold, Bella?" he whispered in my ear.

"Yeah." The elevator dinged open and we walked in. Edward jabbed the third floor key and the doors closed quietly. He pulled me back into his arms, his chin rasped against my neck, as he kissed the shell of my ear.

I jumped when the elevator dinged open and his arm was around my waist as he guided me towards the room.

I watched as his hands moving, his long fingers sliding the key card into the lock. My mouth went dry watching him. The hotel room was dark and he flicked a light on as I followed behind him. The light came on under the bathroom door and the fan hummed to life inside. The door sucked closed behind me.

I don't know if it was all the emotions from the graveyard, or the fact that he was here, really here but I felt an unstoppable pull towards him, I whimpered as it fell over me like a wave. My bag landed with a thud on the floor at my feet.

"Bella-?" I didn't even give him a chance to finish his sentence as I launched myself at him. I kissed him, hungrily, opening my mouth against his, tasting him. I tore at his t-shirt, trying to raise it over his head. He was stunned for a second at my onslaught but quickly caught on. His tongue responded to mine and his fingers were at my hoodie zipper. The zipper screamed as he dragged the zip down and roughly shoved it to my elbows. I let go of his t-shirt so he could drag it down my arms.

I felt like I was on fire and my stomach pulled into knots at every pass of his tongue over mine. He started to raise my blouse over my head and the kiss broke as we panted, both of us pulling our tops off and throwing them on the floor. We started to head towards the bed but I took his hand.

"No, the shower, Edward."

He smirked at me and licked my lower lip. As he bit my lip none too gently, I went for the belt on his wet jeans. We stumbled and backed into the bathroom, tearing at each other's clothes. I stepped out of my skirt and he shoved his jeans down. I stood in my lacy ruffled black thong and matching bra. He kissed my breasts where they pushed against my bra. He squeezed them with his hands, pushing them together in the bra, the material rasping over my skin and my nipples hardened. Between my legs there was an ache building.

He kissed me and our tongues dueled for dominance as his hands slid over my hips, sliding my thong down and squeezing my ass. I gasped as his warm fingers closed over my cold skin. He brought my body up against his, my breasts pressed to his chest and his hard cock was between us. I rubbed my thighs together, whimpering as he kissed me hard on the lips. Edward unhooked my bra and the straps fell down my shoulders. He ripped it away from me and tossed it into the sink. My hands were already at his boxers and I pulled them down over his hips, revealing his black star tattoos. My fingers ghosted over them, before I pulled his boxers the rest of the way down. They fell to his feet and he stepped out of them.

I was ready to scream. I had missed him, had felt so empty in so many ways over the time apart.

We stepped into the shower and turned the water on. My hands touched him everywhere, his shoulders, his arms, his chest. I traced his ink as he ran his warm hands over my body. The water hit us full force and I squealed as the cold spray hit my backside.

He laughed and pulled me towards him again, squeezing and kneading my backside. He bit me where my neck met my shoulder and I pressed my breasts against his chest as I squeezed his shoulders. My hands travelled lower and reached between us, wrapping around his cock.

I moaned as I squeezed him in my hands, "I missed you. I missed this. I want you. Now."

His fingers found me wet and more than ready for him, "Fuck, Bella."

I kissed his mouth and then said against his lips, "Fuck me, Edward."

"With pleasure, sweetheart."

His strong arms lifted me, and I wrapped my legs around his hips. He shoved me against the tiled wall, the cold contrast between the cold tiles and the hot water washing over us was delicious. I moaned as the hard spray hit my nipples.

His cock nudged at my opening and I moved against him.

"Don't tease me, Edward. Please, I need you."

With one hard thrust, he was buried deep inside me. I cried out at the feeling of him inside me and clenched my muscles around him.

"Jesus Christ." His forehead rested against mine. I flexed my hips and felt a pulse deep inside as a thrill moved up from my belly and then back down my legs, making my toes curl.

I felt primal and wild and as he moved in me, I could tell he did too, his guttural groans in my ear as we rocked and ground against each other. My breasts bounced at our motions and the sensation aroused me even more.

I didn't care how loud I was; I hoped the whole hotel could hear me. I wanted the whole world to know how good it felt when he was inside me, moving in me. I let out a cry every time he moved in and I felt the world shatter into a million pieces, little rainbow shards of glass crashing around me as I came. He continued to move in and out of me as I came down, only to be built back up again. I was soaring again and he growled my name in my ear as I felt his liquid seed pulse into me.

We were panting under the spray, the afterglow floated us like perfect white clouds, I felt airy and light for the first time in several weeks. As he pressed me against the wall, I couldn't stop touching him, his skin smooth and wet from the shower. I kissed his shoulder and basked, feeling full and content.

"Fuck me, Bella. That was so fucking hot."

He kissed me lazily and gently withdrew, letting me slide down his body slightly as he set me on my feet. We squeezed hotel soap out of those tiny bottles and washed each other, relearning textures and tastes.

The water started to run cold and our skin was wrinkly by the time we left the shower. We dried each other off and wrapped towels around our bodies.

He ordered room service, answering the door with the towel wrapped around his waist. I put our wet clothes on the room heater, hoping they would dry.

Eating our cheeseburgers and french-fries, we were silent and comfortably so. He brushed hair behind my ear and I traced his knee.

I yawned as he cleared the plates away and set them in the hall. We lay back on the bed, feeling spent and replete. He held me against his chest and my hand rested just above his navel.

For the first time in two weeks, I fell asleep without crying.

***

I woke to my phone ringing loudly. I sat up, alone and naked in the darkness. I turned on the bedside lamp, and there was a note on the pillow.

_Bella, _

_I went to grab a cigarette outside and some soda for the room. I'll be back soon if you wake up._

_-E_

I groaned in frustration at the incessant ringing and picked up the phone. The call was from Jake. Half of me wanted to ignore him, but I owed Jake. I couldn't just ignore him. He was putting a roof over my head.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" he asked. His voice was sharp.

"Umm, I'm with Edward."

"Oh. How long is he in town for?" he asked again, his tone waspish.

"I don't know. What is with you, Jake?"

The line clicked as he hung up on me.

I couldn't believe he had done that. I sat there, holding the phone to my ear. There were no sounds, the line went dead and the phone disconnected.

The room was dark and silent, the curtains drawn against the moon and parking lot lights. The only sound in the room was the whir of the heater.

My thoughts, though, my thoughts buzzed in my head like a hornets' nest as I allowed my brain to re-examine what Edward had said to the receptionist downstairs.

_One week. _

Could I say good bye, _again_?

When I was in Scotland, I had felt myself getting better. Better than I had been in months. I had only been two weeks back in Forks and I felt like the whole town, and everything in it, was a leaden weight dragging me back down again. I was tired of treading against it, so very tired.

Since I had been back all I had wanted to do was sit in a quiet room and attempt to slam the door on dormant memories of serrated stars and the fresh new memories from the summer. I just couldn't deal with them, not now.

Sometimes, I had found myself on the couch in Jake's living room. The TV was usually blaring and Jake would have the guys over for whatever sport was on. I would blink and zone out, one time, five hours went by without me realizing it or remembering what had gone on around me.

I cooked for Jake and his dad, Billy, but I had no appetite and hadn't eaten much since I had returned. The lump in my throat that I had swallowed in Scotland seemed to have settled like a brick in my stomach.

The zoning, the lack of appetite; it was probably because I was over medicating. I knew I was doing it but I didn't care. I just missed Edward and the way he made everything disappear.

I had caught Jake watching me at times, out of the corner of his eye. It was the same look he had given me after the funeral. I know he had been getting up at night to check on me. I had no idea I had been talking about Edward in my sleep, though.

I hadn't really slept since that last night with Edward.

The dreams always started the same:

I would be lying in Edward's arms in the bed that we had last slept in together: the room we had been in at the castle. It was always like that last day and night we'd had, where he had held me close as we tried to slow down time.

He was whispering something in my ear and I tried to scoot closer to him but he only seemed to get farther away. It would go cold without him there and I somehow found myself in the woods, dried dead leaves crackling and sliding around me. Their points were razor sharp and they clung to me. The moon and the stars seemed indifferent and silently watched my torture, their endless brightness bleak and blank.

I felt a scream bubble up my throat but it strangled me and I was unable to let it out or breath air in. Emotion seemed to roil just beneath my skin, until I thought I would explode from it. Something held me back from letting it out and I lay paralyzed on the forest floor, unable to move. It built like pressure behind a cork, until it forced me awake, the sound of my screams echoing in my ears like a recently discharged gunshot. The tears I could not cry in dreams I found on my cheeks in waking.

My arms would be reaching, always reaching for him but finding emptiness instead.

Even now, I could feel my insides start to cramp and clench. Anxiety pumped through me, and my veins felt raw as if my whole body was closing in on itself. My heart kicked up in my chest and my breathing hitched. I felt myself shivering, my mind torturing me with gory images of morgues and bodies and my parents lying in their graves while I cried over them.

I tried to focus on something else. I heard the door open and I jumped.

Edward.

He was here, not even ten feet from me.

"Edward?" my voice was a dry squeak as I got up from the bed, a sheet wrapped around me.

I felt like a fish out of water. As I walked forward my body swayed, and I felt faint as blood suddenly rushed to my head.

His eyes widened, "Bella, what the fuck? You're shaking like a leaf!"

His arms wrapped around me and I felt his chin rest on top of my head.

"Tell me, sweetheart." he said huskily.

"I can't Edward. I just can't anymore."

"You can't what?"

"I don't know how to be away from you anymore. I used to be so independent. I took care of my mother and then my father. Now look at me, I can't do anything right. I'm so clingy and I barely made it through two weeks without you."

My ear rested against Edward's t-shirt, and I felt him breathe deeply. With his arm around me, he guided me back over to the bed.

"I think we really need to have a talk, Bella," he said as I watched him pull the tacky and tangled hotel covers back, and indicated for me to get in bed. I slipped in between the sheets and watched as Edward stripped down. I noticed he wasn't wearing boxers when he let his jeans slide down his legs. I admired his body and the way he moved as he picked the jeans up and put them back over the heater. He was all fluid motion, supple strength and completely utterly male.

Naked, Edward slid in beside me. He opened his arms and I was in them so quickly, our skin touching. A million tiny electrodes pulsed between us. I scooted closer and our legs tangled as his arms pressed me to him.

I may have been in Forks for two weeks but now I was finally home.

I breathed in and it turned into a yawn. I tried to cover it but he caught me.

"Are you tired, Bella?" he asked, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

I nodded.

"Go to sleep then. You look like you haven't slept in weeks." I felt his finger stroke down my cheek, "We can talk later."

"I haven't. Slept that is," I murmured. The light hair on his chest was tickling my nose.

I felt my body go heavy and the awareness of everything around me but Edward started to fade.

"Love you, Edward." I whispered. I needed him to know that before I fell asleep.

He kissed my temple, "Love you too, Bella."

***

**EPOV**

I watched her sleep, she went under pretty quick. I lightly dozed; attuned to every movement she made. It was around midnight that she started to get restless. I could feel her limbs twitching and she called out my name in this strangled voice.

She jerked out of my arms and sat straight up. Before I could stop her she started to scream. I clamped a hand over her mouth, pulling her down beside me. She went limp instantly.

"Edward, oh Edward. I forgot. I forgot you were here," she said behind my hand.

She wrapped herself around me and took deep shuddering breaths. When we were in Scotland, I didn't want to push her to make decisions. She had seemed stronger then.

But if this is what happened after two weeks, there was no fucking way we could go three months.

Absolutely no fucking way.

She calmed down eventually, I heard her breathing slow.

"Edward, are you awake?" she whispered, her finger traced over my arm.

"Yeah."

"What are we gonna do?"

I cleared my throat and turned on my side. Propping my head up on my hand, I looked down at her.

"Do you want my opinion?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

She nodded.

"I think you should pack your shit and leave. Whatever you've got here in Forks, I think you should put it behind you and move the fuck on. Surely your mom and dad wouldn't want you to be this fucking miserable." I watched her face in the dull moonlight winking from a part in the curtains as she processed what I was saying.

Her eyes stared into mine and she opened her mouth to speak several times then she closed it. Finally she started, "Where will I go?"

"Well, you could come with me. Take a semester off and stay with me. Then you can pick back up at Alaska U. Emmett and I rented a house but he and Rose are in Italy on their honeymoon." I studied her expressions, wondering what was going through her mind.

She mulled it over and it nearly fucking killed me while she sat there. Her eyes glazed as she stared at a point over my shoulder. Rain spattered the window behind the curtains and the heater hummed annoyingly. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Bella?"

Her eyes shifted back to mine.

"Only if it's ok with you, Edward. I know I'm a mess right now. My um-my dad said I was easy to live with. I don't want to be a burden and I-"

"Bella?" I interrupted her.

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up." My lips crashed down on hers. She opened her mouth and I caressed her tongue. My hands ran over her back, allowing me to unhook her bra. Cupping her shoulder, I slid one of her straps down. My thigh had lodged between her legs, and I could feel her hips moving over me.

I freed one of her breasts from her bra and cupped it in my palm. My thumb moved her nipple, which was already hard. I massaged her breast with my hand, as her pussy ground against my thigh. She was getting wetter and if I wasn't already hard enough, my dick twitched between us.

I kissed her slowly languorously, not wanting to rush this. I wanted a slow build. Bella had other ideas though, as I felt her hand wrap around my cock. Her thumb ran over the sensitive area near the head and my hips moved involuntarily. She whimpered, because the action moved my thigh over her pussy.

I planted kisses along her jaw and up to her ear, finding the spot that made her gasp. Bella arched her neck to give me better access. My hand moved over her breast and I rolled us over, so she was on her back. Her hands were running slowly up my sides. I bit her neck lightly, when she ran her nails over my nipples.

"Edward," she gasped.

I kissed her earlobe and said lowly, my lips against her ear, "God I fucking missed this. I missed you and the way you taste. The way you smell."

I kissed her neck, and moved lower to her collarbone. The other strap of her bra was still over her shoulder, and I kissed the place where it had lain against her skin, sliding it down her shoulder. I saw goose bumps rise on her skin. Her hands roamed over my skin and tangling in my hair, as I worshiped her body with my lips, tasting her in all the little places they made her shiver.

I nuzzled her nipple, my two days of unshaven chin rasping against her sensitive skin. I kissed the flesh around her areola and then noisily and greedily sucked her nipple into my mouth. Her back rose off the bed as she pushed against me. I palmed her other breast, she moved her hips and her breathing hitched.

I let her nipple go and blew against the wet bud, watching her skin breakout in more goose bumps. Shifting to her other breast, I teased her nipple with my tongue, sucking deeply. My hand stroked the skin on her stomach, my fingers spread wide. I grazed lightly over her hip and found the small bits of material that were low on her hips. I slid them down with my hand.

With her nipple still in my mouth, I found her wet center with my fingers and slipped a finger inside her. She was already wet, and I felt my cock pulsing to be where my fingers were.

I wanted to taste her first. Fuck, I had missed her taste and the way it drove her fucking crazy when I kissed her there.

I moved down her body and then towards the end of the bed. She looked up, watching me when our skin no longer touched. I pulled the rest of her thong off and knelt on the floor at the end of the bed.

"Edward?" she looked at me, puzzled.

I grinned at her wickedly while my hands encircled her ankles. I pulled her roughly towards me and she shrieked. She sat up a little and looked at me, my head between her open thighs, her calfs over the edge of the bed.

"Scoot as close as you can to the end of the bed, sweetheart."

She blushed and did so and I watched as her pussy got closer to me.

"God you're so fucking beautiful."

She lay back on her elbows to watch. I kissed her abdomen, before spreading her lips wide and kissing her clit. Her head fell back, as I took her in my mouth and sucked on her sensitive pink flesh. She was sighing sweet cries into the air, while I moved my tongue against the sensitive skin. I put a finger inside her and she flexed her hips, grinding against me. I pushed another finger in, stretching her and listened as her moans were louder and closer together. Her hips kept rocking, grinding them against me, as I continued to suck her clit gently.

I found the spot inside of her and flexed my fingers against it. She nearly hit the fucking ceiling. I did it again and saw her hands make fists in the blankets and sheets.

It only took a few more strokes until I felt her cumming. I stroked inside her slowly, and kissed her thigh, as her hips twitched and moved with my hand.

She gasped when I withdrew my fingers, and I looked at her laying there, a look of pure contentment and satisfaction on her face. I smirked at her, knowing I had done that.

"I'm gonna get a towel, ok?" I waited for her to nod and ran into the bathroom. I had only been gone a split second but by the time I returned to her, I could tell she was asleep. The dark circles underneath her eyes told me she was more than tired and exhausted.

I cleaned her gently and lifted her off of the bed. I lifted her up and placed her closer to the pillows, smoothing the covers over her. If I went anywhere near her, it wouldn't be for sleep. Reluctantly, I went into the bathroom and turned the water on for a shower.

Stepping inside, I let the warm water hit the back of my neck as I braced myself against the cool tiled wall. The water trickled down my body slowly and I lathered my hands. I thought of Bella, dressed in her stockings and red and black lingerie from that night on top of the castle. Christ she had looked fucking amazing that night.

Stepping inside, I let the warm water hit the back of my neck, as I braced myself against the cool tiled wall. The water trickled down my body slowly and I lathered my hands. I thought of Bella, dressed in her stockings and red and black lingerie from that night on top of the castle. Christ Fuck, had looked fucking amazing that night.

I stroked over my cock, down the shaft ,as I remembered the way she had looked as I fucked her in the moonlight. The feel of her legs wrapped around me. My hand moved faster now. I went over every fucking second of that night, remembering the sounds she had made, the way she smelled, the way she tasted. I could still taste her now. I moved my hand faster and faster, I could feel my blood rushing through my veins, as my heart beat faster.

I could still hear her in my head, remembering the moment she had come on the edge of the bed. She was beautiful in her ecstasy, and I had a sense of pride knowing I did that to her. I had only ever done that to her.

Faster and faster I moved my hand, over the head hitting the spot that had my hips jerking, as I imagined her tight pussy pulsing around me. I groaned and bit my lip, as I lost my shit and moved my hand over my cock while I watched my cum wash down the drain.

I sighed deeply and stood under the spray another minute before switching it off.

I toweled myself dry and left the bathroom, flicking the light off. The air in the room was cool, and I slipped under the covers naked. Bella had her back to me. I wrapped an arm around her and hauled her up closer to me. I pressed myself to her and dropped a kiss on her bare shoulder. My arm rested between her breasts, my hand over her heart. I closed my eyes and drifted away.

***

**BPOV**

We sat across from each other, and I watched him power through his breakfast. He had made a mountain of eggs and various breakfast meats on his plate. When I had come back with a bit of fruit, he took one look at me and shook his head. He got up and returned shortly with a smaller version of his plate.

"Bella, seriously. Please fucking eat something. I can tell you haven't had a good meal in you since the wedding."

I rolled my eyes at him and picked up my fork. I eyed him sullenly as I shoveled home fries in my mouth.

We lingered over coffee. Well, I lingered, he reorganized the sugar packets in the holder.

I sighed, "I'm gonna call Washington State and speak with my advisor. She phoned over the summer to see if I was ok and if I needed to take a semester off. The school would try and help me."

"Don't let them dick you around, Bella. They will probably try and stop you from transferring, because it means a whole shitload of paperwork. I would phone Alaska University first."

I nodded and sipped my coffee, "Are you gonna take me back so I can get my truck?"

"Yeah," He tucked a pink sweet n low into place and looked at me, "Bella do you want to talk about yesterday?"

"Can we talk about it later? My mind is focused on the phone calls I need to make, and if I let myself think about-" I could feel myself getting quieter, "-yesterday, I won't be able to do anything."

He seemed to accept that, for now at least. I finished my coffee and we walked outside. The sunlight was bright, the darker clouds seemed to have been washed away.

Edward lit a cigarette, as we walked out to the car. I hadn't noticed the color yesterday, assuming the car was black in the dark rain. His car was a beautiful deep blue that shimmered different colors of blue in the sunlight. I stroked over the car and looked at him.

"It's not. Fucking. Pretty." He winked at me, before he flicked his cigarette away and opened the door for me.

The ride back to the cemetery was quiet. He parked his car directly behind the truck and got out to open my door. He walked with me as I fished in my pocket for my keys.

Before I opened the door, I turned to him, "I should probably explain to Jake what's going on. He um, he's worried about me, and I feel like I owe him."

I watched as Edward's jaw ticked with the mention of Jake.

"You don't owe him a fucking thing, Bella."

I did, but I didn't want to argue with him, so I nodded. He opened the truck door for me and I got in. The door shut as I put my seatbelt on. I rolled down the window and he leaned against the door.

His eyes were a lovely shade of green in the sunlight, and a light breeze ruffled his messy bronze hair. I ran a finger over his arm, tracing a flame. Leaning forward, I kissed him softly.

"I'll meet you back at the hotel in an hour. If you want, we can go to Port Angeles and get you some clothes." I motioned towards the t-shirt he had been wearing since yesterday.

"I'll be waiting." He brushed his lips across mine, leaning away as I started the truck's engine. I pulled away, honked the horn and watched him in the rear view mirror. He wasn't looking at me though. He was staring intently at a dark stain in the middle of the road.

***

Jake had not been at home and neither was Billy. It was Tuesday though, and someone usually took Billy into town on a Tuesday to help him do his grocery shopping.

I picked up some more of my things and left a brief note for Jake, saying I would call later. I locked the house behind me and walked over to the truck, slinging my things through the open passenger window.

Opening the door to my truck, I stepped up and slid into the driver's side. I cranked the driver's side window down, the sunshine making the truck warm. I started the truck and the old engine groaned and chugged into life. The old familiar sound was oddly comforting. I reversed, turning it so I could drive down the long gravely driveway. When I got to the main road I stopped, looking for traffic. The sun was glaring in my eyes, and I pulled the visor down so I could see. A piece of paper fluttered into my lap.

Startled, I picked it up. It wasn't a paper, it was a photograph. In black and white. I couldn't make out what the photograph was at first because there were words written in red block capitals over the photo itself. They said: MISSED YOU. I pulled my eyebrows together, trying to figure out what it meant. Then I figured out what the photo was. It was my father's house. In flames.

My chest felt like it cracked in the middle, real fear took a hold of me, and I didn't know what to do at first. I would meet with Edward as we had planned. I only hoped I could hold it together to drive into Forks.

I slowly pulled out onto the road and idled the truck along. I got onto the main road and it was a straight stretch. I gave the engine a little more gas and it groaned louder, working harder. I watched as the speed dial reached sixty five.

I came to a four way stop and eased my foot off the gas to down shift and break. I put my foot down on the breaks. The truck didn't slow. I put my foot down firmer, figuring the truck was just being temperamental. My foot actually pumped all the way down to the floor way too easily, as if someone had greased the pedal.

The truck still didn't slow. I pumped again on the pedal with no result. I had to make the calm and numbing realization that I was driving without brakes.

_No brakes._

And a large truck hauling logs had just moved into the intersection.

My mind flashed to one of the driving lessons my dad had given me. It had been one day after work. He had still been wearing his police uniform and jacket. I remember the way his moustache had twitched as he sat in the passenger seat and calmly gave instruction.

"_Now Bells, do you know what to do if your brakes fail?"_

"_No."_

"_The first rule is don't panic. Second, do not shut off the engine. What you need to do is downshift gradually until you're running at somewhere between thirty and thirty five miles per hour. Then you slowly pull up on your hand brake. Ok? Do you want to practice that?"_

We had done it a couple of times and he was satisfied I understood what to do.

I downshifted the truck; my heart was in my throat, as I got closer to the intersection. I was down to fifty. The large truck was only halfway through the intersection. It seemed to be crawling through. I could make out the bark and stray branches from the huge logs, which were slowly moving across the road.

I checked the speed dial to see it was hovering at forty seven. My mind flashed briefly to the hilarity of the situation. I had always wanted the truck to be able to have more get up and go, and now all I wanted it to do was stop.

Closer and closer, I sped towards the intersection. It was going to be close. My body pulsed, my head cleared, and I braced my hands on the steering wheel, as my truck entered the intersection at forty miles an hour.

The tail end of that truck. I was going to hit that sharp edge. I could see it coming closer, knowing it was only a stone's throw away. The truck moved as I did. When did forty miles an hour seem so fast?

It was as if time slowly trickled by as I watched the front end of my truck crunched into the back end of the car. The impact sent my truck in an arc across the middle of the intersection. There was a field on the other side of the intersection. It was shored up and fenced off. The truck jerked up the small incline and broke through the fence. I bounced off of the steering wheel, hitting my temple and cheekbone on the very top of the whee,l before being flung back. After what seemed like forever, I came to a stop and I sat there, breathing in and out. I could feel something wet oozing down my face. I touched my hand to it,pulling away to see my fingers were sticky with blood.

My hands shook, as I reached for my phone. I dialed 911 and described to the operator what had happened. She said she would send help out immediately.

Then I dialed Edward's number and he picked up on the first ring.

"Bella?"

"Edward, can you come get me?" My voice was shaky, even though I tried to sound calm.

He must have heard it in my voice anyways, "Bella? Where the fuck are you? Are you ok?"

"I had an accident in the truck. I think I'm ok. My head is bleeding."

"Jesus Fucking Christ! Stay where you are, sweetheart. Don't try to move. Tell me where you are, I'm already in the car."

I gave him directions and heard him floor his engine.

"Edward, will you stay on the phone with me?"

"Of course I will. What the fuck happened?"

"My brakes failed." I looked down at my feet and saw the picture that had landed in my lap not twenty minutes ago. I shuddered as a tendril of dread curled through my middle.

Had they failed?

* * *

**A/N**

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	21. Chapter 21

**A/N**

**Stephenie Meyer is a goddam genius and when she wasn't looking, I took her formula and reworked it a little.**

**Thank you to IrishTwiSisters for her awesome beta work. She keeps me in line when I stagger around, drunk on my own fail.**

**Thank you to LambCullen for pre reading. She helps with cuddles during my emo panda moments. I worship at her altar everyday and twice on a Sunday. **

**Sunfeathers, we enjoy the prime piece of real estate on your corner and our love and devotion knows no bounds. **

**Music for the Chapter:  
****Lightning Crashes: Live  
Underneath It All: No Doubt  
Hows It Gonna Be: Third Eye Blind  
****Angel: Sarah McLachlan  
****Black Balloon: The Kills**

**

* * *

**

The ambulance arrived and they quickly got to work. While they opened the car door and checked me over, Edward told me to hang up the phone.

"I'm not far away, I can see the ambulance."

I put the phone in my pocket as the ambulance crew unbuckled my seatbelt and put me on a stretcher. They dabbed at my face and I could smell the latex on their gloves and sterile liquid. An emergency blanket was wrapped around my body and it crackled, the foil catching the light.

"Bella!"

That voice, it was like a liquid warm blanket surrounding me. It felt like a weight sat on my chest and it was marginally better as soon as I could feel him close by. A small flashlight was shined in my eyes and I blinked.

"Sir, give us some room so we can work."

"Edward," I looked at the man leaning over me, "Please let him through."

I felt a warm, strong hand was squeezing my hand and I was drowning in beautiful green eyes.

"How do you feel, sweetheart?" his voice wrapped around me, comforting, and I sighed then gasped.

"It hurts to breathe." I felt my brows draw together and his eyes were worried.

"You're going to the hospital, honey." A uniformed man interrupted as he and another EMT started to lift my stretcher towards the ambulance.

"Edward." I called for him, needing him near. My body felt shivery and voices around me seemed muffled.

"Sorry, only family in the ambulance, sir."

"Fuck that, I'm coming."

"I'm really sorry sir, but that's not our rule, it's hospital policy. We can't let you ride in the ambulance."

"Fuck you!"

Edward's face reappeared above mine and he kissed my forehead, "I won't be far, Bella. I'll follow right behind the ambulance, ok?"

"Ok, Edward."

I closed my eyes as they loaded me into the ambulance and felt myself starting to drift.

***

When I opened my eyes next, it was to the doctor standing over me, listening to my heartbeat.

"Dr. Gerandy?"

His eyes crinkled behind his glasses, "Good to see you awake, Bella."

He wrapped his stethoscope around his neck and made a note on my chart before putting it back at the end of my bed.

Dr Gerandy and I had a close relationship. My total lack of balance and control over my body seemed to make me a frequent visitor to the ER. I had been on a first name basis with most of the nurses in the ER during my high school career in Forks. Dr. Gerandy was one of those kindly old bachelor doctors who instantly made you feel better once he walked into the room. He had also enjoyed going fishing with Charlie when he had a weekend free.

"How do you feel Bella?"

I took in a deep breath and groaned as my chest ached. My hands flew to my ribs.

"Like a cow is sitting on my chest."

Dr Gerandy chuckled, "You hit yourself pretty hard on the steering wheel. Don't worry though, you're only bruised. No broken bones this time and your head is superficial. You didn't even need stitches this time," he smiled at me and winked.

Then he continued, "I've had a prescription filled for you for your chest. You're free to go, Bella. Come back in immediately if you feel dizzy or nauseous, ok?"

I smiled at him, "Ok."

Dr. Gerandy stepped closer to me his face changing to concern, "How have you been lately Bella? I know these last few months since your parents passed have been very hard on you. I prescribed some medication for anxiety as I recall. How are you feeling?"

I looked at him and then down at my hands, wringing my fingers, "I'm still having nightmares."

"And the panic attacks? Are you still as anxious?" he asked.

I nodded and looked up at him, "Dr Gerandy, I wanted to come in and see you anyways. I don't think I'm going to manage going back to school this semester. I'm not coping well and I don't think I'll be able to concentrate on anything. Can you help me ask the University for a medical release for this semester?"

He nodded, "I can, Bella. If that's what you want. What will you do while you're not at school?"

"I'm going to spend the semester in Alaska with-with friends." My thoughts turned to Edward and I felt better.

"Well, as long as you have something planned. You know I'm a phone call away. Your father was a good friend of mine, and anything I can do to help, you let me know." He patted my leg and smiled at me.

"Thanks." I settled back against the pillows.

"Oh, I almost forgot! Bella, Officer Forge is here to see you. Would it be alright if I let him in? He wants to ask you a few questions about the accident."

I nodded in response, and Dr. Gerandy let Waylon Forge into the room before closing the door behind him.

Alone in the room with Waylon, his face brought back vague memories of childhood. He had been a close friend of Charlie's for nearly thirty years. I remember he played Santa one year at the Officer's Christmas Party. The boys had labelled him Butt Crack Santa as his costume hadn't exactly fit him and I remember he had been giving out these little bottles of Peppermint Schnapps as a joke.

I smiled at the memory and the camaraderie of the police force until it was brought into sharp contrast to my father's funeral. My mind flashed through images of dress uniforms and a piper playing Danny Boy. I blinked trying to shut the memory away. Waylon shuffled into the room and adjusted his gun belt, the familiar sound of leather creaking and keys jingling made my throat tight.

He was not a handsome man by any stretch, but his eyes were kind and warm as he smiled at me, "Hi Bells. How are you holding up?"

I tried to breathe slowly, my chest hurting from more than the steering wheel as I looked at his uniform. "Fine, I guess."

He ducked his head and his hands pulled at the bottom of his jacket before settling in his pockets as he leaned back against the medical counter along the far wall.

"Good. We had your truck towed to Dowling's for the time being. He said he would have a look at it for you." Waylon shifted and pulled out a small notepad from a pocket inside his Sheriff's jacket.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked. His eyes were all business and official now as he quickly jotted down something.

His pen flew over the page as I explained about my brakes and trying to stop before I entered the intersection. I closed my eyes and tried to remain calm as my mind replayed in slow motion the truck, the logs, and their terrifyingly slow progression. I stiffened as the sensation of the impact jolted through my body again as my mind tortured me with it over and over. I could feel myself starting to break out in a sweat, remembering how close I had come to hitting the truck straight on and not just the back corner.

I stole a glance at Waylon's face. He was writing down another note and I swallowed audibly, "There was something else."

He looked up in question.

"There was a picture. Someone put a picture in my truck."

His brows furrowed, "What do you mean, picture?"

I quickly described the haunting image of flames licking over Charlie's house, their burning intensity captured in black and white. I told him about the note, MISSED YOU, written across the front and shuddered at the memory of them.

Waylon stared at me, his eyes wide and then he went back to his notepad, his pen franticly scribbling.

"Where is this picture now?"

"Still in the truck." I said hoarsely.

He nodded, "I'm gonna drive over to Dowling's and have a look. Don't you worry Bells, We'll figure this out, ok honey? Here is my card, if you think of anything else, call me right away."

I took the offered business card from him, the insignia for Forks Sheriff Department emblazoned next to his name and number.

"Oh, by the way, I called Jacob Black for you. He and the gang are in the lobby. I'll let them know you'll be discharged soon on my way out."

_Ah, small town life. I would not miss everyone knowing everyone's business._

"Um, actually, there should be an Edward Cullen waiting as well," as I spoke, Waylon's eyes were confused, "Edward is tall, bronze hair, tattoos. Can you ask him to come back here for me?"

"Umm, sure thing, Bella." He gave me a puzzled look and then quietly left the room, closing the door behind him.

I sat up, my chest protesting the entire time. I rested for a moment and then slid my feet over the side of the bed.

The door opened as I was putting my shoes on. I smiled as Edward walked into the room, concern written on his face.

"Bella." He said my name and his voice brushed over me like a caress. I stood up from tying my shoes and my body was drawn to him, every molecule of my being pulled to his presence.

He moved closer and I was in his arms, trying to absorb his strength. He pulled me tighter and kissed the top of my head. I let out a soft cry and hissed air in between my teeth as pain washed over me.

"Edward…"

He loosened his hold immediately.

"Fuck, Bella. I'm sorry. Where are you hurt?" His eyes scanned my frame, looking for injury. His hands gripped my arms gently, running up and down.

"It's ok, it's just my chest. I slammed into the steering wheel apparently." I looked up at him and tried to smile reassuringly.

His hands moved up my arms to my shoulders and he lowered his head to brush his lips over mine.

"As long as you're ok. When are they letting you out?"

"Now. I can't get out of here fast enough. I haven't been here since…" my voice faded away and he looked at me, waiting for me to finish. Then his eyes widened as he put it together.

My mind cruelly flashed to dimmed light and vomit green tiled walls. There was a sicky sweet smell in there that clung to your nostrils...

"Hey. Come back, you're far away." I blinked and looked into his green eyes. He brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear and caressed the back of his fingers down my jaw. My breathing calmed and my chest felt warm.

"That's better. Come on, I'll take you out of here." His fingers smoothed down my cheeks and his palms held my jaw. Our eyes held for a moment and then we moved together to walk out of the room.

I grabbed my bag from the counter and the small white paper sack holding my prescription. Lacing my fingers with Edward's, I allowed him to lead me out of the hospital room.

We walked down the hall, and I leaned into his side. His hand dropped mine and he put his arm around my shoulders. I breathed in his scent and briefly closed my eyes. His hand squeezed my shoulder and I was soothed as we walked through the halls.

When we got to the lobby, I looked up as Jake ran forward followed by Sam.

"Bella are you ok? What happened? Dr Gerandy said you had an accident." Before I could stop him, he wrenched me away from Edward and crushed me in a hug.

"Ow, Jake. My chest. My-"

Jake released me and I stepped back, "Sorry Bells." Jake's gaze shifted from mine to over my shoulder at Edward, his eyes narrowed.

I moved towards Edward and took his hand. We were joined by Jared, Embry, Quil, Seth, and Emily. Their faces were worried as they took in my dishevelled clothes and I could feel them scanning me.

Sam was the first to speak, "What happened?"

"I-I'm not sure, but the doctor says I'm ok," I muttered. The picture I'd found in the truck flashed through my memories. Someone was trying to hurt me but I didn't want it spread around Forks. I crossed my arms and felt myself lean backward, knowing Edward was right behind me, supporting me. The more I stood there, the more I just wanted out of this place, out of the hospital, and out of Forks.

I tried to think of a way to change the subject and I realized someone was missing. "Where's Paul?"

Emily rolled her eyes, "They picked him up for fighting last night. Again."

The rest of the group shifted uncomfortably. Paul's temper had always had a way of causing worry and anxiety amongst his close friends.

"Thanks for coming, guys. I'm sorry if I gave you a fright. I'm really tired and I just want to sleep." I yawned then, clutching a hand over my heart as my chest protested.

They each said their goodbyes and left quietly. Jacob stayed behind though; his arms folded over his chest as he watched Edward and me. Every now and again, Edward would stroke his hand over my arm or down my back. Eventually everyone had left, leaving Jake.

He stepped closer, "Do you want me to give you a ride back to the house?"

"Um, no, Jake. I'm going with Edward." I said warily.

Jacob's jaw flexed and he gave a withering glance to Edward. "Whatever."

Then he turned around and walked to the exit. The sliding glass doors moved mechanically to open and then sucked shut behind him.

Edward moved my hair over my shoulder and I felt his lips at my ear, "Are you ready to go, sweetheart?"

"Yes." I whispered, my eyes still on the place where Jacob had been.

Edward took my hand and matched his long stride to my small one as we walked outside to his car. I leaned into his strength as we moved together. Outside in the parking lot, the sun seemed too bright and I squinted in the sunlight.

Edward opened the car door for me and I got in slowly. When we were buckled in, Edward started the car and I tried to relax in the seat.

We drove for a moment and finally he broke the silence, "What the fuck happened, Bella?"

I had closed my eyes, the steady hum of the car engine lulling me to sleep. Opening them I sat up slightly in my chair and my breath broke as my chest pinched and ached.

I described the picture that had been in my truck and told him about my brakes and the truck.

"What the fuck, Bella? Are you fucking serious?" he turned to glance at me before looking back at the road. I watched as his hands tightened on the steering wheel, his knuckles more prominent.

"Bella, there is some sick fuck hanging around Forks. We are leaving for Alaska tomorrow." his voice was dark with anger and concern.

"I can't just up and leave, Edward." I said, my voice tired.

He looked over at me and then back at the road. He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Can we just go back to the hotel? I feel so tired." I replied, my voice thick with fatigue.

He looked over at me again, "Yeah and when we get there, all you're going to do is rest." One of his hands rested on my knee and ran up my thigh, squeezing gently.

"'Kay." I said and closed my eyes again.

I felt the car turn sharply as Edward pulled into the hotel parking lot. I unbuckled the seatbelt when the car came to a stop and gingerly shrugged out of it.

He held me as we stood in front of the elevator and didn't let go of me until we were in his room. I leaned into his strength, and I felt a need to melt into him.

He pulled the bed covers back while I undressed. I moaned as I lifted my shirt over my head.

"Jesus Fuck, Bella!" I quickly pulled the shirt over my head to see what he was looking at.

I jumped, as he had moved so closely to me. He raised an unsteady hand and ran it lightly over my breastbone. I looked down and sucked in a breath. There was a large bruise in the shape of the steering wheel imprinted into my skin. There was also a dark line that ran diagonally over my chest where the seatbelt had dug into me. I felt his lips press along my purple skin gently.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, his voice heavy with emotion.

"You're making it go away." I put my hands on his shoulders as he knelt in front of me. I swayed, his lips sending delicious shivers over my body, making my nipples peak in my bra.

His hands were on my hips and he whispered huskily against my heart, "Fuck, Bella. If something had happened to you-"

My hands moved into his hair and I lifted his face, "But it didn't, and I'm here. And we're together." my breath hitched as a yawn took over. I whimpered as I struggled to take in air.

Edward stood and lifted me up gently into his arms. He laid me down on the linen sheets and tucked the covers around me. Kicking his shoes off, he got in beside me and I moved over to him slowly. I settled into his embrace and sighed as his arms moved around my back.

I slid my hands up inside his t-shirt, the feel of skin beneath my fingers reassuring and reaffirming strength, warmth, and being alive. Breathing in his familiar soothing scent, I closed my eyes fully, his steady heartbeat lulling me to sleep. Right before I slipped under the surface, I felt his lips brush against my temple, and my hair smoothed back from my face.

***

My eyes opened and I felt disoriented. I must have slept straight through to the next morning. The light streaming through the tacky hotel curtains was golden and it fell gently like a patient ghost sitting on the edge of the bed. Little pieces of dust sparkled in and out of the light giving the cheap room an ethereal glow.

The sounds of water rushing and splashing was slightly hushed behind the bathroom door. I smiled, listening to Edward in the shower. I thought of his hands roaming over his skin, his hair wet from the spray, his green flamed forearms slick from the water, tendons flexing, as he rubbed soap over his chest.

The water shut off abruptly and I listened to water drip from the tap and the rustle and snap of a towel. Muffled footsteps echoed and then the sink was turned on. I drifted in and out of sleep in bed, the quiet rhythm of Edward's morning rituals calming and reassuring me; transporting me back to a place an ocean away.

I allowed my mind to intrude and it ran over the events of the previous day. There was no doubt in my mind that the streets where my father once kept order as Chief of Police now seemed unsafe and unwelcoming to me. The town where I had been born I could no longer call home. Home was supposed to be a haven and the deep dark mossy shadows held hidden malicious secrets.

Telling Jacob I was leaving was not going to be easy. I could sense he had changed since I'd come back from Scotland. I knew he wanted more from me now, and it was more than I was able to give him.

I sighed, thinking about what life was going to be like living with Edward.

What if I bored him after awhile? What if he decided he just couldn't live with me?

My brain attempted to reject those thoughts, trying to inject positive outlooks by replaying Edward making love to me in a green field where sunny deities looked on and rain washed away doubts.

I jumped as the bathroom door opened and Edward stepped out, running his hand through his hair. His silver ring caught the sunlight briefly as he lowered his hand back to his side.

My breath caught at the sight of him as he stepped into the room. A towel was wrapped around his waist, a narrow trail of hair disappearing behind the white terry cloth. His hair was still slightly damp and his supple skin stretched over defined muscles in his arms, his chest and his abdomen. His tattoos lent an edge to his statuesque presence. His beautifully carved body moved with unconscious fluid grace as he moved towards me.

His bottle green eyes met mine and I blushed as he caught me looking at him. My eyes moved to his navel and I blushed deeper as I imagined running my fingers over it before leaning in to taste him there. I wondered if he would jump, remembering how ticklish he was.

His arms were on either side of me and I smiled at him as he smirked at me. He brushed his lips over mine and then whispered in my ear, "How are you feeling?"

I licked my lips, "Good now that you're here."

"Good." I felt his nose skim over my jaw before he planted a kiss on my unburied collarbone.

He got off me and I felt the loss of his closeness. He made up for it by dropping the towel and looking over his shoulder at me.

I watched as he slowly put his boxers on and then slid his jeans up over his hips. He dug a green t-shirt out of a drawer and put it on. I watched as his chest and stomach slowly disappeared under cotton the same color as his eyes. I sighed dreamily as he turned to look at me.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

He smiled and leaned over me. The bed creaked as he climbed on top of me. He kissed my cheeks.

"Tell me."

"No."

His lips skimmed over my cheekbone and lower to my ear.

"Tell me."

"N-no."

He sucked my ear lobe into his mouth. My arms were trapped underneath the blanket that his hands were pressing down. My body was humming and heat pooled between my legs.

He let my ear lobe go, "Tell me now."

"No," I sighed.

He kissed my neck and then moved over my jaw. His lips hovered over mine. I was breathing in quick breaths.

"Just tell me."

"You make me wet just looking at you." I whispered.

He groaned and his lips captured mine. His lips moved against mine, his tongue demanding entrance. I opened up for him and shivered as his tongue met mine. My stomach tied into knots and my body writhed underneath the blankets. My legs opened of their own volition under the covers, and his hips settled between them.

Despite the soreness of my body from yesterday, I pushed my hips against him and he pushed back. It was frustrating, I needed more, I needed him. I moaned into his mouth as he pushed again and I met him halfway.

He gasped into my mouth and his lips left mine, his face resting on the side of my neck.

"Bella, we can't. I'm afraid of hurting you." He lifted his head and his green eyes burned into mine.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"You're not, I can tell. You can barely take a breath in without it catching." His eyes were lit with worry as he brushed his lips over mine again.

"Please Edward." I licked my lips

"I promise to make it up to you later. Promise." He sealed his words with another kiss, this one was gentle and sweet, his tongue gently coaxing me to come out of a pout. It worked and I was kissing him back, returning the love and worry he poured into the kiss.

***

A little while later I was dressed and we were eating room service breakfast. I was munching a piece of toast happily and watching as Edward attacked his eggs.

I had a plan already in mind to talk to Jacob but I would need Edward's cooperation in order to make it as painless as possible.

"Can I ask you something?"

He looked up and nodded, as he swallowed and took a drink of juice, his Adam's apple bobbing.

I shifted in my chair and licked my lips, "We're leaving for Alaska tomorrow, right?"

He nodded, "We could leave today if you want."

"No, tomorrow is fine. I just…need to tell Jacob goodbye." I watched as he paused and then put his fork down.

"Can't you just call him?" he asked, his tone careful.

"I can't. He's like family, Edward. I don't want to hurt him." I watched his eyes as his face hardened.

"I'm coming with you." he insisted.

Shaking my head I looked at his face, "I don't think you can. It will be tense enough saying goodbye to him and you two seem to be on edge around each other as it is."

"Dammit Bella. Someone is out there and they're after you."

I tried to stand my ground, "I have to do this, Edward. Please help me and then we'll go to Alaska tomorrow."

He sighed, "Fine, but I don't fucking like this. You text me or phone me the minute he breathes funny. Ok?"

"Ok."

***

Everything was almost perfect. I knew what time Jacob would be home and had anticipated having dinner ready for six. Edward had reluctantly agreed to stay at the hotel after dropping me off. I felt awful and wished I could just get past the next few hours.

Jacob's dad was at a neighbor's, watching the Mariner's game. So it left the house to just the two of us. Normally it would be pizza night, and the guys would probably be vying for the best spots in front of Jacob's TV. I had asked Emily to host the guys as I wanted these last minutes alone with my best friend.

He was that to me: my best friend. One of the only friends that had survived childhood and into adolescence. Inside, I felt like I was bleeding out, not wanting to say this good bye to Jacob. I adjusted my black t-shirt again and took in the last details of the living room that had been a second home to me throughout my time in Forks.

There were various family artefacts on the walls, most of them Native American in design. Their colors of turquoise and orange and black adding color to the room. The old leathered couch was parked in the middle of the room like a sleeping naked elderly Buddha, wrinkled and well worshipped. The TV was a new edition, a present from the guys on Billy's 40th birthday. It was large and seemed almost out of place amidst the traditional feel to the room.

There were pictures of Jacob from baby to senior year as well as his sisters. The pictures were like mini flags on a timeline that paraded its way around the room, the procession finishing in front of a framed old photo of Jacob's mother. She had died when Jacob was a baby but her memory was a real presence in the living room.

The fireplace was well stocked with tools and packages of kindling. Billy made sure Jacob had kept a small pile of wood outside for chilly nights in the winter.

I jumped as the front door shut, and Jacob shuffled in, sighing. He stopped, his nose in the air, and I smiled at him as his eyes rested on me. He smiled at me and looked around, his brow furrowed.

"Where are the guys? I thought it was pizza night." He nodded towards the couch and the silent TV.

"They're at Emily's," I bit my lip as I looked at him and then away, "I made you dinner."

I heard his footsteps shuffle forward and I looked up when his boots came into my line of vision.

"Thanks, Bells. I've missed seeing you," he said, and there was a husky note in his voice. When I looked into his eyes, I knew what I would see there. Jake wore his feelings in his eyes, like an open window.

Jake loved my fried chicken, I knew it, and he always rolled his eyes back in his head when I made it. I watched as he sat down at the small table in the kitchen. I served him a plate of chicken with mashed potatoes and greens. I giggled as he rolled his eyes back as the steaming plate was placed in front of him.

He waited for me to sit down with my own plate, then began eating in silent ecstasy. He took a sip of the milk I had placed in front of him and wiped his mouth.

"So, how come we're alone and having my favorite?" He eyed me from behind another piece of chicken.

"What? I can't cook for my best friend?" I asked evasively.

"You can cook, we both know I'm never gonna turn down anything you put in front of me, honey." I blushed at his words and looked down at my plate, making a pyramid out of my mashed potatoes with my fork.

We ate in comfortable silence and when he finished, he scooted back from the table and patted his belly.

"Geez, Bella. I'm totally stuffed."

I got up and took his empty plate, adding my still half full one on top before moving them to the sink. I pulled out the apple pie I had made and served a slice onto a plate for him. When I sat it in front of him, his eyes bulged and he straightened in his chair.

"Ok, who died?" he said as he picked up his fork.

I laughed nervously, "Just eat your pie, Jake."

He shoved a forkful of sticky apple and flaky pastry into his mouth. I looked down and traced the pattern in the wood on the table with my fingernail. I knew I couldn't delay this any longer.

I bit my lip and looked back up at him, "Jake, we need to talk."

He swallowed and narrowed his eyes, "I knew it. Spit it out, Swan." He pointed at me with his fork before going back to his pie.

I took a deep breath, "Jake, I'm leaving."

He chewed and shrugged his shoulders. Pocketing pie into his cheek, he muttered, "Yeah, college is going to start up again. I figured you would probably go soon. Do you want help-"

"No, Jake. I'm leaving Forks for Alaska." I watched his eyes as he digested my words.

There was a pause and he swallowed. "What's in Alaska?" he asked suspiciously.

"Well, Forks is no good for me. With all the things that have been going on the last six months, I just can't face school. I'm taking a semester off and moving to Alaska."

"Yeah, but why Alaska?" He furrowed his brow and looked at me, putting his fork down.

I chewed my lip before I answered but he beat me to it, "It's him, isn't it. You're leaving with him."

I nodded, "Yes, I'm leaving with Edward."

Jacob sighed heavily. The silence fell over the room, over the house, over the yard outside. It seemed the crickets had stopped chirping and the breeze no longer ruffled end of summer leaves.

There was a clock somewhere in the house that seemed to have an abnormally loud tick. Each second seemed to whittle away at my insides. Jake had always been there, he was like one of the craggy rocks on the La Push shoreline, a dark and constant guard against the tow of the tides. He was my goto and I was his.

But I felt this was something I had to do.

Finally, he spoke, "You can't run from things here in Forks forever, Bells. You know that.""I know, Jake. But I need some time away. And Edward, he makes it better for me. Can't you be happy that he makes me happy?""No." His denial, said with such firm calm, hit me like a lash, leaving a mark on my heart. "Jake, please." I looked at him, and felt my eyes well up with looked at me with his lip curled and then said through his teeth, "Get out, Bella. Just get out. And don't come back."I stood up quietly from the table and pushed my chair in. I couldn't look at Jake and felt tears roll down my face as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I didn't want Edward to hear how upset I was, so I sent him a text to come and get me. He responded quickly. _Ten minutes - E_

I waited outside, listening for any sounds in the house. Jake was still sitting at the table, his half eaten pie slice in front of him.

I chafed my arms and felt lighter when Edward's headlights beamed from the top of the driveway. He stopped the car and got out.

"Bella? Why are you waiting outside?" he asked, his face concerned.

"I-I just thought it would be better." His finger lifted my chin up to him and he stroked along my jaw. I heard his breath catch when he saw my eyes were filling with tears again. I felt my gut go tight as my mind replayed Jake telling me to get out.

"What the fuck did he say to you?" he asked, his nostrils flared in anger, and his jaw started to tick.

"I told her to get out," The screen door snapped back and slammed as Jake pushed it behind him angrily, "And you can get the hell off my land."

Edward snapped, "Bella, get in the car." He rushed forward and had Jacob against a wall.

"I told her this wasn't a good idea," Edward seethed, "But she felt like she fucking owed you something. Now she's standing on your porch crying. What the fuck is your deal?"

"Edward, let him go. Please." I screeched at them and I saw Edward's body tense as he held Jacob against the wall.

"Bella, we're going to have this out right now. I don't fucking care," Edward let go of Jacob and backed off of him, "C'mon you little shit, throw the first punch."

I started to cry in earnest and my stomach twisted, "The two of you are so fucking selfish. I have been through a lot the last couple of days, the last couple of months. You want to duke it out here in the yard, go on ahead. You don't care that this hurts me to see you fighting! You don't care that it is ripping my insides out to see my best friend and the guy I love fighting like a couple of school kids. Fuck you both." I turned around to move towards the car and stood and waited, watching the porch over my shoulder.

They were staring at each other, both of them panting. Jake's eyes flickered to mine then back to Edward. Jake's stance relaxed and he backed away. Edward relaxed and then straightened as he watched Jake stomp into the house, the door snapping closed behind him.

I opened the car door and sat down. The tears had stopped and I wiped away the wetness from my face. I was so angry I couldn't even talk.

I watched Edward walk to his side of the car and get in. The car door slammed behind him and he shifted the car into gear and turned it around to drive down the gravelled driveway. He eased the car onto the road and floored it, the tires squealing. At some point during the drive, he rolled the window down and had lit a cigarette.

I looked out the window, not able to look at him. We rode silently back to the hotel and I wouldn't let him help me out. I stood away from him on the other side of the elevator and marched down the hallway.

He slid the key card in the door and I opened it before he could. I moved inside ahead of him and went directly into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I turned the tap on and then slid down onto the floor.

Jacob telling me to get out and never come back was one of the most horrible things anyone has ever said to me. I was angry, I was upset, but I was hurt most of all. How could he? How could he do that to me? Say that to me? I loved him like a brother. My chest ached, my breathing hitched and my throat tried to close over the deep hurt filled sobs wracking me. I put my fist to my mouth, I didn't want Edward to know how upset I was.

There was a knock at the door.

"Bella?"

I cleared my throat and tried to sound normal, "Go away, Edward. I'm mad at you."

"I'm sorry, ok? I just saw he had upset you and I reacted. I'm sorry."

"Ok." I was still holding onto my breath and it broke in a loud hiccup.

"Let me in, Bella. I know you're crying in there."

"No, Edward, I need to be by myself," I answered.

"What, so you can sit in there and wallow? No fucking way. C'mon, just unlock the door. I don't want you crying alone on some shitty hotel bathroom floor."

I sat there for a few minutes, trying to calm down and then scooted off the floor to unlock the door. He opened the door immediately. He shut the water off and the silence seemed deafening. His eyes were intense and he pulled me into his arms. My face was muffled against his chest and I resisted for an instant but Edward was irresistible, the strength and comfort he offered were like a drug I wanted released into my bloodstream. I turned my cheek so it rested against his heart and my arms found their way around his waist. His smell, his touch moved over me and I breathed in and out, my eyes closed.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Bella." His fingers traced a renegade tear down my cheek and smoothed it away.

"It just hurts so much, Edward, what he said. Then you two fighting on top of it; I just can't handle it." My chest hiccupped painfully and my breath hitched and I felt myself start to yawn. My eyes watered again and I struggled to fill my lungs.

He felt me yawn and his hands caressed down my spine, "Let's go to bed."

I stripped out of my clothes, down to my underwear. I reached around my back but my body was still too sore to undo my bra. He was behind me and his fingers undid the clasp. He kissed the centre of my back where my bra had been and goose bumps shivered over my skin. His hands settled on my hips and he kissed the side of my neck. I sighed and leaned back towards him. One of his hands moved and playfully squeezed my ass, his voice soft in my ear.

"I love you, Bella."

I turned my face to his and kissed his lips, "I love you too, Edward."

His hands left me to pull his shirt over his head, and I pulled my black t-shirt back on. Leaving my pink boy shorts on, I went into the bathroom and splashed my face. When I was back in the room, Edward was already in the bed, waiting for me.

I padded over, his arms opened and I fell into them, tumbling towards the ecstasy I knew laid within his simple touch. Comforted, I lay within the arms of my angel, and the dark cold hotel room melted away.

I was asleep before he turned the light out.

***

The next morning we left Forks. It was raining softly and there was no sunlight poking through the gray clouds.

Edward steered through the main street and we passed by the sporting goods store where I had my first job. The dentist where I had my first cavity filling went by as well as the coffee shop where I used to hang out with my friends after school. Dowling's flashed by and my dented and broken truck sat sadly in the parking lot. Edward and I had discussed having it shipped up to Alaska where it could be worked on. I still hadn't decided yet, Mr Dowling had confirmed on the phone it would be very expensive to fix as the truck was practically an antique.

We took the road north, and I looked back at Forks in the passenger side mirror. It seemed to take forever for the last few shops to fade from view. We passed the Welcome To Forks sign and I watched it drift away slowly in the passenger side mirror.

I noticed there was a small inscription on the mirror itself, written in white bold capitals:

**OBJECTS IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR MAY APPEAR CLOSER THAN THEY ARE.**

**A/N**

**Gawd, thank Fuck we're out of Forks. Next update should be later this week, I've been a busy chick.**

**FUCK ME SIDEWAYS HAVE YOU SEEN NEW MOON YET?! *FUCKING DIED***

**And finally…**

**I'm posting this towards the end, cause I don't know if you'll read it but here it is.**

**I just want to personally thank each and every one of you for reading this story. I want to personally thank those of you who review. **

**The auctions this week, and the participation in the Fandom Gives Back took my breath away. I was humbled that some of you were willing to bid on me and thanks again to Prassacut and AshnanPhillips who were the winning bidders.**

**On a personal note, this fandom means a lot to me. The people I've met, the friends I've made, are precious to me. If I tried to name you all, I might as well post a chapter of names. So just thanks for all the pervy pic drooling, for the ROFL-mania on twitter, for being supportive of me and of each other. It goes to show you that it's more than sparkle peen and Edward Cullen that brings us together. I love you pervy h00rs, I really really do.**

**Srsly. **


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N**

**So Steph Meyer wrote these books, and they own me on a daily basis. **

**Thanks to IrishTwiSisters for getting me and loving Kiltward…nine ways to Sunday. **

**Thanks to Lambcullen for also loving Kiltward, with her red pen, her hands, her heart, and her mouth…he wants to get durty with you in the Gran Turino.**

**Sunfeathers, thanks again for pimpin, tweetin, and general gang style loyalty. We're glad you're down for the set, bb.**

**To readers: This chapter is dedicated to those of you who fear the angst and made it through Chapter 18. (I'm looking at you, Sandy-doll)**

**Song List for this Chapter:  
Yellow: Coldplay  
Sweet Emotion: Aerosmith  
****Love and Sex and Magic: Ciara & Justin Timberlake  
No Sound but the Wind: Editors  
White Houses: Vanessa Carlton  
**

* * *

EPOV

The road stretched in front of us and I pushed the Gran Turismo to go faster. I smirked as Bella's fingers tightened on the arm rest as the engine purred loudly.

We both relaxed at the same moment: when all parts of that bumfuck town were behind us.

The road down had been straight for the most part, the long stretch like an old gray ribbon. Tall pine trees lined either side of us and the clouds parted every now and again to reveal the persistent sun.

I looked over at her and noticed her face was pale. Turning back to the road, I put a hand on her thigh and squeezed gently.

"Are you alright over there?"

"Yeah," she answered, her voice quiet.

I felt her fingers run over my hand and then settle underneath it. I squeezed her gently and she expelled a long breath as if she were breathing out. When I looked over at Bella again, her eyes were closed, and her chest rose and fell evenly. Her head was angled toward me and her face was relaxed in sleep. Her face was free of worry, her features peaceful.

Music filtered through the car and I shifted the gear, giving the engine more gas.

God I fucking loved this car. It had been a gift from Esme when I graduated, she knew I didn't really spend money on myself even though Carlisle made sure I didn't want for anything. I just felt embarrassed about it. I wanted to be able to earn my way and not be like some silver spooned pussy that didn't have to work.

Time melted as we ate up the miles, Bella slept through nearly three hours of what seemed to be the same trees and stretch of road. We hit Port Townsend and I downshifted, the silence as the engine calmed must have woken her as her breathing abruptly changed. I flicked my cigarette out the window and blew the rest of the smoke out before rolling up the window.

She sighed, humming in her throat and her arms stretched as she arched her back.

"Where are we?" she said, her voice husky from sleep.

"Port Townsend. We'll need to get the ferry across the water," I answered.

I drove slowly through the town as Bella woke herself up. She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. She must have taken her shoes off at some point, her little white ankle socks were so fucking cute. She was wearing the tiniest cut off jean skirt, and a white baseball top with black sleeves. Across the front it had the outline of a black unicorn.

We were right at the port and had just parked in the lane waiting for the ferry to start boarding, when the other cars started to move. The GranTurino hummed, as I steered it behind the cars being loaded onto the boat. When we were assigned our space I put the car into park and turned the engine off. The car was silent in the darkness of the ferry and people began wandering around us while the ferry was cleared to depart. The crowds thinned as people made their way to the upper deck to look at the sea.

I turned towards Bella, a huge grin on my face.

"Wanna fog up some windows?" I wagged my eyebrows at her.

She licked her lips and smiled shyly at me. Her eyes turned to the windows and then back to me, "What if someone-"

"Bella, the tint on these windows are custom. They're barely legal." I reached over and opened the door.

She looked at me in confusion, "What're you doing?"

"I'm getting in the back, Bella. You might be able to squeeze through, but I'm too tall." I said and pulled the driver's side forward so I could slip in the backseat.

I closed the driver's door from the backseat and she sat in the front looking back at me.

"Well, get the fuck back here!" I laughed.

She looked at me and then giggled. She awkwardly started to press between the seats, "Ouch!"

"What is it?"

"It's alright, it's just my chest still."

I had forgotten about that. "Maybe we shouldn't-"

"Don't you dare, I'm already wedged between these seats, I'm coming back there if it kills me."

I tried to help her and ended up lifting her over and onto my lap.

She straddled my thighs and put her hands on my shoulders. My hands rested low on her ass and I put my hands up her raised skirt and squeezed her cheeks. She giggled and bent down so her face was on the same level as mine. Our lips met and we both gasped, the air thick between us. Her mouth was warm, and moist, her tongue soft against mine as we kissed. Her hands delved into my hair, and she was pressing her ass into my hands, her hips undulating, as I flexed my fingers over her soft flesh.

She was making these small moans every time my hands moved. I couldn't hold back from sliding my hands up over her ass and into her panties, slowly sliding them down over her skin. My fingers briefly moving over her hot wet flesh, making her gasp into my mouth. Our mouths disconnected as she pushed back from me, her pupils dilated with need. I skimmed my nose down her cheek and kissed the corner of her mouth before moving lower, kissing the underside of her chin and moving to her ear.

When I kissed her neck, she breathed in sharply and arched her it towards me. My hands had slid her skirt up until it rested around her hips. Bella's hands worked down my chest, over my t-shirt, her nails snagging on the cotton. I bit her earlobe as she raised my shirt up slightly, her hands roaming over my stomach; her fingertips butterfly soft and my muscles jumped when she ran over a sensitive spot. I let go of her earlobe and moved my head to narrow my eyes at her. She giggled and bit her lip.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

I growled and pushed her back so she was laying on the backseat underneath me. She grabbed my arms while I assaulted her neck again, biting her skin. Her leg tried to wrap around my waist and I ran my palm down over her side, smoothing over her hip, squeezed her thigh and then curving around her knee. I hitched her leg up before settling closer between her thighs. Locking her legs around me, Bella groaned as the hand I had around her knee slid back up to crawl underneath her shirt. I palmed her breast in my hand before kneading gently with my hand. She moaned and arched her back while I sucked on a place near her collarbone.

"Touch me, Edward. Please," she begged.

Her hands left my shoulders and she raised her shirt up, exposing her white bra. The front. The fucking glorious thing clasped in the front. Thank you Jesus.

Her nimble fingers made quick work of the clasp, and her breasts were free. I planted small kisses over the bruises that still marred her beautiful skin, hoping they would ease and fade soon for her sake. Her hands pulled my hair and I smiled darkly as I dipped lower to kiss her heart.

"Your mouth, Edward. I need to feel your-" I complied, sucking her nipple into my mouth, and she gasped and arched her back, silently pleading with me. Her soft skin tasted like her, like strawberries, like Bella. I felt my already rock hard cock twitch in my jeans as I laved my tongue over her hard flesh. Her hips moved against me and unconsciously I pressed closer to her, matching her movements.

The ferry whistled its arrival into port.

"Shit." I swore against her nipple which I couldn't resist running my teeth over.

"Edward!" she moaned, pressing herself closer.

"Bella, we have to move," I kissed up her body quickly and ran my tongue over her swollen lower lip, "They are gonna start unloading the ferry as soon as we are locked into port." I brushed my lips over hers, not wanting to move from between her legs.

The ferry whistled another warning.

"C'mon, sweetheart. We better get up." I kissed her then, thoroughly, my tongue teasing hers, promising more later.

She sighed against me as I leaned up. I put her bra back together and kissed her belly button before pulling her shirt back down. Her legs unlocked around my hips and I moved towards the door.

"Are you gonna be ok getting back into the front seat?"

"Yeah, I think so." she answered and smiled up at me, her eyes mischievous.

"What?"

"Nothing. We better hurry before they come see why the windows are all fogged up."

I nodded and reached behind me to open the door. Stepping out, I could hear Bella moving into her seat again. When I got in, she was stuffing something into her skirt pocket.

The ferry docked and I revved the car, turning the air on to defog the windows.

We followed the long line of cars away from the port and into the small town. Within the space of fifteen minutes, we'd left the small town behind and were back on the road.

We drove on for about a half hour. The car interior was super charged between us and I was aware of every movement she made: the way her legs kept rubbing together, the sound of her skin sliding against the leather seat, every breath she took, her tongue licked her lips before taking her lower lip into her mouth to suck on it.

Fuck me.

I had to drag my eyes away from her in order to drive straight. The moment I looked back at the road, her hand wrapped around me over my jeans.

"Jesus Fuck, Bella!"

"What?" she asked innocently, as if she didn't fucking know.

"You know exactly fucking what."

Her fingers flexed, squeezing me and I hissed between my teeth.

"I think you have something of mine." she purred.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And I'm tired of waiting for you to give it to me." she purred again, her fingers flexing minutely, making my dick twitch. Her hand moved and started unbuttoning the fly of my jeans.

"Bella!" I looked at her.

"Eyes on the road, Edward."

"Are you-"

"Shut up and drive, Cullen."

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her other hand come out from beneath her skirt.

I felt my jaw fucking drop.

My eyes widened and my jaw clenched shut as her hand delved inside my boxers and wrapped around my cock. I groaned as she brought her moistened hand up slowly.

"Bella," I moaned her name, dying to close my eyes as her palm rubbed over my frenulum. My hands tightened on the steering wheel as I felt her hair whisper soft against me. Her tongue licked across the head of my cock before she took me in her mouth.

"Fuck," I swore as I floored the gas pedal.

I shifted the gear roughly as she took my cock in as far as she could go, her hand squeezing the rest of my shaft. My head hit the back of the head rest as she slowly, torturously bobbed up and down, her wet mouth making me harder. I tried not to flex my hips up to meet her but it was so fucking difficult. She was moaning over me and the vibrations from her hot mouth combined with the engine growling as I hit close to 120 miles an hour nearly drove me over the edge.

Her hand pumped in time with her mouth and every small movement was another push towards ecstasy. I felt my balls start to tighten and ripples move through my stomach as she moved.

"Bella, fuck, I'm gonna cum. If you're gonna-" I cut off as her hand left my cock and delved into my boxers to close over my balls.

"Fucking, Christ! Bella!" I took my foot off the accelerator as I came in her mouth. She sucked wetly at me, taking all of me and I felt her mouth constrict as she swallowed.

I pulled the car over and placed it in park. The car was silent as I sat there panting, my eyes closed.

She cleaned me up as best she could and buttoned my jeans back up. Her breaths were coming in quick succession and I could smell her arousal in the air.

Her voice, unsure, broke the afterglow gently, "Was that ok? What I did? I only read about it. I haven't ever um, done that before."

I opened my eyes, and reached a hand to caress down her face, "That was fucking amazing, Bella."

She smiled and blushed, her head ducked but I could tell she was pleased with herself.

"Come over here, sweetheart. Let me hold you." I opened my arms and she scrambled over the console and into my lap. I kissed her cheeks and then her mouth when she was settled.

"Thank you."

She smiled, "You're welcome, Edward."

We sat like that on the shoulder of the road, surrounded by a canopy of trees. I couldn't stop touching her, stroking her arms, her cheek, over her waist. She shifted in my lap and licked her lips. My palm slid up her leg along her thigh. She paused, watching my hand. Her breathing slowed and her entire body concentrated on the progression of my hand.

I reached the edge of her skirt and started to push it up her leg. Her hands fisted in my shirt as I kept going, thinking I would encounter her panties but when I touched her, I encountered her naked bare pussy.

"Bella, why the fuck aren't you wearing panties?"

"Because they're in my pocket." she answered lowly, pressing herself against my fingers as I dipped in between her lips, testing her.

"You're so fucking wet, Bella."

I felt my dick twitch to life, the smell of her alone making hard. When I ran my fingers over her clit she gasped, her legs opening wider. I reached around with my other hand and slid the driver's seat back.

When it was fully back, the air exploded. I was reaching for her shirt, she was pulling at mine. Bella straddled my hips pulling at my shirt, and I leaned up so it would go over my head. She threw it into the passenger seat and her hands went to my jeans again, undoing the buttons, although clumsier in her haste this time. I was tugging the t shirt over her head. She lifted her arms making it easier for me. Her bra was next, her breasts free from their constraint. I sucked her nipple into my mouth, just as her hands found my cock. I raised my hips and we managed to get my jeans down my hips. Bella pumped with her hand once, twice and then let out a loud moan, as she ran me over her wet center, getting the head of my cock wet. She sucked on her lip and whimpered, as I lightly bit the nipple in my mouth.

Positioning me at her opening, she moved her hips and took all of me inside her tight, wet passage. Her hands dug into my shoulders, her nails almost fucking tearing the skin. The pleasure and pain mingled while I growled low in my throat. My head fell back and she kissed me, her hot mouth moving over mine, her tongue dipping in and over mine, as she started to move. Her breasts bounced and I moved my hips to meet her. Push and pull, thrust for thrust, my hands on her hips as she moved faster. Her cries filled the car as she went faster and faster. I could tell she was almost there, her eyes closed, her beautiful brown hair spilling back over her shoulders as she rode me.

Her hands gripped my shoulders harder and she breathed against my mouth. It was so fucking intense and we came together, her body moving over mine, her cheek against mine. My eyes were shut as a million electrical lights flew from my body mingling with hers, crashing, colliding and falling back to earth.

This.

This is what had been missing the whole time we were in Forks.

***

We stopped in a small town to grab lunch at a tiny diner. Bella's foot ran up my leg, and our eyes never left each other's the whole time we sat there. She sipped her coke through a straw and I ran my fingers over my own glass, drawing circles in the condensation.

We ate quietly and paid for our food. Her hand was in mine, her side leaning into me as we moved in unison towards the car.

The miles were eaten up as I pushed the car to illegal speeds down the long highway. We found a small hotel in a tiny little town just over the Canadian border.

All I wanted to do was collapse into bed. The drive had really taken it out of me and once we were checked in, I grabbed Bella's hand, dragging her to our room. She stumbled behind me, and I slowed down for her.

Once inside the tiny room, I shut the door behind us and flicked the bathroom light on. Bella turned and threw her bag onto the bed. She drew her t-shirt over her head and unhooked her bra. I started stripping out of my clothes, my t-shirt landing on the sink as we backed into the bathroom. Her hands were at my jeans and we both kicked our shoes off at the same moment.

When we were both naked, she turned the water on in the shower and the water was warm and soothing to my stiff muscles. Bella's hands roamed over my body and mine over hers as we lazily kissed in the water. She washed her hair and I watched the lather run over her breasts and down her stomach. My hands smoothed it away from her wet perfect skin. She stepped closer to me, pressing her nipples against my chest, and her hands found their way around my neck. My hands were at her chin, our mouths softly caressing, as my thumbs moved gently over her delicate bones.

The water started to go cold, making Bella squeal as it hit her back. I laughed and lifted her out of the shower, letting her wet body slowly slid down mine. We dried each other off slowly, Bella licked water from the tattoos on my chest, and I smoothed water from her breasts.

We made it out of the bathroom and briefly disconnected so Bella could throw on her pjs and dry her hair. I pulled on a pair of boxer shorts and climbed into the bed, a yawn making my eyes water.

Eventually, Bella finished and crawled into the bed beside me. I switched off the light and turned towards her, her sweet strawberry smell relaxed me in the darkness. Her leg settled over mine and her face lay against my chest. Her hand tucked itself underneath the waistband of my boxers. With her hand on my hip and my arms around her, we fell asleep, content. Together.

***

BPOV

The Canadian wilderness surrounded us, wild and alive. Small towns drifted by as the elevation climbed. We passed through stony mountains and by clear lakes that were so still, the sky reflected perfectly, a mirror endless image of blue.

Edward and I stopped every now and again, sometimes to stretch out our legs, taking walks into little meadows where he would lay me down and kiss me until our clothes fell off and he was inside me, moving, the wind caressing our skin.

We talked about childhood, about dreams, about college. His velvet voice sending shivers through me as he held me at night, his hands on my skin.

The nightmares seemed to vanish so long as Edward held me close. It felt like dawn was breaking inside me as we neared Alaska.

***

BPOV

Edward and Emmett's house was located not far from the University. The small town was all alive with end of summer excitement. It was busy and Edward explained it was the students moving back for the fall semester.

The house he pulled into the driveway of was a little white dilapidated bungalow nestled in a small neighborhood. Although it was desperately in need of a paint job it had a charm that made me smile. It was like seeing someone you know you've never seen before but instantly knowing you would be fast friends.

The front lawn was fenced off by metal chain link. It was badly in need of a cut and the shaggy crab grass spots triumphantly shared space with petulant dandelions. There were cement steps that led up to a screened front porch area.

There was a sleek shiny purple sports car in the driveway and Edward parked the car behind it. I looked at him as he turned the car off and sighed.

"Well, home sweet home and shit." He smiled at me as he pulled the key from the ignition.

I laughed and unbuckled my seatbelt. Just as I was opening the car door, the front door opened but because of the screening I couldn't quite make out who it was.

"Bella!" I would know her voice anywhere. I looked up and my heart filled my chest.

Alice. She was wearing a black cowl neck dress and black skinny jeans. Her little feet were encased in tiny black dolly shoes and she bounded down the stairs and ran straight for me. We collided into a happy cloud of arms and tears and squeals.

"Oh my God, Bella! I'm so glad you're here!"

"Alice, I totally missed you!"

While we jumped and hugged, the screen door opened and a voice called to Edward.

"Y'all need a hand carrying anything?" that slow familiar drawl reminded me of wavy honey locks and a guitar played on a beach.

"Jasper!" I looked over Alice's shoulder at him and he nodded at me.

"Hello little darlin' " He smiled at me and smoothed his hair behind his ears. His easy gait carried him down the rest of the steps and towards Edward. He clapped him loudly on the back.

I only caught snippets of their conversation between catching up with Alice.

"You should know Alice has been in the house." Jasper mused.

"Fuck. By in the house you mean decorating and shit, don't you?" Edward sighed.

"Yup."

"Fuck."

Alice turned to her brother, "Edward, there was no way you could let Bella live in that house the way you had it!"

"It was fine."

"Edward, you boys had panties staple-gunned to the wall in the kitchen!"

I turned to look at Edward who couldn't quite look me in the eye. His ears actually turned red and he eyed Alice.

"Alice, what the fuck?" His eyes widened and he shook his head.

"Well, I was embarrassed for you. Besides, you'll love it and you'll grudgingly admit that you love it so why don't you get it over with and come inside!" she smiled at him and then took my hand to lead me towards the steps.

The front porch was cement floored and had a couple of wooden benches with what looked like recently added royal purple throw pillows. I could practically feel Edward rolling his eyes behind us.

The front door was black with a dull brass handle. Alice opened the door and stood back for me to go in. I didn't want to go in without Edward and I looked behind my shoulder at him. He smiled and I held my hand out to him. He took it and we entered together.

The smell of new carpet filled the air and mingled with fresh paint. The entrance floor was covered in rough obsidian dark tile. Directly in front of us were stairs covered in fresh black carpet.

To the right lay a large open doorway leading into the living room. The first thing I noticed was the bright red corner couch. It was a luscious cherry red with deep plush cushions. My hand ached to touch the soft material and I could imagine being all cuddled up watching movies with Edward in the evening.

A large flat screen sat on a glass stand in the opposite corner. The stand housed what looked like various gaming consoles and a DVD player. The carpet was the same black that lined the stairs. A small glass coffee table sat in the middle of the floor. On the far wall was a small stone fireplace and on the mantle were small photo frames. The pictures were of various social gatherings. There was a funny one of Emmett and Edward, their beer bottles raised in salute, their eyes crossed. On the end of the mantle, in a lovely carved wooden frame was a postcard sized photo from the wedding. I gasped, seeing Edward and me standing close together in the frame. He was so handsome in his kilt, his crooked smile disarming. I was shyly standing next to him and he had his arm around my waist. My hand was on his chest and my green dress shimmered in the evening sunlight.

I didn't have long to look, as Edward led me down the short hallway and into the kitchen. It was small but functional. The counters were standard cream and a coffee machine sat in the corner next to blue canisters marked for flour, sugar, coffee, and tea. A glass door was at the end of the kitchen and it appeared to lead into the backyard area. I could make out a tiny grill on a cement porch.

"Come on! I wanna show you upstairs." Alice rushed past the guys and when I passed Edward I ran my hand across his stomach.

His eyes heated and made promises for when we were alone.

Alice ran ahead of me as I stumbled up the carpeted steps.

"This was Emmett's room but he moved all of his stuff out," she indicated an open door way with a cheery patchwork quilt covered bed and white linen curtains. The room was bright and airy and the bed looked so comfortable. I unconsciously yawned at the sight of it.

Alice kept up a steady stream as she pulled me farther down the hallway, "Emmett and Rose have their own place now. I turned it into a guest bedroom," she turned and stopped, and opened a door at the end of the hall.

"So this is your bedroom with Edward."

I blushed as she swung the door open wider and waited for me to go in. I could hear the guys thumping up the stairs as we went into the room.

The carpet was the first thing I noticed when we walked in. It was a bright apple green and brand new by the look and smell of it.

I gazed around and could see Alice had tried to keep Edward in mind when she decorated. The room seemed very _him. _

Taking up an entire wall were shelves built into the wall, housing Edward's large music collection. In the middle of it was a formidable and complicated stereo system. The walls were painted a very light color of gray.

There was a large black sleigh bed which sat against the wall in the middle of the room. White linens lay across the huge bed. They looked so fresh and inviting, I wanted to climb on top and bury my face in them.

"Fuck off, Alice." Edward grumbled. I looked behind me and he was standing just inside the doorway, his arms crossed, his eyes angry.

Alice turned around to face her brother, "I know you hate change, but I also know that you secretly love it."

Edward scowled at his sister as he walked past her, running his hands over his precious music records. His fingers stroked gracefully over the titles, his ring glinting in the fading afternoon sun.

He turned to me, "Do you like it?" His eyes were cautious.

"As long as I'm with you, I don't care." I smiled.

Alice and Jasper left the room quietly, leaving us alone.

He moved towards me and his arms were instantly around me, pulling me close to him, "Good, cause I have a feeling we're going to spend a fuck load of time in here."

"Oh yeah?" I smiled at him, a thrill going through me.

"Yeah," he answered. His eyes were hooded and he leaned in to kiss my lips. Softly at first, he moved over them with his own lips, but when my hands were in his hair, he deepened the kiss until I was clinging to him, aware of my chest pressed to his. We started to back towards the bed when we both heard the front door open and slam.

"Helloooo? I can see that Gran Turismo parked outside. I know you're home Edward."

Tanya.

Edward and I paused, his lips brushed over mine briefly, smiling. He grabbed my ass playfully and I giggled.

"Fuck." he said hotly against my mouth, "Later, Bella." His eyes had that same heated green glow from before and I bit my lip, wanting him now, wanting to tear his clothes off and mine as well.

He made a noise and pulled me closer to him to kiss me thoroughly, his hands running over my back and down to cup my ass, pressing me against him. I could feel him, hard and ready in his jeans. I whimpered, feeling more heat pool between my legs.

We could hear Alice talking to Tanya downstairs and Tanya called up, "Will you two get your asses down here? I have pizza and it's getting cold!"

He growled. I sighed. I pulled his hair lightly and he kissed my neck, making me shiver.

"C'mon, before she comes up here." he said low into my ear and I had to will myself not to jump on him.

We made our way downstairs and sure enough, there stood Tanya in her bright cherry red glory. She was wearing tight bright red punk plaid trousers and a tight black t-shirt that said Pussycat across the front in white letters.

Jasper was taking pizza boxes out of her hands and headed towards the kitchen. I saw Tanya's eyes meet Edward's behind me. She minutely shook her head and I turned around to see Edward quickly hide a questioning expression. I was just about to ask him what that was about when the phone rang.

Alice answered it after the first ring, "Emmett?"

There was a pause while she listened. Then, "Yeah, they're here. Come on over, Tanya's already here."

She giggled, glancing at me, "Yes and so is Tiny Toes."

"Ok, we'll see you soon. Bring in more alcohol while you're at it….Ok….Bye!" She hung up the phone. I smiled as she met my eyes.

"Emmett and Rose are on their way over. Emmett says not to do anything entertaining until he gets here." Alice glanced at me and raised her eyebrow, a smile playing about her lips.

I laughed and Edward squeezed my hand. We filed into the kitchen, as Jasper started to open the pizza boxes.

"Tanya, you are the only one who likes olives, why do you insist on getting olives?" he drawled.

Tanya raised an eyebrow at him and shouldered him out of the way, "You just don't know what you're missing, Jas." Winking at him, she picked up a slice and ate it, moaning as she chewed. Alice got out paper plates and plastic cups from a cupboard. As I went deeper into the kitchen I noticed an open doorway to a room on the right that Alice hadn't shown me.

I walked over while Edward, Jas, and Tanya bantered back and forth. The room was on the corner at the back of the house and windows had been added to give the room as much natural light as possible. The floor was hardwood and a classically dark honey color. In the middle of the room stood a dark grand piano. A piano bench sat underneath it and I could imagine Edward sitting there, playing, his long fingers eliciting earthy notes that sighed and cried out into the air.

The front door banged open, and a booming voice shouted from the entrance, "Where the fuck is my tiny sister from another mister?"

I smiled and turned towards the sound of Emmett in the house.

Rose's footsteps followed him down the hall, and her heels clicked on the kitchen linoleum.

Emmett let Rose into the kitchen before him. She was gorgeous as always, her blond curls flowing around her. She was wearing a low cut blood red top that contrasted with her coloring, making her eyes bluer and her cheeks pink. Her long legs were encased in blue skinny jeans and she was wearing high black boots. Emmett entered behind her in blue jeans and a black rugby shirt that made his huge shoulders seem even wider. Emmett put several bags down on the small kitchen table in the corner. The bags clinked, the sound of bottles inside as he released them. His dark hair was mussed and he made a beeline for me as soon as his cobalt eyes found me.

He scooped me up in a huge bear hug and I giggled as he kissed my cheek. I missed Emmett but I hadn't realized how much until this moment. He really was the big brother I had never had. I hugged him back, my arms around his neck. He put me down and Edward was scowling at him as he set me on my feet. My arms dropped to my sides as he stepped away from me, his eyes examining me from head to toe.

Emmett tugged my hair and smiled at me, "I think you managed to get smaller, short stack. You need to eat more."

I punched him playfully in the stomach, "Maybe you're just getting bigger!" I laughed.

The pizza was passed out and we moved into the living room, beer or wine in hand. Alice turned the TV on and she set music to play while we caught up. Rose and Emmett told us stories from their honeymoon in Italy. Alice gathered up the empty plates and took them into the kitchen. She returned with the rest of the beer and wine, topping up my cup. I settled back on the couch and against Edward's side. His arm was around me and when no one was looking, I scooted closer and rubbed my cheek against his chest.

The night went on and a sense of peace and content filled me. I smiled, thinking these people were my family, they made me feel like I was actually home. At some point, I must have faded away and closed my eyes because I sleepily opened them again to Edward trying to wake me. The room was dark and quiet but I was warm. I made a fist in his t-shirt.

"I don't want to move."

"C'mon sweetheart, don't you want to go upstairs?" he asked, his voice hushed.

"No. Stay with me, here."

His lips brushed over my cheek, "So stubborn," he said.

I felt him scoot me over slightly so we could both lie on the couch. Edward pulled a blanket over us and I settled on top of his chest. His arms settled around me and I sighed, feeling safe and protected. I drifted back into deep, dark, wonderful sleep.

* * *

**A/N**

**Awww, all nice and warm and squishy. Angst free. Does it feel nice?**

**Ummm, and for those of you who like it a little darker, I have started a new fic called Incubus Anomaly. Two Words: Sex. Demon. Prologue is posted…go have a look see.**

**This does not mean I'm gonna stop updating RS...promise.**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N**

**Steph Meyer owns all things Twilight related. No blood, no foul**

**Lyrics are the property of their respective authors, and I worship at their feet naked.**

**I'm sorry this took so long to update. Kiltward stopped talking to me this week, we had a disagreement over plot but when I showed him Bella's umm outfit for one part of the chapter, he got right chatty!**

**Thanks to IrishTwiSisters for cleaning up my fail and agreeing with me about Fuck Me Heels. Its always nice to share, doll.**

**To Lambcullen, I think you know you own me and my 'wards. We love you long time, over and over, until you can't stand.**

**Sunfeathers: thanks for sticking by us, Kiltward has something in a box for you…he may have cut a hole in the box…j/s**

**Song List:**

**All Good Things (Come to An End): Nelly Furtado, Spanish version  
Miserable: Lit  
Handlebars: Flobots  
Maneater: Nelly Furtado  
If You Seek Amy: Britney Spears  
Tennessee Waltz: as sung by Emmy Lou Harris**

**RIGHT! ON WITH IT!**

* * *

BPOV

I was standing in a field, the grass golden and high, tickling my legs as it waved in the wind. The waves went on for as far as I could see, and endless flaxen ocean of molten gold.

At first, the golden view was lovely, the grass buoyed me up, and I seemed to float on the surface. The sun warmed my face and skin. I realised I was naked and each small piece of sturdy grass like a kiss or caress.

But the sun moved behind a cloud, and the breeze that was gentle and warm turned cold. The grass withered and I crashed to the hard ground, knocking the breath out of my lungs. Shivering, I watched as a harsh night scraped over me, branches wove above my eyes in endless knots. I struggled to get warm and noticed there were old damp leaves around me. I attempted to pull them over me, fisting them in my hands. They covered me until I was buried, unable to breathe. They wrapped over me like a shroud, and the night closed over me like a coffin lid. I fought towards the surface as the small amount of moonlight waned. I struggled hard, but I was running out of air.

"Bella…" A voice called to me and I knew if I could reach it, I would be saved. I knew my life depended on that sound, it resonated deep, pulling my soul to the surface.

***

EPOV

"Bella." She was clinging to me, my t-shirt wadded in her fists.

Her erratic breathing, harsh in my ear, had woken me up. She was restless in her sleep, struggling feebly against me.

"Bella," I rocked her gently in my arms, "Wake up, sweetheart."

Her breathing became more labored and I sat up, taking her with me. The movement must have woken her, the horrible sounds coming from her chest braking as she whimpered.

I stroked down her spine, listening to her lungs return to normal rhythms. As I moved my hand over her back, she tried to get closer to me. I adjusted my posture, pulling her closer to my chest.

"It's ok, it was only a dream." I continued the motions of my hands over her body, trying to rub away the last grips of her dream.

"It was horrible," she whispered.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, rubbing my chin across the top of her hair.

"I only remember I was trying to get out and I couldn't breathe," she answered as she trembled against my chest.

We sat quietly in the dark, her back rose and fell with each breath that she took. Slowly, the sun came up and her breathing became deep and even again.

As she slept in my lap, my mind went over the last couple of weeks. I had noticed she had been sleeping a lot since I had been with her again in Forks. Even more than she had been in Scotland. During the nights, I tried to keep her close to me, she seemed less restless when I held her. She had woken a few times in the night but she was quickly asleep again. It had been a while since she had been so badly restless where I had to try to wake her up.

***

EPOV

"It'll only be for a few hours, I'll be back soon," I looked into her cinnamon brown eyes, trying not to feel guilty about leaving her during the day.

She nodded and bit her lip.

We had been in Alaska for a week and today was my first day back at college. I had a few classes in the morning, and was to meet with Dr. Banner later on so we could discuss my post-grad program.

I felt like shit having to leave her during the day. Rose had loaned Bella her Mazda MX5, as Emmett had gifted Rose with a pink Corvette for their wedding. We had razzed her at first because she looked like fucking Barbie on the road.

"I'll be ok, Edward," she said, pulling me out of my thoughts, "I'm gonna use Rose's car to have a small wander around. I think I'll check out that bookstore."

"Do you know where you're-"

Her eyes widened in exasperation, "Yes, Edward! You've shown me twice where it is,"

I had visions of her getting lost in this small town and phoning me in a panic. Alice had tried to reassure me that Bella would be ok but it still didn't make me feel any fucking better about it.

I picked up my car keys from the candy dish that Bella had placed on a small table in the entrance. I turned towards the door again, attempting to move my leaden feet. I looked back at her as I lingered. She was wearing a tight white t-shirt that said I heart ROCKSTARS across the front. Tiny low slung blue jeans hugged her hips and I couldn't tear my eyes away from her as she slid her hand through her dark hair and fingered it back from her face.

Bella moved close to me as I hesitated near the door. Putting her arms around my neck, she stood on her toes and kissed my jaw.

"Good bye. I'll see you later."

Not fucking good enough.

I moved my head and captured her mouth. I cupped her jaw in my hands and caressed. She opened her lips underneath mine and what was meant to be a good bye kiss turned into our tongues rushing and retreating, her hands tugging at my hair and one of her legs hitched around my waist. I had her against the door, and was grinding into her. She rubbed her chest against me, moving her hips with me. She pulled my hair and I groaned, lifting my head and running my tongue over her bottom lip.

Her brown eyes were dark with need and she bumped her hips against mine, making us both hiss.

"You better get to class," she said before she sucked on my bottom lip. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to step back. As I moved, she let out a little moan of frustration, her lips pouting when we were no longer touching. .

She recovered quicker than I did and I felt her peck me on the cheek. When I opened my eyes she smacked my ass and actually fucking grabbed a handful.

"Have a good day!" she smiled at me and I growled back. I pressed her against the wall again and kissed her neck, rubbing my unshaven cheek against her soft skin. Running my hand up her side, I cupped one of her breasts in my palm and stroked a thumb over her nipple until she gasped, arching towards me.

As her breath broke, I stepped back and her body followed mine.

"I'm going. See you later, sweetheart." I stroked a finger down her jaw and over her lower lip then stepped out the door. She followed me to the doorway and sagged against the wood as I moved over the porch.

"Bye. I'll miss you," she said, her voice small. I turned back quickly to her and her eyes were a little sad.

Fuck.

I quickly stepped back over to her, "I promise I'll be home as soon as I can, ok?"

"Ok. I love you, Edward."

"I love you too." I kissed her lips and had to physically push away from her, down the steps and into the car.

***

EPOV

Being on campus again seemed fucking weird. I had been all over this campus with Emmett, knew the halls and buildings well but the meaning of it all seemed to have changed in the months over the summer. Before, Emmett and I had felt like we owned the place, or at least a small part of it. We were at most of the parties, knew most of the girls on campus and it had all seemed like some big fucking waste of time between pussy, weed, and Jack Daniels. I had passed with fucking flying colors too, and it really irked Emmett that he had to work for it and shit just came naturally to me.

So I sat at the desk in my morning class, three hours of introduction to this-class-is-going-to-be-hard-as-shit-and-we're-not-gonna-baby-you-anymore. Like they fucking did the last four years?! I tapped my pen across the paper, and my leg shook underneath the desk. I was dying to check my phone to see if Bella had texted and _fuck _I wanted a cigarette so fucking bad.

I nearly ran out of the classroom when the professor finally finished. Tanya was sitting beside followed me to our usual perch outside of the building. I lit the cigarette between my lips and held the flame to hers. She puffed her cheeks and dragged, before popping it out of her mouth. She ran a finger through her red hair, blowing smoke from her red lips.

Tanya eyed me speculatively from her thick dark lashes and I knew what she was going to say.

"Edward-" she started.

"Don't even fucking start." I held up a hand.

Tanya shook her head, "We're gonna have this conversation at some point, Edward. It might as well be right now. She's fucking gunning for you and that cock of yours."

I sighed heavily and dragged on my cigarette. Smoke blew out as I talked, "She can go fuck herself, Tanya. I don't know how many times I've said it to Kate that I'm not fucking around. I was drunk. I fucked her. End of story. End of a lot of stories. Kate seems to be the only one who wants a goddam sequel." I flicked my cigarette and crossed my arms. Kate had done a lot of shit over the past few months that made my lip curl just thinking about.

Tanya tapped at her own ashes, narrowly missing her shoes, "I'm telling you, Edward. She is not happy. Although we're not close, she's my cousin and you and I both know she is totally fucking loco."

I nodded. She was a total psycho bitch and it was partly my fault for getting involved with her in the first place. I had a week worth of finals coming up, I was still waiting to hear if I would get in for the grad program, and the night of the party was the anniversary of my mom's death. I wanted to be so fucked up and wasted and I had been. I probably would have fucked the drain hole if Emmett hadn't been keeping an eye on me.

That's how I had fallen into Kate's clutches: Emmett had gone outside to phone Rose to come and get us and I had disappeared with Kate back to her dorm.

I had passed out while she had been fucking me. The next morning, woke up to her throwing water over me and telling me to get the fuck out. I didn't hear from her for about a week. Then she started fucking texting me and hanging around where my classes got out or around the house. Thank fuck the semester had ended and we left for Scotland.

I smoked the cigarette and flicked the butt into the grass, "I don't give a fuck if she's happy or not, she needs to get a fucking clue that there wasn't anything between us but a drunken haze of stupidity. And you can tell her I fucking said that."

Tanya only raised an eyebrow at me and shook her head, stubbing out her own cigarette in a potted tree.

***

BPOV

I had found the bookstore just fine. It had felt like a little piece of heaven wandering the aisles. The books were stacked high and they provided a couple hours of self indulgent pleasure as I caressed spines and acquainted myself with the store lay out. I had chosen a few classics that I had lost in the fire as well as a new author I had heard a lot about.

As I walked out of the store, I jingled the keys to the car and swung them bag back and forth, slapping them against my thigh. Rose's Mazda was a lovely pearlescent white and one of the nicest cars I'd ever driven. I still couldn't believe she was letting me drive it.

The drive home was easy and I didn't get lost, which was pretty good for me. I went inside, shutting the door quietly behind me. I didn't know where to put my books and after having a look around, I decided one of the end tables in the living room would do for now.

I shoved in a load of laundry and then sat down to read one of my books. When the washing machine finished, I transferred the load to the dryer and picked my book back up again. I must have fallen asleep on the couch, the buzz of the dryer making me jump.

I stretched and got up from the couch. Smoothing my hair back, I headed upstairs to get the laundry. Carrying the soft warm clothes across the hall, I laid my face in them for a second, smelling the comforting scent of freshly washed and dried cotton. I walked into the bedroom and dumped the clothes on the bed in a heap. I sighed as I sorted and folded, there was something oddly intimate about doing Edward's laundry. After putting his things away, I stood there nibbling my lip, not quite sure what to do with myself.

On the bedside table, the red digital clock read 3:36. Edward would be home in about twenty minutes. I smiled, remembering this morning and inspiration struck. I went to the dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer that had been cleared for me.

Inside, I had unpacked my underwear and some of the lingerie I had bought in Scotland. I licked my lips as I went through it and pulled out the set I was looking for. It was a tiny red thong but had a large bit of chiffon ruffle that ran around my waist once I had it on. The bra was tiny and I felt like at any moment my boobs were going to pop out of it. It was the same red as the thong and there was a matching chiffon ruffle over the top of the cups. Knowing he loved black fishnet stockings, I found some and slid them over my legs. I went into the bathroom and quickly brushed out my hair, letting it fall in soft romantic waves over my shoulders. I put on some dark liner on my top lids and red gloss. I giggled when I saw myself in the mirror and then nearly moaned when I thought of all the things he would want to do to me when he saw me.

I skipped back into the bedroom and picked out a pair of black Louboutin platform pumps. There was no way I was wearing them down the stairs, I would end up breaking my neck with my luck. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I wasn't sure where to wait. I decided the kitchen would be better. I put on the pumps and looked at the clock on the stove. Any minute now.

***

EPOV

I pulled into the driveway and switched off the car. Opening the door, I got out and shut it behind me. I ran up the steps and opened the screen door, letting it swish shut behind me. This was fucking crazy, I felt like I wanted to tear down the door, I couldn't wait to see her. I opened the unlocked front door and called out.

"Bella?"

"In the kitchen!" she answered.

I made my way towards the sound of her voice and stopped dead when she stepped into my line of vision.

Holy Fucking Christ.

"Did you have a good first day back?" she smiled sweetly at me.

Fuck me, what the fuck was she trying to do to me? She had this red bra and thong on with little red ruffles, and I swear to fuck I could see a little bit of nipple peeking at me from the low cup of the bra she was wearing. My mouth went dry as I looked at her and my dick went instantly hard in my jeans.

And fishnet. Fucking. Fishnet.

I stepped forward and she fingered the edge of ruffle at her waist.

"Do you like it?" she looked at me.

"As if you fucking have to ask," I said before I yanked her to me, my mouth descending to hers hungrily. She tasted so fucking good and she made this sexy whimper at the back of her throat as her hands grabbed my t-shirt, trying to pull it off of me. I let her pull it up my chest and then broke away from her to pull it over my head. I think I threw it on the counter somewhere. Her hands went up my arms as we stared at each other and she bit her lip. My hands gripped her waist and I pulled her close against my cock, which was pulsing behind my jeans.

She made a small breathy noise, as I skimmed my nose along her jaw. In her ear I said low, "I'm going to fuck you on the table. I want to be so deep inside you, where you're wet and pulsing. I want to make you cum so hard, you won't be able to stand. Then I'm going to do it again, from behind, my hands on your breasts, moving in and out of your pussy." I grabbed her ass then, shoving her even closer to my cock and she ground against me, searching for friction.

I lifted her up against me and she wrapped her legs around my waist. Our lips fused, and I dipped my tongue into her mouth and she sucked on it. Carrying her over to the table, I sat her down,Her hands went for my belt, and then the button fly on my jeans.

My jeans fell to the floor with a shuffling _thunk_, my boxers following them. I kissed her mouth until her lips were swollen, moving to her neck, I bit her flesh, as I shoved a hand against her pussy and she moaned, her hips pressing against me. Her legs locked around me, as I ground the heel of my palm against her while I sucked and nibbled her neck. She panted, her hips matching the movements of my hand. I moved to her collarbone, running my teeth along the edge, while my fingers dipped behind her thong to find her wet and throbbing. When my thumb brushed against her clit she nearly bucked off the edge of the table.

"Lift up, I'm gonna take your thong off, Bella." I said against her skin. She moved her hips and unwrapped her legs, so I could slide the material slowly off of her. Her lower lip was between her teeth, as I knelt between her legs.

"Move your hips to the very edge of the table." As she did so, I picked her legs up and set them wide apart. Her beautiful pussy was in my face. I spread her bare lips wide, finding her pink and wet. I dipped my head and licked her slowly, she gasped as I hit a sensitive spot.

"Right there, please, Edward," she begged, and I rubbed my tongue over her. I placed my lips on her and gently sucked until she was grinding herself against my mouth. I knew she was close, the motion of her hips and the volume of her moans was getting louder. I moved my tongue over her again and again until finally, she crested and broke. Her face and chest flushed as she came, and she sighed my name as her hips twitched. I rubbed my palm over her sensitive flesh, making her buck again.

Before she could come all the way down, I put a finger inside her and then another. She gasped my name eyes widened, as I gently touched her still swollen clit, and watched as I thrust my fingers in and out of her as she built up again. Her hands went to her breasts and my dick twitched, watching her squeeze them through the material, pinching her nipples.

She quickly built up again and cried out, her hips shaking around my hand, as I moved up her body. I kissed a slow trail up her abdomen, stopping to dip my tongue in her navel. I braced my arms on either side of her and trailed small wet kisses up her side.

She lay panting, as I moved to her breasts. I nuzzled over her flushed skin, and she ran her hands up my arms, her fingers tracing the flames. As I kissed the flesh peeking over the cup of her bra, she moved her hands lazily to my shoulders and then into my hair.

"Edward." she sighed.

The taste of her skin and the way she said my name was gonna make me lose my shit right there. I pulled the cup of her bra down and nibbled lightly on her nipple, before sucking her hard into my mouth. She hissed in a breath and wrapped her legs around me. My cock grazed her opening, and she pushed as I pulled back. I lifted my head to look at her. Her eyes were so dark and pleading.

"Not yet," I smiled at her, before shifting the cup down on her other breast and drew her pink flesh into my mouth. She moaned low in her throat, as my tongue played with her and my teeth rubbed over her. I lifted my head when she tugged at my hair again. I shifted closer and brushed my lips over hers.

"Do you think you can stand?" I smirked at her.

"I think so," she said and she attempted to grind her hips against me, pushing herself against my cock. Her breath broke on a moan. I held my cock in my hand and slowly dipped the head in between her soft lips, groaning at the slippery feeling of her.

The sound that came out of her was so hot, I almost fucked her right then and there, but I held back.

"Stand up, Bella." I groaned huskily, trying to keep from thrusting into her.

Her legs dropped and she sat up, her mouth connecting with mine. I helped her up as she stood, her mouth devouring, consuming. My cock was hard between us, touching the soft skin of her belly. My hands were kneading her ass and I squeezed her roughly.

"Turn around, Bella." I said against her mouth.

Without breaking physical contact, she stepped closer to me and pivoted, my cock running over her stomach, her side, and finally at her back. My hands reached up to undo her bra and I kissed her shoulders as the straps slid down her arms. She quickly took it off and flung it over the table. I rubbed my cock against her ass and she moaned, looking over her shoulder at me.

"Lean over the table Bella, and spread your legs."

As she moved , I ran my fingers down her spine. She spread her legs, and I looked at her ass before me, her legs encased in fishnets. I rubbed my hand over my cock and slowly slid into her pussy.

She hummed and pushed her ass towards me, meeting me. I leaned over her, putting my arms around her and cupped her breasts. I moved my hips, withdrawing all the way before thrusting into her until I was deep. Her breath hissed in, and for a moment I thought I had hurt her.

"Bella?" my voice was harsher than I meant, but she was honeyed and pulsing around me. I was barely holding on to my control.

"Edward!" her tone was pleading as she moved her ass against me, pushing.

I smiled and started to move in and out of her, squeezing her breasts with each surge. She let out a little _oh_ every time I was deep, and looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes connecting with mine.

I set a rough pace, and she kept pushing her ass out towards me, the intensity built between us as we moved together. I grabbed her hips, as she rested on her elbows. Our skin slapped together. I went faster and we were sprinting towards the finish, both of us panting, the flutters started inside her but I kept going until finally, I gripped her hips and slammed one last time, groaning loudly, as I came inside her.

I leaned over her on the table, balancing on my elbows and forearms. Her legs were shaking and I kissed her shoulder. We were both sweaty and I could tell she was gonna collapse soon. Her cheek was flush against the table, and the soft skin of her ass was still pressed against me.

In her ear I whispered, "Mine, Bella. You're fucking mine. I love you." Oh Christ!

She sighed dreamily and lifted her head to kiss my lips, "Love you too, Edward. I love being yours."

I stood up and withdrew from her slowly, her breathy sigh filling the air around us. I scooped her up in my arms and held her naked against my chest. She threw an arm around my neck and I carried her towards the stairs.

Fuck me, I needed a cigarette.

***

BPOV

It was towards the end of Edward's first week back in class.

I had finished my errands for the day and had spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the kitchen. I went back over my doctor's appointment I had in the morning. Dr. Gerandy had made sure my records were transferred up to this physician.

The appointment seemed to go okay and Doctor Goff seemed really nice. She was a pretty Hispanic woman with thick black hair and dark expressive eyes behind funky pink square frames. Dr Goff was satisfied with how I was healing from the accident. Then she went through the assessment the nurse had gone through with me. She flipped through the pages in my file and mumbled my perscriptions out loud.

"Hmm, ok I see the anti anxiety perscription and Dr. Gerandy has you listed for the pill. How is that working for you?" she eyed me speculatively and I blushed, looking down at my hands.

"I-um," I bit my lip and looked up at her, "I haven't really had my period since-the funeral," I said the last in a choked voice.

She nodded, "Ok. We'll need to get you set up with a gynecologist. Given your specific symptoms, I suspect it's anxiety and stress, but I still want you to get a check done." She was hastily making notes in my file, before folding it closed and looking at me from over her glasses.

"Bella, I want you to come back and see me in four weeks time, ok? I want to closely monitor your anxiety symptoms."

I blinked and bit my lip again, "Ok Dr. Goff. Thanks."

She nodded and left, closing the door behind her.

I had gotten dressed and picked up my prescriptions from the nurses at the desk. Holding the keys to Rose's car in my hand, I decided to go to the grocery and pick up some stuff for dinner as well as have my prescription filled.

After wandering through the aisles and looking at random things as well as getting the things on the mental list in my brain, I finally made it to the check out. The groceries were bagged and I was back in the car, driving home. I arrived back at Edward's and put everything away.

I went upstairs and checked my e-mails on the laptop. Still no word from Jake. I pursed my lips unhappily but then slammed the laptop down. I hadn't done anything wrong and it was up to Jake to make this right.

We were supposed to go to some welcome back block party at some friend of Edward's tonight. Edward had mentioned yesterday we were going to Peter's and that it would be a little nutty and we would be home late. I was looking forward to it, I'd never been to many college parties my first year in and I felt a lot better experiencing it with Edward.

To fill the time, I decided to clean the house a little to occupy my mind until Edward got home. I was scrubbing a mark off the wall in the hallway when I heard arguing in the front yard. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen. It read 4:13. Edward should have been in by now. The shouting got louder and I padded into the living room to peek out of the window.

Edward was standing in front of his car arguing with a beautiful blonde. His hands were spread wide, almost threatening and she was screaming at him.

"What, so you were just going to totally fucking ignore me?" she advanced towards him, closing the small distance.

"Fuck you, Kate. I don't owe you a fucking thing." He stepped away from her and started moving towards the door. I ducked and moved away from the window, hoping he hadn't caught me. Their words could still be heard though.

"What so I was just an easy fuck?" she screeched.

My stomach dropped.

Edward's voice was more than angry now, his tone cold, "Yes, Kate. The whole fucking campus knows you're an easy fuck and a fucking psycho slut. So, why _you_ don't fucking know it for yourself is anyone's fucking guess. Now fuck off from my face, my driveway, my street, and my life."

I went and sat in the kitchen not really sure what to do. I didn't want Edward to think I was eavesdropping but it was kinda hard not to hear what they were saying.

***

EPOV

I slammed the fucking door behind me.

"Fuck!"

Fucking Kate.

Fucking psycho bitch.

Alice had caught up with me before I left campus, her face worried. She had tried to tell me Kate would show up but I thought I could tell her to fuck off and that would be the fucking end of it. I moved towards the kitchen, pulling out my cigarettes and lighting up. As I walked in, I noticed Bella sitting at the table, her hands folded, her brown eyes huge.

When I looked at her, her eyes were full of questions. Shit. I went over to the table, pulled out a chair and turned it around so the back was towards the table. I sat down and blew smoke out into the air, it ringed and swirled the air above us.

"Hey." I said.

"Hi." she answered, her voice unsure.

"I guess you heard that?" I asked. She nodded and I swore.

Pulling the ashtray across the table towards myself, I flicked ashes as I watched her face. "Bella, do you remember when I told you about my life here?"

"Yeah, you said you-" she paused, blushing, and looked down at her hands, "_fuck 'em and forget 'em_." she looked back up at me.

I nodded, "Well Kate was one of those ends to a drunken night."

"Oh," was all she said.

"The fucking problem is she just won't go the fuck away," I dragged on my cigarette again in frustration, wishing the familiar burn would calm me.

"Have you tried-" she started.

"I've fucking tried everything!" I exhaled and the smoke rose above our heads, "So have Emmett and Tanya."

"Tanya?"

"Yeah. She and Kate are cousins and shit. She knows Kate is a fucking psycho. Tanya doesn't really have much to do with that side of her family."

"Is she coming tonight?"

"Who, Kate?" I asked, Bella nodded, "She'll probably find a way into Peter's."

"Do you want me to talk-"

"I don't want you anywhere near her, Bella. She is fucking loco. Seriously." It hit me then and I wondered if Kate would try some shit with Bella once she found out Bella and I were together. Fucking great.

I finished my cigarette and ground it out in the ashtray, blowing the rest of the smoke through my nostrils.

***

EPOV

The house was dim and crowded, music blaring from some system near the TV. There were people all fucking over the place, the crush a success by Peter's standards. I hated it when it was this crowded, you couldn't really fucking enjoy yourself. We had been for a few hours already, but I still hadn't been able to relax. I held a red plastic cup in my hand and watched as Tanya and Alice chatted with Bella. Lighting a cigarette, I nodded to Jasper who walked over to stand beside me.

"Alice says Kate is on her way. Just so you know," Jasper was smoking his own cigarette and blew smoke in the direction of the door.

"Fuck," I nearly choked as I exhaled and wondered if I should just get Bella and get the fuck out of here. I really didn't have the fucking patience for Kate and her fucking shit, "I'm gonna go talk to Bella." Jasper nodded as I walked away. I made my way through the crowds to where the girls were standing. Alice turned around to look at me, her blue eyes flashing with worry for a moment then went back to the story Tanya was telling.

I stood behind Bella and wrapped my arms around her, breathing in her smell, allowing it to calm me down. She leaned against me slightly and giggled when I kissed her neck.

"Let's get out of here," I said in her ear. I could see her nipples peak in her tight t-shirt and I felt myself go hard in my jeans. I pressed against her, knowing she could feel my dick between us. Her cheeks went rosy and she turned her head to kiss my lips.

"Ok, I'm ready to go." She shivered against me. Bella held my hand as we started to move towards the front door. I looked back at Jas and motioned with my head that we were going. Jas was driving tonight and he nodded, finished his cigarette and started making his way towards us. The front door opened and I saw a flash of blonde hair. My body tensed, knowing it was her.

I might as well have shouted howdy fucking do to her, because as soon as she spotted me , she started shoving through people to get to me. She stopped when she reached us, her eyes on me. Then her gaze shifted to my arm protectively around Bella's shoulders.

"Who the fuck is this bitch?" She stared at Bella with such venom. I was about to answer her back when Tanya appeared. It was as if the whole party stopped to turn around and stare at us.

"Hey Cuz! Why don't you and I go have a fucking chat and catch up on family?" She grabbed Kate roughly by the arm and dragged her away. Things picked back up again, conversations restarted but Kate could still be heard over the buzz as Tanya pulled her towards the kitchen, "Who the fuck is that bitch, Tanya?"

"Shit. You ok?" I looked down at Bella. She nodded and I took her hand again, "C'mon." I weaved through the crowd, and Bella stumbled behind me.

"Edward, slow down!" she shouted over the speakers as she tripped into my back. I turned back to steady her, my hands on her arms.

"Fuck, I'm sorry Bella."

"It's ok, let's just get out of here." she took my hand this time, and we eventually made it out to the front door. Jas was right behind us. He led us over to his monster of a truck. It was this fucking crazy Dodge Ram that he refused to lower, saying it was a crime against all trucks to lower them. The color was glossy black and he always had it either squeaky clean or covered in mud. I shook my head at it as we got closer. Opening the door on the passenger side, I had to physically lift Bella into the car before getting in myself.

Jas got in, and keyed the ignition. The car beeped a seatbelt warning and the radio came on. Jas had it tuned to some cheesy country music station and I tried not to groan.

Jas smiled at me and turned it up. The dashboard clock read 1:43 AM and Bella yawned then shivered.

I put my arm around her and she leaned against my side. The strains of some slow sappy song played and Jas's voice harmonized with it as he took the truck out of park and turned onto the street.

It didn't take us long to get back to the house. I helped Bella down and Jas beeped goodbye after I unlocked the door. When we got inside, Bella dropped her bag on the couch then turned and headed for the stairs.

"I'm going up to bed," she said behind a yawn.

I nodded, "I won't be far behind you, I'm gonna smoke then lock up."

***

BPOV

I groggily recalled Edward sliding into the bed beside me and pulling me into his arms. I remember seeking his warmth and finding comfort there. The rum and cokes I'd had at the party had made me a little woozy and I just wanted to be held while I fell asleep.

Kate's words had also stayed with me. Who the fuck was I, compared to her? The thought rolled around in my head like a marble on a seesaw. I drifted eventually into dreams, the last sound of my thoughts ringing with lyrics Jas had sung in the truck.

***

I was dancing with Edward, wearing a dress made of dirty white feathers. Some of the feathers were damaged and broken but he didn't seem to mind. He smiled down at me and then looked behind me, over my shoulder.

I felt a sharp tap on my shoulder and turned to see Kate in a beautiful evening gown, white and pristine. Her features were radiant and perfect, her hair like golden rays of silk rolling down her back.

"May I cut in?" she said sweetly.

I bowed my head and moved away so she could dance with Edward. He looked at Kate with adoration and in the background Jas sang a slow song:

_I remember the night  
__And the Tennessee Waltz  
__And I know just how much I have lost._

_Yes I lost my little darlin  
__The night they were playin  
__The beautiful Tennessee Waltz_

* * *

**A/N**

**It really is a lovely song…you should give it a whirl.**

**So…are you able to stand? Do let me know…Kiltward is curious!**

**Sorry again about delay, we're movin and shakin now though!**

**And uh…have you had a look at Incubus Anomaly yet? It's darker, dirtier and there are demons! What's not to love?**

**For those of you who have asked, I would NEVER give up on Kiltward for Incubus. NEVER. I love Kiltward too much. trufax**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:**

**Stephenie Meyer has a beautiful brain and created all things Twilight. I hope I have made things just as purty in my AU AH fic. **

**Big humungous thanks to IrishTwiSisters for beta-ing. You know I rofl all over the shop at your comments. Bella is a numbah one stunnah, doll!**

**I also would like to make out with the very sex-ay lambcullen for pink penning this mutha. **

**_A few PSAs before we begin: For those of you that missed it, I edited last chapter. Because I'm a moron who wears her ass as a hat from time to time, I forgot Bella is already on the pill. So I went back and changed that._**

**_And about that: There will be NO pregnancy scares. None. Absolutely. Positively no Preggo drama. Cause I really cant be arsed with that bullshit. It's tired and old. Srsly._ **

**Music for the Chapter:  
****Malibu: Hole  
****Satellite Heart: Anya Marina  
****Need: Hana Pestle  
****Mountains: Biffy Clyro  
****This Year's Love: David Gray **

*****Warning: there may be some themes regarding child abuse some of you may find disturbing*****

* * *

BPOV

"Ah, fuck off, Bella. I thought we were cool and now you're gonna to hit me with a fucking turtle shell?" Emmett pouted as he moved his controller, driving his Mario around the track.

"All's fair, Emmett." I said, sticking my tongue out in concentration while my Princess rounded a sharp corner. Edward's Yoshi was gaining on me and I let him get ahead of me so I could fire another turtle shell at him.

"Bella! What the fuck?!" he elbowed me gently and I giggled as my Princess raced ahead of him. Jasper sat quietly, he was somewhere in the middle ahead of me and I was trying to watch out for his Luigi, knowing he had something up his sleeve.

Sure enough, Jasper ran me right off the track and I squealed.

Emmett laughed, "Not so shit hot now, huh, My Little Pony?"

I concentrated and ended up coming in second behind Jas. Edward was right behind me, and Emmett dead last. Emmett tried not to sulk as Rose rubbed his shoulders.

"You'll get 'em next time, champ!"

I handed my Wii controller and wheel to Alice, letting her sit in my place. Edward handed his to Rose and got up as well. We moved to a far corner of the couch, a beer bottle in his hand, wine in mine. He sat down first, then pulled me onto his lap as the next race counted down. I stuck my wineglass on the small end table and squiggled in his lap to get comfortable. He ran his fingers up and down my arm absently, making me shiver, and I felt my nipples pucker.

It had been almost two weeks since the party at Pete's. Edward and I hadn't heard anything else from Kate and we hadn't really talked about it since. I was actually glad to not really hash out Kate with Edward. I figured the less I knew about her, the better. But she still lingered in my mind at times, knowing he had touched her, had sex with her. Edward, from what he had told me, had been with a lot of girls before me. I hadn't really ever been with anyone. I seemed to be untouchable merchandise while in high school at Forks as the Chief's daughter. In Arizona, I was just so awkward and clumsy I factored that down to why would anyone want to date a walking disaster.

I knew Edward said he loved me; he'd even gotten a tattoo to show me. Every time he walked into the room, my body reacted like a magnet drawn to iron. Everything about him, the way he moved, the way he looked at me made me almost breathless when he was around. My mind wandered mentally over him: his green eyes, his messy hair, his tattoos, the lean but corded muscles of his arms, the toned muscles I knew were underneath his t-shirt, the black star tattoos that were low on his hipbones, right next to the V of muscle I couldn't ever tear my eyes away from when he was naked.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down as my legs rubbed together unconsciously. Edward's hand wrapped around my arm and I looked up to meet his heated glare.

He leaned down and said in my ear, "I know exactly where your mind is and if you don't stop, I'm gonna have to drag you up those fucking stairs and finish what your mind has already started."

I shivered as he kissed my neck. I attempted to turn back to the group, Emmett was trying to get everyone to go into the kitchen for beer pong. Eventually everyone relented and we all filed in as Emmett and Jasper set it up. Edward pulled a ping pong ball out of one of the kitchen drawers and handed it to Emmett. I'd never played and Edward told me the instructions as we divided into teams. Alice wasn't playing as she had volunteered to drive, so the teams were even.

We played on and on, laughing as Emmett sunk the ball. He crowed as we all chugged our beer. After a while, I started to feel ill. I felt kinda shivery then hot and the thought of drinking anymore beer made me feel horrible.

Alice was watching me, "Oh, Bella. You don't look so good. You're white as a sheet,"

My stomach cramped, then lurched and I ran to the small powder room that was just off from the kitchen. I made it just in time as all the beer and wine I had consumed in the last few hours came up. I was moaning over the toilet when a small knock sounded on the door.

"Bella?" It was Edward.

"I'm ok, Edward, I'll be out in a bit," I answered.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Yeah, I promise. I think that last beer soured my stomach," I said.

My stomach was still cramping, and I had another round of dry heaves before my body seemed finished. Spots danced before my eyes. I pulled myself up using the sink for leverage and looked into the mirror. My face looked ashen. Burst blood vessels surrounded my eyes, and I felt really woozy. I splashed my face with water, before rinsing my mouth out.

I had to will myself out of the bathroom, and when I walked back into the kitchen, I stumbled. Edward's eyes met mine and they narrowed as he assessed me. He walked over, as Jasper and Tanya faced off, the beer pong game still going strong.

As he neared, I said to him lowly, "I think I'm gonna go lay on the couch for a bit. The room is still spinning."

He pursed his lips and brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear, "Ok, sweetheart."

I turned around and made my way into the living room. I left the lights off and the silence seemed heavy, as I lay on the couch. I put one of my feet on the floor, because the room started to spin. It helped a little, but my stomach continued to cramp. I rolled into a shivery ball as the sounds from the kitchen seemed unnaturally far away. I tried to concentrate on my breathing, the rhythm and the sound of air moving in and out of me. I closed my eyes, hoping sleep would take me away.

***

BPOV

It was the cool pre gold of dawn when my eyes flew open. I was in bed, and Edward was wrapped around me. I felt shivery and my stomach twisted.

I struggled out of his arms and ran to the bathroom, my oesophagus heaving. I vaguely heard Edward's sleepy voice say my name as I moved over him.

I made it just in time, and my empty stomach brought up bile. My eyes filled with tears as I painfully threw up into the toilet, my stomach spasming. I heard Edward's bare feet on the carpet as he walked into the bathroom. He gently held my hair from my face, and his arm was around my middle. I tried to push him away but my feeble attempts wouldn't deter him.

"Shhh, Bella. I'm only trying to help you." he soothed.

"I don't want you to see me like this." I groaned.

"Let me help you, Bella." he said as he smoothed more of my hair back. I leaned against him a little more and he helped me stand up, so I could wash my mouth out and my face. I blew my nose and flushed the toilet. He held onto me, helping me walk back to bed. I weakly climbed in, scooting over to my side. My stomach felt empty and my abdomen hurt from heaving.

Edward lay down beside me, and rubbed my stomach as I fell back asleep, my body feeling weak and shaky.

*******

BPOV

The next few days I spent on my knees in front of the toilet, sick with a stomach flu. My body purged endlessly and I was sore all over. I think it panicked Edward to see me so unwell and I had to tell him I felt fine to get him to go to class. I spent the majority of my day on the bathroom floor, a glass of water in front of me.

By Thursday, I was starting to feel a little better and was able to keep some dry toast down. By Friday I was a lot better and the blood vessels around my eyes had begun to fade. I still wasn't up for eating a lot, but I was keeping down soup and crackers. When the weekend arrived, I was almost back to a hundred percent.

***

EPOV

Christ, I'd never seen anyone be sick like that. The noises she made tore at me and I felt awful leaving her to go to class but she begged me to go. I think I was driving her crazy.

I would come home and find her lying on the bathroom floor, pale as a fucking ghost. I felt fine, and debated if it was something she had eaten. She had been so stressed I wondered if that had anything to do with it. She seemed to get better by the time the weekend rolled around and we spent Saturday on the couch doing fuck all. She lay over my chest as I flipped through afternoon cartoons. Bella dozed in and out all afternoon while a movie played in the background.

I had the laptop on my knees, working on a paper for class as Bella slept, her breathing quietly huffing out of her nose. There were dark circles under her eyes and she seemed pale still. I had called Esme in a panic at one point and Esme had said it was probably just a bought of flu, or she had a small reaction to something. Esme tried to reassure me, saying sometimes the body just needed to purge whatever was poisoning it.

***

BPOV

_**A week later…**_

Fingers traced over my skin lightly, as the last remnants of sleep dissolved. I kept my eyes closed but arched my back, stretching. Warm hands ran up my sides, thumbs rested underneath my breasts. I exhaled and those thumbs searched over my skin, finding my nipples, making me gasp. I felt my mouth move in a small smile, as a hot mouth latched onto my sensitive pebbled flesh. My fingers found soft bronze hair and I tugged the strands gently. I opened my eyes to Edward kissing my breasts.

I moaned when his flaming arm moved his hand over my hip, long fingers flexing over soft skin. My legs parted slightly, inviting him in. He settled between my thighs, his cock heavy and hard, brushing against my skin. His fingers tested me, and I let my body tell him I wanted him, always, and needed him.

Always.

He crawled up my body, green fire flashing in his eyes before he lowered his head and kissed my neck. Desire coursed through me, curling and pushing through my veins as I raised my hips up to him, pleading.

"Edward," I moaned, my breath quicker, my heart beating his name. The lion on his chest roared for my hands and his skin was warm beneath my touch. He braced himself above me, one of his arms hitching my leg up before he teased me with the head of his cock along my pussy.

"I need you," I whispered and his eyes flashed to mine. When our eyes connected, his body moved, so that we were joined together. My hips met him and we groaned in unison at the sensation. He moved slowly and I met him thrust for thrust, my breath matching with little whimpers as he moved inside me.

The slow burn built, making me bite my lip. His lips brushed against my mouth and I let go of the flesh between my teeth. He captured it instantly, sucking it between his before placing his mouth over mine, his tongue curling against mine.

He broke off the kiss and buried his face in my neck. My hands were at his shoulders, my nails scratching as I started to orgasm, hurtling towards the sun, a green and blinding fire that consumed me.

He whispered, "Mine," roughly in my ear, before he let out the most delicious growl, his body pumping into mine, sending me over the edge again. We came down slowly but I was safe in his arms, cuddled against his chest, possessed by his heart.

I nuzzled his neck, "Good morning," I said shyly.

A deep chuckle reverberated in his chest before he kissed my temple, "It fucking is, isn't it?"

I giggled and his arms squeezed me closer to him, "Fuck I don't want to go out today."

"Then don't. Be bad, ditch school. Spend the day with me," I said as I lifted my head and kissed his chest.

He groaned, "I can't. I promised I'd have something to show Dr. Banner today." We lay there for a few minutes more, his chest rising and falling for every breath he took, his heart beating steady in my ear.

He sighed loudly, growling, and then slapped my butt playfully as he got out of bed, "I've got shit to do today."

I watched as he walked naked out of the room, his backside tempting, and I had an urge to bite his cheeks. I rolled over and sighed in bed. I yawned, and rolled over, tugging Edward's pillow against me. I sighed, his scent filling me, and closed my eyes. I drifted, my mind wandering through labyrinths of linen and feather down.

It was sometime later I opened my eyes as the front door slammed.

"Fuck!" Edward shouted.

I sat up, "Edward?" I called.

"Fucking FUCK!" I heard him stomp through to the kitchen. I got out of bed and threw on one of his t-shirts. Pulling on a pair of small shorts, I ran down the stairs and nearly fell down the last two in my haste.

My feet smacked on the foyer tile as I ran towards the kitchen. I found him in there, leaning against the kitchen counter. He was wearing blue jeans and a midnight blue t shirt. One of his hands was clenched into a fist the other dragging through his hair. I stood in front of him, he was radiating anger.

"What happened?" I asked.

His green eyes met mine, and they were enraged and burning. Through his teeth he said, "She. Slashed. My. Fucking. Tyres."

My eyes widened, "She did what?"

"She fucking slashed my fucking goddam fucking tyres. FUCK." He was getting all worked up. I touched his arm, the muscles were rigid but he seemed to cool slightly. I ran my fingers up his arms, slowly, and slid them inside his t-shirt sleeves over his shoulders.

"Why don't you take the keys to the Mazda? I'll try and sort out getting your car fixed. There's nothing you can do about it right now and working yourself up isn't going to fix the tires. Besides, she wants a reaction out of you, Edward. That's why she did it in the first place. To piss you off."

He breathed for a few minutes before his arms crept slowly around my waist, hugging me to him. His chin rested briefly on the top of my head.

Finally he sighed, and most of the tension left his body, "You're right. Thanks, Bella."

"You're welcome," I pressed myself closer to him, "Y'know, maybe this is a sign you're supposed to stay here and have your wicked way with me all day." I said. My hands left his arms and moved down his sides, reaching between us for his belt.

He laughed and stopped my hands, "Fuck, Bella. You know I fucking want to but I really need to meet with Dr. Banner."

I pouted as I looked up at him. He kissed my lips hard and gently moved away from me.

"I'll see you when I get in this afternoon. If you need anything, just call me," he said, stroking my cheek. Then he moved down the hall, fishing the keys to the Mazda from the bowl before disappearing out of the door.

***

BPOV

Autumn afternoon sun glinted through ruby curtains and the smell of baked apple tarts filled the house. I pulled them out of the oven to cool and then sat down at the table. I looked down at the notepad, my handwriting scrawled the number for the admissions office for Alaska U. My transcripts had arrived from Washington and I knew that I needed to make an appointment to go in and see Alaska's admissions department.

I picked up the phone, my resolve firm, and made a choice, took a step, and poured some cement. They were really nice and made an appointment with me for the end of the week. When I hung up the phone, a sense of accomplishment filled me.

I went upstairs to check my e-mails to see if Jacob had answered my last request to call. My inbox was only full of empty offers and advertisements. No Jake. I sighed.

Bored, I shut the laptop and turned to look at the room behind me. There was a flat trunk under the bed I had discovered while looking for my shoes the other day. It was like it was calling to me to open it. I had been trying not to think too much about it, figuring it was full of guy stuff like porn or photos or whatever.

But I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to look inside. I got up from the chair and knelt on the carpet by the bed. Reaching under the covers, I pulled the trunk out from beneath the bed. It was black with dull silver latches. When I opened them, the snap seemed to echo over the house and the lid popped slightly. I jumped at the sound and licked my lips, anticipation making me giddy.

I shoved the lid back and was met with neatly stacked journals, about a dozen of them. There was a boy's leather baseball glove. It was only slightly broken in, but the leather looked stiff with neglect and age. There was an old weathered baseball shoved in the mitt, the red stitching dark. Sitting up with his arms outstretched was a battered brown teddy bear who was missing an eye. There was a dark stain over his careworn chest. His stitched mouth was drawn in a slight frown as if he disapproved of discovery. I moved him aside and found a photo frame, laying on its front. When I turned it over three pairs of happy eyes stared back at me.

There was an older version of Edward, his face handsome, the smirk familiar. He was wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt that said _Volvo Chargers _across the front. A very pretty woman with dark hair stood behind Edward, her hand on his shoulder. Her eyes were as familiar to me as if I had seen them personally and up close. They were Edward's eyes: the shape, the long lashes, the spring green color. The little boy in the picture was wearing a little league baseball uniform. He had spilled what looked like red juice down his front, and his little boy teeth were slightly gapped. His boyish features were sweetly innocent and his green eyes twinkled happiness. The picture made my eyes prick with tears, knowing I was looking at Edward and his lost family.

I touched the people in the photo, a link to Edward's past. Finally, I set the photo frame down and picked up one of the leather bound volumes that was stacked neatly in the corner. I flipped to the middle and opened the page:

_MARCH 27_

_Carlisle insists that I keep going back to that fucking bitch who wants to talk shit about my mom and dad. He thinks its helping with my anger but I feel even more pissed off all the time. I swear to fucking Christ if I never see that fucking fraud of a psychiatrist again I will die a happy motherfucker. _

I slammed the book shut, blushing, and looked over my shoulder, as if someone was going to catch me reading Edward's thoughts. I started to put it back and was about to re-latch the trunk lid, but I couldn't resist the temptation to know more about Edward and his past.

So I opened the trunk back up. I rifled through the journals until I found the oldest one and started reading.

The handwriting was younger, less mature, and I guessed Edward was about 14.

_JULY 24 _

_I'm writing this because if I die, I want there to be some evidence that I existed. I feel so fucking alone…_

I sat there for the rest of the afternoon, tears streaming down my face. I read about how Edward's foster parents abused him, the way the drugs they gave him had made him feel. The time they broke his arm because he wouldn't clean up after dinner. The time they let him get so sick they had to take him to the hospital.

He wrote about his childhood:

_NOVEMBER 24_

_I wonder sometimes if I really didn't fucking just exist in this house. As if I were born in the closet over there and the life I had before was just some fucking dream. That my mother and father are something my mind has made up. Did any of that really fucking happen? I used to dream about Christmas mornings and my mother's smile. I'm convinced that shit never really happened and those memories, if that's what they are, are fading. _

How school was the only escape when he was allowed to go:

_JANUARY 7_

_The bruises have faded enough from Christmas that they are letting me go back today. I'm so fucking glad to be out of that shithole for at least 6 hours. Christ, it's not natural to want to be at school this badly. _

The journals took on an interesting tone when he was adopted by Carlisle. Edward had struggled against family, against wanting them, and admitting that he needed them. Carlisle had eventually convinced him to go into therapy. There, Edward had been able to work through why he was so angry and so cut off from the people around him.

He wrote about how much he looked up to Emmett and that he had always wanted a brother like him. I had smiled, reading that part, thinking the same thing. Edward wrote of his love for Alice, how she had helped him through a lot of his personal demons with her own unique way of understanding him.

_AUGUST 13_

_I keep my door closed for a fucking reason. But Alice just fucking barges in like she fucking owns the place. She sits on my bed and talks away while I fuck about or put music on. She just seems to know when I'm going through some shit, sometimes. And even though she drives me fucking nuts having her near helps when it's all too much. _

By the time it was four o'clock, I had laughed, sobbed, and read through the last ten years of Edward's life. I loved him and the strength he'd had to take on so many things in such a short amount of time had me in awe of him. It made me think about the last couple of months of my own life. Sitting quietly on the floor of the room, his journals in my lap, I reflected.

For the first time in a few months, I unlocked the door I had been fighting to keep shut. I breathed deeply, hugging a journal close to me. Edward's words echoed in my head, and I found comfort in them as I tried to battle the horrible things. I pictured my father, not as a corpse, bloody and broken on a slab, but as I wanted to remember him: his sheriff's jacket on, his moustache shifting as he smiled, the way his eyes crinkled at the corner when he laughed. The way he patted his stomach when he was full after dinner and his angry shouts at the TV whenever the Mariners were behind.

"Daddy, I miss you."

Tears streamed down my face as I thought of my mother as well. How she smiled gently before she kissed me good night, the smell of her perfume when she hugged me close. The comical way her eyes went when she realized the car was running on fumes because she had forgotten to put gas in it. I laughed, remembering the palm pilot she had bought to try and remember everything and then forgot the password to unlock it.

"Mommy…"

I floated in and out of memories, and they settled over me like warm afternoon sunlight. Something inside me melted and broke and I cried, as an ache released.

I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with clean air. I felt lighter. I looked down at the journals in my lap and smiled at the small pieces of Edward surrounding me, almost protectively.

I knew Edward so much better now. It made me so angry, thinking of the little boy he was and the things that had been forced on him, destroying illusions he'd had.

But I also knew now that when he says he loves me, he means it, with his whole being. Edward didn't throw things around like that, and according to his journal, those are words he hadn't ever really said to Carlisle or Esme or even his siblings.

He loved me, he really did actually love me and it filled me with such a bright feeling, I thought I would explode from it.

I was putting the last journal back in the trunk when the front door opened and shut quietly.

"Edward?" I shouted. Usually he called out when he came in.

There was no answer, only footsteps. My body tensed and I quietly shut the trunk. Adrenaline made my palms sweaty and my legs shaky. I looked around for some sort of weapon and grabbed a baseball bat I saw at the back of the closet.

I slowly crept out of the bedroom door and looked down the hall. The footsteps stopped downstairs. I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone buzzed in my pocket.

I quickly pressed the button, it was Edward.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Bella? Why are you whispering?" he asked. He sounded like he was in the car.

"I think there is someone in the house. I can hear them downstairs." I answered.

"Holy fuck! I'm not far away. Just stay calm, sweetheart. Don't hang up the phone."

I was staring down the stairs when a head peeked around the edge of the wall.

_Kate._

"You ruined fucking everything," she snarled then started to stalk up the stairs. "He is supposed to be with me but he settles for some bug eyed stupid fucking idiot who looks as though she wouldn't know what to do with a dick once she found it? We both know I can keep him satisfied. He snuck out to meet me the other night."

I didn't know what to say and stood there like a deer caught in the headlights. My mind rejected what she said as a total lie, knowing she was trying to get to me mentally. She advanced closer, her posture aggressive and my body tensed, knowing she would attack. My hand squeezed the phone I was still holding.

Edward's voice shouted in my ear, "Bella!"

I dropped the phone as Kate dived at me, knocking us both to the floor. She wrapped her legs around me and levered herself over my torso. She tried to bring her fist down but I was able to shift and knock her off balance so she only hit the side of my head instead of my face. Dazed only briefly, I used all of my strength to try and roll us as she kicked and tried to recover the dominant position.

When I was on top I grabbed her hair and pulled. She screamed and I gritted my teeth.

"Kate, cut this out. I don't want to fight with you. Please." I looked down in her eyes as she panted beneath me. Then she sneered at me and spat in my face.

My eyes widened, "You fucking bitch!"

After all I'd read this afternoon, all the people who had set out to hurt Edward, I saw red. Kate embodied all of those things to me in that moment and I reached back and smacked her full in the face, the slap ringing out through the house as she hissed at me.

I was so angry at this point and we continued to struggle until we broke apart. Both of us getting to our feet quickly as we sized each other up.

***

EPOV

My phone beeped with a message. It was from Alice.

_U need 2 call Bella and get home right now. x_

I felt my eyebrows draw together as I read the message and then quickly found the number for Bella's cell.

When she answered in that whisper, a chill went through my fucking body. When I heard Kate's voice I almost cracked a fucking molar. I floored the Mazda, shifting the gear as I held the phone to my ear.

I could hear them struggling and then Bella's voice.

"Kate cut this out. I don't want to fight with you. Please."

There was a small pause and then, "You fucking bitch!"

I pulled up in the drive and ran to the steps, my heart pumping wildly. When I opened the door, I didn't see them at first but I could hear them. It sounded like they were upstairs and in the hallway. I raced up each step and got up just in time to see Kate land a lucky punch on Bella's cheek before Bella landed a good one in Kate's middle. Kate bent forward as the air whooshed out of her lungs. Bella held her cheek for a second, a red mark appearing.

I knew it would leave a fucking bruise and I was about to step in and throw it downstairs. Before I could move forward, Bella grabbed Kate by the hair and held her up. Kate squealed as Bella pulled hard and pushed Kate towards the wall. Bella's other hand went to Kate's throat and Kate tried to kick. Bella pressed her against the wall with her own body.

"You don't even know me. I've been through enough shit in the last few months. Whatever crazy thoughts you've got in your head, end them. Right now. Do not come back here, Kate. It's over. He wants nothing to do with you. Why are you throwing yourself at someone who wants nothing to do with you, Kate? It's desperate and sad. We're done. Are you gonna stop this silly shit?"

Kate didn't immediately answer. Bella's hand tightened around Kate's throat and Kate tried to swallow. Kate nodded and then looked away, her eyes defeated. When she did, she saw me standing in the hallway. Her eyes widened for a second and then the fight went out of her. Bella leaned back and took her hands away.

"Get out, Kate. You know your way out, I'm sure." Bella moved to let her by and turned, noticing me as well. She gasped.

Kate passed by me on her way out, shrinking away from me before she pounded downstairs and the door clicked quietly behind her.

"How long have you been standing there?" Bella asked, her face going red. She was still panting from the fight and adrenaline.

"Long enough to see you pin her against the wall. Fuck, Bella, I think you're gonna have a bruise if you don't put something on your cheek." I moved closer to her and my hand shook as I touched the spot on her cheekbone where Kate's knuckles had connected.

Bella flinched as my thumb gently moved over the angry spot. "C'mon, I think there is a bag of peas in the freezer." I took her hand and she followed me downstairs and into the kitchen.

I could feel her starting to shake when I lifted her up and sat her on the counter. Digging in the freezer, I found a small bag of peas and handed them to her. She quietly thanked me and laid the peas on her face, her breath slightly hissing is the cold connected with her tender skin.

I stood between her legs as she held the peas to her skin. One of her eyes was obscured by the peas, the other was looking at me, full of a million questions.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing." she said, and looked away.

"It's obviously not nothing," I said as I pulled her face back towards mine, my hand squeezing her jaw gently.

"I just love you. Like a lot." she bit her lip and her eyes filled with tears.

I pulled in a breath as I watched her bottom lip tremble, "Hey. Hey, don't cry sweetheart." I kissed her uncovered cheek where a tear had started to fall. I smoothed tears away from her face with my thumb and then stepped closer, and put my arms around her.

"What brought this on?" I asked, confused.

"I d-don't know," she sniffled. I ran my hands over her back, up and down her spine, her body delicately shaking. I leaned closer and laid my cheek against hers, trying to comfort her as best I could.

"I love you too, Bella." I whispered.

"Edward I need to tell you something," she hiccupped and wouldn't meet my eyes again.

"You know you can tell me anything," I said, and smoothed a lock of hair from her face.

She lowered the bag of peas from her face, so she could look at me. Her face was red from where the peas had touched her skin, but a bruise was gathering on her cheekbone. I clenched my jaw and tried to raise her hand back up but she resisted. My eyes met hers and I saw a wariness there, and fear.

She nibbled her lip before she started, "I read your journals."

My stomach dropped as my lungs deflated.

"You what?" I asked, my voice raw, disbelief that she would go through something so private.

She swallowed, "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to."

I stepped away from her and ran a hand through my hair. I looked at her and could feel my jaw ticking, "What, you didn't mean to but you fucking did anyways?"

She hiccupped again and a tear trickled down her cheek. She hopped down from the counter and would have fallen , "I just-"

"You just what? You just thought you would go through something I obviously kept private without asking me? If I wanted people to go through them, I would have them on fucking display. Jesus, Bella!"

Her face crumbled and I felt bad for swearing at her. But she still should have asked me before she just fucking dived into something I wasn't even sure I wanted opened, ever. The trunk was heavy and the last time I opened it was the last time I had put the last journal inside it. Those were parts of my past I had acknowledged and moved on from. It should at least be my choice when I would share those things with Bella.

I ran my fingers through my hair again as she continued to stare at me, her chin trembling. There was something else in her eyes, like a fire or a strength that she hadn't had before.

"I love you Edward. You mean a lot to me, maybe more than you know. I wouldn't do something on purpose to hurt you, I don't think I could. I'll leave you alone for a bit. I'm so sorry." Tears were streaming down her face but there was steel in her spine as she walked out of the room.

I wanted to follow after her, knowing I had upset her by shouting at her but I was still so fucking pissed that she had done that I knew I needed to calm down first. I pulled out a cigarette from the pack in my pocket and my lighter. I opened the backdoor and stood, staring at the yard.

A large pine tree grew out back, it had the longest pine needles I'd ever seen. When it was windy or rainy, the tree always swayed in the breeze, but the roots were deep. One year, we'd had a really bad snow storm, and the boughs had been heavy with snow. The ground water had frozen, upending the now top heavy tree. It had swayed towards the side yard.

I had felt pretty bad for the tree. It hadn't ever done anything to anyone, and there was a family of squirrels that had built a nest at the very top. Jasper and I had gone to the hardware store to get some supplies and had tried to save the tree from toppling over. We ended up having to tie it down and weighted some poles to get it upright again. At first the tree went into shock, and lost a lot of its needles. But as the springtime wore on into Summer, the tree sprouted new needles, and it filled out again. By the time Fall had rolled in, the squirrels had taken up residence again, and the tree was back to normal.

I sighed, finishing my cigarette and flicking it into the backyard. I shut the door and shuffled back into the kitchen, sticking my hands in my jeans pockets.

Bella was sitting in the living room in the dark. She was curled up in the corner of the couch, her legs pulled up, her arms wrapped around the denim. Her chin rested on her arms.

I leaned against the doorway, my hands still in my pockets. She was staring outside at the darkening sky, twilight blues making the room shadowy.

"Bella," I waited for her to look at me, "Look, I know you didn't mean to do anything to piss me off. But sharing that with you, that shit should have been on my terms. Ok?"

She blinked and her voice was still watery, "Ok, Edward."

I couldn't fucking stand being apart from her anymore, especially when she seemed so upset. I hated it when she was crying, it fucking killed me. I sat down beside her on the couch and took her in my arms. She went willingly and we sat in silence, as thunder rolled from somewhere far away. She made a fist in my t-shirt and scooted closer until she was almost on my lap.

"I'm sorry, Edward." she said, her voice small in the darkness.

"It's ok, Bella. Stop apologizing." I said into her hair.

She sighed and I rubbed her back as my cheek rested on top of her hair.

***

EPOV

Later that night we were sitting on the couch watching TV. Bella's phone buzzed on the table and she leaned over to pick it up.

"Hello?"

I flipped through the channels and paused when she answered.

"I'm sorry? Who is this?…Ok…I don't know…I'll have to think about it. When do you need to know?…Ok. I'll phone you back….thank you. Ok…bye."

She drew in a deep breath and sighed, placing the phone back on the table.

"Who was that?" I asked.

Bella stared straight ahead as she answered me, "It was Mrs. Stanley."

"Who the hell is Mrs. Stanley?"

Bella still didn't look at me, as if she were still processing what had been said to her, "She is the mom of a friend I had in high school. She's like the town busybody and social organizer."

"What did she want?"

"She wants me to come back to Forks for the homecoming parade. Seemingly the Sheriff's Department has a memorial float for my dad and they want me to be on it with a few of the officers. Dad was the chief for almost 20 years." She was silent after that for several minutes.

My body tensed as she mentioned Forks. "The fuck if you're going back there, Bella. Someone is trying to kill you."

She finally turned to me, her eyes widened and indignant, "What if I want to go back, Edward. What if it's something I want to do for my father?"

"You can't be fucking serious!" I said, incredulous.

"I'm seriously considering it. For all the times my dad was called out in the middle of the night and he went to help. Or all the times he gave up his own personal life for the job he was practically married to. He loved that job, that town, those people. The fact they want to do something for him is actually really nice. Maybe I want to be a part of it and remember him that way too." Her voice was getting angry.

"Bella, this is fucking crazy. There is nothing left for you there. You're only placing yourself in danger going back there. I think it's a really stupid idea to place yourself in some psychopaths hands. And that's what you'll be fucking doing." I said, my voice matching hers.

"Thanks, Edward. I was hoping you would be supportive. I'm going upstairs to pack and book a flight."

I watched as Bella got up and stomped out of the room.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks for sticking with me through this fic, dolls. We are getting close to climax. **

**Review?**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N**

**Stephenie Meyer is a gifted individual who wrote the most amazing characters. **

**Lyrics are the property of their respective artists, no copyright infringement intended.**

**I would like publicly declare my devotion to IrishTwiSisters and Lambcullen. I love them both, hard, and promise kitty hugs. They are beta-awesome sauce. Nomnomnom**

**Sunfeathers, my doll, I've had part of this chapter written for a long time. You believed in this story enough to tell others. Thanks for giving us a chance. I can't believe I'm actually posting this chapter.**

**And yes. This chapter is full of angsty climax. You have been warned.**

**Songs for this Chapter:  
****Patience: GunsNRoses  
****Who Wants to Live Forever: Queen (piano version)  
****Running Up That Hill: Placebo  
****Storm: Lifehouse**

* * *

BPOV

My interview with the head of the English department was this morning. I dressed conservatively in a black pencil skirt and a stark white blouse. I wore simple black pumps and my hair was pulled back into a bun and secured with bobby pins. I checked my appearance in the bathroom vanity mirror, hoping it wasn't obvious that I had covered a bruise with concealer. Kate had got me really good. Edward's eyes had been ablaze the morning after, his fingers shaking as they swept down my cheek. We had been lying in bed and the space between us was awkward after the fight we'd had the night before.

No words passed between us but I could see something twisting in his eyes before I got up and walked away from him.

I sat in the waiting area to be called in by Dr. Berty and the clock ticked slowly as his annoying secretary pecked away at the computer. Finally Dr. Berty poked his head out of his office door, his eyes wide and serious as he called my name.

As I walked into his office and closed the door behind me, the smell of old books and tobacco pipe assailed my nostrils. I took a seat in one of the leather chairs that sat in front of the desk and crossed my legs. There was a black pipe which sat in a large ashtray on the large wooden mahogany desk in front of me. Old leather bound volumes of books sat in shelves behind the Professor and a laptop was perched on the side of the desk. Dr. Berty looked to be a scholarly gentleman who would seem out of place had he not been wearing a tweed jacket with leather arm patches. There were reading glasses perched on the edge of his nose as he perused my transcripts.

"Well, Miss Swan. Your GPA is very impressive. I see you have taken a semester out of your studies. May I ask why?" he looked up at me, his eyes peaking over the rim of his glasses.

I swallowed, and my voice came out strained, "I lost my parents last spring and due to the circumstances surrounding the accident, I took the semester out on the advice of my doctor."

"Hm. Your transcript is spotless and the recommendation from your previous professor is shining. We would be happy to have you here so long as the doctor signs off that you are well enough to continue your studies." His voice was warm and I smiled at him.

"Thank you, Dr. Berty. Thank you so much!" I stood to shake his hand and he smiled back at me. I felt elated as I left his office.

But it melted as I made my way back out to the car. Outside, the clouds seemed heavy but were unable to purge themselves of the rain that made them seem angry. I checked the time and sighed, 11:41.

Edward was usually home at lunch time on a Friday, his classes ending in the morning. We hadn't really talked since we'd had the fight. My mind went back to two nights ago after I'd gotten that phone call from Mrs. Stanley.

I know he was only trying to look out for me, but I needed to be able to do this for my father. Edward eventually followed me upstairs and found me sitting at the laptop looking at flights. I had turned around to him and said something about him not caring enough to realize I had to go. He had gotten really mad at me then. He'd told me to 'Fuck off back to Forks then'.

I could tell he'd instantly regretted saying those words but I had to get away from him, the fight was killing me. So I walked out of the bedroom. I locked myself in the spare room for a couple of hours, trying to calm down. I knew part of the argument and venom was to do with me reading his journals. I knew he had forgiven me but I still felt guilty for violating his privacy that way.

Edward had tapped lightly on the door but I ignored him, still angry he had shouted at me. When we had eventually gone to bed that night, I punished us both by not cuddling up to him. The space between us was about a foot and half but the distance was horrible. I missed him terribly.

The nightmare I'd had that night had felt like I was suffocating, and waves were beating at me while I desperately fought to keep my head above water. Instinctively I went into his arms but after we fell asleep again, we had drifted apart.

I reached Rose's Mazda in the school's parking lot and got in. Starting the car, I turned the windshield wipers on as the rain started. The journey back to the house was quick and silent. I was tense the entire way. I pulled into the drive, noting the Maserati had been picked up. I got out of the car and headed towards the porch, my purse over my head to protect me from the rain. As I opened the front door, I could hear piano music coming from within the house. The sweetly sorrowful notes drew me over the threshold.

***

EPOV

I sat next to Bella as she looked out the window of the plane. She had been quiet and withdrawn as we drove to the airport. The last few days had been fucking draining.

The fight we'd had after she had that phone call had been fucking horrible. She had tried to say that I didn't care about her which had cut really deep. She was one of the only things I did fucking care about. It was out of my mouth before I could take it back, telling her to fuck off, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. I had felt instantly guilty for talking to her like that but she locked herself away from me and I didn't know what I could say to her to make it right.

We had slept apart that night and I had felt fucking empty.

At 3 AM my eyes popped open as I was brought out of a restless sleep. The bed was shaking. Bella kicked me in her sleep as she tossed back and forth.

"Edward!" she screamed as I pulled her into my arms.

I said her name over and over while she shuddered, the darkness a blanket around us.

"Edward?" she asked, her voice small in the black surrounding us.

"Bella." I answered, kissing her temple. I rocked her gently and she tried to get closer to me. She was wearing a t-shirt in bed and I put my hands underneath it, smoothing my palms over her back.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" I asked.

"I was suffocating, I couldn't breathe, like I was drowning. I was fighting so hard. I thought I was going to die." Her whole body trembled and I tightened my arms around her.

We drifted off to sleep again. She had wandered out of my arms when I opened my eyes in the dull gray light. I watched her sleep, her lashes dark and graceful on her cheek. Bella lay on her side, facing me. When she lifted her head from the pillow, I had hissed in a breath, seeing her face. The bruise on her cheekbone was horrible, and anger tightened my gut as I brushed my thumb across it.

We moved around each other for the next few days, barely speaking. Later in the week, Bella had her appointment with the University and had looked fucking hot. Her ass in that skirt had made my dick hard just looking at her. She looked all fussy secretary and I wanted to strip her out of what she was wearing and fuck her on the bathroom sink. But I knew that wasn't going to fucking happen since we still weren't really talking.

I had a morning class but I was sure I wouldn't be able to sit there for three hours so I ditched. A tow truck came by and picked up my Maserati, the guy promising to have the car back next week. The sight of the tyres all slashed and floppy as it rolled onto the truck made me clench my jaw.

I had gone in, to sit at the piano, not really having any other outlet. All of the emotions over the last few days had been too fucking much and the distance between Bella and me was killing me. My hands wandered over the keys as I closed my eyes.

Bella came in and sat on the floor while I played. I could feel her as soon as she walked into the room. When I looked up at her, she was curled into a ball, her back against the wall, her legs pulled up, her arms wrapped around them. My eyes met her brown ones and they were wet with tears. The sight of her upset curled like a blade in my gut but when I started to get up, she ran out of the room. I sighed at the piano, my fingers rested on the keys but I couldn't force any of the notes out.

And two days later, we're sitting on a fucking plane, going back to that fucking town, where someone wants to fucking kill her. The plane taxied down the runway and we were in the air. I swallowed, making my ears pop.

After a while, I just couldn't fucking take it anymore. I put the armrest up that was between us and shifted closer to her.

"Bella? Look at me sweetheart." I said as I placed my hand on her arm.

She turned to me, her eyes bloodshot and tired from lack of sleep. She still hadn't let me properly hold her.

"I know this is something you need to do for your dad. Please, Bella. The distance is killing me-" I stopped as she moved closer and her hands found my forearms. She pulled my arms around her and leaned into me. The seatbelt sign was turned off and the captain announced something over the speakers but we didn't really hear him. She settled my hands at her back and she moved towards me as she unbuckled her seatbelt. Her fingers undid my seatbelt, and I moved my body to fit to hers.

"I'm sorry, Edward." she said against my chest.

"Me too, sweetheart," I said into her hair.

We didn't move for the rest of the flight, we just sat in the silence, the dull roar of the engines the only noise other than the stewardess coming by with the drinks cart. Bella and I shared a coke and then resumed our hold on each other.

We must have fallen asleep but I was shaken awake by the flight attendant asking us to fasten our seatbelts for landing.

We arrived in Seattle and boarded a small plane for Port Angeles. Bella and I were able to rent a car and she smirked at me as they handed the keys to me. A Volvo. I groaned. Stupid fucking shiny silver Volvo.

We drove to Forks and she called Mrs. Stanley to let her know we'd landed and were on our way. As the parade was the following day, Bella would need to meet up with the organizers this afternoon. We checked into the same hotel again but they gave us a different room this time. I carried our luggage upstairs, which wasn't much since we were only staying a few days.

***

BPOV

Edward was smoking at the window, the hotel room drapes shifting in the breeze. I quickly sent a text.

_Jake. In Forks for parade. B x_

I figured I should at least tell him I'm in town. Maybe he would talk to me face to face.

***

EPOV

I drove us towards the town's high school. Bella blushed as she pointed out the place where she had gone to high school. The building looks about forty years old but had been modernised with security cameras and what looked like some student art project painted on one of the far walls. The colourful swirling images were all PC equality everyone is a fucking rainbow shit.

There were several cars in the parking lot already but I found a parking spot easily enough. Bella and I got out together, she took my hand as we walked towards the school. Bella made a small huff of a laughing sound under breath as I matched my stride to her shorter one.

I looked down at her, "What?"

"If I had shown up two years ago with someone like you holding my hand, they would have all thought you had lost a bet."

That stopped me.

She turned to face me as I stood on the sidewalk, "Bella, if I had shown up with you two years ago, I would have made sure they all knew exactly what I was doing with you," I waggled my eyebrows at her and she blushed, looking away from me.

"I wish I had known you two years ago. Then I would have had a date for the prom!" she sighed.

I raised an eyebrow at her, "What do you mean a date? You didn't go to prom?" I couldn't believe someone as pretty as her hadn't gone to prom.

"No," She answered.

I pursed my lips and brushed a lock of her hair over her shoulder, my fingers lingering near her jaw, drawing her up until her eyes met mine, "The boys at your school must have been fucking blind."

"I did get asked by one but I turned him down." she said.

"Why?"

She smiled and pushed gently at my stomach, "You _know_ why!"

"Remind me."

"Cause I suck at dancing!" she groaned, her voice frustrated and sad.

I shifted closer to her, taking her hands in mine, my arm slipping around her back. I kissed her neck and said softly in her ear, "You do not suck, Bella. Well, at least at dancing. It's all in the leading, anyways." She shivered and leaned into me, forgetting where we were. I skimmed my nose along her jaw before I kissed her lips.

Her eyes flew open as she digested what I said. Her hands were on my chest as she pushed away from me minutely, "What do you mean I don't suck at least at dancing?" she said in mock outrage.

I pulled her closer to me again and kissed her hard on the mouth. Sucking on her lower lip and running my hands up her sides, I head her whimper. In her ear I growled lowly, "We both know you're good at sucking, Bella." She gasped as I pulled her earlobe into my mouth, biting it gently.

I looked up as I heard someone approach. Bella must have heard them too, as she stepped away from me. It was a guy who looked roughly about the same age as Bella. His hair was long and he smoothed it over his forehead, his face oriental in heritage.

His eyes widened when he took in Bella and me.

"Bella? Bella Swan?" he looked at her, smiling and sizing me up at the same time.

"Eric? Oh hi. Eric this is Edward Cullen, my boyfriend. Edward this is Eric Yorkie. He was in my newspaper class." Eric and I looked at each other before I shook his hand. Bella seemed to know him but he seemed harmless.

"Nice to meet you," he said. His eyes shifted back to Bella, "Mrs. Stanley is working herself up into a fine fizz. You may want to go in and see her before she explodes all over the place." Eric reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys. "Thank God, I'm done for the night. See you guys later."

We walked into the gym, and into organized chaos. It smelled of sweat and paint. The yellow electric lighting buzzed over head and the bleachers were folded against the walls. The basketball hoops were angled towards the ceiling, out of the way of the tall floats. There were huge doors at the back of the gym that accommodated the height of the floats. People meandered about, putting on finishing touches to the papier-mâché structures. There was a portly woman with her dark hair pulled back from her red face as she stood with a clipboard in front of her. She looked up as we entered.

"Bella! Bella, over here!" Bella looked over and we made our way over to the woman.

"Hi Mrs. Stanley." Bella made introductions again and I nodded as Mrs Stanley took in my tattoos and pursed her lips. Her eyes turned back to Bella.

"Ok, Bella. This is the plan for tomorrow…" Mrs. Stanley quickly filled Bella in on the details for the parade. We were to meet at 7 AM before the parade began at 10. Bella would be riding with the Mayor in a motorcade escorted by local police officers. The parade would commence down the main drag through town and end at the high school football field for a ceremony and pep rally for the homecoming game.

Mrs. Stanley finished and checked off something on her clipboard. Suddenly there was a shout from across the gym, "Mrs. Stanley. One of the floats is collapsing."

She sighed and ran towards the voice, waving good bye to Bella.

We left the gym and drove back to the hotel. Bella was silent and I knew her thoughts were on her father and the parade tomorrow.

"Are you ok?" I asked as we sat in the hotel room, finishing our dinner.

"Yeah," she said quietly, "I'm just glad I got to do this. And I'm glad you're here." She said, looking up from her plate. I reached across the table, stroking a finger down her cheek.

Our eyes locked for a moment and I felt something pull from behind my navel, needing to be closer to her. We both got up from the small table at the same time. She was in my arms, her mouth on mine, her hands pulling at my t-shirt. I was raising her top over her body and we broke apart to take off our clothes. We undressed each other and I groaned at the sight of her in blue lace shorts. I took them off of her slowly until we both stood naked in front of each other.

I pulled her closer and we fell on the bed together, a tangle of legs, as our mouths melded, our tongues tasting. Her hands roamed over me, and I growled when she ran her fingernails roughly over my nipples. I kissed her neck, her collarbone, her breasts. I was desperate for her, and she pulled me back up her body.

"Now, Edward. I need you inside of me now." I parted her legs, running my hand over her hip, and down her thigh. I touched her flesh, my fingers dipping between her lips, finding her wet. I stroked her gently and she shuddered and bucked beneath me. She gasped as I pressed my palm against her, massaging her.

I moved between her thighs, bracing above her. She wrapped her legs around me, and I looked into her eyes as I entered her. I found her mouth, moving my tongue along hers as I moved within her. I needed to hear her, and I buried my face in her neck as her breathy moans were in my ear. Bella's nails scratched my shoulders, as I moved my hips, and she met mine as I moved in her forcefully, roughly. I needed to possess her, the space between us this past week making my movements fierce.

She moaned every time I moved, her hips meeting mine, and I ground into her as her muscles started to flutter around me. I could tell she was teetering on the edge, and I reached between us, stroking her clit. She tightened her legs around me as she came, shuddering, and my hips pumped against her, as my balls tightened and my blood stirred.

"I love you, Edward." she whispered in my ear. I groaned, coming inside her, the orgasm intense. I kissed her neck and rolled on to my back. She closed her eyes, her legs wrapped around me and I fell asleep, inside her.

***

BPOV

The day had gone well, the weather holding off during the parade. I had felt a sense of pride watching the police on their motorcycles. Some of the officers I recognized, and they came up to hug me or ask me how I was doing. I felt the bond between them all, and I almost felt like I would see my father at some point in the crowd of uniforms and leather jackets.

The whole town had shown up for the parade, and I saw the Quileute's had a place in the parade, dressed in traditional ceremonial outfits. My eyes searched for Jacob but I didn't see him.

The parade had ended at the football field, and the pep rally was full of football uniforms and cheerleaders. If I heard Go, Fight, Win one more time, I was going to puke. Edward put his arm around me and I leaned against him as we made our way back to the car. I shivered, the morning had been slightly chilly. I zipped up my hoodie as he turned to me.

"Are you cold, Bella?" he asked. When I nodded he motioned over to the concession stand and said he would get me a hot chocolate. Handing me the keys to the Volvo, he jogged over to join the short line. I watched him move away, sighing, loving the masculine way his body moved: confident to the point of strutting.

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. I looked at it, and saw I had received a text from Jacob.

_Bella. Meet me at the cliff. Come quick. Need your help._

My heart fell in my mouth, as I read Jacob's text. Without thinking, I went for the Volvo, leaving Edward behind. I vaguely registered something falling out of my pocket but I was too focused on getting to Jake, who needed me.

I drove, the trees covered in moss, the autumnal leaves making an eerie neon light in the dark silver drizzle. I turned onto the 101, pushing the Volvo to illegal speeds to reach La Push. I reached for my phone in my hoodie pocket and with a jolt, realized it wasn't there. My mind flashed to rushing towards the Volvo and realized it was my cell.

Shit.

I floored the Volvo, urging it forward. I finally entered the Res, which was quiet, most of the residents at the local bonfire out on the beach. There weren't any other cars on the road and no people about. The sky was purple gray, an end of summer thunderstorm on its way. The air was tight, close, a last gasp before summer strangled and gave up her ghost to Autumn's cooler temperatures. I figured they would get heavy snowfall this year; apparently the summer had been hot enough in Forks for it. Autumn's colors would fade and she would waltz into the arms of her deathly pale wintry lover.

I rounded the bend towards the cliffs of summer's past, where Jake and the guys had enjoyed frightening me from great heights as they dived into waters from the high rocks. I saw a lone figure standing, his back to me, his dark hair waving gently, watching the storm gather from offshore. As I parked the car and jumped out, a flash of lightning illuminated the bruising sky.

"Jake!" I shouted, but the thundering surf drowned out my cries. I could hear the violent sea, punishing the rocks below. The vibrations could be felt all the way up the cliff face.

I got to Jake and put my hand on his shoulder, but something was off. Something wasn't right here, and my brain struggled to make a connection. Jake turned around then and I realized what was wrong.

It wasn't Jake.

"Where's Jake?" I asked.

Paul smiled at me, his grin wolfish and cold, "He's not here, Bella."

I was confused, "What do you mean, he's not here? Where is he? He said he was in trouble! We have to find him!" I took his arm, ready to pull him towards me. But he stopped me, his strength cruel and steeling against me.

"Jacob is fine, Bella. I sent the text." He said through his teeth, hatred making his eyes even darker.

I was taken aback, "You? Why would you-" but my brain finally put the last piece of the puzzle together. Jake was fine. He's fine. But I was not. Dread filled my stomach and ran down my legs, making them wobbly as Paul pulled me towards the edge of the cliff.

His hands wrapped like bruising manacles on my upper arms and his eyes glowed into mine. The storm continued to gather pace, the sky boiled and the sea was violent and tearing.

He opened his mouth, his face twisting into a snarl, "Do you not see, Bella? It's always been about you. I've always watched you, watched the way you and Jake were so close. You didn't notice anything else around you. I tolerated you, biding my time, knowing you would tire of Jake soon. Then you would see me. For what I was. You are the lamb, and I am the wolf. Then your parents died, and you clung to him but pushed him away. I waited for you to come to me but you didn't. Then you fucked off to Scotland. How fucking dare you!" He shook me then, with such force my teeth rattled and his fingers were so tight they were cutting off the circulation.

He continued his rant, "I had to get you back, I couldn't just let you go. So I burned your house down. Did you like your pretty picture?"

"Why? Why would you do that?" I asked, my voice trembling.

Thunder rolled and he paused, waiting for it to quiet, "Because I missed you, Bella." and he smiled that sickening smile again.

"But then you came back. I watched you, waiting for some sign. I followed you to the graveyard and watched you lay in the mud. Then he showed up. And I knew it. I knew you had fucked him. I saw the way he was when Jake showed up. I had wanted you for myself and you had been defiled. So you had to die. I cut your breaks. I couldn't wait, hoping you would drive right into a car, your body smashed and broken. But you just wouldn't die like a good girl. You left with him before I could get to you. But here you are again, with that stupid expression on your face. And I'm going to do it this time by myself. There won't be an escape this time. There won't be a continuation, only an ending. Say good bye, Bella." He smiled sweetly at me, too sweetly and started towards the edge of the cliff.

The thunder rolled and the sea was capped and foamy.

"No. No, Paul, please! Please don't do this." My brain scrambled to say anything to get through to him, "What would Sam say? You listen to Sam. You know Sam won't be happy with you if you do this."

That paused him, "Well, Sam doesn't need to know. And I don't think you'll be around to tell him."

He continued to drag me closer to the edge and I dug my heels into the ground but he only wrenched me dangerously close. I cried out and his eyes lit with satisfaction.

"Yes, are you afraid, Bella?"

We were at the edge now, and I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest.

"Please, Paul. Please." I whimpered.

"Enough begging. Good bye, Bella."

That said, he threw me over the edge of the cliff.

My body plummeted, and for a moment, I felt like I was flying. My limbs flailed as I tried to find a level grounding but there was nothing but myself to hold onto.

I did not scream and an odd sense of calm filled me. With my last breath of oxygen before I hit the water, I whispered, "I love you, Edward."

***

EPOV

"Bella?" I turned around to see her running towards the Volvo. I saw her cell phone drop out of her pocket but she didn't stop to pick it up. Fear slithered down my spine, instinctive, that something wasn't right here. I ran for her cell and tried to get to her, but she was already pulling away. I looked at the screen and noticed a text. From Jake. My lip curled.

As I looked up, I saw a face in the crowd that seemed out of place. I looked at him, and my eyes sharpened.

"Hey, Black!"

He turned and I ran to him.

"Did you send a text to Bella five minutes ago?" he relaxed his stance as he heard the fear in my voice.

"No. I don't actually have it on me. I loaned it to- wait. Why?"

"Someone told her to meet them at the cliffs, saying you were in trouble." I answered.

He raised a dark eyebrow and his nostrils flared, picking up the same danger I sensed. "The cliffs are on the Res. C'mon I'll show you where they are."

I followed Jake to his car, and we were on the road as he pushed the old Rabbit as fast as it could go.

***

BPOV

_how long have I been in this storm  
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form  
water's getting harder to tread  
with these waves crashing over my head  
if I could just see you  
everything will be alright  
if I'd see you the storminess will turn to light_

***

EPOV

"Can't this thing go any faster? Fuck!"

"It's going as fast as it can."

***

BPOV

_and I will walk on water  
and you will catch me if I fall  
and I will get lost into your eyes  
and everything will be alright  
and everything will be alright  
_

_I know you didn't bring me out here to drown  
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down  
barely surviving has become my purpose  
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface_

* * *

**A/N**

**The song Edward plays on the piano is the Queen song, a link is on my profile.**

**The song above is Storm by Lifehouse. Link is also on my profile.**

**If you need a shoulder to cry on, IrishTwiSisters is kindly providing hers. You can find her on twitter IrishTwiSisters. She is made of awesomesauce.**

**Chapter 26 will be posted when it's ready. **

**I'm gonna hide from you all now. **


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N**

**So Stephenie Meyer is the original puppet master, I kinda tugged on the strings when she was out for a fag break.**

**Thanks, tissues, tequila, and nekkid boobie hugs to my awesomesauce Betas IrishTwiSisters and Lambcullen. Group therapy sessions to commence soon. I'm willing to take that beating you've promised, but only if you use your open palm when I'm over your knee. *I've been a bad girl***

**sunfeathers, we broke 1000 reviews last chapter. I was blown away. Thank you.**

**Also thanks to wetdishrag for the lovely review on her blog!!! :D:D:D I was all sorts of blushin. Link on my profile verreh soon.**

**NOTE: ANGST ANGST ANGST. YOU WILL NEED TISSUES, CHOCOLATE OR BOOZE OR DM ME AND I'LL TELL YOU A DIRTY JOKE ON SKYPE.**

**Songs:  
Going Under: Evanesence  
What Sarah Said: Death Cab for Cuteh  
Winter Song: Sarah Barielles  
Waiting On An Angel: Ben Harper  
Duet: Rachael Yamagata & Ray LaMontagne  
Answer: Sarah McLachlan  
I Dug Up A Diamond: Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris**

* * *

EPOV

"Can't this thing go any faster? Fuck!" I shouted. Jake gave it more gas, shifting into a higher gear and the car started to tremble, the engine growling loudly as it was pushed beyond its endurance.

"It's going as fast as it can," he shouted over the engine's roar.

The trees disappeared as we raced along the shoreline. He patted his pockets looking for something while he drove.

"What the fuck are you looking for?"

"My phone. I let Paul borrow it when the parade was finished," His eyes grew wide with realization, "Oh shit. Paul still has my phone. Can I borrow yours? I think we better let someone know what's going on. Paul has been really volatile the last couple of days."

I handed him my phone and he quickly dialled a number, holding the phone to his ear while he drove one handed.

"Sam, I need you to listen to me. Paul has taken my phone and asked Bella to meet him at the cliffs, saying I'm in trouble….I know. See if you can get Harry and one of the Sheriff's to come with him…I don't know…I'll call you as soon as I know anything. Yeah, you can get me on this number…Bye."

Jake put the phone on the console rather than hand it back to me. The car continued to protest as the sky was almost completely dark from the storm that was approaching. My heart was in my fucking mouth as he drove. I had a cigarette lit and flicked the ashes out of the window to give my hands something to do.

"We're almost there," he said over the engine.

***

BPOV

The water was cold and it pulled at me, dragging me away from the surface. I tried to kick forward but the current was strong as the sea churned. All around me, the water was deep and dark. I fought, my hands pushing against the cold, my legs kicking, to find the surface again. My limbs started to tire, lack of oxygen making them leaden. My lungs burned, and I felt my body struggle, my brain screaming that I needed oxygen desperately.

Finally, the grey light was getting brighter over the waves. I reached out with my hand and felt it break into cold air. A wave crashed but I urged myself further, upward, to air. I broke the surface, dragging air into my thirsty lungs. Looking up, I made out three figures leaning over the cliff staring down at the water. Lightning flashed in the sky and for a moment I swore I saw Edward's messy bronze hair sway in the wind. I shouted for help, trying to wave my arms, hoping they saw me while I treaded water.

But my struggles were in vain and success was short-lived as the sea swallowed me down. I tried to kick to the surface, but my body was heavy, exhausted, and I wanted to sink and let it have me. I felt slammed against a wall at one point and I blinked, the dark abyss encroaching closer. It was a darker hell, a widening hole that beckoned me further down. I was so tired and I closed my eyes, expelling the last bubbles from my lungs. I watched as they floated upwards, mingling with angels who danced dizzily above me. It was odd, there were three of them and I wondered how they would fly if their wings were wet.

I slid farther down and opening in front of me was a dull sliver of light.

_Bella._

I froze.

_Dad?_

_Come with me Bella, I want to show you something._

_***_

EPOV

The car came around a bend in the trees and the silver Volvo was parked off the road. We could see a figure standing near the edge of the cliff.

"Who the fuck is that?" I asked.

"It's Paul," he answered.

Jake parked the car and I had the door open before he stopped the it. I ran, no longer feeling my legs as fear and adrenaline coursed through me. The ground was slippery with the rain that had started, the wind cold and whipping as I drew near.

"Where the fuck is she?" I shouted over the roar of the sea.

He turned to me and his face caused a slither of fear to slide down my spine. His eyes were darkly wild, almost feral.

"She's where she belongs." He said way too calmly, gesturing towards the cliff edge.

I felt as if he had hauled back and punched me in the solar plexus, "Oh fuck." My chest felt tight as I looked over the edge of the cliff but didn't see her.

Jake ran up then, joining us near the cliff edge. He had my phone to his ear. I could only vaguely hear what he was saying over the roar of the surf and the storm as I desperately scanned the waves for a hint of Bella.

"…at the La Push beach. Near the cliffs, one mile south of…"

The next few seconds seemed to pass in slow motion.

Paul turned to me, his face a mask of cool anger. He muttered something but I didn't hear him. His hands reached for me, and tried to push me over the edge. Instinctively, I grabbed for him, trying to maintain my own balance.

Jake, realizing what was happening, shouted for Paul to stop and lunged for both of us. It was too late though, we were already going over. He grabbed for us but ended up losing his balance. My heart thudded wildly in my chest as we descended into the water.

***

BPOV

When I was a child, there used to be these thunderstorms we would get over Phoenix. They always happened during monsoon season. Heavy monsoons from the Pacific would briefly touch the west coast. They were loud, angry, and I would run into my room and hide in the closet. The flash of lightning on the desert, the Saguaro cacti like fingers reaching for the dark sky, desperately pulling at the rain. The flash floods that sometimes resulted would wipe out smaller weaker life, washing the desert clean.

In Forks, rain was a normal occurrence. It was life giving, it renewed, it made the place sometimes almost unbearably green, lush, and mossy. It flourished in late spring and spring greens gave way to breezy summer days. But in the Autumn, the leaves changed, the wind blowing Summer's final kiss.

I stood with my father, the leaves turning golden around us, and watched as there was a hole dug beside his grave.

"What are they doing, Daddy?"

He looked at the hole and then at me, his arm around my shoulders, "I missed you, pumpkin."

"I missed you too, Daddy." I smiled, distracted. A breeze lifted, and the sun came out from behind a cloud. A sun shower, one of those rare occurrences when the sun shone brightly, making the rain like tiny diamonds in the air around us. A rainbow appeared in the distance as the rain sprinkled gently over us.

"Why are they digging that hole, Dad?"

"It's for you, Pumpkin."

"For me?"

"That's right. Look over there. Here they come now."

He pointed, and I followed the direction of his finger. A black hearse slid up the path, containing a silver lacquered casket. There were flowers everywhere encased behind the glass like preserved dainty ballet dancers, arranged and sorted. Several cars varying in color and shape followed the hearse through the graveyard. The hearse came to a stop and parked in front of the gravesite. The casket was removed from the back by several people that I knew and carried over the wet grass. Car doors were opened and shut and I saw each face, quietly agonized. I watched as they made their way through the sparkling rain to my freshly dug grave.

The face I wanted to see most was there, its beauty filling me with such sadness. I looked back at my father's face. My mother was standing with us now.

"Is this what you want, Bella?" she asked.

***

EPOV

We hit the water hard. Paul must have hit it funny, and Jake struggled to keep him above the surface. After floundering in the water, Jake and I had finally found Bella slowly floating near the surface. Her lips were starting to turn blue. It was then that we heard the Coast Guard helicopter.

Time ticked slowly by, the sounds around me muted. Water continued to wash over me but I didn't care, Bella being my main focus.

They were able to quickly winch us into a boat. The paramedics on board went to work immediately on Bella and Paul. I watched as they tried to help Bella, and I felt fucking horrible as the seconds ticked by. I barely noticed when we were given those silver emergency blankets.

My insides fucking squeezed as the seconds ticked by.

***

BPOV

I took a deep breath, my choices wavering in front of me.

I looked from my parents faces to Edward's. He was so quiet, his face drawn. He was wearing a suit, and there were dark circles under his eyes. His hair seemed dull and his jaw locked. I watched as his hands shook while he attempted to light a cigarette until Jasper leaned over, providing a light. Rain fell on him and his gaze locked on the silver coffin. I wanted to go to him, he looked so sad. I took a step forward.

"Bella, you can't. He can't see you." My mother said.

I looked back at her and Charlie. My gaze moved back to Edward.

"Bella. We want you to be happy. Does he make you happy, honey?"

I nodded, "I love him."

"Bells." My dad spoke, shifting his weight, "We'll always be here. We only want you to be happy."

My mother nodded, "We love you, honey. We're fine. Don't worry about us."

I looked at the other faces in the crowd. Jake was there, with his dad and the rest of the Quileutes I had spent my childhood with. The Forks police department had shown up as well. Edward sat quietly, Esme at his side, absently rubbing his back. Carlisle was next to her, his arm around her. Alice cried quietly into Jasper's shoulder as he lit his own cigarette. Emmett's face was pale and his eyes red rimmed. Rose was trying to comfort him, but he shrugged her off, wiping his eyes on his suit sleeve.

My eyes returned to Edward. His face seemed to be even more drawn, his cheekbones prominent. I saw his leg start to shake, his knee bouncing erratically. He looked away from my casket, his jaw bone locking. His eyes started to mist and I reached out for him.

"Bells. Pumpkin. Go and be happy." My father's voice echoed behind me.

I walked towards Edward but turned around, running back to my parents. I tried to hug them but they were fading away.

"Good bye. I love you."

***

BPOV

Something pumped against my chest.

So cold. I shivered, and my lungs rejected, shooting fire up my throat where it dribbled over my cheeks then slid into my ear.

"Good Girl. Breathe Bella."

Wet and a weight sat on my hips. Hands. Hands were on my chest. Pumping in measured actions. My throat was on fire again and salt was on my tongue as I choked up more water. I dragged in a breath, and it was hoarse, like sandpaper grating over my esophagus.

"Edward." I tried to talk but my voice was only a croak. A hand held mine and squeezed.

"I'm here, Bella." I heard his voice and it washed over me warmly, comforting me.

I continued to cough, and spat out more sea water. A mask was placed over my head and oxygen was pumped through. The sky above me was dark and angry and I closed my eyes, feeling heavy and weighted down.

Time must have passed. When I opened my eyes again I was in a white walled room and an oxygen tube was hooked to my nose. Various machines bleeped and whirred around me. I reached up to take the tubing away.

"No you don't." His hand wrapped around mine and pulled it away from my face.

"Edward?" His handsome face came into my line of vision. I sobbed. My throat was still hoarse and it hurt to talk.

"Shh. Don't try to talk, sweetheart." I felt his hand move over my hair, his voice soothing. I was tired but I didn't want to close my eyes.

"What happened? Where's Paul?" I asked, my mind fluttering.

Edward's eyes darkened, "He fought with me and Jake. He ended up pushing us all over the cliff." He squeezed my hand as I shuddered. "Paul hit the water at an odd angle and it snapped his neck."

I closed my eyes, unsure how to feel. He had been crazy, deranged, but I would never wish death on anyone. Edward's hand rested over my cheek and I opened my eyes as he leaned over me. His green eyes met my mine and he brushed his lips against my lips.

"Bella, I thought I had lost you," he said, his voice husky.

I swallowed and my throat protested when I tried to talk. I whispered instead, "I was so lost in the water, Edward. I tried to get up to the surface but it was so hard."

"I know. I know, sweetheart. Just rest." He raised my hand, kissing each of my knuckles. Tingles ran down my arm.

"I saw my parents, Edward."

His eyes widened and he shook his head, his jaw ticking.

I nodded, "I did Edward. They took me to my funeral."

He inhaled sharply, as his hand tightened in mine. He kissed my lips again, gently, and his eyes were strangely red rimmed when he looked at me.

I had to tell him, though, "I saw you there. You looked awful and so sad. Dad said I could go with them if I wanted." I stopped, taking in a deep breath.

"Please, Bella." It was like he was begging me to stop. But I needed him to know.

I licked my dry lips. "I came back, Edward. I came back for you."

"Bella…" his voice was staggered, his eyes welling up. "Jesus, Bella." His lips were on mine, kissing me as delicately as he could, mindful of the wires connected to me. I closed my eyes, my free hand slipping over his neck as I opened my mouth under his. I kissed him back with as much strength as I could pull together. I ran my fingers through his soft hair as his palm settled against my cheek.

His mouth was warm, his tongue softly touching mine and the heart rate monitor behind me went ballistic.

He pulled away, his eyes twinkling with humor now. I blushed, embarrassed. He traced my cheekbone, and I leaned into his touch.

His voice thick with emotion, he kissed my lips and then said against them, "Don't ever leave me again, Bella." His eyes were intense.

"I won't, Edward." I whispered.

He kissed me softly this time, sealing my promise between us.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

***

EPOV

Bella was repeatedly checked over and after another night in the hospital, they released her. I never left her side the entire time. The nurses had tried to make me leave, but Bella protested and had me listed as her next of kin. They turned a blind eye when Bella panicked, saying she was afraid to be in the hospital by herself.

When she was discharged, she was told to take it easy and to rest as much as she could. I listened as the doctor spoke, mentally listing everything to make sure it would be followed to the letter. She seemed so fucking fragile, I was afraid at any moment she would break.

We went back to the hotel and she took a quick hot shower while I smoked a cigarette at the window. She came out and towelled her hair dry before slipping into a t-shirt and little black shorts.

I held her as she slept. She'd said it felt good to be in her own pajamas but even better against my chest. Something welled within me and I tightened my hold on her. I was afraid to shut my eyes, my mind irrationally worried she would somehow slip away during the night.

Through the darker hours she dreamed, sighing my name against my skin. I couldn't stop touching her, reassuring myself she was alive and really here with me. My thoughts kept straying, remembering how it felt to look for her in the dark water, searching for her, refusing to accept the fact that she was gone. The thought of her sinking to the bottom made me feel fucking queasy all over again. Finally, my hand had brushed against hers and I grabbed hold, maybe too hard. For a moment I thought I had wrenched her shoulder out. But to have her next to me again, the feeling was almost fucking indescribable.

The next morning she had woken slowly, her eyelashes fluttering on her cheek. She stretched, arching her back, and I had to avoid her arms and elbows. I ran my hand up her stomach, slowly, then cupped one of her breasts, stroking a finger over her nipple. She purred, as I kissed her neck.

"Good morning," she whispered, pressing herself against me. Her hand reached between us and stroked the head of my obvious hard dick through my boxers.

"Good morning, sweetheart," I whispered back and shivered as I kissed her neck. Her dark cinnamon brown eyes were staring sleepily into mine and her hand came up to caress my cheek. Her fingers ran over my unshaven cheek then traced underneath my eyes.

She sighed and her brows knit together in concern. "Edward, did you sleep at all?"

"I think I'll sleep when we're back in Alaska," I said. Which was true. I really fucking hated this town.

She pursed her lips and kissed my chin. "I'm worried about you."

"I'll be fine for now." I kissed her rosy lips and ran my nose over her cheek and then up to her hair. She smelled like her shampoo, like sleep, but most of all, like Bella. I shut my eyes, as my hands found her skin under her t-shirt. Her legs were tangled with mine and I glided a palm over her smooth hip before reaching around to cup her ass.

I wanted to make love to her, softly, slowly. I wanted to take my time but I didn't want to do it here in this shitty hotel room. She had been through so much the last few days, I wanted her to be well rested for all the things I had in mind.

So I smacked her ass, making her giggle.

"Our flight isn't until dinner time. It's just after eight in the morning. Is there anything you want to do-" I gasped when I felt her hand wrap around my cock, "Besides that. Fuck, Bella. I'm trying to be all honorable and shit."

She looked up at me, "Why?"

"Well cause you almost fucking died forty-eight hours ago and it scared the shit out of me." My voice was a bit sharper than I meant it to be. I wasn't mad at her, it was more the fact that if she had died, I would have died too.

Her hand crept back up my side and she traced over the tattoos on my chest. I sighed, her touch calming me.

"It's ok, Edward. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." She kissed the skin over my heart and scooted closer to me. I rubbed my hand up her arm and my fingers laced with hers. I raised our hands so I could kiss her knuckles. They were so tiny compared to mine, her bones small and seeming easily breakable.

We lay quietly like that until the sun streaming through the curtains hit my eyes. I started to get fidgety and she knew me too well.

"Go on and smoke, I'm gonna lie in bed and watch you move. I love the way you move," she said, her voice a husky whisper, against my skin. I started to get up, pulling my cigarettes and lighter from the nightstand. I pulled on a pair of green Addidas track pants. I turned to look back at her and sure enough she was watching me. I scratched a hand over my chest as I opened the window. There was a slight chill in the early morning air, and as I lit my cigarette, the smoke billowed in a small breeze over the parking lot.

I finished quickly and shut the window behind me. I slid back into the bed beside her and she gasped. "You're all cold!"

I pulled her against me, "Well fucking warm me up, then!"

She giggled, her laugh not quite right from her hoarse chest. She tried to pull away from me but I wouldn't let her out of my arms. Her hands brushed against my stomach and I jumped. She bit her lip, her eyes mischievous.

"Don't even fucking think about it!" I warned her.

"Too late," she whispered.

Her hands were all over my stomach and we wrestled in the bed as she tickled me. I kept trying to kiss her neck, knowing my rough chin would get her back. Finally, she called a truce when she got too tired to fight back. I lay back on the bed, and she collapsed on my chest. She kissed my nipple, teasing me.

She sighed then and I could feel the change in her body.

"There are some things I'd like to do before we leave today."

"Ok."

"I want to say good bye to Jake. I want to thank him. Then I want to take some flowers to my parent's grave and finally go to see the burned down house." she said quietly.

"Are you sure you're up for all that?" I didn't want her pushing herself today. Jake would be around and so would her parents.

"I'm sure, Edward. It's something I want to do and I want you to come with me. But only if you-"

"I'm coming," as if I would fucking let her go by herself. She wasn't going to be out of my sight until I had her safely back in Alaska.

"We better get going if we're gonna do all that and make our flight," she sighed.

***

EPOV

I watched as she said her goodbyes to Jake Black. A truce had been called between us, he saw now that Bella was happy. She hugged him close and he put his arms around her. I felt myself tense, still not liking the way he moved when he was around her. She was quickly back at the car with me, a smile on her face as she looked at me. Her eyes were slightly red though and when she was close enough, I wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Let's go," she said.

I nodded and got back in the Volvo. I started it and made the drive to the graveyard next. We got out, and she took my hand, her fingers lacing with mine. I shortened my stride to match hers and she walked beside me, her other hand carrying the roses she had picked out. They were white and blooming and Bella had stuck her face in them when she picked them out. I heard her mutter _perfect _over them before taking them up to the counter.

She pulled me closer to the gravesite. I didn't recognize any of it, the last time I'd been here, it'd been fucking lashing rain. This time, it was only slightly cloudy. Finally Bella stopped, and I saw the familiar names and shapes of the joint gravestone carved for her parents.

Bella laid the roses down and cleared away some golden leaves that had already fallen from the trees. We stood there silently until Bella started to hoarsely speak, her voice fading in and out of her throat.

"I love you both, so much. Thank you for helping me. This is Edward Cullen. You saw him before I-" she paused and I felt my eyebrows furrow, not understanding what she was saying.

"Well, you saw him before. I love him very much." She took my hand again, and I squeezed her gently.

She continued, "And he loves me. I'm going to start school again after winter break. I'll make you proud. And I promise, I'm going to try very hard to be happy, like you asked."

Bella sighed then, her shoulders squared and set. She nodded her head, as if confirming all that she'd said. As she looked up at me, it started to rain, right when the sun was coming out.

"Fucking sun shower." I muttered just as she exclaimed, "Oh! A sun shower. Look Edward, there's a rainbow!" she pointed with her finger.

She smiled as the rain sparkled around us.

"Are you ready?" I asked her, using my free hand to trace her cheekbone.

"Yeah I am. Thanks," she said.

"For what?"

"For coming with me."

I looked at her and shook my head, "Bella, you're never going to feel alone again so long as I'm around. Don't forget that, ok?" I brushed my lips over hers and her eyes welled up.

"Ok."

We headed back to the car and she gave me directions to her old house. The car flew over the street, the windshield wipers squeaking over the glass. Finally, we arrived. I didn't know what to expect but what was there actually surprised me.

The house had been bulldozed away. There was nothing left but the foundations and the cement front porch that led to nowhere.

"Do you want to get out?" I asked her.

She nodded so I stopped the car and opened my door. She unbuckled her seatbelt slowly, her wide eyes fixed on the spot where her house had been. I opened her door for her and she got out. I shut the door behind her and caught up quickly. Slipping an arm around her waist, I kissed the top of her head as she looked over the grounds. They were covered in grass and there was a hint of an old driveway which was now over grown from disuse.

Behind the porch where the house had been, the lot had started to grow over, grass and weeds rioted over the old foundation and pipes that jutted out from the ground like exposed bones.

"I want to climb the porch stairs one more time," she said softly, her voice cracking.

"Ok." I tightened my grip around her and we walked forward together. She held onto the black wrought iron railing and we took the steps in unison. When we reached the top step, I held onto her, feeling her heart beating, her body trembling.

She took a deep shuddering breath and leaned against me.

"Ok?" I said.

She nodded, "I'm ready to leave now."

"Ok." We walked back to the car together and I opened her door for her.

We caught our flight four hours later. As the plane soared, she held my hand. I watched her face as she looked out the window. Two tiny tears escaped from her eyes and I stole them from her cheeks with my fingers.

"Bella?"

She turned back to me and went into my arms. She was muttering against my chest but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I looked down and angled her face up to mine.

Kissing her softly I murmured against her mouth, "What are you saying to my t-shirt?"

"Just that I'm glad I left Forks the way I did, this time. That those were the good byes I needed to make. I feel like I finally have this sense of closure that I've not had for a long time. I don't feel as raw. Do you know what I mean?"

I nodded, understanding completely, "I understand totally, sweetheart." I kissed the top of her head and looked out her window as the clouds drifted by us.

***

EPOV

I stubbed out my cigarette on the porch and flicked it out into the grass. I slid the glass door home and locked it behind me. We had been home nearly twenty four hours. I would go back to class tomorrow but the rest of the evening was ours. The sound of water was rushing upstairs and knew Bella was in the shower.

The water stopped and I could hear her footsteps on the floor. She was naked, wet, and my cock went hard in my jeans at the thought.

I found myself at the top of the stairs, not really remembering climbing them. I knocked on the bathroom door.

"Bella."

"I'm almost done, Edward," she called, her voice was sexy and husky now as she had almost gained it back.

"Bella, open the door."

I heard her wrap a towel around herself and pad barefoot to the door. The knob turned under my hand and she opened the door.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" she asked, her face worried.

"No, sweetheart. Everything is perfect." I stepped into the bathroom, leaving the door wide behind me. She backed up, her eyes wide, her lips slightly parted.

I put my arm around her and bent to pick her up, carrying her against my chest. I turned, walking across the hall into the bedroom. Her arms were wrapped around my neck, her brown eyes trusting, her hair pinned up.

I set her gently on the bed. I pulled my green t-shirt over my head and set it beside me on the floor as I knelt at her feet. They dangled over the edge of the bed, and her toes were painted a vibrant red. I lifted one of her feet in my hand and kissed her toes, the arch over her foot, her ankle. I kissed slowly up the inside of her leg, the back of her knee and then the front. She watched me, her lip between her teeth.

When I reached where the towel rested, I winked at her and began a slow descent down her other leg. Her skin was flawless, her legs lithe and delicate. I loved the taste of her skin, the way she reacted at every single one of my touches. When I reached her ankle, I nibbled her skin gently and she gasped.

I looked up into her eyes, then, and placed a foot on either side of me. Kneeling between her legs I slowly ran my hands up her smooth skin. When I reached her towel, I slowly smoothed it back, slowly revealing the tops of her thighs, her bare pussy. She lay back on her elbows, and I planted a small kiss on the top of her bare skin. I parted the towel slightly, exposing her hips to me. Needing to see more of her, I pulled the towel fully away from her. She arched her hips slightly, so I could remove it from beneath her, and I placed it on the bed.

I rose slowly and kissed her navel, ghosting my chin over the sensitive skin of her belly. I moved up slowly, blazing up her stomach, kissing the swell of each breast, her creamy skin now covered in goose bumps, as she shivered beneath me. I ran my nose softly over her nipples, the tight buds begging for my mouth.

"Not yet," I whispered to them.

I found her collar bone and nipped her skin before swirling my tongue in the hollows. She gasped and arched her neck, her hair falling out of the messy bun she had put it in. It cascaded behind her like a dark river, flowing over the bed cover.

I put a wet kiss where her neck met her shoulder while I braced an arm on either side of her, settling my hips between her thighs. My jeans rasped against her skin and she rubbed herself on the fabric. I sucked gently at her neck, my teeth grazing over her. Her earlobe was soft between my teeth as I pulled it into my mouth. She whispered my name.

In her ear I said, "I want you, Bella. I need you."

"I'm yours." she breathed.

"Damn fucking straight you are." I growled in her ear.

She shivered, and I took her mouth possessively, my tongue finding hers as I moved my hips, grinding against her. Her legs wrapped around me slowly and I could tell she was desperately seeking more.

I gentled the kiss, slowly nibbling on her now swollen lip. She lay down fully on the bed, and I followed her mouth as her hands found their way into my hair. She pulled lightly, knowing I fucking loved it when she did that.

A moan rumbled low in my chest as I touched my tongue over lip before delving into her wet mouth again. She tasted sweet, like Bella, and I couldn't get enough of her. I felt her legs wrap more securely around me as our mouths sealed and devoured.

I came up for air, kissing her lips softly before kissing her cheeks, her eyes, her forehead.

"You are so fucking beautiful," I said against her skin as I moved over face. I made my way back to her lips, smacking mine against hers until she smiled lazily at me.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward."

I shifted and kissed her heart, then laid my ear against it, the quickened thud reassuring.

I kissed her breasts again, teasing her until she begged me, her back arching against my mouth, her hands pulling my hair. I relieved her finally, sucking her nipple into my mouth, the pink peak tasting of summertime to me. I swirled my tongue around her until she was pushing and pulling against me. I moved to her other breast and sucked her in, pulling deep, using my teeth lightly. She panted, her legs contracting around me.

I lifted my head, watching her breathe beneath me. I blew on the wet skin where my mouth had been and she whimpered, biting her lip. I reached up and dragged her lip out from beneath her teeth.

"I want to hear everything, Bella." I said as I rubbed my thumb over her swollen wet lip. I traced my finger down her chin, between the valley of her breasts, down her stomach and I moved with it, kneeling between her legs again. I breathed hot air over her pussy and her swiftly drag in a breath as my fingers parted her lips. She was wet and more than ready.

"I want to make you cum, sweetheart." Her fingers made fists in the bedcover, as my finger moved in circular motions over her, finding a sensitive spot and slowly stroking over that until I could feel her legs start to tremble. I swirled my thumb over her clit and watched as she nearly came off the bed. I did it again and she moved her hips, shuddering. I went faster, watching her slowly come apart. Her chest blushed and bloomed as I went faster. Her pants turned into soft cries. She was soaring under my hands. She peaked, her hips flexing, moving, as I moved my fingers slower.

She lay panting, the afterglow of her orgasm almost visible.

I used the damp towel and cleaned her. Her hips twitched as I ran the towel over her still sensitive skin. I placed the cloth aside and kissed her pussy again. I parted her lips with my fingers and found her swollen flesh with my tongue.

"Edward…" she sighed.

I placed my mouth over her, sucking gently, knowing she was still tender but found her wet opening and slipped a finger inside her. She cried out as I found the sensitive flesh inside, my fingers working inside, pumping in and out of her. It didn't take me long and I pulled back, watching her orgasm, her nipples hard, her mouth in a tiny O as she arched her back, her hips working with my hand.

My hands moved from her, and I quickly undid my belt and the button fly of my jeans. They slid down my legs and were followed by my boxers. Naked, I touched her again and then palmed my cock, pumping up and down. Her eyes watched hungrily, greedily. She moaned when I touched the head of my cock to her clit, moving it back and forth over her.

I moved up her body, my cock hard against her thigh until she wrapped her legs around me. She tried to angle herself, opening wider, waiting for me.

I couldn't deny either of us any fucking longer.

I thrust into her, the feeling of her all around me making me twitch inside her. I moved my hips roughly and she met me, each movement faster, deeper. Her legs moved and she pulled me deeper as I buried my face in her neck. I could feel her starting to get close, her tiny muscles shuddering. I bit her neck as she came again in my arms, shouting for me.

I licked her flesh and whispered in her ear, moving faster, finding my own release inside her. My arms wound around her, and I clutched her hard to me. I held onto her, closing my eyes. Eventually I made it up on the bed with her. She cuddled into me, and I pulled her tightly against me. I couldn't fucking let go of her. I don't think I'll ever be able to.

* * *

**A/N**

**Oh dolls. Are you ok?**

**I think we're rounding the corner here. Just a few more chapters to go.**

**Review?**

**PS: You may want to put me on author alert. I'll be posting some one shots in the next wee while. x**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all the twilight shtuff. I wanna love all up on her characters.**

**Special dry hump thanks to lambcullen and IrishTwiSister for making kilt ward all handsome and what not.**

**Sunfeathers, as always you are a magical mythical creature of the fanfic Gods. Thanks again. **

**Song List for this Chapter:  
****Violet Hour: Sea Wolf  
****Endlessly: Muse  
****More Than Words: Mr Big  
****Unchained Melody: Sarah McLachlan (cover)**

**

* * *

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**Two Weeks Later**

EPOV

"I told you guys, no presents! Alice!" Bella groaned. I shot a look at Alice as she giggled over Bella's distress. Alice danced forward, handing Bella a small wrapped box with a pink bow on top. Bella blushed and bit her lip as she looked at the others while she unwrapped the gift.

Alice had begged to throw Bella a party and I had warned her not to go fucking overboard. As per fucking usual, Alice does what Alice does no matter what any of us say. So there we were, in our living room, Alice had thrown streamers and candles everywhere. Technically, Bella's birthday had been a week ago but she had still been recovering from all that shit in Forks.

When we had returned, she spent a lot of time sleeping and I would come home from class and find her wrapped up on the couch in a blanket. Her face would be relaxed, and she looked so warm and comfortable. It was such a different experience to come home to this from class. Last semester it would be to a really messy house, beer cans and cigarette butts everywhere.

But opening the door and seeing her face, the warmth there. It was slowly undoing a lot of the things I had kept to myself for a long time. I'd had a lot of time to think over the past couple of weeks. When I walked into the house and found her asleep on the couch, I wasn't able to resist kicking my shoes off and lying down next to her, carefully pulling her into my arms so I wouldn't wake her up. It was probably really selfish, cause she really did need her sleep.

I would lay there and stroke her back, listen to her quiet breaths and feel her body melt and relax into mine. Sometimes she would sigh and her hand would fist in my t-shirt. Sometimes she muttered my name and would try to get closer to me.

My mind would drift, while the light slowly faded from golden afternoon into early dusk. Why is there such a drastic change from this semester to last semester? Other than Emmett and Rose not being in the house nearly breaking the walls down?

I tried to work it out, to figure out why, after keeping myself away from any real relationship, did my mind just automatically commit to Bella? The thought of not seeing her or being without her made my insides fucking clench. After a lot of thought and trying to put things together, this is what I came up with:

After what happened to my mother, the miscarriage, the drinking and then her suicide, I developed a distrust in women. My foster carers did nothing but fucking encourage that. It wasn't until Carlisle adopted me and Esme tried to show me what a mother was that I left myself open to anyone. I hadn't had a fucking mom in so long that I outright rejected Esme at first.

It was Alice who had finally gotten through to me. Because Alice was fucking Alice and she somehow knew exactly how to get through to me. When I had arrived here for school, it changed; I changed. I reverted back to the way I had been. Quiet, sullen. Except towards my siblings and Jasper. Emmett and I seemed to somehow ingratiate ourselves to campus life and with it came the parties, the girls, and the nameless faces that I would leave behind in the morning. I wasn't an asshole towards the girls who fucked me, I just didn't see the point in having a relationship with them.

They lied. They cheated. They were too fucking easy. I just didn't want anything more to do with them than the one night stands that were offered.

Bella was different, however. She was all fucking vulnerability and innocence that I wanted to protect. That first night when I heard her cry out in her sleep, seeing her brown eyes wide with fear, had torn something open inside me.

From that moment on, unconsciously and consciously, I wanted her. All I wanted was her. She was like a moon without a planet, floating in darkness. Even in sleep, she gravitated towards me and I pulled her closer.

She was an absolute fucking inclusion in my life and as the days went by now, the intensity I felt towards her was frightening me. I didn't know what would happen if she wasn't here next to my heart anymore.

I watched her trying to open the gift box and she jumped, sucking her finger into her mouth.

Sheepishly she looked at me, "Paper cut," she muttered.

I stepped forward to look at her finger. She had given herself a small cut near her finger nail. I sucked the finger into my mouth and the world melted for a second. The only thing that existed for me was her warm dark cinnamon eyes, pupils dilated. Her lips parted and her breathing increased slightly, I could feel my dick starting to answer what my mind had started.

"Alright you two, break it up!" Emmett shouted. I let go of her finger, but not before swirling my tongue around it just to watch her body shiver. She blushed and tried to open the present but her hands were shaking. I backed off a little to give her some space and she finished tearing the paper.

Lifting the lid she gasped and blushed, shutting it quickly before the rest of the group saw what it was. I saw a glimpse of sheer lace in an assortment of colors. Alice had a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"Alice!" Bella hissed.

Alice smiled, "What? Don't tell me you don't like them, I know that you do and who else might." She raised her eyebrows in my direction and Bella went an alarming shade of puce.

"Knock it off, Alice." I muttered, dying to see what exactly it was in the box. Alice stuck her tongue out at me and moved back towards Jasper.

"Please tell me that's it, guys. I-"

"Of course that's not it. You're kidding right?" Emmett joked as he threw a large box at Bella. She caught it and shook it, but no noise came from the aqua paper wrapped present. Bella gingerly tore it open. It was a box for a car stereo but it was empty.

Bella gave him a weird look, "Um. Thanks for the box?"

Emmett just smiled slyly at her, "Trust me, Little Boots, you'll figure it out!"

Bella continued to open boxes that were handed to her while we sat around her. The empty boxes continued to pile up and her face grew more and more perplexed. Finally, I had mercy on her.

"Here, sweetheart. Open mine." I handed her a very small box and her expression was almost wary.

She took it from my hands, her eyes all big underneath her lashes as she bit her lip. It was like this one meant more to her than the others. She took off the black wrapping paper and opened the small velvet box. Her brows drew together as she lifted out a key on a small key ring.

Then her eyes widened.

"Edward!" she said, her voice strained, "You didn't!"

"Go outside and look."

She got up, and nearly tripped, her legs unsteady. I followed her outside and onto the porch. There, parked across the street was a shiny black BMW X3. She turned back to me, her eyes filled with tears.

"You're not supposed to cry, Bella. If you don't like it, I can-"

She flung herself at me, "I like it. I do. It's too much and you shouldn't have." Her lips brushed against mine as she stood on the tip of her toes to reach, "I love you."

I put my arms around her, and looked into her eyes, brimming with tears. I moved one of my hands from her back to reach up and brush the tears out of her eyes. She tensed, something flashed in her eyes.

"Wait! All those empty boxes-" Her eyes got wide and she blinked a couple of times. I laughed and led her over to the car. She unlocked the door and opened it. The smell of new car and leather hit us as she looked inside. The interior was custom, I'd had it done in purples and black for her. Emmett had chosen the stereo and Jas had asked to do the rims. I had wanted to get her something sporty but figured for her first winter here she would need something she could drive in the snow. Even now there was a chill in the air, the leaves were turning. I would need to rake the front yard, fucking again.

Emmett and I would drive our cars up to store them with Carlisle and Esme in Anchorage later this week, leaving on Friday and back before Monday. We were cutting it really close this year, the first snowfall was due any minute but the last few weeks had kept us from making the trip. Esme usually had a fuck load of stuff made and ready for us to take back with us to stick in the freezer. She hated not being able to cook for us and worried that we weren't eating enough during the deeper freezing months.

Bella gushed over the car and was jumping up and down in front of Emmett as he egged her on. She dropped her keys in her excitement and he bent to pick them up.

"Wait one minute Smurfette. You need these," he handed her the keys and then lifted her sweater from her shoulder, "And you've officially been pimped."

"Did you just go Xhibit on me?" She asked him , punching his shoulder.

"I fucking did, Short Stack!" Emmett grinned down at as she laughed. Suddenly, he picked her up, flinging her over his shoulder, her gasp of surprise echoing off the street. Emmett ran back into the house, shouting over his shoulder., "It's way too fucking cold out here, come back inside so we can get drunk!"

It was a few hours later, Jas and I were standing by the backdoor smoking while Alice, Rose and Tanya giggled with Bella on the couch. Emmett was standing with us, beer in hand.

"So when are you two assholes gonna get down on one knee?" I choked on my cigarette and Jas smirked.

"Jesus-fuck, Emmett. Just because you've decided to do it doesn't mean the rest of are ready." I looked to Jas for support but he still had a small smile on his face.

Emmett was looking at him as well, but Jas just sat there and raised his eyebrows.

"Jas, what the fuck?" Emmett said before taking a pull from his beer bottle.

"I'm waiting. I know she suspects, because she's Alice. She sees everything, but if I keep changing my mind about it, it drives her nuts. So when I do it, it will have to be on impulse," he drawled then took a drag on his cigarette. I stood there with my mouth hanging wide open.

I don't know why I was surprised; Jas and Alice had been together for ages. They were _that_ 'high school couple' that everyone knew would together forever. Jas kept Alice grounded and Alice kept Jas from being too quiet and closed in. They were fucking great for each other and I couldn't imagine one without the other.

Jasper looked at me then, his eyes seeing far too much when he looked into mine.

"Well then, Edward. You seem quite settled with Bella," he dragged on his cigarette again as he looked at me.

"Fuck, you guys, it's only been four months." I looked at them but Emmett's cobalt blue and Jasper's hazel eyes looked back at mine speculatively.

Emmett raised a dark brow at me, "Yeah, because all of your girlfriends come to live with you." He put the bottle to his lips again and watched me take in what he was saying.

I knew what they were both trying to say. They were asking without really fucking saying it right out loud to my face. I knew Emmett would break my face if I did anything to Bella, she inspired over protective in him too, but in a different way. To be honest, I felt like what we had was delicate. I loved her like nothing else in my life but I didn't want to ruin it with my bullshit.

Bella came into the kitchen then and picked up the bottle of vodka from the selection sitting on the table. She poured herself a drink, flicking her hair over her shoulder, as she opened the freezer door to get herself a piece of ice. I plunked into her glass as she released it from her fingers. She looked so fucking hot in her jeans and little purple sweater. It was tight and her tits looked amazing. My jeans were starting to get tight as my dick responded to my thoughts.

She looked up then and must have seen the expression in my eyes and blushed. Jasper flicked his cigarette into the lawn and sauntered out of the kitchen; Emmett followed him. Emmett turned when he was past Bella and shot me a look over his shoulder.

Bella came to stand next to me and licked her lips. "Hi."

I blew smoke outside and flicked my cigarette into the lawn as well. "Hi."

She sipped from her cup and muttered something into the plastic.

"What did you say?" I chuckled as I shut the door against the chill.

"You look hot."

I raised an eyebrow at her as she tugged on the top of my jeans through my t-shirt, pulling me closer to her.

"Why do I look hot?"

"Cause you do," she said and her fingers walked up my t-shirt. She pressed closer to me and I took her cup and placed it on the small window ledge behind me. I tucked a lock of hair that had fallen over face behind her ear. When she looked up at me her eyes were swimming with tears.

"Hey. Hey what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I kissed her cheek and she bit her lip.

"It's nothing, I'm just being stupid," she said, shaking her head and her hand came up to shakily wipe tears from her cheeks.

"You're not stupid. Tell me."

"Well…I think it's just a build-up of everything over the past few weeks, then you guys tonight and the car and maybe because I'm a little drunk and a little tired. I dunno." Her words flooded and tripped over themselves.

"You've been through a lot of shit over the last few weeks and months. It's ok, Bella. It's not stupid at all." I wrapped my arms around her and she laid her cheek against my heart. I sighed and I heard her mutter against my chest.

"I'm just glad I'm here with you."

***

EPOV

The trip over to Anchorage was uneventful. We left really early in the morning as it was a long ass drive. Bella had been silent in the car, her nose in a book or listening to music. She was quiet a lot these days and when I asked her what she was thinking, she would tell me it was about all the things that were coming up: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years.

When we got to the house, it was late afternoon. Esme had come outside to hug us and we took our overnight bags into the house. Esme had been especially happy to see Bella, hugging her and crying all over her. I showed Bella my old room and she had giggled over my posters of racing cars and swimsuit models.

As we went back downstairs, Esme stole Bella away for a few hours into the kitchen. They sat with mugs of steaming coffee while Bella caught Esme up on everything I hadn't said over the phone. Emmett and Rose had gone out for dinner somewhere after dropping their bags off.

Carlisle and I went into the sizable garage. He helped me to put tarp over the cars, getting them ready for the long winter in the garage. We worked in silence, performing the familiar tasks of preserving the sports cars over the winter. Emmett had a huge Jeep that he kept for the winter months and I had an Audi for driving in the snow. We finished and I stood in the large garage with Carlisle.

"I need to talk to you," I said finally.

He inclined his head, "You had that look on your face you usually have when you're brooding. Do you want to go to my study?"

I nodded and followed him through the house. Bella and Esme were still talking softly over coffee cups but she was smiling. Carlisle and I finally made it to his study and he opened the door, gesturing for me to go inside.

The room was made up in dark wood panelling and shelves upon shelves of books. A small stone fireplace sat dark under one wall and Carlisle's desk, scattered with volumes and paper was the same color wood as the room. He hadn't let Esme in here to decorate as he enjoyed the solitude the room brought him.

He sat down behind the desk and lit a tobacco pipe, I watched as rings of smoke filled the air above us. I patted my pockets, and pulled out a cigarette. He tossed me a lighter and I lit it before placing the silver Zippo back on his desk.

His eyes were patient, waiting for me to begin.

"I'm starting to fucking freak out." I shifted in my chair as he looked at me.

"About what?"

"About everything that's happening. I look at myself, at what last year was like, living with Emmett, getting through the semester. Carlisle, I was going through girls like fucking toilet paper." I stopped, waiting for his reaction to that. He didn't chastise me or judge me; he only nodded again and asked me to continue.

"And?"

"And this is all so different. But it's fucking working. It's too fucking perfect. I'm waiting for all of it to just fall flat on it's face. It's going to make my head explode."

"What's too perfect?"

"Bella and me," I sighed, frustrated, blowing smoke into the air.

"Why do you think it's too perfect?" he asked, his voice patient.

"It's not her, she's so fucking brave and probably stronger than she gives herself credit for. Maybe it's me. I just don't feel like I deserve her but I fucking love her. And I'm afraid at any moment she's going to leave or die or some shit." I was getting angry now, but not with Carlisle.

"Has Bella said she's going to leave?"

"No." I flicked ashes into the ash tray he pushed towards me.

"Is she happy living with you?"

"I guess so, yeah."

"Why do you find it hard to accept that Bella is something permanent in your life?"

I shifted again in my chair and crossed my feet at my ankles, "I don't know. I feel like I don't deserve her. But I want her, like all the fucking time. And I don't mean like sex. I have this paranoia I'm going to come home and she'll be gone."

I stopped to drag on my cigarette and the silence seemed deafening as if I had laid down a gauntlet.

"You don't need me to tell you what your mind is trying to parallel your relationship with Bella to." He puffed at his pipe and held it in his hand.

The familiar smell of the sweet tobacco filled the air and it was oddly comforting.

"Yeah, I know."

Carlisle took a deep breath and sat his pipe down, "Edward, perhaps you need to try this with Bella on for size. It fits you so far, doesn't it? She makes you happy?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Esme can see changes in you, massive changes. You've always been quite introverted, Edward. I know it's a product of your experiences. Don't be afraid to enjoy this experience." He stood up from the desk and so did I. He walked around it and placed his hands on my shoulder.

"You deserve to be loved, son. You deserve to love and be loved back. Don't fight against it."

***

EPOV

We drove back the following morning and Bella placed her hand over mine on the gearshift.

"Are you ok?" she asked softly.

"Yeah."

"See? No you're not. You're way too quiet. And your jaw is doing that strange ticky thing it does when you're thinking too much. What's up?"

I looked from the road to her brown eyes and tried to relax, "I've just-I've just got a lot on my mind." I patted my pocket and pulled out a cigarette from the pack. Lighting it from the lighter in my pocket, I cracked the window so the smoke could escape. I looked back at Bella, to see she was still staring at me.

"Edward if you think _I've got a lot on my mind _is gonna fly you're sadly mistaken. Do you think I'm gonna sit here for eight hours and watch you get moodier and moodier? I did it on the way over, hoping you would talk to me." Her hand squeezed mine on the gear shift.

"Edward, look at me." I glanced at her, and when I did, I could see the love in her eyes, "Please? Tell me what's wrong?"

I sighed, knowing I couldn't hide from her.

"It's like this. I'm really fucking freaked out. This is all really new to me." I put my cigarette in my mouth and inhaled, pausing while I gathered my thoughts. I blew the smoke out the window and continued, "I'm afraid at any moment that something is gonna happen and you won't be there. That I'm going to fuck this up royally."

"Pull the car over, Edward."

I glanced over at her and could tell her eyes meant fucking business.

I downshifted the car and pulled it off onto the rough shoulder. Highway stretched for miles ahead and behind us, lined by fields ready for the first snow. I turned the car off and finished my cigarette. As soon as I flicked it out the window she climbed over the console and got comfortable in my lap, facing me.

Her hands were cold as she laid them on either side of my cheek. Her eyes were level with mine, the tip of her nose touching my own.

"Listen to this, Edward Cullen. I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere. I love you so much it hurts to be away from you. I feel empty, even when I know you're only gone for a few hours at class. I miss you like crazy. I chose you. I love you."

My eyes widened, looking into her fathomless brown depths, and saw everything she had said there plus fucking more. I crushed her to me, but my lips were gentle over hers. I kissed her softly, her jacket marsh-mellowed between us but I didn't care. Her mouth moved over mine slowly, the kiss was languorous and full of meaning as she took her time nibbling on my bottom lip before opening slightly, so she could run her tongue where her teeth had been.

My hands found her hair and I deepened the kiss, moving my mouth with hers. I needed her, needed to taste her. Her smell, sweet and strawberries and Bella soothed me. I threaded my fingers through her hair and she pressed closer, her hands sliding to my neck.

Our tongues tasted, explored, caressed, and re-affirmed unspoken truths between us. She pulled back, her fingers traced over my features, her eyes heavy and dark.

"I love you, Edward Cullen. I'm not going anywhere without you."

***

One Month Later

EPOV

It had snowed about a week after we had returned from Anchorage. Bella and I settled into a routine and I tried to follow Carlisle's advice. I tried to just be in this moment and not over analyze it and over think it. It was hard and Bella tried to help as best she could.

One night we had an argument about bills. She had wanted to go half with me, she had a substantial amount of money from her insurance payouts. She had also received a cheque in the mail for Charlie's house, the insurance company satisfied that it had been Paul who set the fire.

"Edward, I can't expect to live with you and not even contribute something towards the bills," she'd said from across the table at me. She had broached the subject over dinner.

"Bella, what the fuck? You're not paying for anything."

She'd squared her shoulders, it was really fucking cute watching her stand up to me, "Yes I am, Edward, if I have to hijack the mail when it comes in, I will."

"Bella, you already do all the cooking and cleaning around here."

"Edward, I'm doing this." She pursed her lips at me.

"What, do you want my balls as well? No way, Bella."

It was quiet at the table and I felt all tense and shit. I hated fighting with her.

"You should know I also got a job today at the University. I'm bored hanging around here all day."

I looked up at her, glad for the subject change, "Good. What are you going to be doing?"

"I'm going to be working in the library." She looked at me and held up a hand as I opened my mouth to reply, "And no dirty librarian jokes, Mr Cullen!"

"Well shit. Not even one?"

She smiled, "Not even one!"

"Will you wear some sexy glasses?" I said as I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

"Only if you wear the kilt again."

"Oh really? The kilt?" I looked at her as I took another fork full of lasagna.

She blushed and moved her fork around her plate, "Only if you want to."

"What is it about the kilt that you like so much?" I asked her.

She took a sip of her wineglass and then gazed at me over the rim, "It reminds me of us. Of the…first time…and then at the castle."

She was blushing clear to her roots now. I put my fork down and focused on her "And did you like those times, Bella?"

"Yes," she said softly.

I let that hang there in the air between us, resonating while both of us remembered for a moment.

"I'll see what I can do then."

I helped her clean up after dinner and afterward, I did some studying and worked on a paper I had due. Bella flipped through the TV and ended up turning it off. She curled up on the other end of the couch, a blanket over her legs and stuck her nose in a book. She tucked her feet underneath my legs where I was sitting with the laptop on my thighs.

Evening was like a dark heavy blanket outside, and the snow lent an ethereal glow as thin clouds passed over the moon. I felt my eyelids start to go heavy as the time drove on and eventually I shut the lid of the laptop, too tired to write anything coherently.

She looked up from her book, "Bed?"

I nodded and she threw the blanket off of her and slid off the couch. She walked over to me and slid the laptop from my legs. She took my hands and tried to pull me from the couch. I smiled at her and eventually rose up, pulling her against me and nuzzling her throat. We walked backwards towards the stairs and finally broke apart. Her hand was in mine as she led me up towards our room. We undressed each other slowly, revealing skin, revealing each other. I kissed every inch of her, worshipping her body with my mouth until she moaned and her fingers tangled in my hair. Her jeans slid down her legs and she crawled onto the bed in just electric blue lace shorts. I pulled off my jeans, my boxers and they joined my t-shirt and her clothes on the floor.

Before I joined her on the bed, I leaned over her, kissing her mouth, her neck, her heart. My hands were at her hips, dipping beneath the bright blue lace. I grabbed it in my fingers, desperate to see all of her. She moved so I could drag the lace slowly over her ass and then down her legs. I kissed the inside of her thighs, and her knees as I pulled her panties off. I knelt on the bed, running my hands over her soft skin.

She pulled herself up to face me, and wrapped her arms around me as I kissed her. Our mouths moving, her hands running up my back as I held her face in my hands, my fingers sliding slowly into her hair. Our tongues twisted and tangled, my cock rubbed against the soft skin of her stomach.

"Please, Edward. Let me," she whispered against my mouth as her hand slid over my cock. Her other hand slid over my shoulder and gently pushed. I sat back, my back against the footboard of the sleigh bed. Her legs straddled me, her breasts in my face as she lifted herself up. I felt the head of my cock near her hot slit, she was wet and we both groaned as she slowly slid down, her hands on my shoulders.

I was buried deep inside of her and she sat for a moment, letting both of us savor the feeling. Just when it felt like we both couldn't take anymore, she started moving. Little gasps of pleasure fell from her lips as she ground up and down on my cock. Her ass slapped on my legs and her mouth found mine briefly before she threw her head back in pleasure. She was so fucking beautiful in these moments, I couldn't get enough of her. My hands were on her hips, guiding until she went faster and faster pushing and pulling herself into orgasm. Tiny muscles squeezed me and I sucked and kissed her throat as I came inside her, pulsing and deep.

We eventually crawled under the covers and she shyly asked for my t-shirt to wear to bed. I slid my boxers on and lay back down. She cuddled up against my chest, tracing the swan tattoo. I sighed contentedly into the darkness, running my hand over her arm before wrapping my fingers around her wrist.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you tell me about your tattoos?"

I closed my eyes, smelling her hair, "What do you want to know?"

"Why did you choose the designs that you did? What do they mean?"

"The lion was my first tattoo. I got him shortly after I graduated high school. The way he looks as if he's ready to fight off anything and the celtic knots around him remind me of Carlisle and my family. The lion is there but he's also connected.

I got the big knot work on my arm next, I liked feeling connected to something, to family, after being disconnected for so long. The black stars represent Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Emmett.

Then I had the trinity on my other arm. The three corners represent my mother, father and me. It kinda helps to remind me that even though they're dead, I'm still connected to them in a small way through my ink.

The flames are my mother's eyes and how they used to look when I was younger. There was a time up until I started-um-talking to someone," I swallowed against the tightness in my throat, "Well all I could see were her eyes from my nightmares. It helped to remind me that there was more to my mother than the last image I had of her.

Before your swan, I had my back done last semester. It took hours of work in the chair and a couple of sessions to get it right. The roots and branches are my past and present and they are linked and woven together, connected.

And then your swan," I traced our hands to the left of my heart where the design was. "Because I always want to be connected to you, sweetheart."

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella. More than words."

***

BPOV

November

I hit the alarm, the horrible beeping sound bringing me out of a deep sleep. I had been lying in the green field where Edward had made love to me in a rain storm. Even now, my nipples tingled at the last leavings of the dream. I opened my eyes and realized I was wrapped around him.

"Morning, Bella. Having a nice dream?"

"Oh God. How much did you hear?" I buried my face in his naked chest.

"Between moaning my name and whimpering in your sleep. It was really fucking hot." His warm hand slid under my t-shirt, running along my spine.

I smacked his chest playfully and he laughed as he slapped my ass over my sleep shorts.

"I'll tell you the rest of the dream if you consider a favor for me."

I looked up into his sleepy green eyes and he raised his eyebrows at me, "Well?"

"I was thinking, this year at Christmas. It's probably going to be a bit weird for me. And I'm totally trying not to freak you out but you're kinda my family now."

His arms pulled me closer and I nuzzled his chest, kissing his nipple.

"Ok, so I was wondering, and as long as Esme doesn't mind, if we could go to Scotland for Christmas."

I waited, but he didn't say anything. I pushed myself up to look at him then threw a leg over his hips. I sat over him, my legs straddling his thighs and kissed his neck, "Please Edward? Just you and me?"

He laughed as he grabbed for me and I squealed as he rolled us over. Burying his face in my neck, he growled playfully.

I giggled and slapped his back."Stop trying to distract me." I pulled his hair and he leaned up to look into my eyes.

My breath caught at the dark green intensity in sighed and a small lopsided smile played about his lips, "You're so fucking stubborn."

I glared at him and he brushed his lips over mine lightly until I softened under him.

"Well, I do have one condition," he said, his eyes going darkly serious.

I felt my heart speed up at his tone, "What's the condition?"

He brushed his lips over mine again, nibbling on my bottom lip, "And then just you and me." He kissed me again, "In Scotland. Alone."

"That's what I'm asking," I said paused, and his eyes looked intently in mine.

He opened his mouth to speak and I stopped breathing.

* * *

**A/N**

**Breathe, dolls. Just breathe. **


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N**

**Stephenie Meyer wrote about a 17 year old vampire. I changed him back and shoved him into a kilt. I think he likes it.**

**This was originally supposed to be an outtake, but I thought it fit with the story better. It's the outtake that was won as part of _FGB_ auction. So you can thank Prassacut and emilynz21 for their request. I was all set to write a lemon including beach side in Scotland...but I was asked to give a little more insight to Kiltward...the early years, through Jasper and Alice's eyes. **

**Special thanks to IrishTwiSisters...who is suffering today, poor wee soul. She is an absolute adorable wonder and I love her.**

**To my ficwife, lambcullen, who pink penned all over this mutha and told me repeatedly that Jasper was fine. **

**Song list:  
****I Walk the Line: Johnny Cash  
****The Boxer: Emmylou Harris (cover)  
****Heart and Soul/Chopsticks: too many variations...have posted link on my blog if you're not familiar.  
****I Will Love You: Fisher  
****I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes): The Used**

* * *

JPOV

My first kiss was when I was five. It was this girl back home in Texas. Her name was Maria and she had curly dark hair. We met in kindergarten, and I promised her if she would share her cookies, I would kiss her. So I did. Chocolate chip was my favorite, after all.

We never made it to first grade, cookies and cooties tore us apart. Well, and the fact that Daddy had been shipped to California.

My mother and father were military and as a consequence, I was the proverbial military brat. Although born and raised in Texas, we had been shipped all over the US and even spent some time in Germany. When I was fourteen, we were shipped to the coldest place I had ever known. I had seen snow, but never like this. I would start my high school year as the new kid in Anchorage Alaska.

Daddy had his deployment letters right before Halloween that year. He kissed Mama goodbye, and told me I was man of the house and to take care of things until he got back.

He came back just after Christmas, a flag draped over his body and his dog tags in an envelope. Mama sorta lost it after he died, the months finishing out my freshmen year saw her more and more withdrawn. It pure broke her, the passing of daddy, she faded away even though I did my best to take care of her.

The one thing that got me through Daddy's passin', and Mama's slow withdrawal, was my own personal heaven personified.

Flowers and chocolate...that's for sappy stories with happy endings and fluffy clouds. Knights and fair maidens, deceased, dragons, swords and stupid pointy hats...that was where love really belonged. At least that's what I thought, being a man at 14.

I turned around to ask her if I could borrow a pencil. I didn't even have the request out of my mouth, her fingers already holding a sharpened number two. There was a cute dimple in her cheek where her mouth kicked up in a knowing grin. I wanted to touch it with my finger, and see if her skin felt as soft as it looked. Her pansy blue eyes were lined with dark sooty lashes, and her pert little nose was perfect for tweaking.

At the end of class, she whispered in my ear, "Meet me in the hallway, Texas."

She passed by me, and she smelled like something from childhood, something warm and soft. I followed her out into the hallway where she dragged me into an alcove. I was tall for my age and I towered over her frame.

Her textbooks were covered in wrapping paper, rather than plain brown bag like most kids. She held them in her delicate arms. Her fingernails were painted a deep purple and it matched the tight long-sleeved t-shirt she was wearing.

I was pretty much stunned by the way she smiled at me, and I remember swallowing, simply because my mama said it was rude to stare at people with your mouth open.

"What's your name?" she asked me over the dull roar of people running to class. It was our lunch period. I knew she had lunch the same time as me, I had seen her sit with a group of people at a relatively large table. Most of them jocks and their respective girlfriends.

"Jasper."

She smiled at me, almost encouraging but there was something in her eyes, like she knew something I didn't. Before I could think about it too much she spoke.

"Well, you can call me Alice, Jasper. Will you sit with me at lunch?"

I nodded, and she steered us towards the lunchroom, at some point putting her arm through mine.

I was still sitting at that lunch table as we neared the end of freshmen year. Through that year, I leaned on her and she leaned back. We completed each other even at such a young age.

Alice's large over-protective older brother, Emmett hadn't liked that Alice and I were together at first, but he soon came around. He saw I worshipped his sister, which I did. I cemented his trust one afternoon when a group of guys were harassing her in gym. I piled in, seeing red when they threw a basketball too close to her head. A bloody nose and black eye later, they left her alone. She had been sobbing, as she dabbed at my face after school and Emmett was all for going after them, but we convinced him to leave it.

That was how I was accepted into the Cullen fold. They sorta became my family, seeing as Mama wasn't really all that interested in the occupations of home life. Carlisle and Esme were such giving people, and after my initial shyness with them, I got used to the affectionate way Esme patted my arm or ruffled my hair whenever I was over. Carlisle was like a calming summer rain, his easy nature and soothing mannerisms were at times like an oasis to me when I missed my own father.

Alice had been my firsts in a lot of things, and I had been hers. First date, First dance, first break up. First get back together. She was it for me, I couldn't imagine a future without her.

During our junior year, Alice took notice of a quiet boy in our Spanish class. She kept looking over at him, a worried expression on her face.

The boy was Edward Masen. He was quiet, and sat in the back of class, usually unnoticeable. Sometimes he would be gone for days and it would be a surprise to see his tall frame shuffle back in after a week or two. His eyes were haunted and tired, as if he had seen and experienced way too much for his mind to bear.

He kept to himself usually, sitting by himself in the lunchroom, his nose buried in his textbooks or notes. Girls seemed fascinated by him but he never returned their advances. Sometimes he would disappear during lunch hour or even skip class, returning later in the day reeking of tobacco or weed.

Alice seemed to worry about him, and the look on her face as the weeks went by was starting to get to me. We passed him in the parking lot on our way home and watched him walk off school property, his dark jeans drooping, hair hidden under the hood of his hoodie, a lit cigarette between his fingers.

Finally I had enough and Alice must have known when I shut my truck door none too gently.

I stabbed the keys into the ignition and turned to her, the car beeping for us to fasten our seatbelts.

"Is there something about Masen that I should know?"

Her cobalt eyes widened as she looked at me. I turned the keys in the ignition and started the engine. We fastened our seatbelts at the same time, the clicks and movements of our arms a mirror image.

"Well?"

"Jasper! No. Well-not in the way you think."

"Your tone is not reassuring me, darlin. In what way, then?"

She bit her lip and stared straight ahead. It was raining, and I switched the wipers on. The gentle back and forth swish squeak of the rubber over glass was oddly comforting. The windshield blurred and cleared with each swipe.

"Jasper, have you ever had a secret you couldn't tell anyone?"

I pursed my lips as I turned out of the parking lot, "We all have secrets, Alice."

She cleared her throat, "Mine is a little different." Silence filled the car, and I could tell she was steadying herself. Her whole posture seemed to change, she was stiff and I could tell whatever she was going to say to me was not easy to say.

"I um. I can see things. Things, that like, haven't happened yet."

It was quiet in the truck as I let her words rattle around in my head. Alice didn't lie. Since that day she lent me her pencil we had always been honest with each other. It's why we worked. Alice didn't have to hide and insisted she couldn't anyways, that I had a way of knowing her.

Alice just seemed to _know._

Which now made sense, really. There had been a few times, birthdays, a few instances in school where she had seemed to know that things were going to happen. I just tallied it down to smarts and savvy.

I looked at her and nodded my head in acceptance.

"Ok."

We were silent again as I turned off the main road towards her house.

"So you've seen something with Masen?"

"Well-yeah."

"Is it bad?"

"No...actually. It's good. Good for him and for all of us. I think, unless something happens to change it. Carlisle is going to adopt him."

Alice had told me she and Emmett had both been adopted, something to do with Carlisle and Esme unable to have children of their own.

"So he would be your-"

"Brother."

I turned this over in my mind, then finally spoke, "When?"

"By springtime."

***

**_Six Months Later_**

APOV

The whole house seemed to tremble as Edward's door slammed. Humid early summer air blew in from the window of my bedroom. I twirled my highlighter in my hand as I studied my AP Bio-Chem notes. Finals were this week, and I was hoping to scrape by with a B.

When Edward's door slammed, I looked up, listening for anymore noise. I had a brief picture of him sitting in his room by himself for the rest of the night filled my mind.

I sighed, shaking my head and shoved the heavy textbook from my lap. I got up from where I was sitting on the floor and tried not to step on my notes, which were spread out around me.

I opened the door to my room and walked out into the hallway. The light was dim, filtering from under my door and from downstairs. There was no light from under Edward's door, which meant he probably had the curtains drawn.

I knocked the door lightly, "Edward?"

Silence.

"Can I come in?"

I took a deep breath in. _Patience, Alice. You can do this._

I took the doorknob in my hand but got a fright when it turned on its own and was wrenched from my hand.

Angry green eyes pierced mine, "What?!"

I licked my lips, "Um. Hi."

"What do you want?" he said quietly. His tone almost sounded dangerously furious.

I squared my shoulders.

"You know, Edward, you can play all this I'm so angry and I hate all of you stuff but I know what's really going on."

He leaned back from the door, one of his eyebrows kicking up. I was small enough to slip through the space he created.

"What the fuck? Fuck off, Alice."

I was already inside his room. The curtains were pulled shut, they were black and floor length. Edward had been lucky to get this room, it had a great view of the backyard. I cracked the curtains but he was behind me, shoving them shut. There was still a small amount of afternoon sunshine slipping through.

"Edward, you're not going to bully me out of here. I'm not afraid of you and I can be a bitch as much as you can be a jerk."

We stared each other down, his jaw clenching the whole time until finally he backed off.

"Say whatever the fuck it is you're going to say and then fuck off." He cracked the curtains, afternoon sunshine threading through his bronze hair. He cracked open the window and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

I wrinkled my nose, "You know, smoking-"

"Surgeon General has already plastered his warnings all over the pack. If you've come in to give me a lecture on the evils of smoking, your dad has beat you to the punch." He lit the cigarette and puffed away on it, blowing the smoke out of the window.

He turned back to me, his leg shaking up and down as his face grew agitated.

I took another deep breath. "Edward, we may not be blood, but you're my brother now."

He took another drag on his cigarette, his face cynical.

I started again, "I know a lot more than you think, Edward. You have to let someone in. You have to, Edward. You can't keep going on like this for the rest of your life."

"What the fuck do you know about anything? You don't know a fucking thing about me."

"I know enough to know you're angry but it's more a cover for how you really are. You're hurt, you're scared, and you want me to leave this room so you can justify some fucked up notion in your head that everyone hates you and will leave you."

"Fuck you."

"Am I hitting a nerve, Edward?"

It was quiet in the room, the cigarette smoke curling towards the ceiling.

I took a step towards him, slowly. It was like that scene that's been in thousands of cowboy movies, approaching some wild horse. Its eyes skittish and wary, unwilling for you to touch him. I stopped a foot from him. He was tense, I could tell me being this close to him bothered him.

"I'm your sister, Edward. Yours. And you're older than me by 4 months. That makes you my big brother. Haven't you always wanted an annoying little sister?" I ended softly, and tried to smile at him.

Something in his eyes gentled slightly. I took another step forward, my legs almost brushing against his. He dragged again on his cigarette and flicked it out the window. His eyes left mine as he shut the window and I had to back away as he drew the curtains again.

His eyes were cold when he looked back at me.

"My family are dead. Now get the fuck out."

***

APOV

_**Six Months Later**_

Piano music filled the house, it was dark but the noise itself meant progress.

"Mom?" She looked up from the laundry she had been folding on her bed. It sat in neat piles around her, sheets and towels.

She smiled at me, her eyes knowing. "I know. It's a good sound, even if it's still the darker stuff."

I picked up a face towel and folded it as she smoothed the pile of white fluffy bath towels.

I saw a flash of hands lifting pie out of an oven flitted through my mind and I smiled at Esme.

"Oh! Jasper's mom is bringing pie for tomorrow. Jas says it's an old family recipe."

We folded together, the task nearly completed as I thought about tomorrow. Thanksgiving together, and the first time for Edward. I finished the towels and Esme placed them in a laundry basket to carry them to the linen closet in the hallway.

"I'll put these away, sweetie."

"Ok, mom." I wandered out of the room, running my hand along the wall, listening to Edward playing downstairs. I was drawn to the sound and I found myself down the stairs, walking towards the music.

He sat, his broad shoulders straight but his neck bowed as he concentrated. There was enough room on the piano bench and I sat down next to him. I felt him tense but his fingers never stopped playing. The tone of the music changed and I scooted closer to him. He glanced at me once but went right back to the keys in front of him.

The song finished, and his hands rested on the white keys in front of him. I leaned against his shoulder, aware that he was allowing me this space.

I touched a key and he looked at me again, his green eyes watching as I poked at another note. An idea came to me, and I played a few notes, wondering if he would go along with me.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Alice?"

I looked up at him with big innocent eyes, "What?"

"Heart and Soul?"

I smirked at him, "What? Mr I-play-moody-Bach can't play Heart and Soul?"

"Is that a challenge?"

"Man up, Cullen!"

He was taken aback at first, his face blanched, because I'd called him Cullen. I kept playing the base line to the song, and his fingers eventually found the melody. I sang along with the words, my voice weaving in and out of the notes as we played. It was a slower version of the song, easier. We got to the end of the song and he grinned at me, genuinely grinned for the first time ever.

"Chopsticks?" he asked.

"Totally!"

We grinned, and I stuck my tongue out as we played chopsticks faster and faster until we were fighting over the keys, laughing. I elbowed him out of the way and he gently tried to knock me off of the seat.

"You made me mess up." I wrinkled my nose at him.

He flicked his finger at my nose, "If you would quit hogging the keys. For someone so tiny, you sure need a lot of fucking elbow room!"

"Perfection is never easy, Edward." I leaned against him, pushing him with my shoulder.

We had settled into a rhythm over the last few months. Edward was just as reclusive as ever but some nights I would bust into his room when I knew he was awake. He would be sitting on the floor, organizing his growing music collection. Or he would be writing in one of his journals, slamming it shut whenever I entered.

We would sit up and talk, he would tell me things he'd never told anyone. I kept it to myself, knowing that if I betrayed his confidences it would kill him.

As a brother, he and Emmett were night and day. Where Emmett joked and laughed, Edward was silently analyzing and introverted. Emmett wanted to be involved in things and Edward usually went off by himself. He preferred it that way and fought against anyone who told him different.

Recently, Carlisle had been urging Edward to go to therapy. Edward fought against it and I knew Carlisle had called him on it, saying he was wasting an opportunity to move on.

He wasn't overly affectionate either. Emmett tickled, he poked. he picked me up and threw me around. Edward didn't touch anyone. His quiet nature and withdrawn attitude alienated him from others and he gave off the air that he preferred it that way.

I remember the first time he let me hug him. It was October, the first snow had already arrived, the house surrounded in soft fluffy blankets. Esme had taken Edward for a haircut and when he walked in the house, I looked up from where Jas and I had been studying for our Calc exam. Edward shuffled into the house, unzipping his coat and hanging it up in the foyer. When he moved into the room his green eyes met mine and it was like he was awaiting my approval.

I pointed to his hair and mouthed that I liked it. His mouth kicked up into a small grin and he shuffled towards the stairs, all baggy jeans and dark t-shirt.

Jas had left to drive home later, as his mom needed him sometimes in the evening.

As was my usual habit, I knocked first and then opened the door. He looked up, a pile of his journals next to him.

I went and sat next to him and he shoved the journals under the bed. He was quiet, and his face seemed drawn.

"Hey."

"Hey." he answered quietly.

"You ok?"

"Yeah..."

I didn't realize it at first, only because it was so low, but there was music playing from the stereo in the room. Heart Shaped Box played, Kurt Cobain's voice grinding out of the speakers.

He slapped his hands against his legs and got up gracefully. Parting the dark curtains at the window, he sat down. Cracking the window open a little, he fished in his pockets for his cigarettes. I watched him go through the ritual of lighting, dragging and flicking. His eyes were faraway, unfocused on a spot on the wall.

I sat while he finished his cigarette and closed the window, the chilly air sealed from the room again. I stood up as he shut the curtains, his back to me. I walked over to stand behind him, he knew I was there.

"Don't." His voice was gravelly.

I shook my head and stepped forward. He shuddered and I wrapped my arms around his middle, laying my face on his back.

"Alice..." his voice held a warning.

"Edward. Trust me when I say you're my brother and I love you. Trust me when I tell you that you're going to get through this. Trust me when I tell you it's going to get better. But you have to trust me. You have to start trusting people and yourself. Underneath all the crap you allow yourself to think about you, you are a really great guy."

He sighed, and his shoulders hunched. With my ear against his back, I listened to his lungs breathe in and out. His breath hitched when I finished and I squeezed him tighter.

Edward later confessed to me that was the first hug he'd had in a very long time.

He sat across from Jasper and me at the Thanksgiving table, next to Emmett. The table was round, so there was no head of the table, but my father carved the turkey as mom made sure everyone had plenty of vegetables.

After dinner, Jasper and I went back upstairs to my room. We passed out on my bed, full of turkey. Jas had me rub his belly while he kissed my earlobe. Everything faded when I was in his arms, he was so warm, and his tall frame always made me feel safe.

My visions in the graying future saw us spending many nights like this, cuddled up, secure in each other.

***

_**The Present**_

JPOV

"I know you're up to something, Jasper Whitlock. I know you are planning something and I want you to know I am trying extra hard not to look too deeply into things. Just you let me know."

Her bright blue pansy eyes smiled into mine and I almost did it then and there. But I wanted it to be right.

As per every year I had ever known Alice, she threw herself into Christmas time. Decorations covered every orifice in the house. Fresh pine boughs and cinnamon sticks lined the fireplace mantel, and the fresh spruce she had chosen after three hours of driving around town had been unloaded from my truck and positioned just so in the corner. She insisted on traditional decorations, shiny baubles and handmade creations that always made me smile.

Friday that week, she came in, after spending the day Christmas shopping, with a bottle of wine. Darkness had settled over the snow draped streets, gracefully mingling with the white drifts in the front yard.

She stomped her boots in the small hall and took them off, then hung up her hat, gloves and scarf. She brushed off her jacket and hung it up next to mine on the wooden peg hooks.

She stopped when she came into the living room.

I had lit tiny candles all over the room, and they twinkled and mingled with the roaring firelight in the fireplace. The tree lights danced like fairies playing hide and seek in between the decorations and pine branches. I sat on the rug in front of the fire, my guitar on my knee.

Her mouth was a tiny O as she walked into the room, her beautiful blue eyes wide.

"Jasper." she whispered.

"Bring in a couple of glasses with that wine. I'll keep for a moment."

She blinked and then turned woodenly towards the kitchen.

She returned a moment later, crystal glasses in her hands. After sitting the crystal on the round glass coffee table, she pulled a corkscrew out of her pocket and opened the wine. The red liquid glugged from the bottle as she poured it into the glasses.

She took her wine and offered me a glass. I shook my head, "Just leave it on the table, darlin." I nodded my head towards the pile of pillows I'd made for her across from me, "Have a seat, and get comfortable."

I strummed the guitar once she had reclined comfortably, sipping her wine. Her eyes smiled at me from beneath her long lashes. She closed them as I sang, a soft smile playing about her lips as she listened to me pluck at the strings.

_Till my body is dust_

_And my soul is no more_

_I will love you..._

_And I need to knowwill you stay for all timeforever and a dayThen I'll give my heart'til the end of all timeforever and a day_

As the song finished, I laid the guitar aside. I crawled towards her and lay down beside her in the pillows and the large beanbag. Fishing in my pocket I pulled out a small velvet box.

"Forever and a day, darlin. Will you be my wife?"

She nodded, tears sparkling in her eyes as she eyed the diamond then looked deeply into my own eyes. It was a moment I knew would always be forever carved into my heart. She had always been mine, but this moment confirmed she would always be mine.

***

_**One Month Prior in November**_

EPOV

I kissed her mouth as I lay over her, "And then just you and me. In Scotland. Alone."

Her legs wrapped around me, almost automatically but her brown eyes searched mine, "That's what I'm asking," she whispered.

I swallowed, searching her eyes, feeling my entire body tense up. My heart felt like it was going to fucking explode from my chest as her eyes held a million questions.

"Marry me, Bella."

She blinked, her eyes widened with shock. My heart stopped beating in those moments. She was like a fish out of water.

"Breathe, sweetheart."

She inhaled harshly, her mouth working. Her body felt just as tense as mine. I felt my heart accelerate as I waited for her answer and fuck I wanted a cigarette.

I looked into her eyes, waiting for her answer. The seconds thudded slowly as I waited for her to say something. Fucking anything. Maybe it was too much too soon.

Finally, she answered.

"Yes. Yes, Edward." She nodded her head, smiling, as tears rolled down her face towards her hair.

I kissed her, endlessly, my thumbs running over her cheeks, brushing tears from her face. Our mouths melded, her tongue brushing against mine. We rolled to our sides and I pulled her close to me, her lips never leaving mine.

I pulled back from her to look into her perfect brown eyes.

"I love you, sweetheart. So fucking much." I couldn't stop kissing her mouth between words.

"I love you too, Edward."

***

EPOV

We stepped into the airport, hand in hand. After we waited for-fucking-ever to pick up our baggage we ended up having to stand in a long ass line at customs. It didn't matter though, Bella was with me.

We had been planning this trip for a month, Bella had been giddy since we had booked the flights. I swear I hadn't done this much travelling in my whole fucking life as I had done since I've been with Bella.

She looked up at me then, her brown eyes flashing as I signed the papers for the rental car that would serve the purpose of taking us to and from the airport. The Vanquish would be in the garage at the house. Esme had a friend who watched the house for her when it's empty. I gave them a call to let them know we would be over and the lady said she would make sure there was milk in the fridge for our arrival and sheets on the beds.

We stopped at a small shop along the way to pick up provisional groceries. Bella and I roamed with a basket up and down the small aisles of the store, picking up weird food we'd never heard of and putting it into the basket. She was so happy, her eyes sparkling as she held up a can of haggis and added it to the pile. Her long hair curled around her shoulders and I stared at her ass as she walked ahead of me in the tiny shop.

She caught me looking and pretended outrage. I stood behind her in the checkout and pinched her ass when no one was looking. She squeaked and smacked my shoulder with her hand.

The drive over to the house after the shops was quick, and it felt weird pulling into the driveway. The last time we were here, it had been right before the wedding, when it was just Bella and me. I was quiet, thinking about those moments but Bella was fucking bouncing in her seat.

I put the car into park and handed her the keys to open the door. She carried in groceries while I took our luggage upstairs. I listened to her opening cupboards and muttering to herself as she put things away.

I unzipped the cases and started to unpack our things. She joined me afterawhile and we worked in silence together. Every now and again, she brushed up against me. Each time she touched me, I wanted to drop everything and pull her to me. There was something about this room, the memories we had in here that made me want to shove the bags off of the bed and make new ones.

I smiled to myself, knowing she had no idea of the plans I had for her, I just hoped she would go along with it. I had booked us a quiet hotel room for New Year's near the borders of Scotland in a little town called Gretna Green. It was a spur of the moment thing and probably for the best so Alice didn't see.

I knew Esme and Alice would kill me, but I wanted it for just Bella and me. Just us.

**

* * *

**

**A/N**

***deep sigh***

**One more chapter and then an epilogue, dolls.**

**For those of you unfamiliar with EXACTLY what Gretna Green is...go wiki that shit for spoiler info. I'll put a link on my blog as well. Squeee.**

**Review?**


	29. Chapter 29

**Final Chapter!**

**Thank yous and all at the end.**

**Music for this Chapter:  
If I Ain't Got You: Alicia Keys  
Josephine: Brandi Carlisle  
Winter: Tori Amos  
All My Stars Aligned: St. Vincent  
Chasing Cars: Snow Patrol  
I Saw Sparks: Coldplay**

* * *

EPOV

"Can we get Christmas decorations?"

I looked up at her from my cereal bowl. She was standing in the kitchen, a mug of tea in her hands. Her eyes were bright but there was something slightly sad in them.

I shifted in my chair at the breakfast bar and swallowed my cereal, "Yeah sure. I guess that means we should get a tree as well."

She nodded, "I would like that."

I spooned the last of my cereal from the bowl, finishing it off. Getting up, I moved into the kitchen and placed my bowl in the sink. I pulled the orange juice out of the fridge and took a big swig. I caught her watching me and winked at her. Placing the bottle back in the door, I shut it quietly. I turned back to her and rubbed my hand across my chest.

Her eyes were wide and transfixed as my hand moved over my bare chest. I stalked towards her and when I was close enough, I took the mug from her hands and placed it on the counter behind her. Pulling her against me, I put my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Are you ok, sweetheart?"

She nodded against me, and I squeezed her tighter.

"I know it's hard," I kissed her earlobe and said in her ear, "Don't be afraid to let me know when it gets to be too much, ok?"

She nodded again, and I stroked down her back with my fingers. We stood like that, the air around us quiet. Her arms were wrapped around my waist, and I felt her fingers slip beneath the waistband of my tracksuit bottoms.

She sighed, her fingers moving lower over my skin. I closed my eyes, feeling her need to touch me. Knowing she needed to touch me. Her fingers roamed back up my back, lingering over my spine. She had been like this the last few days, clinging to me at times, her hands all over me. I could tell it was getting harder for her the closer we got to Christmas. She was getting a little restless at night but the minute she was in my arms, she quieted.

"Do you still want to go out for Christmas stuff?"

"Yeah."

I pinched her ass, and she squeaked.

"Well let's go then," I said to her.

Half an hour later we were in the Vanquish. She was bundled up in her jacket, but her hat, scarf and gloves were in her lap. The sun was winter bright today, and the hills that were green over the summer were a dull yellow.

The drive was quiet except for music that filtered through the car. I smoked, angling smoke towards the cracked window. The air whipped in, and I flicked the cigarette out when I was finished, pressing the button to shut out the chilly air.

I looked over at Bella at one point. She was quietly reflective and absently stroked my hand where it rested on the gear shift.

We arrived in Glasgow, and I found a parking lot that we had to pay for the space by the hour. We stuck a sticker to the window and made our way along the bustling streets. We headed into store after store, Bella picked up things she wanted to put on the tree and placed them in the plastic basket I was holding. She piled boxes of baubles and decorations in and I followed behind her, watching her pick up odds and ends.

She paused at the snow globes. Her hands picked one up and she gently shook it, watching the little flakes and glitter swirl inside the glass.

She sighed and put it back on the shelf.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she answered.

I looked back at the snow globe, knowing there was more to it than that. She looked at something intently on the bottom shelf, which was a dead giveaway. I shifted the basket and lifted her chin up with my fingers. My thumb stroked along her jaw.

"Tell me."

She bit her lip while she looked at me, debating. She looked away from my eyes and settled on the snow globe.

"My um...my mom. She used to buy me a snow globe every year at Christmas. It was our thing. I would have had twenty of them this year. She's been buying them since I was born. I had them at Charlie's house, figuring they would be safe there."

I watched as her lip started to tremble, and I wrapped my arms around her. She buried her face against my jacket.

"Do you want to get the snow globe, sweetheart?"

"No."

Eventually we finished getting all the decoration shit and we carried it back to the car. We found a place that sold Christmas trees and bought one that already had lights on it. It was white with blue LED bulbs that had 20 different fucking blinking settings. Bella stood in the store forever playing with the lights until she decided which one she wanted. It didn't really fucking matter to me, as long as she was happy.

I carried the large box out to the car and just barely fit it into the trunk. Bella was quiet, and when we were far away from the city limits I glanced over at her. Her eyes were closed, her dark lashes resting on her cheeks. Her skin was pale in the setting sunlight, her dark brown hair tousled and laying across her face. At a stoplight, I smoothed it back from her cheek and settled it behind her ear. I couldn't resist touching her soft skin and she signed in her sleep, leaning into my hand.

When we finally arrived back at the house, Bella was still asleep. I knew she was jet lagged and still adjusting, and so I let her sleep in the car while I carried the stuff in from the trunk. She didn't even flinch when I pulled the tree box out.

I set everything in the living room and went back out to get her. I opened her car door, and knelt to unbuckle her seat belt.

"Bella."

I kissed her mouth but she didn't respond. I felt myself smirk and shook my head. I shifted closer to her and put my arm under her legs and eased another around her back.

I lifted her slowly against my chest and then out of the car. Her eyes fluttered, before she sighed softly.

"Edward?"

"Welcome back, sweetheart. Do you want to put your arms around my neck, so I can get a better grip on you?"

I felt her tense and she looked down as if she only just realized she was being carried.

Her arms crept around me, her fingers caressing the back of my neck. She sighed and laid her head on my chest, as I carried her in the house.

"Jet lag really doesn't fucking agree with you, does it?"

She sighed again, "Probably that, and trailing around Glasgow all afternoon. It was good though, I love that drive back and forth."

I set her on the couch and she scooted back while I leaned over her. I kissed the tip of her nose, making her smile.

"Do you want me to put the tree up?"

She nodded and I kissed her lips. She watched as I opened the box and figured out how to hook up the lights.

It took me about half an hour to get it all plugged in, the branches unfolded and spread out. Then Bella had me shift the tree until she decided it was showing the best side. While I worked, she got up and started to lay out the decorations on the coffee table.

I watched as she began hanging ornaments, little angels and fairies, shiny balls, little snowflakes, and pointy glittery icicles. We had some glittery monstrosity of a blue star to go on the top, and she elected me since I was the tallest. I grabbed her ass, and she went for my side, trying to get me back. She stopped when I was near the tree and supervised the tree topper. She had me move it about, and I was getting fucking tired of the branches and ornaments pushing against me while she told me to move the star to the right or the left.

By the time I finished helping, I was covered in glittery shit. She laughed at me when I tried to dust it off onto my jeans.

"You think this is fucking funny? I should not be glittery. Guys are not fucking glittery."

She tried to keep a straight face, "I dunno, Edward. You're kinda cute when you're all sparkly like that."

I threw her a look, "I'll show you fucking sparkly!" I grabbed her around the waist and lifted her. She squealed, grabbing my arms, and I wrestled her onto the couch. I growled in her ear as I kissed her neck. She giggled and pulled my long sleeved t-shirt up. Her hands tickled my sides, making me laugh into her neck.

"I swear to Christ, Bella. If you start that shit, you better be able to finish it."

She didn't stop though, and we ended up on the floor somehow with her straddling me, tickling her fingers up my sides and over my stomach. I tried to buck her off but I was laughing too fucking hard.

I don't know when it changed, but we ended up half clothed, our hands running over each other. Her mouth on mine, our tongues exploring. She was making those little moaning sounds at the back of her throat that I fucking loved.

Her shirt was off, her dark curls spilling over her shoulders as she undid her bra and threw it somewhere behind her. In the blue twinkling glow of the Christmas lights and the muted living room lighting, she was like some sort of ethereal fairy. She was still astride me and she only got up to take her jeans off, then her panties. I undid my belt and we worked together to slide my jeans and boxers down. In between kisses, my hands couldn't stop touching her; down her sides, over her back, across the silky skin of her stomach. I cupped her breasts in my hands and she moaned, grinding herself against me as my fingers played with her nipples.

She moved then, and positioned my cock at her opening. I groaned when she took all of me inside of her. She bit her lip and I closed my eyes for a moment, the feeling of her almost too much. My hips moved involuntarily, bucking against her, desperate for more.

My hands found hers, our fingers laced as she started to move. Her hips ground up and down, our breathing quick and short, and she tossed her head back, her hair falling down her back. Her breasts moved as she worked faster and it was so fucking sexy watching her. I squeezed her hands and moved with her, matching her thrust for thrust. She leaned over me, changing the angle, and I went deeper inside.

I could tell by the way she flushed she was close, and I felt a spiral curl from my navel towards my balls as she bounced faster. I could feel the orgasm nearing, building for both of us when all of her muscles tensed and she cried out and collapsed on my chest. I wasn't far behind her and held her to me afterwards. We lay naked, our bodies sweaty. When I felt her shiver, I reached up and pulled the throws from the couch over us. She drew circles on my chest, her fingers tracing my tattoos.

I kissed her forehead while she lay over my heart.

***

EPOV

We spent another day shopping in Glasgow, and went our separate ways to do Christmas shopping. I ended up all over the fucking place trying to find somewhere with wedding bands that I liked. I knew what I specifically wanted, it was just finding a place that fucking did them. Finally, I found what I was looking for.

When we met back up together, we tried not to peek inside the bags the other one had. I had stuffed the rings in my jacket pocket, and I swear she knew I was fucking up to something.

On Christmas Eve, a package arrived for me. I signed for it and brought it inside. There was a note taped to the front that had in black marker:

READ THIS FIRST

I opened the plastic covering and pulled out the note.

_Edward_

_You are in heaps of trouble, big brother!!! I should have known you would do this to me. You're lucky I can't get a flight out there. _

_DO NOT OPEN THE BOX._

_This is actually for Bella, but I know this will arrive before you tell her. Just in case she panics. Because you were going to whisk her off to Gretna without a dress, Edward Anthony Cullen?!_

_Good luck. I will kick your ass when you get back to Fairbanks._

_love you_

_Alice_

_PS: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! We love you two very much._

Running towards the garage, I stuffed the package in Emmett's Jeep in the garage. Bella would never look in there, and the windows were tinted anyways.

I had this whole fucking dinner planned for tonight, and I was all fucking stressed out over it. We had agreed to exchange one gift tonight and I was going to show her the ring I had bought for her. It was a silver claddagh ring, two hands holding a heart with a crown on top. The heart was a diamond and I really hoped she liked it. I was paranoid as fuck that I had bought the wrong size as well. Bella had these tiny little fucking fingers and if it wasn't the right size it would be a pain in the fucking ass to get them sized before fucking New Year's.

It had a matching wedding band with diamonds across the band, and it would be like a goddam bat signal every time they caught the light, letting every fucker in a five mile radius know that she's mine.

She was reading on the couch all day, her legs curled up under a blanket. When I started cooking dinner, she wandered in and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Can I help?"

"Nope. You cook for me all the time, let me do it once. If it's shitty, we can order pizza."

I felt her press her lips to my back, "I'm sure it won't be shitty, Edward. Just let me know if you get stuck."

I turned away from the steaks I was cooking. "I'll let you know, sweetheart. Now get the hell out of my kitchen, woman." I kissed her mouth hard and she pinched my ass.

She smirked at me when I jumped, "You're awful bossy when you're cooking, Mr. Cullen."

I turned towards her. "I'm a fucking master at work, Bella."

She kissed my chin and let me finish. Soon, we were seated in the dining room, enjoying our steaks. She had lit the room in candles rather than turn on the over head light. The warm glow made her skin golden and her eyes sparkled as they met mine over her wine glass.

As I watched her eat her well done steak, it reminded me of when I had asked her about her favorite food on the way to that party over the summer.

She smiled at me and I wondered if she was thinking the same thing.

We finished, and cleaned up together. I whipped her with the dishtowel and she tried to splash me with the water. We ended up having a water fight until finally I pinned her up against the wall, her hands in one of mine above her head. I kissed her slowly, enjoying the way her lips melted with mine and she tasted like the wine from dinner. I let her hands go so I could edge her shirt up and she shivered when my fingers brushed over her sides.

I broke the kiss slowly and looked into her eyes, "Presents?"

She giggled, "You are such a big kid. Yes we can open presents."

We walked together into the living room where the tree was. Underneath the lower branches, were wrapped boxes arranged on the floor. Bella knelt down on one side near the tree and I sat across from her, crossing my legs indian style.

"You go first," I said to her.

She looked at me and picked up a box, a smile playing about her lips as she handed it to me. The box was flat and square shaped, and when I opened it, my jaw dropped.

"Bella. How the fuck did you-"

"I ordered it online a month ago and brought it with me," she answered, her voice knowing.

It was a very expensive set of rare vinyl records of Debussy's work. The sound was going to be fucking amazing on them. My player was back in Alaska, but I couldn't fucking wait to listen to them.

"Thank you, sweetheart. I fucking love them."

I put the box aside carefully and leaned over so I could kiss her. I stroked her cheek and then knelt back on my knees.

My heart started palpitating in my chest. She looked at the presents that were on my side, knowing they were for her.

"Bella, the present I want to give you isn't under the tree." I swallowed as she looked at me, her eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"Ok..." she said, her voice confused.

"I um. Shit, I don't know how to say this without fucking it up, so I'm just gonna fucking say it," I took a deep breath and looked her in the eye, "I fucking love you and I only want to make you happy. I made reservations for New Years down south. In Gretna."

Her eyes went wide.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small blue velvet box.

"Will you marry me on New Year's Eve at Gretna Green, Bella?"

She gasped, her eyes welled up and she put her hand to her mouth. I swear to fuck my heart was gonna rip out of my fucking chest at any moment.

"Oh my God, Edward. You have no idea how I...I mean...that is so...I love you Edward. Is that, is that a diamond, Edward Cullen?"

I pulled the claddagh ring from its resting place in the box, and she gave me her hand. It fit perfectly, the diamond winking in the blue Christmas lights, fracturing the cobalt blue into tiny rainbows.

She looked up at me, her eyes confused. Then understanding dawned on her face and her eyes widened.

"Wait. Did you say Gretna Green?" her voice squealed.

I nodded and she launched herself at me. I fell backward as she kissed me. We made out for hours underneath the Christmas tree. The lights made patterns and shapes around us, it was like being too close to the stars. She was so fucking beautiful and as I told her so, I made love to her there, under our tree.

For the first time in as long as I could remember, I'd had the best fucking Christmas Eve of my entire fucking life.

***

BPOV

I opened my eyes, bright white light piercing through a crack in the dark curtains. Other than that, the room still had predawn shadows.

Christmas morning.

I was laying on his chest, my hand over the steady thud of his heart.

This is my first Christmas where I didn't have to decide who I would open presents with.

My mom wouldn't be in to wake me up, a bigger kid than me.

I wouldn't have the tickle of my father's moustache on my cheek as he wished me a merry Christmas, his breath smelling of fresh coffee.

I knew I should be happy, I knew I should be ecstatic that this beautiful guy with his tattoos and his sea green eyes has asked me to marry him. I should be happy that he loves me and that I love him so much it burns inside me and ached when he was away from me.

But I wanted to be able to call my mom and squeal over the phone.

I even wanted that awkward meet Chief Charlie moment. I wondered if Edward would have asked my dad first. I imagined his moustache twitching, his lips pursed, making Edward sweat it out before saying yes.

My mind wandered over the coals, torturing me. I had a vision of an imagined moment at the back of a big church, straightening Charlie's collar, and adjusting the flowers on his lapel. My throat closed as I put my arm through his and he put his hand on mine, squeezing.

My mother would be at the front of the aisle, a dress of breezy green chiffon gracefully moving with her. She has a handkerchief at her eyes, and is trying not to let her mascara run.

I felt a tear roll from the corner of my eye just as Edward drew in a deep sigh, and his muscles tensed in a brief stretch. His arms were around me and I tried to hide my face in his chest, not wanting him to see me crying.

But he knows me too well. His hand moved to my cheek, stroking over the wet.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

I tried to keep my head tucked under his chin, but he was having none of it. He moved and scooted me gently so we were lying on our sides. He moved my chin up so he could look into my eyes. His eyes darkened with concern.

"What is it?"

I looked away from his gaze and shook my head, "I'm ok."

"Bella, you don't cry over nothing. It's Christmas morning."

The way he said it broke the dam and I started sobbing.

"Oh shit. Fuck, I'm sorry. Bella, please don't cry." His lips were at my temple as he drew me close, his chest hair tickled my nose as I sobbed against his heart.

He let me cry it out, his hands running up and down my back and through my hair. When I was only sniffling after a while, he kissed my closed eyes.

"Can you tell me?"

I opened my eyes to look into his.

"I was just thinking of my mom and dad. It made me a little sad, that's all." I bit my lip and he ran a finger down my cheek, wiping away a renegade tear.

"Sweetheart, it's ok to feel that way. I missed my mom and dad those first few years at Christmas. I think that's something that never really goes away. But you slowly learn to deal with it." He sighed then and his fingers traced my features.

"Last night when I gave you the ring, I can honestly say was the best fucking Christmas Eve I've ever had. I was thinking it had been a long time I was anywhere close to that happy at this time of year. And that's because of you, Bella."

His eyes were intense, and I reached up and traced his stubbly jaw, my feelings still raw. "I'm glad you're here. I'm glad I have you this Christmas. I can feel myself starting to fall apart, a little."

His arms tightened around me, "I'll hold you together."

We lay like that, studying each other, touching, tracing, reassuring ourselves that everything between us was tangible and real.

Eventually we got up, and Edward opened the curtains, white light bouncing off the bronze in his hair. He cracked the window open slightly. I watched the play of his back muscles, his tree tattoo moving and alive. He lit a cigarette and I shivered as the smoke mingled with the cool air.

He turned back to me and motioned me over, "It fucking snowed!" He said, his voice amazed. I got up to join him at the window.

Sure enough, the trees were wearing big fluffy robes, their roots covered by downy blankets of unblemished snow. The driveway was concealed, the grass hidden. Every tree branch was outlined, each pine needle highlighted. Everything outside seemed to have been whitewashed, and there was a uniqueness to the very different picture it was yesterday, gray and dark, with slated clouds overhanging and heavy.

Edward finished his cigarette and I looked up at him.

"I can make breakfast and we can go outside if you want."

Snow had gotten old quickly in Fairbanks, Alaska, but here it seemed different.

"Ok."

An hour later, we were bundled up and making footsteps in the field behind the house. I was wearing my heavy lavender coat, hat and gloves, and jeans. Edward wore his jacket and a pair of black gloves, a pair of jeans and his boots. We would be soaked soon, the ice sloshing into our socks but I didn't care.

I took his gloved hand in mine and we walked for a bit. I looked up at him and he was looking around us, totally distracted. I stepped in front of him and tried to trip him.

"What the fuck? Are you trying to trip me, Bella Swan?"

"What if I am?" I tried it again, and he dodged my attempt.

"You better be able to finish what you're starting, sweetheart."

"You better be able to catch me, baby!"

I shoved him and was successful in setting him off balance before tripping him.

He landed on his ass, and I took off running, not even bothering to look behind me.

"You better fucking run, Bella!"

I heard him get up as I trudged through the snow and his longer stride quickly caught up with me. He pounced and pulled me to the ground but angled it so he took most of the fall.

I giggled as he tried to put snow down my jacket and slapped at his gloved hands, trying to get away from him. We wrestled for a bit, both of us laughing, trying to get the upper hand. His hat came off at one point and I took my gloves off, trying to get at his zipper.

At some point the snow didn't matter so much, he was between my legs and we were kissing as snowflakes fell gently around us. My hands were in his damp hair and all the layers between were suddenly too much. I wanted to pull his jacket off and rip off my own.

Somehow we made it back to the house before we lost every article of clothing. Edward made love to me again, his hands careful, his kisses languid and I clung to him, his strong body captivating me, holding me. He kept my darker feelings away with his hands, his mouth, his touch.

Later, I put the ham on for Christmas dinner. We sat in front of the tree and opened Christmas gifts. I'd told Edward I didn't want to do anything big and extravagant. When the wrapping paper was cleaned up, he suddenly rose and ran towards the garage.

"Stay right there, I almost forgot."

He returned with a large white box and then backed away from me.

"You need to open that, but I can't be here when you open it."

I looked at him, confused, as he put up his hands and backed out of the room, his cigarettes and lighter in hand. Alone, I opened the box, peeling back tape. Inside was an envelope lying on top of white tissue paper.

I opened the card.

_Bella_

_I love you like a sister. Merry Christmas._

_xoAlice_

I unwrapped the tissue paper and let out a little _Oh_ as the air whooshed from my lungs.

Inside was an intricately designed bodice of delicate satin. It was strapless with a princess cut. I lifted it out, and noticed that it laced up the back like a corset with delicate white ribbon. It ran silkily through my fingers when I touched it. The bodice was fully boned and would fit me perfectly. Underneath, as delicate as any fabric I had ever touched was floaty chiffon, layered upon itself in ruffles. The skirt was fitted but fishtailed at the back with a small train. The underskirt was smooth satin, the entire ensemble beautiful.

Underneath the skirt was a set of white stockings and garters and delicate satin heels. I stroked it all, the soft fabrics and textures making me want to hug Alice. Fleetingly, I wished she was here.

I sighed and put everything back in the box carefully and sealed it up. I carried the box upstairs and put it near my luggage in the closet.

I could smell the ham downstairs and went back down to check on it. When it was nearly done, I made the dishes that would go with the dinner, and an apple pie.

We ate in the dining room, which was lit by tiny little tea light candles as I had them the night before. Edward went back for thirds and he groaned after the pie was served.

"I haven't been this fucking full in years. Jesus Christ, Bella, you're gonna make me fat."

I raised an eyebrow at him and blushed, "I'm sure we can think of ways to exercise."

His eyes darkened and he wiped a crumb from the corner of my mouth with his thumb, "I'll bet you can."

We cleared up the dishes and the kitchen. Edward built a fire in the fireplace and we settled down to watch Christmas movies. He held me and turned off the movies when the happy families were too much for me, tears streaming down my face. We sat in the room as the fire slowly died, the embers glowing hot, the tree twinkling obliviously.

***

EPOV

At eight o'clock tonight, Bella would be my wife.

My wife.

The word 'wife' was rattling around in my head and I still wasn't quite sure what it meant.

But when I applied it to Bella, it changed.

I imagined spending other Christmases with Bella. Coming home to her all the time. Making her laugh. Taking care of her. Never having to let go of her. My mind went to things far away in the future, seeing her pregnant, seeing her older but still fucking beautiful.

Most of all, seeing her smile every fucking day for the rest of my life.

She was in the shower at the moment, getting ready. I heard the water turn off and listened to her move around.

I pulled my bag open and found what I was looking for. I had to wait for her to pack the bags before we drove down, which she had insisted on doing. When she had zipped them up, I had snuck in and put what I wanted to wear to the wedding.

I pulled it out and quickly put the entire outfit on, hoping she wouldn't pop out of the bathroom and catch me. She was still in there though, and I smoked a cigarette at the window, looking out over the small town of Gretna Green.

I stubbed out the butt and flicked it outside before turning back towards the room.

"Bella? Did you pack my green Addidas pants?""Yeah!" she answered from the bathroom. "I can't find them."She opened the door and came out, wrapped in a towel, "Edward, they should be near the bottom of the case. I swear I-"She stopped as she looked up at me. She froze, her mouth hanging open as she studied went bright red and grabbed the doorknob. "You um. You brought the kilt."I smiled as I walked towards her, "I brought the kilt."

I was wearing the black kilt, the black socks with matching flashes. Shiny black dress shoes which had taken me fucking forever to buff the other morning. Rather than a tie and jacket, I had bought one of those shirts that laced up near the collar. The shirt was black as well and I had shiny cufflinks at my wrists.

I continued to move towards her and as I got closer, I could see her pupils start to dilate with need. I watched her try to steady herself against the doorway. She had rollers in her hair, and even just wrapped in her towel she looked so fucking pretty.

I pulled her up against me, and slipped my hands up her towel. I groaned when I only found naked skin. I squeezed her ass and her hands curled around me. Our lips met and I kissed her slowly, sucking on her bottom lip before angling my head and deepening the kiss. She tried to get closer to me and I knew if we didn't stop we would be late.

I broke the kiss first, and lay my forehead against hers.

"Do you need help with your dress?"

"No, I tried it on before and got it on ok," she said, trying to calm her breathing. I watched as she licked her lips and groaned.

"I'll wait downstairs in the bar then. Text me when you're coming down?"

She nodded and I kissed her mouth roughly. She held my hand and followed me to the door and only let go when she had to.

***

EPOV

**I'm ready. Meet u at the elevator xo**

I slipped my phone back in my sporran.

When the elevator door opened, the sight took my breath away. The white dress clung to her curves, the color emphasizing the glow in her cheeks. The shape made her look like a mermaid, the fabric shifted and moving fluidly. Her dark hair flowed in soft waves over her shoulders and down her back. Her make up was minimal and I loved that she didn't wear fucking loads of it. A small satin purse dangled from her wrist.

I held out the lilies I had delivered to the hotel for her bouquet and she blushed deeper as she took them.

"Thank you. Everyone is staring," she whispered nervously.

"Yeah, because you are so fucking beautiful."

She blushed deeper, and I leaned down to brush my lips against hers.

"Ready?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

We walked out to the Vanquish and I helped her in. The drive over to the Blacksmith's shop was quiet, both of us nervous.

I parked and got out, opening her door and helping her out again.

Her cheeks stained again and she whispered, "Will you straighten my train for me?"

I smirked, "Of course, sweetheart."

Once she was satisfied with it, I took my place at her side, her arm through mine and we walked in together.

We signed in, and filled out the paperwork that was necessary. It all seemed to move in fast forward at that point. Our witnesses would be two of the women that ran the venue.

We were led inside a room and I could feel Bella shaking at my side. I squeezed her hand and looked down at her. She was hyperventilating a little and I stopped just inside the door. The women from the venue discreetly gave us a moment.

"Bella. Look at me. We don't have to do this," I said when her eyes met mine.

She shook her head, "No, I want to. I just wish my mom and dad were here to see it, that's all. I'll be fine in a moment. Them not being here was just getting to me. I'm sorry."

I brushed my lips against hers, "They're here, sweetheart. Watching over you."

She smiled then, slightly sad, but it was a smile. "Thanks, Edward. I love you."

"I love you too. Now let's go get fucking hitched."

She giggled and we walked up the aisle towards the priest who stood in front of the anvil.

The priest looked more like a judge as he stood at the end of the room, in a black robe with a bible in his hands. He smiled as we walked closer, his snowy white hair thinning, his face wrinkled. He wore small wire framed glasses that perched on the edge of his nose.

"What a handsome couple you both are. She is a very lovely lassie, you're a lucky young man."

His slight Scottish accent was cheerful and he sounded almost grandfatherly. Bella smiled at him shyly and I could tell he was putting her at ease.

He cleared his throat, "Now then, we are gathered here before God in a tradition as far back as traditional Scot's law will allow. You see in England, there is a law which states you must be married with the doors open. But in Scotland, we made our own law, and the doors may be shut. And a good thing too, because it is freezing out there and pure blowin' a gale at the moment."

Bella giggled and the priest moved on, opening his book.

"Now then, we shall begin. Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly. It is a commitment to each other that will last beyond this evening. You will state your vows to each other and seal the bond between you further, strengthening it over the course of your lives. Are you ready?"

We both nodded and Father Crowley cleared his throat.

"Very well." He looked toward me, "Now, I believe you have your own vows, Mr Cullen?"

I nodded, "Yes."

Bella's eyes widened as I reached into my sporran. I pulled out the wrinkled piece of paper that I had held onto since she gave it to me in the airport.

I looked into her eyes and they welled up with tears. I smoothed them away with my thumbs and read the love sonnet aloud, giving her words back to her.

_"I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz  
__or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.  
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,  
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.  
__  
I love you as the plant that never blooms  
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;  
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,  
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body._

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  
_I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;  
So I love you because I know no other way  
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,  
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,  
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. _

...Bella, I promise to love you for the rest of our lives, every day of forever. I promise to protect you, cherish you, take care of you, provide for you and honor you. Until the breath leaves my body for the last time."

Bella was crying now and I smiled at her, wiping more tears from her eyes.

Father Crowley smiled and I could hear sniffles from the women standing behind us.

Father Crowley then led us through traditional vows, both of us repeating after him. When he asked if we had the rings, I pulled them out of my sporran, and Bella oh'd as I handed her the one she would put on my finger. It was a claddagh ring as well, but the hands holding the heart were etched in silver on the band itself. It shone in the muted lighting inside the small room and she looked up at me, smiling.

I placed the diamond band that was part of the set I had bought for her and it glittered on her hand, and in that moment she was mine forever.

All the vows said, promises made, and Father Crowley turned to me.

"You may now kiss your bride."

I pulled her to me, my arms holding her possessively close, and I kissed her deeply until the women gasped and tsked behind us. Bella's hands tightened on my arms and she relaxed against me.

One last nibble against her lips, and I lifted my head, looking into her eyes.

"I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

"I love you too, Mr. Cullen."

***

BPOV

There was a New Year's Eve party at the hotel, a dinner and dance. We missed the dinner but made it in time for the dance. When the manager saw us walk in, he stopped us.

"Are you the couple in the honeymoon suite?"

Edward nodded, "Why?"

"Where is the rest of your wedding party?"

"We eloped," I answered him.

"So you two are just here, by yourselves, then?"

We nodded together.

"Wait right there, and don't go into the hall until I tell you."

He ran into the room where the dance was being held and we heard the music die slowly.

"Ladies and Gentleman, I know you're here to bring in the New Year together. There is a lovely and young newlywed couple out there that have eloped with no wedding party. We'd like to help them celebrate. Can you please give a warm welcome to the new Mr. and Mrs. Cullen?"

I felt myself blushing, "Oh my God."

He laughed at me and pulled me to his side, "C'mon sweetheart. I wanna show off my beautiful bride!"

I walked beside him, my arm in his, and when we entered the whole room erupted. There was a piper who played the bagpipes as we entered and someone popped a confetti thing as we walked by, spraying glittery pieces all over us.

"C'mon to the floor and have your first dance as man and wife."

The manager handed the mic back to the DJ and the lights dimmed again. Edward went up to the DJ and spoke quietly to him. The DJ nodded and Edward joined me back on the wooden dance floor.

He swept me into his arms leading me into the middle of the floor. The opening chords to Chasing Cars, from Snow Patrol echoed through the room. Edward stared into my eyes and sang the lyrics softly as we danced. The room erupted into applause, a couple of people whistling loudly as he leaned down to kiss me.

I closed my eyes, and let go, knowing I was exactly where I wanted to be for the rest of my life.

We were joined on the dance floor, eventually, by the other people at the party. The night meandered on, and I was claimed for dance after dance, but Edward always came back to me. We sat quietly in a corner, people coming up to us every now and again. They bought Edward and I drinks, and patted him on the back.

He went outside to smoke a cigarette at one point, telling me to stay inside because it was freezing out. When he came back, they were playing Brown Eyed Girl. He took both my hands and twirled me out onto the dance floor.

He held onto my hands as we spun around the floor, the champagne we'd had earlier making me giddy. I laughed and threw my head back. He pulled me to him and we screamed the lyrics together, the rest of the couples around us just as drunk and happy.

Edward ended the song by softly calling me his brown eyed girl in my ear. I shivered, his tone heated, and the way his hands swept over me, I knew we wouldn't last much longer.

"Alright we are twenty seconds away from midnight! Grab your sweetheart and get ready!"

Everyone congregated as the seconds were counted down by everyone in the room. I couldn't look away from Edward's deep bottle green eyes. He held me tightly and at midnight he kissed me again, this kiss hungry, determined, promising. His tongue caressed against mine, coaxing and tender, his hands moving over me.

While the crowds were celebrating, we ran out of the room. The elevator dinged open and we fell in, barely able to keep our hands from each other.

His hands were in my hair, mine were trying to unlace his shirt. The elevator dinged again as it opened and we ran, hand in hand towards our suite.

***

EPOV

We stopped outside the door and I was ready to have her against the fucking wall in the hallway. I pulled the room card out of my sporran and quickly opened it, swinging the door wide. She started to move forward and I stopped her.

"Wait."

She looked at me and I quickly scooped her up. She giggled and put her arms around my neck. I carried her over the threshold of the doorway and into the room, kicking the door closed behind me.

I set her on her feet and kicked my shoes off. Bella started to undress but I stopped her.

"Wait, sweetheart, let me. I've been wanting to do this since you came down in the elevator."

I stood behind her, careful not to step on the train of her skirt. I found the zipper and slowly pulled it down, the quiet growl the only sound in the room. The skirt fell and pooled at her feet. Bella stood in the corset, and white stockings. My hands brushed over her ass, which was covered in white fucking ruffles. Her stockings were held up by tiny little white garters. On one side was a stretchy lacy garter with a blue ribbon running through it. For some reason, seeing it there around her thigh was one of the sexiest things I've ever seen in my life.

My hands went to the white satin ribbon which laced her corset together. Slowly I pulled the ribbon through the holes, revealing more over her back. I kissed each inch of skin revealed and I could feel her responding, her back tensing under my ministrations, anticipating the next touch.

When the ribbon was dragged through the last fastening, I peeled the satin back from her skin and she moved her arms so it dropped to her feet.

"Turn around," I said, my voice gravelly.

She stared up at me, her brown eyes deep and dark. Her hands reached for my shirt, and she tugged it out of the kilt. I undid the cufflinks and set them on the dresser table next to us. She pulled the shirt up, tracing skin and muscle and ink.

Her lips kissed my chest, and I pulled the shirt over my head. I reached around and unfastened the sporran. She caught it, and placed it on the dresser table near my cufflinks.

She stared at me, her eyes devouring and her finger tracing just below the edge of the kilt.

"This reminds me of the first time, and all the other times."

She looked up, her eyes full of memories and I crushed her to me, kissing her, realizing she wasn't just my girl, my Bella. She was my wife.

I wasn't done with her yet and I stepped back from her. Her breasts begged for my touch. I cupped them in my palms and bent my head to take one in my mouth. Her legs started to buckle and I picked her up, laying her in the center of the bed. I pulled my socks off and threw them behind me, joining her on the soft white linen.

I kissed her lips again, then made a trail to her neck, my hand squeezing her breast. She arched her neck and I bit the column, her gasp loud in my ear.

I nipped down her neck to her collarbone, and lower to her chest. I placed a kiss on her heart and whispered I love you against it.

"Every fucking inch of you is mine forever, Bella."

I kissed her skin until I was close to her breast. I teased the skin, biting then blowing on it before finally taking her nipple in my, sucking hard. She moaned, arching her back, and I ran my hands down her sides. I swirled my tongue around her, the taste of her skin was so fucking addictive.

I moved to her other breast, biting her lightly until she whimpered before drawing her deeply in, feeling my cheeks hollow while my tongue circled. Her hands were pulling and pushing in my hair. I let go, blowing on her tender pink nipples, swollen and aching from my mouth.

I knelt between her legs and pulled one leg up. I gently removed the small bit of lace that was her garter, kissing her inner thigh where it had rested. I took off her shoes, throwing them to the floor, massaging her toes and kissing the arch of her foot. She helped me unfasten the garters and I slowly pulled her panties over her hips. She lifted up so I could slide them the rest of the way, and I manuevered them down her legs till she wore only her white stockings.

I sat back and stared at her, "Beautiful. You're so fucking beautiful."

I moved back up her body, kissing her mouth again. She wrapped her legs around my waist, her hands caressing my jaw as our tongues initiated what our bodies wanted from the other.

I kissed her chin, her neck, her heart. I made my way down to her navel where I made a loud smacking noise against her skin and she giggled.

My lips moved down to her pussy and I parted her with my fingers. She was wet already, and I stroked over her sensitive flesh. She bit her lip as I dipped my head and placed my mouth over her clit. I sucked gently, my tongue moving in little circles, until her hips bucked against me. She was arching and moaning, and I quickly brought her closer to the brink. I licked her, watching her face and chest flush until she was trembling beneath me. I moved from her and she lay panting as I slowly took the kilt off, my cock hard and ready for her. I rubbed it against her clit and she shuddered again, begging for me.

She closed her eyes as I slowly circled her entrance with my fingers and then braced over her as I thrust deeply. I paused as she wrapped her legs around me. I slid deeper and she groaned with me.

We started moving together, in unison, her body the perfect match to mine, she was so fucking hot inside. Both of us pulsing against each other and I listened to her sighs grow louder, higher, as I pulled her over the edge, watched her explode and shatter in my arms. I kissed her neck and whispered her name as my balls tightened and I came intensely inside her.

We lay together, panting and I rolled us to our sides, the light dim around us. She clung to me, her lips at my throat, her hair tangled around us. I closed my eyes, enjoying the smells, the sounds, the feel of her, of Bella all around me.

I opened my eyes and looked at her, her lashes graceful on her cheeks. I kissed her temple and she tried to get closer to me. I held my wife in my arms and sighed. I fucking loved this girl. I was so fucking happy, and I knew she was as well.

And floating in the air around us, I saw sparks.

* * *

**A/N**

**I'm posting long ass list of thank yous here and not the epilogue:**

**For my betas lambcullen and irishtwisisters, who put up with my emo, my insistent misuse of the English language and my refusal to use commas, and my constant need for reassurance. Even though you joined Team RS halfway through, you ladies mean the world to me. Well, and then some. **

**For every person who took the time to review. For every person who shared this with a friend. For every person who glanced our way and loved Kiltward as much as I do. Thank you.**

**For Sunfeathers, who kept the fires burning and gave Kiltward a chance. I remember that day when I read your review and you said you were going to tweet about RS...I fell out of my chair. I love you doll and it's readers like you that make this fandom great.**

**For the blogs: Southern Fan Fiction, KStew411, Ashley's Shoe Closet, WetDishRag, BeckyBoodles, RAoR twi-smut gallery, Gossip Bangkok, you provided some of my favorite moments while writing this, and I was flabbergasted, flattered and eternally grateful that you picked RS for review and rec!**

**For all the girls in RL who read this and promised not to discuss chapter 13 and anything of a citrus variety...I heart you truly madly deeply. **

**Most of all, I want to thank authors like queenofgrey, lolashoes, lambcullen, and Steph Meyer who inspired me to write, to grow, and explore beyond myself. **


	30. Epilogue

**A/N**

**As always, Stephenie Meyer wrote a story that inspired me.**

**Thanks to the hard work that lambcullen and irishtwisisters put into beta-ing RS. I couldn't do it without you two and I owe you more than any author's note can describe.**

**Sunfeathers. I love you. Like. A lot.**

**Song for the epilogue:  
I Will Follow You Into the Dark: Deathcab for Cuteh**

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BPOV

Chicago summers could be sweltering, even in the cushy 'burbs it was still crazy hot in July. I had the AC turned up full blast, but still couldn't get comfy.

I ended up wearing the only comfortable piece of clothing I had: a thin cotton sundress. I was on permanent bed rest, doctor's orders. So I settled on the bed, and could smell Edward's scent from the sheets. I smiled and relaxed against the pillow.

I wondered how soon Maury would be on. It was a guilty pleasure aside from reading raunchy romance novels during my enforced convalescence.

I put the remote on my distended belly and watched as the baby kicked at the controller.

"I'm not changing the channel. Mommy likes Maury, kiddo. Deal."

I'd been having little pains since last night, but I figured it was all the weirdo crap I had been eating.

I had a jar of pickles near the bed which I munched on during the day. They were chilled and refreshingly sour. I spent the rest of the midday snoozing and watching Jerry Springer antagonize drag queens and the sugar daddies who love them. I closed my eyes during the final thoughts...

I woke up with a jolt, a pain tearing through my middle.

_Well that was sore._

I heard the front door open and close downstairs.

"Bella?"

Edward had come home on his lunch break to check on me. He had a thriving business with Tanya in the city restoring old cars and performing customized jobs on cars. The two of them worked so well together and he came home happy at the end of the day, telling me about this car and that part. He knew Car and Driver was not my forte' but his excitement was always infectious.

He came upstairs just as another pain jolted through me. He was inside the doorway, looking too sexy for words.

I got up slowly, clutching my stomach, wondering if this was still indigestion.

"What the fuck, Bella? You're not supposed to be out of bed!" His hands were at my sides, helping me.

"I just need to get up and walk around for a bit, Edward. My back is kinda stiff and sore."

He walked me around the bedroom back and forth, his green eyes etched with worry.

I took another pain and grabbed at my back.

"What the fuck is that, Bella?"

At his words, I felt a warmth gush between my legs and I looked up at him in surprise.

I tried to school my features and in a calm voice I said, "Edward, I need you to get my overnight bag and help me down the stairs. You are going to need to drive me to hospital, I think. I need to change first, though."

"Are you ok? You're not due for two weeks!"

I took a deep breath, "Well, it looks like we're running ahead of schedule."

His eyes widened with panic and his hands grasped my belly.

"Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Fuck, Bella. Ok. I'll take the bag out to the car. Do not try the stairs without me," he ordered.

He grabbed the case that I had packed last week from the closet and was gone. I quickly changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

Edward helped me down the stairs and we were driving through the traffic in the Maserati, breaking speed limits.

"Edward Cullen, don't you dare run that red light!"

He slowed down and hit the brakes. Shoving his hand through his hair, he tried to calm himself down.

"Deep breaths, Edward. You can do this."

We arrived at Cook County hospital and I was wheel chaired and checked in. They set me up in a ward, and doctors and nurses came in to check on me.

I'd never had so many random people stare down _there_ in my life. I could tell it was making Edward edgy and he was squeezing my hand, his leg bouncing all over the place. He was still dressed in his work clothes which consisted of his logo tee for his garage and his greasy work jeans. He smelled of cars, tobacco and his own fresh cologne.

"Why don't you call Esme. She'll want to be here as soon as. And the rest of the family." I could tell he would need to go out and smoke soon. If they still allowed smoking in the office he would have made it through the first pack by now.

His face was pale as another pain took over and I tried to breathe through it.

"Ok." He stepped out to make his phone calls, a cigarette already between his lips.

He returned a little more calm, his face a better color. He leaned over me in my hospital gown and kissed my lips.

"I love you, sweetheart. You're beautiful even in hospital pink."

I blushed and tried a smile, "Thanks, baby. I love you too."

We had planned the baby to be born over the summer so I wouldn't have to take too much time off from teaching at the local high school. The Cullens were to arrive over the next couple of weeks to help with the baby and celebrate the new addition to the clan.

Edward and I sat in silence and it stretched on until the pains became closer together. I was dilated enough to be taken through to delivery. They gave Edward scrubs to change into before entering the room.

There was something about seeing my husband in blue scrubs, his green eyes alight over the mask, his flame tattoos licking up his forearms towards the short sleeves. I licked my lips and he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Really, Bella?"

"You look good," I pulled him down to whisper in his ear, "I think we'll be stealing some of those for future use."

But I didn't hear his answer as the pain poured through me. The drugs were just starting to take effect and the bright lights emphasized the people in the room with me, their scrubs varying pinks, greens, and patterns. It all swam before me, sensory overload.

Edward held my hand through the next few hours, apologizing to me and shouting at the doctor whenever I seemed in pain. He smoothed my hair away from my forehead and told me he loved me.

***

At 5:23 AM, Charlie Renee Cullen was born. Her father was filled with pride as he presented her tiny swaddled form to her very tired mother. Her mother was not too tired to hold her little girl and they both marvelled at tiny hands and feet.

Little Charlie was loved by her Grandma and Grandpa Cullen, who baked cookies and gave piggy back rides respectively. Her Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper spoiled her rotten with clothes and a pocketful of candy anytime they visited. Auntie Tanya braided hair and told the best bedtime stories. Aunt Rose painted toenails and Uncle Emmett tickled mercilessly.

Bella and Edward grew old together, and watched as their daughter grew up safe and secure in their loving home.

But there comes a time when all good things come to an end, and sadly they did for Bella in the twilight of her years.

Edward followed her soon after.

_If there's no one beside you, when your soul embarks, I will follow you into the dark. _

_The End_

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_**~thank you~**_


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